Real Men Do Cry

[Song In The Night]

Ok, noone get mad at me, cause I know that men do get abused by what I've read in the past but.....

Maybe that's not surprising when you consider that men often try to be the strong, silent types, raised to respect women, to rescue them from danger. Chivers notes they don't how to handle it when the woman is the danger.

I'm just saying from personal experience, I have yet to meet a man that fits this criteria. Be they family, friend, aquaintence, co-worker, or stranger on the street--men, from my experience, have always been mean, cruel, selfish, unchivalrious, domineering, condescending, and violent.

I would looove to meet a man who thinks as in the quote above.

Example : 2 days ago, on my way to work, I witnessed on the street, not one, but two (!!) separate instances of a man shoving a woman. I did not have my cell phone with me so I couldn't call the police. I just hung around until the cavemen calmed down. When the women were safe, I left. Both times......Same day......

ps

this post in no way reflects any of the men on this forum.

[nebula]

I did know a man who had been abused by his wife. He truly was a gentle soul.

[RGR]

My ex-wife never laid a hand on me. However as a coworker and myself have talked about, emotional/mental abuse is worse than physical abuse in many cases. Physical wounds heal but the aforementioned abuse doesn't always heal so easily. For anyone who thinks a woman can't or won't abuse a man, think again. I am a living testimony to a woman abusing a man.

She left me barely over two years into our marriage, taking my son and was pregnant with our second child. I had to go to court to be able to see my kids. We reconciled and Jonathan came along not quite a year after we got back together. Things seemed okay, at least for a while.

It started coming to a point, for whatever reason, that whenever I bought clothes for work they were coming up ruined, having grease stains on them. At first it didn't seem too big of a thing until I noticed the grease stain was almost always in the same spot (on the pocket) and it only happened when I bought a new shirt (sometimes it was just a 50 cent thrift store find) or if it was a shirt I dearly loved. It never happened to my regular shirts, only to my dress shirts I had to have for work. I put 2 and 2 together when she graciously offered to do my laundry one day and right afterwards, I found my favorite shirt splattered from one end to the other with grease.

I eventually got a lock for my closet door as I had a separate closet for my dress clothes. Once under lock and key I didn't have a problem. I kept a cautious guard on the key!!! One night I accidentally fell asleep and left the key within her reach. Yes, grease stains on a new shirt. I started putting my keys in my PJ's at nite until I went to bed officially!!! I got cornered wondering why I was carrying my keys in my PJ's.

Then there was money being taken. She took money out of my wallet even though she was working. Guess where the wallet went? In the locked closet. She again cornered me wanting to know where my wallet was and I told her I put it in my closet. Told her that I knew she'd taken money from it and I didn't intend it to happen again.

I took and took, put up with and put up with, totally afraid if she left she would try taking the kids. I endured her lying to me, cheating on me and other things. The funny thing is that people always think it's the man cheating, it's the man doing this or that or the other. Sorry, but it doesn't always happen that way.

[OneLight]

Back in 2007 I lived in two domestic violence shelters and was amazed at how many men get turned away! So many of the shelters focus on women/children. Where do men turn to? At the second shelter, two men were in residence. Both placed in a half finished basement, with beds and blankets ... but because it was feared the women there would not like them around, they were put in the basement. At meal times, they were asked to wait and eat only after the women were done and had left the area. An announcement would be made to the women, that the men would be in the kitchen area for the next hour and to avoid the area. The men were treated like criminals or like they were the ones who had done something wrong. So much more needs to be done to raise awareness for abused men. Shelters and other safe places for them to turn need to crop up and be brought into light.

There is a reason for how they were treated. It was not because they were seen as criminals, but for the sake of the women who probably have PTSD. The men may trigger an excessive amount of fear and cause them to relive the trauma that placed them into a protective situation. I am sure the men understood this before they accepted to live in the basement. Fear is a strange enemy. One never knows when it will attack or how much it will disable a person.

[OneLight]

Ok, noone get mad at me, cause I know that men do get abused by what I've read in the past but.....

Maybe that's not surprising when you consider that men often try to be the strong, silent types, raised to respect women, to rescue them from danger. Chivers notes they don't how to handle it when the woman is the danger.

I'm just saying from personal experience, I have yet to meet a man that fits this criteria. Be they family, friend, aquaintence, co-worker, or stranger on the street--men, from my experience, have always been mean, cruel, selfish, unchivalrious, domineering, condescending, and violent.

I would looove to meet a man who thinks as in the quote above.

