Moving in with my boyfriend

[other one]

On ‎10‎/‎27‎/‎2018 at 1:46 PM, Figure of eighty said:

No I'm not looking for confirmation. Everyone has their opinions and that's fine. I'm still deciding on what to do. The whole reason I made this thread is because I'm kind of stuck between the choices of whether to go and whether it's really bad to do so. 

being sexually active with anyone that is not your spouse (married) is condemned by God in his word and is really bad to do...…   period.  I don't see how you can do one of the things we are told not to do and expect God to bless your relationship.    

I find it hard to respect anyone that would go along with you in this endeavor.   I don't see how it can be in your best interests.

 

[Xethea]

On ‎10‎/‎27‎/‎2018 at 2:46 PM, Figure of eighty said:

No I'm not looking for confirmation. Everyone has their opinions and that's fine. I'm still deciding on what to do. The whole reason I made this thread is because I'm kind of stuck between the choices of whether to go and whether it's really bad to do so. 

To speak from my own experience and then to give a godly perspective-

 

I grew up in an abusive home with mentality insane drug addicts. I also had a disability. My parents illegally kept me out of schools from getting an education. When I became an adult, they made me homeless.

I didn't have a single friend. I had no one to turn to for financial help for a long time. One day I met my wife at a chapel service, long story short, the chapel hated me and sent her to another state to keep her away from me. For a limited time, my grandmother would let me stay with her to save money with my job. Once I had enough money for rent, I found a place knowing I couldn't stay much longer with my grandmother and couldn't pay it all by myself, and the only person in this world willing to help me was my wife, who at that time was only a girl I loved- but we NEVER dated. I knew before I would move in with her, that the Lord wanted me to marry her. I knew sexual temptation could happen, but I know after all the opportunities I was given before to give away my virginity that I was strong at turning away from women and lust. One of my biggest goals in life was to save my virginity for my future wife since I was 5 years old. After 2 decades, I wasn't going to throw it away and sin just for some physical temporary feeling for a few minutes. heh.

So what happened? I paid someone to pick her up with me across the states, then we moved in together and worked at the same place, just a few months later we married then had sex. Now, we live together as a happy, godly family. There was no sin in living with her. She wasn't my girlfriend, she was a friend. Not my date. Then she became my wife.

 

But I will tell you this, I have seen many people move in together telling everyone they wont have sex, and they do more than half the time. I have seen some couples dating that believed they loved each other, always telling each other "God told us to be together" and deceiving themselves. I never fell for that junk when women told me that. But then later they find out they don't want what the other person wants, they don't want to deal with any kinds of certain issues, big or small, they aren't finished having their youthful fun and now that romance isn't exciting anymore, they want to be on their own to have fun. If kids are involved, women Christian or not, often take this as an opportunity to try to make the boyfriend or husband pay child support and leave him. more often, I see boyfriends marrying their girlfriend because the bible tells them if they had fornication, they should marry that women to not live in sin- the bad thing is, they don't get along well and just gave into sex and should of never even dated or moved in at all. This can ruin someone's entire life physically, financially, spiritually, emotionally and mentally. Sometimes some of those, sometimes one, sometimes all. There's more of a chance it will go bad if you move in with someone you date that you don't even already plan to get married to.

 

On the other side of it, with why moving into a place together before marriage can be a good thing, though it is not a requirement and I would take it as a last resort, is that most people in the USA at least act fake as crazy, even Christians. People try to act good to people they don't live with, or they act like someone they are not to make everyone think they are good or at least not to feel ashamed of others knowing their sin and evil side or to think negatively of them, or even just not to cause any arguments and fights or lose their job. The point here is, many men Christian and not Christian, they talk together about how you can do all these things with your head and not your heart and put on an act to make a woman want to marry you or even just for sex.

I cannot tell you how many guys have done that to me, both little boys, young men and even old men.

They say buy her this, say this to her, take her there, touch her this way, give her this, write her that, and when she reacts a certain way in the end, then its time to get her for what you want.

