Disturbed about Matthew 5:32

[Jen77]

I am new in reading the Bible, and last night I read this passage that made me close the book and start crying.  In Matthew 5:32, Jesus denounces divorce, stating that any man who divorces his wife other than for adultery, has caused her to become and adulteress.  I got divorced after 12 years for reasons other than adultery.  I'm discouraged in reading this, because it basically means that I will never be honored with another relationship blessed by God, even if it is with a Godly man, because I have become an adulteress through my divorce.  I am only 32 and this is extremely depressing.  Any thoughts or words of encouragement on this? 

Edited August 7, 2018 by Jen77
corrected mispelled word

[Adstar]

1 hour ago, Jen77 said:

I am new in reading the Bible, and last night I read this passage that made me close the book and start crying.  In Matthew 5:32, Jesus denounces divorce, stating that any man who divorces his wife other than for adultery, has caused her to become and adulteress.  I got divorced after 12 years for reasons other than adultery.  I'm discouraged in reading this, because it basically means that I will never be honored with another relationship blessed by God, even if it is with a Godly man, because I have become an adulteress through my divorce.  I am only 32 and this is extremely depressing.  Any thoughts or words of encouragement on this? 

Has your former husband started another sexual relationship with another woman?  

If he has then he is guilty of adultry and thus a devorce from him becomes justified by the words of Jesus..

 

[GandalfTheWise]

2 hours ago, Jen77 said:

I am new in reading the Bible, and last night I read this passage that made me close the book and start crying.  In Matthew 5:32, Jesus denounces divorce, stating that any man who divorces his wife other than for adultery, has caused her to become and adulteress.  I got divorced after 12 years for reasons other than adultery.  I'm discouraged in reading this, because it basically means that I will never be honored with another relationship blessed by God, even if it is with a Godly man, because I have become an adulteress through my divorce.  I am only 32 and this is extremely depressing.  Any thoughts or words of encouragement on this? 

One of the things about scripture is to learn to read it in it's entirety and historical and cultural background, and not taking individual passages in an isolated form as direct commands.   For example, a few verses before in Matthew 5:29-30 there is what would *seem* to be a command to dismember oneself to avoid sin.  There are also parallel passages of this in Mark which are even more strongly phrased.   All Christians take verses 29-30 as being allegorical in some form and not literal.   The question is how best to understand what Jesus meant in verse 32.  Is it a direct command?  or is it an expression of a deeper principle about marriage?

One of the contexts Christians often miss in the sermon on the mount (Matthew chapters 5, 6, and 7) is that there is a background of two schools of Jewish thought among the Jewish scholars and teachers of that day.  I'm drawing a blank on names and details, but basically one school were hyper legalists for whom dotting every i and crossing every t of the law was paramount.  The other school looked for principles in the law to follow.  To some extent, Jesus shocked his listeners by at once upholding the strictest requirements of the law (and often more strictly with sayings such as "being angry is with your brother is murder" and "looking at a women with lust is the same as adultery") and at the same time elevating the principles of the law ("treat others as you would want them to treat you") as paramount.  Whenever I read anything in the sermon on the mount, I try to cross reference it with similar passages in Mark or Luke as well as nearby passages on the same topic.  I try to understand what Jesus was expressing as the highest ideals and requirements of the law as well as the principles of the law.

My opinion is the principle Jesus was expressing about marriage and divorce was this (as it was being addressed to men).   Marriage from the beginning was meant to be a one-flesh life-long bond between a man and woman.  That is the ideal.   It is that unique bond that is paramount once it is formed.   He was telling men that if they broke that bond to have relationships with another woman (even if it was only looking at them lustfully) that they were committing adultery and breaking that one-flesh bond.  He further went on to say that they were committing an act of betrayal against their wife because their wife too would then be forced to break that original bond in the same way if they were to remarry.  I think he was calling the men out and telling them divorcing their wife was a betrayal and breaking of a fundamental bond that was not one-sided, their former wife too would be forced into the pain and embarrassment of breaking that bond that was in her heart too.   It wasn't a matter that the wife could conveniently go find another man to marry; it was a matter than she would be forced to break and crush that deep fundamental marriage bond that had been in her heart as well.  It was not a matter of convenience for her to remarry or not, but a fundamental spiritual thing that was being destroyed inside her because of her husband's betrayal.    Jesus was hammering the men that divorcing their wives was not only an act of adultery but a betrayal that was forcing their wives to choose between living alone (and in that society likely unsupported and poor) or to break the marriage bond themselves.  Jesus then held out the only time for men that they would not be inflicting this on their wife was if that the wife had already broken the bond in her heart by having had an illicit relationship.

