Correcting a friends theology

[David from New Bern]

Nobody wants a friend who is always correcting your theology, but it is impossible as Christian to talk about their passion without finding points of differences. I have had friends who were real talkers, the problem was they didn't have much depth. Most of what they were shotgunning out was unfounded Biblically or incorrect. How do you determine what to correct and how would you accomplish a critical conversation without destroying the realtionship?

[Openly Curious]

Nobody wants a friend who is always correcting your theology, but it is impossible as Christian to talk about their passion without finding points of differences. I have had friends who were real talkers, the problem was they didn't have much depth. Most of what they were shotgunning out was unfounded Biblically or incorrect. How do you determine what to correct and how would you accomplish a critical conversation without destroying the realtionship?

hello david

the word says an open rebuke is better than secret love. however one must use wisdom in this regards. i believe we all have problems in our theology as we all are only humans and only know in part and so we all speak in part none of us knowing the whole of things. Some do know more than others but their will always be differences as our G-d is a G-d of variety as each of us are different and diverse coming from all different backgrounds making our out look in life all different and the way we view G-d is the same.

the word also say in i corinthians 13 that love covers a multitude of sins and it does many other things as well so how do you determine what to correct well we are all G-d's children in the church and the word is for rebuke and instructions in righteousness that being said it is the word that is used to do that in an individuals life. Sometimes we have to let G-d correct his own children instead of taking on that role over G-d's children we must be faithful to preach and teach the word then let G-d do the rest.

sometimes relationships are not meant to be and that is just a fact in life. if you have to accomplish a critical conversation and can't avoid it then the love of G-d should be shed abroad in your heart for the person and it will be percieved as such in the conversation. if the relationship is destroyed it is either for one of two reasons one you blew it and was not suppose to confront the person or the person did not receive what you were bringing to their attention. Sometimes we think we are right but we need to be careful that we ourselves are in the right before we act and it is to late.

Why do you ask?

Openly Curious

[Leonard]

Good question. All my friends are theologians and philosophers, so we toss ideas around at each other all the time, and our most vehement disagreements are just 'really good conversations' we all enjoy!

Incidentally, anybody with us listening in, is usually just BORED STIFF by our conversations, and can't figure out WHY we'd bother even talking about such unutterably boring things, much less make a big deal out of them....

[other one]

Nobody wants a friend who is always correcting your theology, but it is impossible as Christian to talk about their passion without finding points of differences. I have had friends who were real talkers, the problem was they didn't have much depth. Most of what they were shotgunning out was unfounded Biblically or incorrect. How do you determine what to correct and how would you accomplish a critical conversation without destroying the relationship?

By explaining what I believe about what the subject matter is and why...... but would not ever use the "Your wrong" words. Explain yourself and give them some time to think it over....... and never assume that you are always correct. I have many friends that are of different beliefs and different denominations...... one is even a Sumerian Shaman and we have some really interesting conversations. Neither of us is ever going to convince the other of their understanding of ancient history, but he is a very nice person and maybe the Lord can do something with him.

[Kabowd]

It depends on how close the relationship is and the personality type of the other person. Are they humble and/or teachable? Do they respect you and your views? Do they despise correction or appreciate it? Do they know you love them? That may seem like an odd question but, speaking personally, I can take a whole lot from someone if I know they love me and want what's best for me. My best friend in the whole world, in fact, has the freedom to say just about anything to me (even if it's harsh) because I know that he loves and cares about me. In Proverbs it says that wounds from a friend can be trusted. Obviously this doesn't mean we go around wounding our friends..lol. But real love cares enough to confront. Real love doesn't let another continue in a false belief, or continue in a way that will not benefit them. This probably doesn't answer your question as to "when" to actually bring correction. Most of that depends on careful discernment and leading by the Holy Spirit. If they are minor issues (that aren't essential to salvation), you can apply grace, prayer and give them some time and maybe gently share your differing views. If they are matters of principle or heresy, then I think it would be more urgent to correct them as quickly as possible.

