dealing with toxic family members

[Kan]

Nostalgiaguy,

 

It's difficult to know who you are and your circumstances, so I can't gave any advice, not that I could if I knew anyway!

but your situation is not unusual, and I can identify with what I think of your situation.

 

Sometimes we end up in an uneasy and difficult circumstance because of our own doing, and God may want us to learn something uncouth about ourselves. I'm sure you think that's OK.

 

On the other hand, if we are suffering the trials of being a Christian due to the actions of the unconverted, we may sometimes have to be prepared to say things just as they are - like a confrontation and assertiveness towards their behavior. 

Smiling has its place, but it does not necessarily help abusers, who need to face what they are doing. You seem to hate passive aggressive behavior, because you know people are tolerating you. It's dishonest and patronizing.

 

Gossip is one of Satan's most effective weapons. And not participating in those activities makes one an immediate target.

 

It's wonderful how we can stand back and talk about our needs and character development, and it pleases God that we are interested in becoming strong individuals as well as people who are not afraid of being vulnerable and intimate when it's called for.

 

Glad that we may meet one day in heaven. 

[Wrldtraveller]

Sometimes you'll need to stand up and say that You will not take what they are saying about you and if they cannot say nice, you will leave.  Its called setting boundaries. You can still pray and continue being there for them but at the same time you will need to start drawing lines and say that they cannot cross it.  I recommend that you read a book called "Boundaries" by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr John Townsend.  It is a very helpful book in developing healthy relationship with everyone while at the same time protecting yourself from hurtful behaviour.

 

Wrldtraveller.

[SueZQ]

You can't un-ring a bell.  Throughout my life there have been people that have assumed, fabricated, analyzed, and just judged me unfairly.  I have tried to clear my name, but once something against a Christian has started and it gets fueled by the darkness of their hearts.  It becomes nearly impossible to stop.  Praying is always the answer.  Praying changes you and how you handle each situation.  God will vindicate you when need be.  It's a journey in knowing who you are in Christ, and what He thinks about you.  It's difficult, very difficult, but doable through Christ.

[missmuffet]

I have had toxic family members.You pray for them and try your best to keep your distance.

[walla299]

I have had toxic family members.You pray for them and try your best to keep your distance.

 

I have a couple of those. Praying for them is all you can do. That and cut all ties with the toxics that would not respect my boundries. Haven't seen, heard, or spoken to them in years . . . don't miss the drama-rama. I still get news of them, but no change in the toxic status so far.

[missmuffet]

 

I have had toxic family members.You pray for them and try your best to keep your distance.

 

I have a couple of those. Praying for them is all you can do. That and cut all ties with the toxics that would not respect my boundries. Haven't seen, heard, or spoken to them in years . . . don't miss the drama-rama. I still get news of them, but no change in the toxic status so far.

 

Yep

 

Matthew 10:14  And whoever will not receive you nor hear your words, when you depart from that house or city, shake off the dust from your feet.

[Ezra]

NostalgiaGuy,

Welcome.  From you post it would appear that you are an adult.  You mention that the home you live in is your mother's house, so it would also appear that you are not on title as yet (or may never be on title). 

 

Not sure what your relationship to your mother is, but it appears that she does not see your distress and do something about it.  At the very least she could lay down the law that no one can speak evil of you in her house, and if they do they are shown the door.  Not sure why your father is not taking charge.

 

If you are an independent adult, the best thing you could do for yourself is (a) move out, (b) find someone to settle down with, © cut the apron strings (if that is the case), (d) raise your own family, and (e) bid goodbye to those who have no regard for you.  Chances are everyone in your family will start having some respect and regard for you after you establish yourself as your own man.

 

While we can pray for those who persecute us, we are not required to continue in distressful situations unless we are ministering to others (e.g. Paul).

[seabrook]

It took me years to learn to distance a family member who was very spiteful and did slander, not just me, but any and all she thought had hurt her in some way even when they hadn't.  I was concerned during that time that if I stood my distance she would get worse behind my back and slander me with others.  But, I finally did and even had to confront her with that setting of personal boundaries.  She did react for a while but most of the others had experienced the same thing with her so they saw through it better than I could ever have anticipated.

 

I was then able to  get acquainted with some and closer to others I had known for a while.  Of course, I did continue to pray but had learned the hard way that I wasn't her savior or rescuer.  She needs to turn to the Lord herself and get over the self-centered and victim type mentality in which she blamed others for all of her personal problems.  I continue to pray for her and it has been years now; but do not for a minute regret my decision to stand ground and end the toxic relationship as it was. 

 

You are not paranoid, btw~  bless you. 

 

Seabrook