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51 minutes ago, Davida said:

Really, really bad idea to begin a relationship thinking you can change someone, plus lead them to salvation. 

I agree, that's something a friend of mine always says. She's said it about a past love interest also, "you can change him!" In case you're wondering, yes she's a Christian but doesn't practice as much as she should. Every time I hear her say the words, "you can change him," I momentarily agree but I know that it's only God that can truly lead someone to salvation, even they're lead to salvation through God's people. Hope I have made sense in what I said, I feel like I haven't lol.

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Posted (edited)
43 minutes ago, 1to3 said:

 

 

I must say this is spot on advice,that Davida is giving you, I pray you adhere to her wise  advice DaughterOfAKing it could save you from a lot of pain and lost opportunities that God had for you had, had you obeyed Him and not followed your lusts that have no place with Him and His Word and what is truly good for you and your future.

Satan can really play havoc in your life by you following your lusts.

 I would stay far away from the temptation as possible and pray to God to help you be faithful to Him and To His Word over being tempted by something that will only bring you a lot pain and regret and wasted time, that if you survive the damages from that union you will then have to rebuild yourself from the damages and what a long road back to your right position with God it will be. And in the process it may cost you to have found a real good man with whom you could have build a real family with. Please be smart and use Gods wisdom over your own.

 

"I'm about 75% sure that the feeling is mutual (maybe not to my extent but there is some certainty he may feel the same way)"  that is another red flag. Its never works out when a women has more feelings for the man than the man has for the women. Your situation is not going to work out.  Its far better for a man to be interested in you and to pursue you than you pursuing him. He has nothing to work for, you seem to just want to hand  everything over to him on a ready to serve plate. Bad idea. it never works out well when a woman does that , he will definitely have no respect for you, perhaps take advantage of you, but will have no respect for you and you will be eventually be bitterly gobbled up by your own lusts with nothing more to show for it , then perhaps an unwanted STD. while he goes to another more interesting prospect.

8
8

I'm very glad I decided to write this post as everyone who has contributed has provided me with solid counsel and honestly, I'm grateful to God for you all and the time you've taken out to advise me. I have meditated on it and decided that I will do as you advised and stay clear of him and just keep him in prayer as it's the best way to go about things. I feel the need to add though:

"Then perhaps an unwanted STD" that would never happen, I have been celibate for 7.5 years and there is no trap devious enough and no man tempting enough to make me go back to day one. 

However, everything else mentioned is spot on, I am chasing after something that could potentially do a lot of emotional and spiritual damage, I blame society lol but I'll lean more on the Holy Spirit.

Thank you very much and thank you for your prayers ❤️  God bless you :)

 

 

Edited by DaughterOfAKing
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On 6/16/2018 at 9:18 PM, DaughterOfAKing said:

I'll try to make this as brief as possible.

A little under two years ago, I started talking to a colleague at work. At first, I was just simply attracted to his appearance but the more we started talking, the more my feelings developed. He comes from a Catholic background, he goes clubbing, drinks and he smokes marijuana. I can always resist the temptation to go clubbing (or pubbing should I say) but when I have been invited and I know he'll be there, I'll instantly agree to tag along. I left my job, the autumn of last year, he attended my leaving do and we were inseparable for the night, outside in the smoking area (I don't smoke by the way), next to each other in photos and on the dancefloor. 

I secured and left three positions after this job in question but I ended up returning to this same company office, a little over a week ago. The only difference is, I am now working in another department. My main problem is, I cannot stop thinking about him, he is constantly on my mind. I'm a little confused, I understand that God has a reason for everything he does but I don't understand why/how I ended back at the same company for my crush to resume. 

I understand that we must not be unequally yoked, in my mind as I am sure some believers have been in my position, I'm hopeful that he his relationship with God will blossom. I'm about 75% sure that the feeling is mutual (maybe not to my extent but there is some certainty he may feel the same way) I have prayed on it but what else should I do?

