Just Asking About Feeling Left Out

[LonerAndy]

On 1/1/2020 at 9:46 PM, LadyKay said:

Just asking here. If your pastor and his wife hosted a New Years Eve gathering/get together at his house and then posted the photos to his facebook page of all the fun they had and you were not invited. Would you feel left out? Some people said somethings and the reply that was given was that they weren't leaving anyone out and told us to come next year. But it seems only the people who where there know about it. So.....it dose seem like some people were being left out. Well how do you all feel about this? I'm not really sure how I feel. I mean he can't invite the whole church to come to his house. But then you still kind of wonder why you weren't included. Well...thoughts?? 

Well first we can't dismiss the idea that possibly there is a reason.

It is possible that an individual is being left out, because they are acting in such a way as to not be wanted.   To clarify, I have no idea who you are, or where you came from, or how you are acting in front of others.  I do not know if you are doing anything, or if your family is doing something, that is causing them to be undesirable.

I am also not saying this is the problem.... or even if there is a problem.   However speaking from my experience growing up in a relatively small church under 150 people, I can see several examples where people were somewhat avoided.

One was out of control kids.  Families that failed to discipline their kids, were politely ignored.  Who wants to have an otherwise enjoyable celebration, ruined by screaming kids running around breaking stuff.

This was in fact an issue at the old church, because families that had 12 kids, were invited to things, where families with 1 kid were not.  The problem was, the families with one kid, the kid was absolutely out of control, and the family with 12, were very disciplined.   So naturally the family with 12, was always welcome, and the others were not.

Another problem, was an arrogant spouse.  One family, the poor lady wanted to go to functions, but her spouse was entirely full of himself, and would walk around trying to be a big shot.  Even asking if he should be the one to pray for the blessing, instead of the pastor.    So of course that family was not so much desired at social functions.

Lastly, we had a Debbie downer. (not her real name of course).  But dear Debbie Downer was also first to start talking about herself.  Always about her problems.  Always about what horrors in her life.  No matter what the topic, she would turn it back to poor pitiful Debbie Downer.  Naturally Debbie was not desired at social functions.

Again, I am not saying you or your family have any of these problems.... but I'm always shocked at the number of people who do have these problems, and do not realize it, and then wonder why they are excluded.

Now specifically as this relates to a church group, I have to suggest you should consider how involved you are in the church.   Are you super involved at all levels?  Or do you show up, only on Spring Cleaning day, and that's it?

Some people, not all, but some people are not included because they hardly do anything at Church.   People who do very little for G-d, shouldn't expect to get VIP invitations to everything.

In the end, as some people have said... perhaps the pastor is inviting his close personal friends.  If you are not a close personal friend, then you are not a close personal friend.   Like you yourself said, he can't invite everyone.

So maybe there is no problem at all, and it's just a matter that the pastor simply can't invite everyone on the planet.   In that case, maybe you should host a New Years Eve gathering yourself.

I personally, have noticed this about women specifically... they want to be involved in social things, but they seem to have the hardest time initiating it.  They want to be in social situations, but they rarely put in the effort to make sure it happens.

How about you make your own social gathering?   Just an idea.

I think one of the biggest problems people have with having their own social gathering, is either that they think it will be too hard, or they don't want people to see their house.   Both of which can easily be fixed.    Have the gathering at a park.  I get it, that won't work for Christmas or New Years if you are in a cold area.  But otherwise, have the gathering at a park.

The second is, keep is simple.   Buy a $25 frydaddy, get one of those cheap potatoe cutters, and slice up some potatoes and fry them.   Buy some brats, throw them on a grill, and tell people to pick them off and eat.

Simple.  Very simple.  You don't need expensive trays of food, like you are catering a wedding.  Paper plates, brats, fries.   If people want to bring other stuff, let them.   Keep it simple.

 

[LadyKay]

1 hour ago, LonerAndy said:

One was out of control kids.

  I'm making a check list: 

No I don't seem to have that issue. 

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Another problem, was an arrogant spouse.

No. Not an issue I have. 

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Lastly, we had a Debbie downer.

I don't think so. I mostly just sit and listen to other people talk so no I don't think I have this issue. In fact last Sunday a lady commented to me that she thought I was very funny with that stuff I say. 

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I have to suggest you should consider how involved you are in the church.

Well I am on the "counting team". We take turns each Sunday counting the offering.  I go every Sunday and I try to attend the extra stuff but can't always make everything. 

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How about you make your own social gathering? 

I'm not sure who to invite. Really I am not much of a gathering type person.  And over all I am not even mad about this.  There are a few others who were not invited as well and they made comment about it. So I really don't know how  all came about. Maybe these people just showed up at his house and he let them in?  It could of happen that way.  

Well anyway, your check list was helpful.  

[LonerAndy]

7 minutes ago, LadyKay said:

  I'm making a check list: 

No I don't seem to have that issue. 

No. Not an issue I have. 

I don't think so. I mostly just sit and listen to other people talk so no I don't think I have this issue. In fact last Sunday a lady commented to me that she thought I was very funny with that stuff I say. 

Well I am on the "counting team". We take turns each Sunday counting the offering.  I go every Sunday and I try to attend the extra stuff but can't always make everything. 

I'm not sure who to invite. Really I am not much of a gathering type person.  And over all I am not even mad about this.  There are a few others who were not invited as well and they made comment about it. So I really don't know how  all came about. Maybe these people just showed up at his house and he let them in?  It could of happen that way.  

Well anyway, your check list was helpful.  

Then it sounds like it was just him not being able to invite everyone.  Doesn't sound like you are doing anything to cause it, so it's just a limitation on how many can go.

Doesn't sound like you were being left out, but rather just how things go.

You said you felt left out, but that it doesn't bother you and you are not the gathering type of person.

Somehow that seems contradictory.

But as long as you are fine with it, the more power to you.

[TheBlade]

Me? yes lol.. but why not just ask?   Or all is just speculation. .