I hold marriage in extremely high regard and come from a family that does so as well.   The pastors who conducted the weddings for our kids approached us privately and noted how rare it was becoming that all of the couples in the generational family photos were on their original marriage.  This does not come primarily from a legalistic standpoint but rather the view that marriage is something to be treasured, not taken lightly, and is worth working at and investing in.  Marriage is not a matter of "not divorcing" but rather a matter of working at and cherishing that one-flesh bond as a fundamental part of life as both partners change and grow over the years.  I'm frankly dismayed by two things in the church today;  a flippant attitude toward marriage being something more of convenience than a fundamental spiritual thing and a blind adherence to legalistic rules that are given priority over actually having strong healthy marriages.

My opinion is that many marriages could be successfully reconciled and grow strong (both before and after divorce) if more people would value marriage for the treasure it is and realize that it is not something that just happens on its own.  Marriage takes work and effort.  Over time, both partners age, grow, and change and the relationship must change and grow with them.   The initial feelings of "love" (which is to a large degree infatuation, passion, and novelty) fade and should be gradually replaced by feelings of stability, comfort, satisfaction, and security.   Too many couples do not realize that there is a natural growth and progression that marriages go through.  It is not a matter of not being "in love" anymore, it is a matter of actively and intentionally building deeper and stronger bonds than that initial "in love" rollercoaster.  Many couples fail to realize that marriage should grow into a deeper more satisfying relationship over time and mistake a loss of the initial feelings as evidence of the marriage being a mistake or being over.    I will qualify this by saying some individuals can be a clear and present danger to their spouse.  In that situation, it might not be possible to have a safe marriage with that person.

The bottom line for me is that marriage is a special treasure to share with a person of strong character and integrity and spiritual compatibility.  It is something that must be nurtured, enjoyed, and valued.  When this is done, divorce does not occur because the marriage is strong and a deep fundamental part of each partner's life.

I don't have any direct advice for you not knowing you or your situation.  The main key to God's blessing in our lives is walking with Him consistently.  Our understanding of His ways and knowing Him more comes with time.  The one piece of advice I would give (being a Christian for 40+ years) is that the Christian life is about walking with God and being transformed.  It is not about figuring out which rules to keep and trying our best to do it, but rather being changed into a new person through God's work.  Galatians 5:22-23 lists some characteristics that are fruit of the Holy Spirit.  These are not behaviors we focusing on developing, but rather they are a promise and description of what we become like as God changes us over time.  It is consistent spiritual disciplines (such as bible study, prayer, meditation, being with other Christians) that help us to grow and fruit to start appearing more and more over weeks, months, years, and decades.  Our spiritual lives are in some sense like gardens, we need to tend them, but it is the sunshine, rain, and time that result in things growing.  Ultimately, the more you walk with God, the clearer His path for you will become.

[Still Alive]

5 hours ago, Jen77 said:

I am new in reading the Bible, and last night I read this passage that made me close the book and start crying.  In Matthew 5:32, Jesus denounces divorce, stating that any man who divorces his wife other than for adultery, has caused her to become and adulteress.  I got divorced after 12 years for reasons other than adultery.  I'm discouraged in reading this, because it basically means that I will never be honored with another relationship blessed by God, even if it is with a Godly man, because I have become an adulteress through my divorce.  I am only 32 and this is extremely depressing.  Any thoughts or words of encouragement on this? 

Don't take it too literally. If you are just starting out there is a lot of information you need to consider - everything from the specific audience to the fact that this is a book much removed from Jesus actual life and passed down verbally. It is important to get the spirit of what is being said and avoid getting into the weeds. I'm going to post a link about this specific issue as soon as I find it.

 

Here is a reader's digest version: https://www.thoughtco.com/bible-on-divorce-and-remarriage-700641

 

Google will help you with this.