Too often I think people are afraid of confrontation and conflict. We tend to tip toe around eachother for fear of "offending". While it's true we should seek to live in unity, at the same time, we are also to "sharpen" one another as iron sharpens iron. This process doesn't happen without sparks and friction. Sometimes, oftentimes, the most loving thing you can do is be confrontational...if it brings the person you love to the point of seeing the danger in what they are doing or what they believe. In my experience, conflict often leads to a deeper intimacy in the relationship anyway, because unity is restored after there is correction.

[hebrews_beauty]

It depends on how close the relationship is and the personality type of the other person. Are they humble and/or teachable? Do they respect you and your views? Do they despise correction or appreciate it? Do they know you love them? That may seem like an odd question but, speaking personally, I can take a whole lot from someone if I know they love me and want what's best for me. My best friend in the whole world, in fact, has the freedom to say just about anything to me (even if it's harsh) because I know that he loves and cares about me. In Proverbs it says that wounds from a friend can be trusted. Obviously this doesn't mean we go around wounding our friends..lol. But real love cares enough to confront. Real love doesn't let another continue in a false belief, or continue in a way that will not benefit them. This probably doesn't answer your question as to "when" to actually bring correction. Most of that depends on careful discernment and leading by the Holy Spirit. If they are minor issues (that aren't essential to salvation), you can apply grace, prayer and give them some time and maybe gently share your differing views. If they are matters of principle or heresy, then I think it would be more urgent to correct them as quickly as possible.

Too often I think people are afraid of confrontation and conflict. We tend to tip toe around eachother for fear of "offending". While it's true we should seek to live in unity, at the same time, we are also to "sharpen" one another as iron sharpens iron. This process doesn't happen without sparks and friction. Sometimes, oftentimes, the most loving thing you can do is be confrontational...if it brings the person you love to the point of seeing the danger in what they are doing or what they believe. In my experience, conflict often leads to a deeper intimacy in the relationship anyway, because unity is restored after there is correction.

[vitality22004]

I guess I would say something when I felt prompted to do so by the spirit: there are differences in opinion, interpretation, revelation and there is truth and error. With the first three, I will feel free to share my view or not. Where there is clear error, I feel that I would have to speak the truth in love.

[shepherdsgrace]

At least 90 percent of the issue rests in the spirit in which you are speaking. If you feel love and calmness and confidence even joy etc then you are on go to talk. And then we can always use wisdom in our speech. Use "I believe" statements. And "I see in the scripture" statements. This keeps the weight of the discussion with you rather than laying the burden of error on the other person. And with that, in your spirit always realizing that no matter what you say it lays utterly upon the Spirit of God to convict. There should be purpose in your sharing, a desire for God to be glorified and error to be lifted. Indeed there should be room for open sharing and discussion between friends.

[David from New Bern]

At least 90 percent of the issue rests in the spirit in which you are speaking. If you feel love and calmness and confidence even joy etc then you are on go to talk. And then we can always use wisdom in our speech. Use "I believe" statements. And "I see in the scripture" statements. This keeps the weight of the discussion with you rather than laying the burden of error on the other person. And with that, in your spirit always realizing that no matter what you say it lays utterly upon the Spirit of God to convict. There should be purpose in your sharing, a desire for God to be glorified and error to be lifted. Indeed there should be room for open sharing and discussion between friends.

There is a lot of wisdom in your words...Thank You...very insightful

[Fiosh]

Nobody wants a friend who is always correcting your theology, but it is impossible as Christian to talk about their passion without finding points of differences. I have had friends who were real talkers, the problem was they didn't have much depth. Most of what they were shotgunning out was unfounded Biblically or incorrect. How do you determine what to correct and how would you accomplish a critical conversation without destroying the realtionship?

Sometimes asking questions is more effective than a direct challenge. Forcing the person to defend and explain their theological stance causes them to probe more deeply the foundations on which it rests. It allows them to do the most talking, while you still lead the dialogue. They may discover the error on their own.