Hospitality? Need advice

[kat8585]

Lady C is so right. And believe it or not, they will respect you more, and will probably thank you later.

[elkieDannsa' Air An Drochaid]

Hi,

I can't , of course, tell you or want to tell you exactly what to do. However, I can make some suggestions.

I have to agree with Fiosh here. The pot has to stop! ...not only not be smoked, I'd say not brought into the home either. Horrible for children to see all this that is going on.

Have you considered if the plans you tell them, or just start doing them, don't fit their liking, they may leave on their own?

What about something like again (get prayed up and>>>) assure them of your love for them and tell them you need to do something about how concerned you are for them. People, when asking for help have to deal with how and what the other people choose to help them and what they decide also. Suggesting to get work and seek own place and daily looking for work. That it is such a concern to you and you know how you would like to get help from the pastor for this to handle it and help them...why not tell them you would like to ask the pastor over to talk with them , advise them and pray for their needs in this. If they say yes, you will know they are sincere about wanting to change something . If they say no way! to you, you'll know they don't want to deal with it and make needed changes, could tell them YOU need the pastor to come over for YOU to deal with this...anyway I think they could use a good talk with a pastor and some prayer and need to think more of their children than they are , a considerable lot more!

Have you prayed with them or feel shy about that? Might offer to pray for them nightly or mornings with them.

I mean you can also tell them you were living differently before, than you have been since they came and NEED to live the way you feel it right for you,too, Pastor visits or Bible study or Christian music or certain rules what ever your ways were,they should not be in there guests changing your way of living to theirs or tempting you also.

I had a neighbor smoking pot doing drugs and some loud yelling etc acting out some years ago..I prayed for him, another neighbor told him (there were alot of others there, too, with pot and who knows what) that the police may not have caught you..but I WILL!! then you'll be caught and gone! Although his mother owned the home, they moved out the very next day! never came back , home got sold.... I would have concerns a neighbor will call and there you are in the same situation as they are and a drug bust to boot! If you allow it and its your apt no one will believe it's not your pot. It happens.

Also, if ya don't do something ,and blow up on them, it will only upset their children in this unstable situation more. I am so sorry for their children!

Why is it if they cannot do right for themselves ,they cannot at least start doing right for their children?! Can you encourage them to make their children their concern ?! and to focus on the childrens needs here, not theirs right now. I do hope that you can speak with them without the children in the room ,in case they do blow up.

Do they have family or other friends to stay with? It is true that it may be breaking the lease to have them keep living there.

I know this must be really tough, especially since there are children involved. Pray and let the pastor pray with you and talk to him, they are there for this.

Godly council goes a long way. May the Lord open their eyes of their hearts and help them to both know HIM and to care for their children in Gods ways.

(this needs on prayer warriors too) too often people are shy or ashamed to call a pastor or for prayers to church when it is exactly what would of cleaned up a situation and got help for it. Hiding it wont help anyone. (you know its your home... fill it with GOd s Praise! all the time and let HIM work and let the system the church is there for work also for you.

Wish you best and offering prayers for you and them,

elkie

[DarkNebulaWelder]

I told her that she needed to be out by the first, but I'm not sure how seriously she took me.

The whole thing just depresses me!!!!!

It's really getting bad.

[kat8585]

You will have to be very firm. What did she say when you told her? Ask her often if they have a place, then remind her of her deadline. Tell her if the deadline comes and they don't have a place, they will have to go to a homeless shelter. Then DON'T BACK DOWN, or you will be doormat. They won't take your warnings seriously.

[kat8585]

How is this situation going, if you don't mind my asking?

[Openly Curious]

'DarkNebulaWelder' post

They moved in because they had been evicted from their apartment, and they had no place to go. He is not working,

The husband isn't looking for a job,

....especially since her husband's not working, and doesn't even seem desirous of finding a job.

and he is still sitting around all day.

The other thing that concerns me is the fact that they are both habitual pot smokers. I have been allowing it to go on,

I admit, I have given in to the temptation a few times, but I could sense that it grieved the Lord, and it (temporarily) hurt my relationship with Him.

I would think that if this couple got evicted and the man that want work or go out and find work and has lost his ID has gotten into some kind of trouble that they are hiding and that is why this man is avoiding going out and looking for work it could be with drugs or something of that nature as they are habitual pot smokers. Something doesn't jive here with me more than just a dead beat although it could be just that but it's seems they are hiding from something they don't want known.

