Need help in dealing with adult kids and their spouses/SOs leaving me out

[Sower]

Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord (your Lord ?) with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths.

Try it your own way, allowing anger and emotions to direct you.
Or try it God's way.
Allow Him to direct you.

Trust God.......
It works!

[scott864]

On 3/22/2019 at 4:08 PM, Sower said:

Money is important. But it's ability to influence, is limited.  Love, a parent's love, is always the bedrock of the family.
Look at the problems of the rich and famous, the nightmares the parents have with their spoiled brats. 
Could there be another family problem you are not addressing, or did you have a positive/Godly relationship with your married son?
You have a choice to allow or not, your feelings to change, or not, towards your married son, because of his financial blessings.
Why not rejoice with him, and thank God for His blessing you son.
Is his wife, and/or her parents believers in the Lord Jesus?
Are you, scott?
Perhaps it may be wise to enjoy your new son's family as it grows, however THEY allow you to.
I know as a parent myself, it is a reality I had to face when my children left home
and started their new life with their new family. (Including his/her new in laws)
Try not to show your negative feelings, as this will push them away.
Be happy for them.
This can/will draw them to you.
Eventually.
Wait upon the Lord.....

 

They are leaving me out of things and I don't feel it's right. It's hard to be happy for him because it's the inlaws who are providing money and other resources and I can't do anything of equal value and I'm losing my son because of it.

 

I'm not grateful to God for those financial blessings because they have power over my son

Edited March 24, 2019 by scott864

[Willa]

"A man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife".  Genesis 2:24, Matt. 19:5, Eph 5:21   

It is the normal thing to do.  I have 2 sons and always encouraged them to put their wives first.  However, since I have been a widow my sons have been faithful to check on me every week or so and to help out with chores I can no longer do like shoveling snow now that I am over 7o and have some disabilities.  My daughter in law also has MS.  The other one has many serious autoimmune diseases as well, and he also helps to care for his mother in law.  So sons have a lot on their plates.  I try to help them out as well when needed, but we were not wealthy either and I was not left with life insurance.  

Perhaps having a grateful heart for the little they have done to visit or call you would help.  If they feel they can never please you they may not want to spend as much time with you.  Ask God to help you with your attitude and tell them how glad you are for them that they get these experiences.  Ask God to bless them and bless the in laws for receiving your son as their own.  

Sons can never get enough of their dads' respect and love.  Tell them how proud you are of the men they have become.  They need to hear it and often.  Be sure and spend time with your grandchild whether it is to have a pretend tea party for a little girl or play trucks with your grandson.   A relationship with them will build memories that can't be bought with gifts.   Always be there for your 16 year old so he can talk when he wants to and get involved in his interests whether you like them or not.  We must meet our kids where they are and encourage them.

[Heybro]

Hi Scott, sad to read of your situation, and while it is hurtful when you have poured out so much love and sacrifices, to have them ignored is not a pleasant thing to take onboard. The fact that your eldest is spending more time with her folks is no reflection on who you are, or what you've sacrificed for your family! While they may be taking that for granted, it's still there. They have grown up with you, but at this point of time, he is needing to "please his wife, and that means spending time getting to know her folks." The holidays away is hurtful, especially when you can't reciprocate, but look at it this way. Her folks are probably struggling with the fact that their daughter no longer lives with them, and because they can, they dangle the "we can afford it" line in order to hang onto their "little girl." Like you, they need to let the kids go, and figure it out for themselves, love them, trust them, and if they need help, they'll come running, be patient, but do pray for them always, bless them in Jesus' Name, we all go through these things. My wife and I live in Australia, our youngest daughter married a young Dutchman, whom we love, but they live in the Netherlands, not down the street, not in the next suburb, but half a world away from us. As always, I hope this helps, and God bless.