Edited August 7, 2018 by Still Alive

[creativemechanic]

that's nonsense.You're giving  het an exvuse to go sin.while while i sympathise with the op because it  is indeed a harsh situation,  you can't use  that rationale to discount  a DIRECT  COMMAND  from God's word.  people use excuses like that to pick and choose the principles they want to ignore. Gods word is absolute and must be followed  (unless it tells us things are no longer standing )

[Jen77]

Thank you for all your advice, but I'm now more confused than ever.  Still Alive says there is a chance at forgiveness from my past circumstances, but CreativeMechanic says not so?  I appreciate you all trying to help.

[Still Alive]

23 minutes ago, creativemechanic said:

that's nonsense.You're giving  het an exvuse to go sin.while while i sympathise with the op because it  is indeed a harsh situation,  you can't use  that rationale to discount  a DIRECT  COMMAND  from God's word.  people use excuses like that to pick and choose the principles they want to ignore. Gods word is absolute and must be followed  (unless it tells us things are no longer standing )

Heh. Yes you can, if you look at who he was talking to and what he was trying to communicate, and then remember that this is not an eyewitness account, but a written book based on verbal input, decades after the fact.

After all, Paul said that it is better to not marry, but if you burn, you need to marry, because it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

So, if you are divorced, and burn with passion, for crying out loud, get married!

[Still Alive]

2 minutes ago, Jen77 said:

Thank you for all your advice, but I'm now more confused than ever.  Still Alive says there is a chance at forgiveness from my past circumstances, but CreativeMechanic says not so?  I appreciate you all trying to help.

The problem is that if you are trying to work out a single point and working out with a single scripture, and you are using only English translations, all the time ignoring the context, you are going to get into a real mess.

The God of Christianity is not Allah. Chrisianity is a "spirit of the law" belief. If you can't hack being single, get married. Just don't marry the same sex or a sibling or someone that is currently married.

Read this stuff. You will find that even experts disagree.

https://www.google.com/search?source=hp&ei=1-1pW7jjIc_azwLU576QDQ&q=bible+divorce+remarriage

[Deborah_]

20 minutes ago, Jen77 said:

Thank you for all your advice, but I'm now more confused than ever.  Still Alive says there is a chance at forgiveness from my past circumstances, but CreativeMechanic says not so?  I appreciate you all trying to help.

We are Christians, and Christ died for our sins. So there is always the possibility of forgiveness (I John 2:1,2).

Here is my two cents' worth:

First of all, in order to interpret Matthew 5:32 we need some background information. In Jewish society at that time, women had a relatively low status. A single woman could not work to support herself (other than by prostitution), so women depended on their husbands, and widowed or divorced women were in a perilous financial situation. Because men had all the legal power, divorce was usually initiated by the husband - sometimes (as today) for very trivial reasons.

So a husband could divorce his wife at will, thereby putting her in a position where (unless she had rich relatives who were willing to support her) she had no choice but to either remarry or turn to prostitution. That's how a man could "make her an adulteress" - and Jesus considered that it was his fault, not hers!

Secondly, with regard to your personal situation, I think the best advice would be to discuss it with the minister/pastor of your church, who knows the details of your case. There are some divorce scenarios in which the innocent party is free to remarry anyway: Jesus states adultery (Matthew 5:32; 19:9), Paul states desertion on the grounds of religious incompatibility (I Corinthians 7:15), and many people would include other serious violations of the marriage (such as domestic violence). If your ex has remarried by now, many people would say that sets you free to do the same. If you have become a Christian since your divorce, many people would consider that your new birth means that you start over again with a clean slate. If none of these conditions apply, then you really must see your minister/pastor. As I said above, there is always the possibility of forgiveness - but we have to confess our sins and repent (I John 1:9), and an internet forum is really not the place for that.

[Wayne222]

I think if you were married to a non Christian then your not sinning if you remarried. Jesus was talking to Israelites. Who belong to the nation of Isarel. So he was talking to jews. Like they still had to keep the sabbath too. You can remarry but only to one in christ. If two people are married and both are born again then they should never devorce. But if one left the other then they could remarry.If it's the other person choice to leave then your not guilty. They broke the vow of marriage to death .So once the vow is broken then that is fraud.