But nevertheless it is time for you to say to them it's time for them to leave and you shouldn't allow a guilt trip to come on you because you got help in the past. You have to also be concerned for your own Christian walk with the Lord and not have fellowship with the darkness and more in your life now does that mean you don't witness to others no that is not it all all you just can't hang with those who are still in a lifestyle of sin cause as you already learned it's hard to stand yourself with the temptations around you. You've done your part but they are ultimately responsible for their own family and they need to toughen up and do the right thing as you can't do it all for them.

Blessings to you

OC

[damo1]

from damo1

i was exactly wear you are at know and it is hard even being in a small appartment like that we had my partners father staying with us we told him it would be short term and not long term and it was the same thing al he did was drink while my self and my wife worked i worked at a dairy and i was up early and my partner did od jobs to keep her self occupied i found it hard as i would come home and the music would be playing and nothing was being done we took him in as we saw he was also being taken advantage over his friends as he was constantly on our door step when we had our meals together it was as if he new when the dinner would be placed on the table

we wear able to get him into a department of housing place as hear in my country we have department of housing set up to help familys who are unemployed yet you need to weight up to 3rs or 6 months in diffrent parts of australia department of housing payed for his bond his rent and electricity

i was asked to talk to him and i did not want to do it as my partner did not want to be the one to tell him to move out so i did it in a jentle way and we told him we wil help him find a place but we also stated we wanted our place to our selves as we had a new born and we needed to settle our son down he took it fine and we said we are stil hear for you you can come for dinner when you are strugling and he was able to use our washing machaine and do what he needed to do

by being honest was the best way and if you have something like what we have hear in our country or if the church could help your friend ask as for the partner not working i can understand but has he tried as i have always found work my self i wil pray that god guides you and gives you the right words to say in the situation you are in know

from damo1

[RedeemedByHim]

I agree with all that has been said...

and you need to put your walk with the Lord first and you do not want to have that temptation to smoke around you...

[irishcowboy]

sounds all toooooooo familure.......

several years ago, a friend, (with three young teen children, two girls and one boy) ran into hard times....

I did not mind them moving in, the entire time I was fetching them, i kept asking.... Lord what am I doing???

why am I doing this???? am I suppos to really be doing this????

during the hour and half drive, i received my answer, AS YOU DO UNTO THE LEAST OF THESE.........

wow,, ok Lord, Your the Boss.....

I loaded them up along wit htheir house hold goods.....Our truck (God's and mine) looked much like the Beverly Hillbillies truck, loaded down with people and house hold goods.....

we arrived at Our House ( God's and mine (and my son's)) we got them unloaded and set them up in the master bedroom..... my son kept his room, I took the cot, and gave the spare room to the girls and the master bedroom to my friend and his son......

he was suppose to be a licensed electrician, managed to get two jobs in two months ( one was changing out a pull chain light switch in a ceiling fan light, the other changing out security lights and a light switch ) he managed to do one by himself, the other, i had to show him how to climb a pole to change a light bulb....

I did not care much..... my son was getting frustrated.....seemed to him like we were doing the cooking, cleaning, dishes, he was in school and i was working all day.......

one day i came in after doing some shopping ( 200 dollars of food from ALDIES and SAMS) had picked up a 5# container of peanut butter.... the next day, i went to make a PBJ for lunch and there was no peanut butter..... the girls had no idea that there was peanut butter, that is until one of them came to me later and told me that her dad and brother ate the whole thing at breakfast..... would drink 2 two liter bottles of soda himself, every day, smoked at least 2 packs aday ( suppose to be a Christian ) always said he had a line on a job..... ( he passed up a job, that started out asa 100 dollar job to a 3000 dollar job for a weeks work and then another job would have been a shoe in for the area churches, left a sour taste in all their mouths.....)

after two months, both my boys and me went for a weekend out on our own..... when we came back, my youngest said, dad, my bowling ball is missing, then the oldest told me that he was missing something......so we did an inventory of the house, found that tools and tech manuals were missing...... then as I looked around, my guns were not where they were suppose to be,. i thought they had been taken also.... and then i noticed my photography gear was missing.....

it just happened that I had a feeling i knew where he went, so I called this guy DAN that I had only met once.

yep, they were there..... nope, they did not have a bowling ball, nor the guns or the camera gear, or the tools and books......

I said, Dan, it is funny that there is only one bag in this house that looked like the camera gear, and that a bowling bag is very hard not to miss.... and the tools that are missing were bought for him to use until he could get his own.....

