Avoidling My Mother In Law

[FresnoJoe]

Amen~!

 

~

 

Praying~!

[thereselittleflower]

Is this how she always has been?

 

Is this a personality change for her?

 

Is she showing signs of early onset Alzhiemers?

[1to3]

Quote: "She treats us all like we are after her money. My husband says he thinks that is the reason she is telling everyone she does not have any money cause she think everyone is after her money. I don't know. I just know I can't be around it."

 

 

That is what I suspected from the beginning of your post.

 

Well, it seems that you are no longer living with her , so that in itself should be a relief.

 

While you all where living in her house, I remember reading that she also then was always complaining about money and did not seem happy that you all where living with her.

 

also, if I remember correctly, she had just lost her husband?

 

If she sold her house, there is a reason, perhaps to secure her finances more closely in her control?

 

Even moving and leaving a house you loved, can be a grieving process.

 

I think she is perhaps grieving a lot of changes that have been beyond her control.

There seems to be a lot of anger, fear and depression going on.

She perhaps does not even realize it herself exactly what is going on with her

or

she is trying to regain back some kind of control she feels perhaps was usurped when you all moved in with her

or both of the above.

 

 

Yes for sure, the advice of leaving her alone, is what most people would do,

but scripture tells us that  God called us to love our enemies, what good is it is we only like those who like us?

 

There are so many people suffering with MI who have been abandoned by their family.

It really is sad, as people who have trouble dealing with life need help

more than anything, especially from family.

 

Giving a family member some space is different

from complete abandonment  or care for that person.

 

Distancing yourself is maybe the wisest thing to do for a time, especially if she is giving you all clues

that she wants herself to have some space for a while.

 

Sometimes we all need some time or free space to sort things out, but that does not mean we need to close the door altogether on another, especially family unless of course they make it quite clear themselves that they don't want you in their lives

 

Matthew 5:46

45so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven; for He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.

 

46"For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same?

 

47"If you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same?…

even robbers do that. the mark of a christian is to show love to what may not love us back.

 

 

Luke 6:32

Treat others the same way you want them to treat you. 32"If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you?

For even sinners love those who love them.

33"If you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners do the same

 

Its not always an easy road to be a christian, but it is the right path to follow.

This can also be a teaching ground for your daughter, the examples you place in front of your daughter are amongst the strongest a child remembers

and also many times follows also in their own lives.

 

When a person is hurting they lash out.

Hate never disables hate.

 

Love is what can disables hate.

 

I am not advising anyone to be a doormat to someone who abuses you. No.

But there is a way to keep your boundaries firm and yet still be loving to another.

 

Now, if she does not want your presence, then give her her space.Never give up calling her from time to time.

Sometimes after a little time out and away from her, you may find her to really embracing your call and care towards her.

But please don't close the door on especially family ( your husbands mother).

 

I deal with a few older people who live alone, I go and visit with them, call them and many times I find that when they are lonely,

when their bodies are hurting, they can become a little

fearful and this in turn can come off with an unpleasant demeanor. Amazingly enough when you speak kindly to them regardless of their crabbiness and

do something unexpectedly nice to them, you may see a change in attitude.

 

Discernment in Christ is important of course, but don't give up on your mother in law, you all maybe all that she's got.

Is she a christian?

How you behave can bring her closer to the Lord or distant her from God through bitterness of heart.

 

Sometimes we are in certain situations specific for our own personal spiritual growth as well as those around us.

 

It is a missed opportunity to overlook that possibility.

 

Prayer: Dear Father God, thank you for your plan of salvation that you have so freely bestowed on us, who did little to deserve Your favor,

help us to also in turn, show

your Light of Love in our behavior towards others and importantly also towards family, thank you Christ Jesus for Your unmerited Love and Mercy

towards us,

help us to grow in Your ways and guide us to do the right things in the situations of our lives, forgive our sins Lord as we also forgive others and help us to show love where

love cannot be found. Amen! Amen! Amen!

