Taking my mental health into my hands

[AngelInTraining93]

On 4/12/2023 at 12:15 PM, Figure of eighty said:

Hello. So I'm back again and I want to thank you guys for keeping me in your prayers about my previous situation. 

Now I feel I have another thing to deal with now. I've been struggling with my mental health. Some days are okay and others like today have me really on edge. Sometimes I feel it's a bit normal as I'm a single mom of 2 toddlers and I'm going through a break up with my BD but it's really triggering deep insecurities. 

I'm doing therapy but it's once a week and I feel perhaps I need medication bc I feel very alone with my kids and them being needy and demanding...then dealing with the break up and all of these dark and heavy thoughts.  

It feels overwhelming. I wish I could force myself to be normal but I can't. 

I know God wants us to include him in everything so how do I do that while I treat myself as well? 

Also how do I get over the fear of meds? I'm afraid I won't be myself or ill gain alot of weight.. 

Think of it as rekindling our old self! The meds aren’t going to weigh you down, the disorder is! It’s the dark thoughts that are making you feel like you aren’t yourself, not the meds. Just the two cents of a guy medicated for schizophrenia. Hope you feel better! 

[ChristB4us]

11 hours ago, AngelInTraining93 said:

Think of it as rekindling our old self! The meds aren’t going to weigh you down, the disorder is! It’s the dark thoughts that are making you feel like you aren’t yourself, not the meds. Just the two cents of a guy medicated for schizophrenia. Hope you feel better! 

@Figure of eighty

Do you still get dark thoughts while on that medication?

I believe we all have this battlefield of the mind every day, but yet we have Jesus Christ in us to help us cast down those wicked imaginations and think on good things.  I am not saying stop your medication, but if you still have dark thoughts, try Him instead.

Psalm 19:12 Who can understand his errors? cleanse thou me from secret faults. 13 Keep back thy servant also from presumptuous sins; let them not have dominion over me: then shall I be upright, and I shall be innocent from the great transgression. 14 Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord, my strength, and my redeemer.

Hebrews 4:12 For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any twoedged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart. 13 Neither is there any creature that is not manifest in his sight: but all things are naked and opened unto the eyes of him with whom we have to do. 14 Seeing then that we have a great high priest, that is passed into the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our profession. 15 For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin. 16 Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.

1 John 3:3 And every man that hath this hope in him purifieth himself, even as he is pure..... 8 He that committeth sin is of the devil; for the devil sinneth from the beginning. For this purpose the Son of God was manifested, that he might destroy the works of the devil.

Philippians 1:6 Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ:... 11 Being filled with the fruits of righteousness, which are by Jesus Christ, unto the glory and praise of God.

2 Timothy 4:18 And the Lord shall deliver me from every evil work, and will preserve me unto his heavenly kingdom: to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.

Hebrews 12:1Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us, 2 Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.

1 Corinthians 10:12 Wherefore let him that thinketh he standeth take heed lest he fall. 13 There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.

2 Corinthians 10:3 For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war after the flesh: 4 (For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;) 5 Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ; 6 And having in a readiness to revenge all disobedience, when your obedience is fulfilled.

Philippians 4:6 Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. 7 And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. 8 Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. 9 Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you.

Jude 1:24 Now unto him that is able to keep you from falling, and to present you faultless before the presence of his glory with exceeding joy, 25 To the only wise God our Saviour, be glory and majesty, dominion and power, both now and ever. Amen.

May God bless you with His peace and His rest by looking to Jesus Christ for help in running that race.

[jzatopa]

As a father and someone who has had his own breakup I'd like to help you.  While the bible has the answers in it, for somethings like this what it doesn't have are the techniques and exercises to apply them and help us through this (much of this would have been demonstrated one on one while Christ was alive and only partially are explained since it wasn't the central need of the written work).  

When dealing with mental health like you are doing here is what I teach others.  First is get a journal and start writing in it every day.  Think of this as expressing out the wound that needs to clear and then heal.  It makes a world of difference because you can say anything in there and you can even ask questions, like "How do I start to heal this?" and eventually the answers happen because you have asked the question and your subconscious as well as God bring the answers to you.  I have a specific way I setup journals as well to go deeper for those I am helping to teach which includes what is called a light and dark mirror - this is an inventory of all the qualities that are light and dark (dark isn't bad and light isn't good - these are just things - I usually equate light with things like the beginning of things and warmer things like good hugger, well read, astute and dark with things like ends things that aren't serving me quickly, impatient, quick to anger and so on).  Usually I recommend about 100-150 of these qualities and they don't all have to be serious, the idea is to get a mirror of who you are today using only right judgement (no judgemental judgement).  This alone can help you identify pain points and things you want to work on through your spiritual practice as well as through life and therapy.  The idea being that as you refine this list (picking either big or small things to develop and improve) that in a year you can make a new one (or edit this one) and see your growth and know where you are going, it makes a huge difference.  I hope this doesn't have to be said but this is a private journal and only for you, it's not to be shared or shown to anyone but if your therapist wants it is something you can read from if things come up you want an outside voice on.