It's not just mutual feelings or unequal yoking here. If he was a Christian, born again, I'd say, "Bad company corrupts good morals, why date a drinker who goes clubbing and smokes pot?" Even if this fellow was saved, he's need to be more mature to date my daughter...

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Posted (edited)
On 6/16/2018 at 8:18 PM, DaughterOfAKing said:

I'll try to make this as brief as possible.

A little under two years ago, I started talking to a colleague at work. At first, I was just simply attracted to his appearance but the more we started talking, the more my feelings developed. He comes from a Catholic background, he goes clubbing, drinks and he smokes marijuana. I can always resist the temptation to go clubbing (or pubbing should I say) but when I have been invited and I know he'll be there, I'll instantly agree to tag along. I left my job, the autumn of last year, he attended my leaving do and we were inseparable for the night, outside in the smoking area (I don't smoke by the way), next to each other in photos and on the dancefloor. 

I secured and left three positions after this job in question but I ended up returning to this same company office, a little over a week ago. The only difference is, I am now working in another department. My main problem is, I cannot stop thinking about him, he is constantly on my mind. I'm a little confused, I understand that God has a reason for everything he does but I don't understand why/how I ended back at the same company for my crush to resume. 

I understand that we must not be unequally yoked, in my mind as I am sure some believers have been in my position, I'm hopeful that he his relationship with God will blossom. I'm about 75% sure that the feeling is mutual (maybe not to my extent but there is some certainty he may feel the same way) I have prayed on it but what else should I do?

Was following all the responses, after reading your original Post, Sister.

You know, when we have deep and tender feelings for someone as you are describing, ...you can call it a crush......its very powerful......Its can be life altering and become an obsession.   It possible to go to bed thinking about it, then dream about it, then wake up and its all you think about all day...

And when we can get no relief or closure from our feelings, our desires, then this can be such a battle inside us, where we know what is right, and we see what is wrong, and we clearly comprehend the consequences, yet, we are just twisted into a knot with all these feelings that just persist and drive and demand.

Truly, Sister, the only way you could have resolved this so that you were not taken so deep within your feelings, was to let it go, in the beginning..   Stop it at the start.

You didnt, and believers seldom do.... and now this passion has become quite consuming, and you are in the middle and its very hard to let it go.   At this point, it has you, more then you have it.

I realize that when a person, a sister in the Lord comes to this forum, or any  Christian forum, there is always the tendency to start throwing  scriptures around and posting what might be more condemning  then actually helpful to you..      So, when i read what DavidA wrote to you, i was satisfied that you were given a perfect answer, upon first response.

Sometimes, Sister, you dont need someone to beat you with a Bible, as you are already beaten up emotionally by the situation.....What you need is to know that its all going to be ok.....and it will.

So,  if  we were in my office and we were talking this through, i would just suggest that you continue to realize that unless this person becomes a believer and follower in and of Yeshua, Jesus The Lord,  then any hope of you and them being happy together will not work, as light and dark do not make a happy romance, and certainly not a happy marriage...

And the other thing is this..... What is being harmed in you is not just feelings that you can't allow or release, but, your time is being stolen from you, by you being so consumed with this issue, and that is the devil.  As if he can't get you wrapped up with this person, in real life, then he'll happily keep providing you with situations with this person where your feelings keep getting stimulated (triggered) again so that you stay within a sort of perpetual emotional frustration, with the end result being,......."how much time have you spent and wasted on this situation"......as the Devil will gladly help you waste a few more years.....  He's all for it.

 

God bless,

 

 

<B><

Edited by Behold
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1 hour ago, Behold said:

Was following all the responses, after reading your original Post, Sister.

You know, when we have deep and tender feelings for someone as you are describing, ...you can call it a crush......its very powerful......Its can be life altering and become an obsession.   It possible to go to bed thinking about it, then dream about it, then wake up and its all you think about all day...

And when we can get no relief or closure from our feelings, our desires, then this can be such a battle inside us, where we know what is right, and we see what is wrong, and we clearly comprehend the consequences, yet, we are just twisted into a knot with all these feelings that just persist and drive and demand.

