Please pray for my daughter… and me

[WeWait4Him]

Hello brothers and sister. I really need your prayers and advice here. Not sure what to do. Here’s the story - I have a daughter that’s about to turn 18. She’s been going through a lot. Pressure to finish her senior year strong, being accepted to the University of her choice, she’s been struggling with an eating disorder. Juggling friendships, family, parents. It’s not easy. But she’s a good girl. She has a good heart. But at the end of the day, she’s a teenager and she’s struggling through a lot of things. Today I invited her to attend a church event and she flat out said “no”. Then later I suggested we do a Bible study at home, as a family and she pushed back on that. Said she was busy with school work and just didn’t have time. I had a funny feeling about the way she said it, so later on I talked to her about the reason she pushed back and she basically told me she doesn’t believe in God like I do. We went to church last Sunday and she said that she didn’t want to be there and when we left, she actually felt annoyed. She doesn’t feel like she needs to read the Bible “to be a good person“. She says that when she prays, she’s not really sure who she’s praying to and doesn’t feel any connection with God. This broke my heart. She made it seem as though everything she’s done in the past like getting baptized and going to church was only to appease me. It worries me. I know what it means to not have a relationship with Christ. I know what it means to reject the Lord. I told her that everything I’ve ever taught her in life, having a relationship with Jesus is by far the most important decision she could ever make. I told her that if there’s only one thing she would remember that I ever taught her Was believing in Jesus. But right now she doesn’t wanna hear it. I don’t know what to do. I’m blaming myself because, full disclosure, don’t get to church every Sunday. And it’s not like I have encouraged daily Bible reading with her either. Questioning some of her friends and some of the influence they might have on her. What’s the right way to handle this? How does God want me to handle this? Obviously, the first thing that comes to mind is praying for her. It just scares me to death that she has not put her trust in Jesus knowing that life is so fragile, especially in this crazy world. This just makes me so sad and disappointed. Any advice and prayer is greatly appreciated. Thank you

[George]

Shalom WeWait4Him,

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[Debp]

1 hour ago, WeWait4Him said:

Hello brothers and sister. I really need your prayers and advice here. Not sure what to do. Here’s the story - I have a daughter that’s about to turn 18. She’s been going through a lot. Pressure to finish her senior year strong, being accepted to the University of her choice, she’s been struggling with an eating disorder. Juggling friendships, family, parents. It’s not easy. But she’s a good girl. She has a good heart. But at the end of the day, she’s a teenager and she’s struggling through a lot of things. Today I invited her to attend a church event and she flat out said “no”. Then later I suggested we do a Bible study at home, as a family and she pushed back on that. Said she was busy with school work and just didn’t have time. I had a funny feeling about the way she said it, so later on I talked to her about the reason she pushed back and she basically told me she doesn’t believe in God like I do. We went to church last Sunday and she said that she didn’t want to be there and when we left, she actually felt annoyed. She doesn’t feel like she needs to read the Bible “to be a good person“. She says that when she prays, she’s not really sure who she’s praying to and doesn’t feel any connection with God. This broke my heart. She made it seem as though everything she’s done in the past like getting baptized and going to church was only to appease me. It worries me. I know what it means to not have a relationship with Christ. I know what it means to reject the Lord. I told her that everything I’ve ever taught her in life, having a relationship with Jesus is by far the most important decision she could ever make. I told her that if there’s only one thing she would remember that I ever taught her Was believing in Jesus. But right now she doesn’t wanna hear it. I don’t know what to do. I’m blaming myself because, full disclosure, don’t get to church every Sunday. And it’s not like I have encouraged daily Bible reading with her either. Questioning some of her friends and some of the influence they might have on her. What’s the right way to handle this? How does God want me to handle this? Obviously, the first thing that comes to mind is praying for her. It just scares me to death that she has not put her trust in Jesus knowing that life is so fragile, especially in this crazy world. This just makes me so sad and disappointed. Any advice and prayer is greatly appreciated. Thank you

My first thought was...is she involved with a youth group at church?   It's important for her to have Christian friends (not just go to church with her parent).

I wouldn't push her about spiritual things...be helpful with questions however.   Perhaps you could suggest if she gets involved with a youth group at church that she could get some help with her questions or doubts about God from the youth pastor.   Being around some Christian young people might help her along, too.

Praying for her is necessary, of course.   But also being a good example is important.   My mom never pushed anything on me about faith or God.   (She did send me to Sunday school and sometimes we went together to a worship service.)  But I always saw that she loved the Lord and would pray for His help in her difficulties.

My grandma was also a devout Christian, but again she was never pushy about faith.   The Lord  was a part of her identity and life.    I have great respect for both my mom and Grandma....both now with Jesus.