In this, sorry to say, but most girls are still idiots to still fall for this junk. Once the woman believes he really cares and loves her. then she accepts in marriage or sex, they move in together, then women start to find out who he REALLY is. Everything she thought he wasn't. There's no need for him to say sweet things, buy her stuff, write her letters, take her places, etc- because now he has his sex tool anytime he wants right in the house. Some women realize they were fake and leave the man. Some women think someday he will go back to being sweet again and wait years while the man does whatever he wants and never goes back to being that way, because it was only a way to win her and make her his own. In fact, my best friend who was my room mate took my girlfriend before, thought I was at work, brought her into the house while I was there and had sex with her. I got mad and day after day of it, we had a fight and he kicked me out making me homeless. Then he married her and ever since she has never been more depressed in her entire life. She wont shut up about how she wants him to be like when they dated. he always bragged about how he can trick people into giving him good deals, making his boss like him, making people buy him stuff with his deceiving lies and charming actions. It disgusts me when men are like that.

 

SO- if you're in a situation as desperate as mine, being homeless, no food, no roof over your head- no friends and no family and not even a homeless shelter to live in- then I don't see why God would be so cruel to not want you to move in with someone you want to marry or really anyone at all to help you get on your feet. But that is the financial perspective, just a piece of it. On the other side, it can be good to live with people first sometimes to find out who they REALLY are and to test if you really can put up with living with them. Then it's easier to understand if you really should marry or live with that person- but its risky, both spiritually, financially and physically. They could be abusive, you may fall into sexual sin, they may not handle finances well once they live with you, and if you have children- you may be stuck all your life trying to provide for them and it makes it really hard on you while they wont help or its all on you.

 

In your situation, you don't seem like you're in a last resort situation. I wouldn't move in with him, especially if you don't know for sure if he is even saved and that he doesn't want to marry you. It would be better to go homeless in that case. Overall, don't move in with him if this is because you don't believe God can't provide a way for you. He can find you someone to live with without such risk, or help you get where he wants you to be. but if you are not patient and trying to jump to whatever you can to live how you want, then it wont end with good results.

 

Trust God, pray about this and think on it until the answer is clear, and be honest, would you move in with him for yourself, or for God?

[GodPrincess]

Something needs to be done about the scornful comments on this post. People should check themselves before proclaiming themselves a Christian 

 

Edited January 30, 2019 by GodPrincess

[GodPrincess]

Luke 6:37 

Amen and You're welcome 

[Xethea]

50 minutes ago, GodPrincess said:

Something needs to be done about the scornful comments on this post. People should check themselves before proclaiming themselves a Christian 

 

that is true. most who claim to be Christian are not saved.

[Jayne]

3 hours ago, GodPrincess said:

Luke 6:37 

Amen and You're welcome 

Oh my.  what do you interpret that scripture to mean?  "Judge not".  I'd be interested in knowing.  I don't see anyone who has judged the OP.  Unless I missed it, where did anyone say that she was going to hell?

 

[other one]

4 hours ago, GodPrincess said:

Something needs to be done about the scornful comments on this post. People should check themselves before proclaiming themselves a Christian 

 

Well I guess from the PM you sent me you are writing this to me.....

This lady is talking about doing something that is against the teachings of Jesus through the Bible and you seem to be saying that it is scornful to point this out to the lady.

If she wants to move in with her boy friend and have sexual relations they should make commitments and get married....   simple as that.   and that's about as Godly as they can get.

[Xethea]

1 minute ago, other one said:

Well I guess from the PM you sent me you are writing this to me.....

This lady is talking about doing something that is against the teachings of Jesus through the Bible and you seem to be saying that it is scornful to point this out to the lady.

If she wants to move in with her boy friend and have sexual relations they should make commitments and get married....   simple as that.   and that's about as Godly as they can get.

if they are focused on sex and marriage and not God, then yeah, that is what she should do. But if she wants to focus on God, that wouldn't be for the best yet.

[GodPrincess]

No, it was your comment to my post being distorted and short-sighted that was scornful. I don't encourage this lady to go bed-hopping, just that the church shouldn't dictate that a would-be couple shouldn't cohabit before marriage 

[other one]

2 minutes ago, Xethea said:

if they are focused on sex and marriage and not God, then yeah, that is what she should do. But if she wants to focus on God, that wouldn't be for the best yet.

if she wants to focus on God she shouldn't tie herself to a non believer in the first place....    she's in a rather odd situation really.   There doesn't really seem to be something I would say is a good way out.....    but I could never suggest she do anything against the teachings of the New Testament.