Truly, Sister, the only way you could have resolved this so that you were not taken so deep within your feelings, was to let it go, in the beginning..   Stop it at the start.

You didnt, and believers seldom do.... and now this passion has become quite consuming, and you are in the middle and its very hard to let it go.   At this point, it has you, more then you have it.

I realize that when a person, a sister in the Lord comes to this forum, or any  Christian forum, there is always the tendency to start throwing  scriptures around and posting what might be more condemning  then actually helpful to you..      So, when i read what DavidA wrote to you, i was satisfied that you were given a perfect answer, upon first response.

Sometimes, Sister, you dont need someone to beat you with a Bible, as you are already beaten up emotionally by the situation.....What you need is to know that its all going to be ok.....and it will.

So,  if  we were in my office and we were talking this through, i would just suggest that you continue to realize that unless this person becomes a believer and follower in and of Yeshua, Jesus The Lord,  then any hope of you and them being happy together will not work, as light and dark do not make a happy romance, and certainly not a happy marriage...

And the other thing is this..... What is being harmed in you is not just feelings that you can't allow or release, but, your time is being stolen from you, by you being so consumed with this issue, and that is the devil.  As if he can't get you wrapped up with this person, in real life, then he'll happily keep providing you with situations with this person where your feelings keep getting stimulated (triggered) again so that you stay within a sort of perpetual emotional frustration, with the end result being,......."how much time have you spent and wasted on this situation"......as the Devil will gladly help you waste a few more years.....  He's all for it.

God bless,

<B><

That last paragraph is so true and very seldom stated. The wiles of the devil--the  Devil Will attempt to throw stuff at us to keep us busy --to steal our energy, our attention, our thoughts, our happiness, our joy, our holiness. He works to tie us up mentally, emotionally , or physically,  he will try to send difficulties, or trouble anyway he can & will send SOMEONE or SOMETHING to occupy us to steal our time, to steal us away from the LORD GOD and in an effort to defile or just to  wear down the saints. 

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3 hours ago, Behold said:

Was following all the responses, after reading your original Post, Sister.

You know, when we have deep and tender feelings for someone as you are describing, ...you can call it a crush......its very powerful......Its can be life altering and become an obsession.   It possible to go to bed thinking about it, then dream about it, then wake up and its all you think about all day...

And when we can get no relief or closure from our feelings, our desires, then this can be such a battle inside us, where we know what is right, and we see what is wrong, and we clearly comprehend the consequences, yet, we are just twisted into a knot with all these feelings that just persist and drive and demand.

Truly, Sister, the only way you could have resolved this so that you were not taken so deep within your feelings, was to let it go, in the beginning..   Stop it at the start.

You didnt, and believers seldom do.... and now this passion has become quite consuming, and you are in the middle and its very hard to let it go.   At this point, it has you, more then you have it.

I realize that when a person, a sister in the Lord comes to this forum, or any  Christian forum, there is always the tendency to start throwing  scriptures around and posting what might be more condemning  then actually helpful to you..      So, when i read what DavidA wrote to you, i was satisfied that you were given a perfect answer, upon first response.

Sometimes, Sister, you dont need someone to beat you with a Bible, as you are already beaten up emotionally by the situation.....What you need is to know that its all going to be ok.....and it will.

So,  if  we were in my office and we were talking this through, i would just suggest that you continue to realize that unless this person becomes a believer and follower in and of Yeshua, Jesus The Lord,  then any hope of you and them being happy together will not work, as light and dark do not make a happy romance, and certainly not a happy marriage...

And the other thing is this..... What is being harmed in you is not just feelings that you can't allow or release, but, your time is being stolen from you, by you being so consumed with this issue, and that is the devil.  As if he can't get you wrapped up with this person, in real life, then he'll happily keep providing you with situations with this person where your feelings keep getting stimulated (triggered) again so that you stay within a sort of perpetual emotional frustration, with the end result being,......."how much time have you spent and wasted on this situation"......as the Devil will gladly help you waste a few more years.....  He's all for it.