Also, kids are needy, they have needs, just like you did when you were a kid, thats kids.  However if you realize that if you aren't in right relationship with yourself you can look at them for mirrors or inversions of where you need to work on within yourself.  Find your kid is being obnoxious?  Maybe you need to look on setting a boundary within so you prevent them from growing up to be obnoxious to people.  Are they very polite and do their homework well?  Then recognize you are doing that part right and that you are doing well with them in that area.  Remember this and you can heal everything - mother and father is the name of God on every child's lips (my words to your ears) and kids only need 3 things.  The love we got, the love we didn't get and the attention they need (which isn't always the attention they want).  This also works on your inner child and never forget there is a masculine and feminine part to that child (built from your mother and father and their inner masculine and feminine they got from their parents and so on). This is what isn't explained about honor thy father and mother - it doesn't mean treat them as good when they aren't - it means treat them as exactly what they are (honor their Truth) and then realize they are imperfect and prepared you to be strong where you needed to be strong in this imperfect world (this can help with neglect and child abuse in many cases).  This inner work over a period of time will change your inner world and your outer world will match, much as behaving better in the outer world helps your inner one. Now some thing that I have found that really help that may be less orthodox vs. what some may want to hear on here is that Kundalini Yoga is incredibly helpful and healing, in fact I have found it second to none so far for a physical activity that heals emotion, mind and spirit.  Now I know there are some who are insane and think there is something wrong with yoga (it's unfortunate that people in the past have denigrated such a sacred practice in the name of religion and that still needs more work in the church and within some unwell communities in society in America) but a session a day for a month is more powerful than anything I have seen (it also works in conjunction with medication if medication is required but the practice for many removes that need if done religiously for a period of time - 30 days at first is what I would recommend and then by the time you get there you will know how much you need and what to do, it's really easy to pick up).   If you need to tie it to Christ to help with your mental help, instead of just God, tie it to Christs yoga (matthew 11:29 - take up my yoke upon you, and learn from me, because I am meek and humble in heart, and ye shall find rest to your souls - Yoga is the word Yoke - in the old testament the word used was Devekut which literal translation was to cleave to).  If you need more ways to translate the words used in the practice to christianity please let me know and I can give you all the christian words for each piece (for example the words Sat Nam (My identity is the Truth) would be Eheyah (I Am that I Am) which is one of the aspects of Elohim in the old testament).  You can also practice Hesychasm if you are so orthodox as to think something isn't made by God in this world as that would be a prayer that helps as well (prayer and meditation are interchangable, they are the same thing but our education system is so poor sometimes that I felt a need to define this here for you).

If you stay your path, start journaling and add in a daily physical practice while reading a little scripture (honestly an hour or less a day) in a month you will be in a whole new place and in 3 you will be feeling amazing.  The best part is that you can do the exercise with kids (be sure to screen the titles before selecting some as some exercises are for adults due to the nature of the exercise but most are suitable for kids - what grabs viewers these days seems to win out many time over so I thought I'd let you know).  I do these exercises with my daughter and I couldn't be blessed with a more wonderful child (8), the time together really helps us bond, the physical activity keeps us in shape, and the results are amazing.

I hope this helps, there are other things as well (such as ketamine therapy for immediate depression care without needing it long term, maybe something to talk to the doc about).  Bless you on your journey and I pray you feel better soon, you're kids are going to love all this time with you as you grow through this and learn to coparent with your partner.

Edited April 20, 2023 by jzatopa

[Mozart's Starling]

I am sorry to hear you have these troubles. I have been diagnosed with mental illness myself and take several medications daily. They do have side effects but they calm the storm so to speak, and for me I find the tradeoff worth it. I highly recommend you get a diagnosis if the symptoms are particularly persistant or damaging and find what meds work for you. My particular diagnosis is particularly severe though. What do you mean by dark thoughts? Hurting yourself or? If it is not as dark as that, being depressed can be a natural reaction to events. It isn't necessarilly symptomatic of more than that. We'd need more details if you are willing to share.

Edited September 17, 2023 by Mozart's Starling

[RdJ]

On 4/12/2023 at 6:15 PM, Figure of eighty said:

Hello. So I'm back again and I want to thank you guys for keeping me in your prayers about my previous situation. 

Now I feel I have another thing to deal with now. I've been struggling with my mental health. Some days are okay and others like today have me really on edge. Sometimes I feel it's a bit normal as I'm a single mom of 2 toddlers and I'm going through a break up with my BD but it's really triggering deep insecurities. 

I'm doing therapy but it's once a week and I feel perhaps I need medication bc I feel very alone with my kids and them being needy and demanding...then dealing with the break up and all of these dark and heavy thoughts.  

It feels overwhelming. I wish I could force myself to be normal but I can't. 

I know God wants us to include him in everything so how do I do that while I treat myself as well? 

Also how do I get over the fear of meds? I'm afraid I won't be myself or ill gain alot of weight.. 

They said I had ppd with the third pregnancy. Don't know. I was depressed but because of the breakup and I never wanted meds, but they kept pushing, so I gave in. Got prozac. I called the psychiater, because now I just wanted to kill myself out of the blue for a nonsensical reason. He did not believe me, doubled the dose, gave me packages full, cause he went on a holiday. Next day I was at the side of a ditch with an overdose. Had to go to a mental hospital 3 weeks and he got the kids for 7 months. After that I got em 50/50.

Can't the dad have them too and work less, so you get a break?

[FJK]

On 4/12/2023 at 10:15 AM, Figure of eighty said:

I wish I could force myself to be normal but I can't.

You're not alone in this, many of us have had that same wish.

But you can never force yourself to be something you are not and be happy at the same time, don't let it become the theme of your life.

Have you spent any time considering who You are and what kind of a life you would like to be living, one that is suitable and compatible with who you really are, that would fulfill your life?

Unique people trying to force themselves to be "normal" is usually an effort in futility and can bring a great deal of strife into their lives (I speak from experience).

Prayer, sincere prayer, to God to know his will for you, to  know the Truth about yourself, and how you can live so that you fulfill that will helps. 

You are unique and God has a unique plan for you, a mission and purpose in life, trust that he will give you what you need to live it as you need it and things will start working out even when they seem like they aren't.  Try to be yourself instead of someone else, God will help you do this.

Just a suggestion, something you might think about.  If it's useful use it, if not ignore it.