 

 

[ladypeartree]

Teenage years are HARD on the parents and the teens  If you push she WILL push back... as Debs said a life of faith and HONESTY following the example of Christ is more likely to produce the results you hope to see but everyone has a different journey . Apart from hatching matching and dispatching I dont recall my parents EVER going to church ( we were sent to Sunday school but we always thought it was a way to get an hours peace and quiet for my  parent ) My father especially became what we called a " raving unbeliever " yet he saw the name of Jesus even in places we didnt and all three of us sisters are saved by the GRACE OF GOD in fact my younger sister went into missionary for over half her life God KNOWS the journey your daughter has in front of her ALL you can do is PRAY ( and I will join you in those prayers ) but trying to force her acceptance will only drive her away . Be open to answering her questions IF SHE COMES TO YOU and if you dont know the answers be honest and tell her so ( its not called FAITH without a reason ) but allow her to walk HER journey with your love and your prayers but not so much your pressure 

[enoob57]

You are past what they call the formative years and now she picks and chooses her own way -whatever that may be-... as others have said above and as you have testified you didn't do as maybe you should have- remembering we all are flawed except for Jesus... Your resource is prayer and bathe it daily that God would, in mercy, fix what we should have done and failed -and- draw your daughter to His Heart of perfection... As you pray always remembering His Heart in this
2 Peter 3:9 (KJV)

[9] The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is longsuffering to us-ward, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance.

Knowing the sorrows God faces in the many who reject the truth and embrace the lies... He did not want this for any of them! God gave us His Son to show us and His Word to direct us yet in the end it is the individual who answers for their choices...

[Dennis1209]

8 hours ago, WeWait4Him said:

Hello brothers and sister. I really need your prayers and advice here. Not sure what to do. Here’s the story - I have a daughter that’s about to turn 18. She’s been going through a lot. Pressure to finish her senior year strong, being accepted to the University of her choice, she’s been struggling with an eating disorder. Juggling friendships, family, parents. It’s not easy. But she’s a good girl. She has a good heart. But at the end of the day, she’s a teenager and she’s struggling through a lot of things. Today I invited her to attend a church event and she flat out said “no”. Then later I suggested we do a Bible study at home, as a family and she pushed back on that. Said she was busy with school work and just didn’t have time. I had a funny feeling about the way she said it, so later on I talked to her about the reason she pushed back and she basically told me she doesn’t believe in God like I do. We went to church last Sunday and she said that she didn’t want to be there and when we left, she actually felt annoyed. She doesn’t feel like she needs to read the Bible “to be a good person“. She says that when she prays, she’s not really sure who she’s praying to and doesn’t feel any connection with God. This broke my heart. She made it seem as though everything she’s done in the past like getting baptized and going to church was only to appease me. It worries me. I know what it means to not have a relationship with Christ. I know what it means to reject the Lord. I told her that everything I’ve ever taught her in life, having a relationship with Jesus is by far the most important decision she could ever make. I told her that if there’s only one thing she would remember that I ever taught her Was believing in Jesus. But right now she doesn’t wanna hear it. I don’t know what to do. I’m blaming myself because, full disclosure, don’t get to church every Sunday. And it’s not like I have encouraged daily Bible reading with her either. Questioning some of her friends and some of the influence they might have on her. What’s the right way to handle this? How does God want me to handle this? Obviously, the first thing that comes to mind is praying for her. It just scares me to death that she has not put her trust in Jesus knowing that life is so fragile, especially in this crazy world. This just makes me so sad and disappointed. Any advice and prayer is greatly appreciated. Thank you

My heart goes out to you, as I am in the same boat, so to speak. Long story short, I was a decades-long alcoholic, did not take my children to church, or raised them in a Christian environment. I have so many worries and regrets about my children’s souls that I failed with the most important, precious gift ever. 

I will not detail it, but a miracle happened to me on November 24, 2016. If you are interested, I have my testimony posted here on Worthy. Sharing our testimonies of what Christ has done for us is what we are commanded to do and an honor and privilege.

I cannot return in time and correct myself and my negligent errors. The Bible says not to dwell on the past; move forward. That is a hard thing to do concerning my children and where their everlasting souls will go if they do not accept what Jesus did for them. It hurts me to tears at the very core of my being.

I cannot save anyone; only the Lord can and does. My job now is to plant the seed of the Gospel and let the Holy Spirit convict those who hear the Gospel and my testimony. My job after Salvation is to be the salt and light, to walk the walk of a Christian, and it will be seen and noticed. Hopefully, this will provoke someone to be jealous, having the peace, love, and joy in me through Christ Jesus our Lord.

Our children are independent (free will) and sometimes resist authority, parents, and what is best for them. I know if I become the proverbial Bible Thumper, I will drive them away and distance them from me. I know they have seen the 180-degree transformation that happened to me in one day.