 

God bless,

 

 

<B><

15

Wow, you and @Davida have been little gems, I mean you all have been but the last two posts have thoroughly touched me. In a way, I was aware of what you were saying in regards to how the devil plays games, sometimes it's just hearing it from other people that can create an impact.

God bless you both.

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5 hours ago, Billiards Ball said:

It's not just mutual feelings or unequal yoking here. If he was a Christian, born again, I'd say, "Bad company corrupts good morals, why date a drinker who goes clubbing and smokes pot?" Even if this fellow was saved, he's need to be more mature to date my daughter...

I completely understand where you're coming from, I guess I was making excuses to enlighten the situation. Excuses being that I am in a way just as bad, I struggle with honesty at times, impatience, anger (frustration may be a more appropriate term) and lust. You could say I was looking at it in the way of, "God sees all sin the same." Now that I am actually reflecting on this by writing it down, I see how incredibly silly my logic and reasoning is. 

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16 hours ago, DaughterOfAKing said:

I completely understand where you're coming from, I guess I was making excuses to enlighten the situation. Excuses being that I am in a way just as bad, I struggle with honesty at times, impatience, anger (frustration may be a more appropriate term) and lust. You could say I was looking at it in the way of, "God sees all sin the same." Now that I am actually reflecting on this by writing it down, I see how incredibly silly my logic and reasoning is. 

Good! You can see the way out now, better, because you are Daughter of a King! This relationship has to return to friends status (friends without ANY "benefits" of any kind!) until or if he repents and becomes a whole person. You need a whole, independent Christian to love.

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Hi DaughterOfAKing!

I'm glad your picking up on the great advice here, simply to add these verses you already knew about in your original post!

2Corinthians 6:14-18  Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?  (15)  And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel?  (16)  And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people.  (17)  Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you,  (18)  And will be a Father unto you, and ye shall be my sons and daughters, saith the Lord Almighty.

That being said, a few "real life" examples of a few marriages I've witnessed over the years, with one "Saved" and one not.
All of these couples with the exception of the young woman, knew what they were getting into. The young woman knew of these verses, but was fooled for a short season:

1. A Christian woman marries an unsaved man, figuring she will "get him saved" yet knowing good and well what the good Lord had to say on the matter. 25 years later, they are still together, he still is not saved. He commits adultery on her regularly. For now she is still married, and continues to pray for him.

2. Young Christian woman, 18, knows very little of the Lord, yet knows when she marries, that the man "should be" a Christian. For a short time dates an "UN-saved" man who would love to have her for a good time... So, still as an Un-Saved man, he professes to a Preacher he is now "Saved," and even gets baptized. Yet, as a false convert, he was just a dry sinner, coming up a wet one... A divorce follows a short time later when she comes home early one day, with another woman in their bedroom...

3. Christian woman marries an unsaved man, figuring she will "get him saved" yet knowing good and well what the good Lord had to say on the matter. 40 years into there marriage, and he still is not Saved. Their marriage has been a tough one, I prayed for them a number of times, and witnessed to the man of our glorious Savior Jesus Christ one day. Nothing but a cold "I know better than you" smile on his part. He dies. And unless he had a "death bed conversion," he goes on to an eternity in Hell.

I could go on with several others I know of, but I hope this too will give you some reflection.

DaughterOfAKing, Stand fast in the Lord, keep Him always as your first love, and trust Him for the outcome. :)
And continue to prayerfully renew your mind with His Word!

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On 6/19/2018 at 2:25 PM, Billiards Ball said:

Good! You can see the way out now, better, because you are Daughter of a King! This relationship has to return to friends status (friends without ANY "benefits" of any kind!) until or if he repents and becomes a whole person. You need a whole, independent Christian to love.

Amen, most definitely :) Thank you dearly and God bless you :)

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