Husband cheated on me with other men

[EthelG]

I recently (1-3-2018) have had  my whole world devastated. My husand and I have been married 24 years, we have no children. I have been a christian since I was 12 and he supposedly got saved couple of years ago.  I had to go onto his phone to get pics from a recent vacation and looked at his text messages and was broken when I read what I read and saw images of things that should never been taken pics of but should only be viewed by husband and wife. The text messages were to several different men going back quite a while in time about 6 months, him stating what he wished to do to these men and with them and where he would meet them. When I confronted him, he did not deny but swears it was only phone sex, as if that was a harmless thing and that they never actually met, well after digging into him further he did confess to meeting one man at his house. I am so blown away, we have had a normal relationship status in the bedroom and I cannot believe what I have found out.  He says he does not feel that he is homosexual and that he ws just messing around. Well, this my friends, is not a matter in my mind and heart to be blown off as if it were harmless and not shameless.  It is killing me. He keeps crying and apologizing profusely and went to the alter on sunday but I still cannot trust him and wonder If I should just get a divorce. I am so confused.  I feel he is only sorry he got caught because I asked him when was he planning on sharing with me that he had these addictions, he would not give an answer, he keeps saying I am so sorry I hurt you",  but not once heard "I am sorry that I ever did this" as if it were not nothing to talk about. 

[wingnut-]

I agree with Yowm, marital counseling is definitely in order here.  Praying for you both, God bless.

[missmuffet]

23 minutes ago, EthelG said:

I recently (1-3-2018) have had  my whole world devastated. My husand and I have been married 24 years, we have no children. I have been a christian since I was 12 and he supposedly got saved couple of years ago.  I had to go onto his phone to get pics from a recent vacation and looked at his text messages and was broken when I read what I read and saw images of things that should never been taken pics of but should only be viewed by husband and wife. The text messages were to several different men going back quite a while in time about 6 months, him stating what he wished to do to these men and with them and where he would meet them. When I confronted him, he did not deny but swears it was only phone sex, as if that was a harmless thing and that they never actually met, well after digging into him further he did confess to meeting one man at his house. I am so blown away, we have had a normal relationship status in the bedroom and I cannot believe what I have found out.  He says he does not feel that he is homosexual and that he ws just messing around. Well, this my friends, is not a matter in my mind and heart to be blown off as if it were harmless and not shameless.  It is killing me. He keeps crying and apologizing profusely and went to the alter on sunday but I still cannot trust him and wonder If I should just get a divorce. I am so confused.  I feel he is only sorry he got caught because I asked him when was he planning on sharing with me that he had these addictions, he would not give an answer, he keeps saying I am so sorry I hurt you",  but not once heard "I am sorry that I ever did this" as if it were not nothing to talk about. 

It does not sound to me that he is a Christian. You need to pray about this and give this to God. The trust you had with him has been destroyed. Ask God for guidance and direction on this and then it is your choice.

[Jayne]

Don't do anything while in anger, confusion, or pain.

This is going to be a huge hurdle for the both of you, him individually, and you individually.  Get competent counseling - be it from a pastor, licensed Christian counselor, or both. Together and separate counseling.

 

[brakelite]

People divorce for all manner of trivial reasons today, then start new adulterous relationships with new partners. In your case however, divorce, if you want it, is entirely justifiable, both Biblically and emotionally.  The pain and sense of betrayal for you must be intense, and I can empathise fully. That said, if you desire to continue to be married to your husband, healing will take time, ad great effort on both your parts to regain the trust and emotional unity you once had. As others have said, counselling...forgiveness...and perhaps a renewal of marriage vows would be advisable...maybe not essential, but certainly advisable, and God can heal anything. But any contemplation of a continuing relationship must start with forgiveness. That alone can be very difficult, and even once accomplished, the distrust and fear of further offences will remain a long time. 

One thing to remember. It is your choice. Don't make that choice out of any feeling of being faithful to a former marriage covenant, or fear of hurting your husbands 'feelings'. That covenant is now broken. And it was not your fault. You will now, if you so choose to remain, be embarking on a whole new relationship which is going to take a lot of hard work. But if God is in this, then your renewed relationship and life together can be even better than the old. And because of forgiveness and healing power of God, can be an even greater testimony to the love and faithfulness of God than you thought previously possible.

[Aimes]

Hi Ethel, 

First, please know I am praying for you. I cannot even begin to imagine the hurt you feel at this moment. I ask that our Father comfort you, that He bring you peace, and that He guides your steps/actions in the coming days. 

Those who have posted above me give great advice, I think, should you desire to stay married to your husband, that you need to seek counselling both as a couple and as individuals. There is a lot of healing that will have to take place in your marriage. I can't say whether or not your husband knows the Lord, that isn't my place, but if he is genuinely struggling with sin and failing that would be a guiding point for me as to whether or not I stay in the marriage or not. There is a huge difference between a person who is legitimately trying to live for God but experiencing failure and one who is simply pretending and enjoying the pleasures of sin.

Edited January 14, 2018 by TheAimes

[BK1110]

So many have given good advice. Biblically, your situation certainly does warrant divorce if you feel you simply cannot trust him and be with him anymore. But I would advise careful and fervent prayer before any course of action, of course. And yes, serious counseling by a good pastor should be a must. If your husband is unwilling then that may say something as well.

God bless you sister, in this time of great pain. Praying for you!

[Igor Evgen]

Shalom,

Dear Ethel, if you have ever wished to build up a Christian family, you most definitely failed. The right counseling, as above is suggested, is in order, sure. That counseling should include your sincere Confession. Why? Paraphrasing the Lord, show me a person without sin and let him throw a stone at me.

Now, the question is, what next? For notwithstanding your decision to repair the broken family or seek another, kindly note (from your personal sad experience) nothing & never will be strong enough without GOD.

I pray for you, Ethel.

Igor

Edited January 14, 2018 by Igor Evgen
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[Justin Adams]

Bad situation for both of you. Good advice from all above, just stay away from shrinks. Find a mature Christian counselor that has not gone the psychology route. Even a mature Christian lady with discernment since there is always more to think about than what is seen on the surface of any interpersonal issues.

Edited January 14, 2018 by Justin Adams