Example : 2 days ago, on my way to work, I witnessed on the street, not one, but two (!!) separate instances of a man shoving a woman. I did not have my cell phone with me so I couldn't call the police. I just hung around until the cavemen calmed down. When the women were safe, I left. Both times......Same day......

ps

this post in no way reflects any of the men on this forum.

You hang around the wrong people if what you say is truly what you believe. I know of many men who treat women with love, kindness, respect and equality in many ways.

[Guest]

Ok, noone get mad at me, cause I know that men do get abused by what I've read in the past but.....

I'm just saying from personal experience, I have yet to meet a man that fits this criteria. Be they family, friend, aquaintence, co-worker, or stranger on the street--men, from my experience, have always been mean, cruel, selfish, unchivalrious, domineering, condescending, and violent.

this post in no way reflects any of the men on this forum.

With all due respect, your experience has been unfortunate. I'm not angry, but as a man I could say much the same about women. There are those who treat the opposite sex right, as OneLight said.

[JCISGD]

Dont be quick to take sides, nothing happens in a vaacum.

Im not saying the abuse is acceptable, far from it actually, but we need to take personal responsibilty for the workings of relationships WE enter into.

If a man refuses to be strong he will evoke anger from the women as she will feel insecure and resent his lack of spine. She may not even know why she feels that way and may even hate what she is doing, but the dynamics of human relationships are very powerful and alot of people just dont have knowledge and understanding of whats happening to them.

Often people will enter a marriage thinking the man/women they were marrying had strengths that they lacked and it made them feel this was the one for them, but later they find what seemed so good was just the opposite and there begins the friction, which left unresolved WILL only escalate.

Jesus said do not call another person "racca" (worthless). This means do not consider anyone worth less than ourselves, do not demonize another or write them off as unsaveable. He also said anyone the does is in danger of hell.

This is very serious, and many christians have unforgiveness that will as Jesus says lead to hell if unrepented of.

[Smalcald]

More men abuse than women. However females can be abusive and it really is not recognized, men who are abused really don't get much support.

I would add that marital counseling is not appropriate for abusive relationships, the abuser will just use whatever is revealed in the counseling for further abuse and manipulation.

From a scriptural standpoint I don't know what the answer really is, however God does not want us to be abused and leaving is the best option if it is safe.

[MorningGlory]

My ex-wife never laid a hand on me. However as a coworker and myself have talked about, emotional/mental abuse is worse than physical abuse in many cases. Physical wounds heal but the aforementioned abuse doesn't always heal so easily. For anyone who thinks a woman can't or won't abuse a man, think again. I am a living testimony to a woman abusing a man.

She left me barely over two years into our marriage, taking my son and was pregnant with our second child. I had to go to court to be able to see my kids. We reconciled and Jonathan came along not quite a year after we got back together. Things seemed okay, at least for a while.

It started coming to a point, for whatever reason, that whenever I bought clothes for work they were coming up ruined, having grease stains on them. At first it didn't seem too big of a thing until I noticed the grease stain was almost always in the same spot (on the pocket) and it only happened when I bought a new shirt (sometimes it was just a 50 cent thrift store find) or if it was a shirt I dearly loved. It never happened to my regular shirts, only to my dress shirts I had to have for work. I put 2 and 2 together when she graciously offered to do my laundry one day and right afterwards, I found my favorite shirt splattered from one end to the other with grease.

I eventually got a lock for my closet door as I had a separate closet for my dress clothes. Once under lock and key I didn't have a problem. I kept a cautious guard on the key!!! One night I accidentally fell asleep and left the key within her reach. Yes, grease stains on a new shirt. I started putting my keys in my PJ's at nite until I went to bed officially!!! I got cornered wondering why I was carrying my keys in my PJ's.

Then there was money being taken. She took money out of my wallet even though she was working. Guess where the wallet went? In the locked closet. She again cornered me wanting to know where my wallet was and I told her I put it in my closet. Told her that I knew she'd taken money from it and I didn't intend it to happen again.

I took and took, put up with and put up with, totally afraid if she left she would try taking the kids. I endured her lying to me, cheating on me and other things. The funny thing is that people always think it's the man cheating, it's the man doing this or that or the other. Sorry, but it doesn't always happen that way.

It sure doesn't; I have a male co-worker whose wife gives his stuff and his money to her family. She's been doing it for years and when he tries to fight back she threatens to take his two kids. He's a very nice man, easy going and he's totally under his wife's thumb. He has also had to lock up his belongings and his wallet. I hate to say it, RGR, but that sounds like living with an enemy to me. I'm glad you're out of there.

[wyguy]

When I feel bad for making a mistake, and someone tells me "not to beat myself up," in light of this thread, should I turn myself into the police or go to a shelter?