Dan ( a pastor of a church ) said there is nothing like those items in this house..... I said that is fine, i will just turn the SERIAL NUMBERS OF EVERYTHING OVER TO THE SHERIFFS DEPARTMENTS of both counties and the ones inbetween, as well as the city police in both cities...... you see, bowling balls have serial numbers as does all camera gear and also firearms... the books have my name in them.. unfortunatly the tools had not been marked yet, but i did not tell Dan that.....

it was not more then a few seconds after telling Dan i was turning the serial numbers over to the authorities, they all of a sudden have the items.......hmmmmmm and a pastor at that...... ooooooppppps

Dans said they must have been taken by mistake.....

they brought them back the next day...... but no guns.... that afternoon, just before i was getting ready to report the guns stolen, i found them, not even close to where they were suppose to be.... looked as if they were set out so that they could be retrieved at a later time or when no one was looking......

a week later, i received the phone bill.......YEEEEEOOOOOOHHHHHHHSSSSSSSEEEERRRR.....

sheesh.....totalled about 600 bucks..... then i went to the computer, trashed.......... food???? well, time to restock the cupboards..... yeah..... took for all he could get......

I asked the Lord.... why di d he do this? i was puzzeld..... ashamed i had been took.... freeloader......

after stewing over this for ssome time, and having my phone shut off for a couple weeks, and finally getting the cupboards restocked, i finally received my answer, it was not for him that they were here, he was dead baggage, it was for the kids that they were here............ not the dad.....

are all guest like this???? no.... not in the least.... .this is the exception, i am sure.....

would I do it again???? absolutely...... why????? cause this house is not mine, i am only a care taker...

later, we did, again, take some one in.... and help that perosn get back on their feet, they (mother and son) were here for three days, she got a job and also housing in one day...... so we helpped her move.... what a wonderful thing.... she is now a JR in College, and I again am supporting her.... for she now lives here on a permanent bassis..... she is my most wonderful Prov. 31 woman..... my bestestestest friend and I love her the mostestestestest.........

if i had grown cold, from being took, i would have missed out on many many many blessings..... not just Teresa, but many more the Lord has given me.....

do not grow weary in doing good.............

we have since taken others in, with certain rules....

if you do not have a job to go to and earn money, your job is seeking employment..... if you choose not to work, or work at getting work, you will not eat, and you will not sleep inside.....

if you do not have a job, you have 2 weeks to get one.... ANY JOB, EVEN FLIPPING BURGERS......

(we do not require rent, or room and board so the money is to be set aside to help the person (in their own accounts with out any control from us) get their own place)

if they are not gainfully employed, they are to do house hold chores, as everyone in the house hold has to pitch in and do house hold chores.... if there is some one working to support all the others, they are exempt from household chores...

laundry is sked, each person has designated days that are their days to do laundry, if laundry is needed to be done between their days, they must ensure that the person sked for that day is not in need of them during that time frame........ (two days aweek, a person should be able to keep their laundry up...)

there are a few other rules.... phone bill? if you make a toll call you are responsible for it ( we have unlimited long dist.... but directory assistance is not included, nor is overseas callse....

stay strong...... be hospitable....... the Lord will know what you are doing..... and it is not wrong to set up rules to live by.... like a person must be employed.... a student is doing their job by doing their homework and so forth and so one....

mike

[Iryssa]

we have since taken others in, with certain rules....

if you do not have a job to go to and earn money, your job is seeking employment..... if you choose not to work, or work at getting work, you will not eat, and you will not sleep inside.....

if you do not have a job, you have 2 weeks to get one.... ANY JOB, EVEN FLIPPING BURGERS......

(we do not require rent, or room and board so the money is to be set aside to help the person (in their own accounts with out any control from us) get their own place)

if they are not gainfully employed, they are to do house hold chores, as everyone in the house hold has to pitch in and do house hold chores.... if there is some one working to support all the others, they are exempt from household chores...

laundry is sked, each person has designated days that are their days to do laundry, if laundry is needed to be done between their days, they must ensure that the person sked for that day is not in need of them during that time frame........ (two days aweek, a person should be able to keep their laundry up...)

there are a few other rules.... phone bill? if you make a toll call you are responsible for it ( we have unlimited long dist.... but directory assistance is not included, nor is overseas callse....

Good rules! And I'll bet with rules like that set down you don't have a problem with people being there much longer than it takes them to figure out how nice it would be to live on their own and make up their own rules