I have asked myself, how can anyone be happy in eternity, knowing or perhaps even seeing where their lost loved ones are? I do not know and cannot answer that question for myself.

God always answers a Christian's prayer. Sometimes, it is immediately granted; sometimes, it is not because it is selfish or not in God’s will, and many times, it is “waiting” for the Lord’s perfect timing.

James 5:16 (KJV) Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.

Proverbs 3:5-6 (KJV) Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. ⁶ In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

Prayer is powerful, and changes things. God bless you.

[WeWait4Him]

I’d like to thank everyone who replied to my post. I was trying to figure out how to reply to each of you but I’m not sure how. Maybe it’s not possible so I’m just replying to my own post. I truly appreciate your prayers for my daughter and I. I didn’t sleep well last night. I’ve been tossing and turning all morning, trying to make sense of all this. Thinking of where I went wrong. Of how this will change things. My daughter is moving out this fall and moving into dorms at her University. I’m so concerned about this now. She’ll be free to come and go as she pleases and it’ll be really hard for me to control what she does. There’s just so many things in my mind right now. I’m so sad and disappointed. I do know that God is great and He was patient with me! He knows I wasn’t a believer in my younger years and it took time for me to come around. So my prayers is that she too will come around and that The Lord will soften her heart and open her eyes to the truth. Not sure what else to do except pray like you all have suggested. I mean, I don’t know that there’s much else I can do I this point. I need to be patient. I’m a very impatient person and I don’t want that to cause me to erupt in frustration and make things worse. That won’t help. Thanks again to you all for taking the time to reply. 

[The Survivor]

I have a similar situation. All I can do is keep praying and praying. My daughter went from a Jesus loving little girl into an anti-God, Gothic, pierced faced (20+ and growing), self tats (20+ and growing), alphabet-soup people supporter, and everything else liberal/left/atheist type. I blamed myself for many, many years. I still do, although she says not to because what I think are not the reasons that changed her. But, any life even changes people. Especially when young. My daughter has gone this route now for several years. I have many fears of what the future holds with her. I try talking to her now and then but I do always fear she wills top talking to me.

So I feel you. I been praying and praying, and at this point, all I can do. But, I will always be there for her.

[Who me]

On 2/2/2025 at 6:03 AM, WeWait4Him said:

she basically told me she doesn’t believe in God

Children are always a delight and an endless worry.

While she is at home continue to say grace at meals, to invite her to come to church, to go to the youth group etc.

But also look for opertunities to talk about Christianity, to ask her " What do you believe about God? " and the follow up question. " What evidence do you have for that belief? "

Just be sure that you too can answer rationally the same questions.

Answers like " I just have faith " and " I believe " are not as 1Peter3:15 But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect. Encourages us to believe.

Do talk to your churches  youth leaders about what are they doing to train the young people to be able to defend their faith.

[Deborah_]

On 2/2/2025 at 6:03 AM, WeWait4Him said:

She made it seem as though everything she’s done in the past like getting baptized and going to church was only to appease me. It worries me. I know what it means to not have a relationship with Christ. I know what it means to reject the Lord. I told her that everything I’ve ever taught her in life, having a relationship with Jesus is by far the most important decision she could ever make. I told her that if there’s only one thing she would remember that I ever taught her Was believing in Jesus. But right now she doesn’t wanna hear it. I don’t know what to do. I’m blaming myself because, full disclosure, don’t get to church every Sunday. And it’s not like I have encouraged daily Bible reading with her either. Questioning some of her friends and some of the influence they might have on her. What’s the right way to handle this?

This is what every Christian parent dreads. You are not alone, and it doesn't mean that you've done anything wrong.

The sad fact is, that "you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink." You've given her the message - but it's up to her whether or not to make a commitment, and you can't force her to. And it's difficult for children and teenagers because they're so vulnerable to peer pressure. I've read no end of testimonies where people have said that as a teenager they professed faith and got baptised because everyone else in their Sunday School class was doing it and they didn't want to be the odd one out - but their real conversion actually happened some years later. Alternatively, her faith may have been genuine but has got submerged under other issues (the fact that she has an eating disorder suggests that she's not in an entirely good place psychologically).

Probably the worst thing you can do at this moment is put any pressure on her to attend church or read the Bible. And she's well aware of what you believe, so don't keep on lecturing her. Give her some space! You could try to persuade her to reveal exactly where she stands and what she does believe, but in an atmosphere of acceptance - not pushing back at her or arguing with her. What did her baptism mean to her, for example? Once you know what you're dealing with, you can pray intelligently. 

And of course, keep on loving her. Whether or not she is a Christian, she's still your daughter and she will need your emotional support when she goes to university.