[LadyKay]

Is this how she always has been?

 

Is this a personality change for her?

 

Is she showing signs of early onset Alzhiemers?

Yes and no. Yes being she has always been this way. But when my father in law was alive, he would tell her to hush up and tell her she was being a stuck up if she started  running people down. When he passed away this past Dec. it seems the full force of her personality has come out with nobody there to tell her to hush up.

[LadyKay]

Thank you for your input. I know this issue can not be solved here but I think I just needed someone to talk to about it. Thank you for listening.

[Sugarbaker]

My mil was a very toxic person. I don't have the time or the inclination to tell you the story, but when I chose to detach from her, my husband spent twice as much time with her. She was very controlling and did cause a wedge in my marriage. It was like he was having an affair. People told me to try to love her, that I would regret it if I didn't. Well, she has been dead eight years now and I would not have done anything different. She manipulated people around her until the day she died. At this point I am getting divorced. I know my apathy towards her played a large part in the breakdown of the marriage. You didn't really say what the relationship was like between her and your husband. I can tell you a mother/son bond can run very deep, especially if he, like my husband, is the only son and she is widowed I do believe she saw me as a rival for her son's affection. Sometimes the real power is in giving up control. I have a hard time pretending to like people, but it may be your best tool.

[thereselittleflower]

 

Is this how she always has been?

 

Is this a personality change for her?

 

Is she showing signs of early onset Alzhiemers?

Yes and no. Yes being she has always been this way. But when my father in law was alive, he would tell her to hush up and tell her she was being a stuck up if she started  running people down. When he passed away this past Dec. it seems the full force of her personality has come out with nobody there to tell her to hush up.

 

 

 

It sounds like she's afraid, has always been afraid, and now with her husband gone, there is no one to temper her fear and help her control it.

[missmuffet]

She just sounds like a very unhappy person.

[RustyAngeL]

 

Having some issues with my mother in law. The only thing I can think of to do is just to avoid  her as much as I can. She recently sold her house and is buying a cheaper one that will be  paid and full with money left over from the sale of her house. But all she talks about is how she does not have any money. She calls me on the phone and talks about how she does not have any money. At the family 4th or July get together she is telling family members how she is is not going to have any money. Nearly every time we get together nearly every phone call it is always the same. She telling everyone she does not have any money. She also makes comments about my weight and tells me that my  9 year old daughter is going to grow up to be useless. The only thing I can think to do is just to avoid her as much has I can. The consent talk about how she does not have any money brings me down. She has more then others. She has more then I do. Yet all she does is complain about money.

 

Sounds like you're doing the smart thing by avoiding her, Ladykay.  I've had family members tike that too and I just closed them out of my life.  Life is too short to spend time on people you simply can't get along with.  A lot of times talking to them makes matters worse so protect yourself, and your daughter, from negative influences.  If she makes comments like those you list above, she is a troubled human being.

 

Avoiding her sounds like a good idea.  If that is not possible than just stand your ground.  Speak in love but make sure she understands that you raise your family and not hers.  Make sure she knows she is welcome but cannot just barge in on you and try and live and live your life for you.  I never had a mother in law but from what my husband told me about him mom and dad I wish I had.  She was a fantastic cook and a really good mom.  Raising 18 you have to be some kind of woman.

[missmuffet]

 

 

Having some issues with my mother in law. The only thing I can think of to do is just to avoid  her as much as I can. She recently sold her house and is buying a cheaper one that will be  paid and full with money left over from the sale of her house. But all she talks about is how she does not have any money. She calls me on the phone and talks about how she does not have any money. At the family 4th or July get together she is telling family members how she is is not going to have any money. Nearly every time we get together nearly every phone call it is always the same. She telling everyone she does not have any money. She also makes comments about my weight and tells me that my  9 year old daughter is going to grow up to be useless. The only thing I can think to do is just to avoid her as much has I can. The consent talk about how she does not have any money brings me down. She has more then others. She has more then I do. Yet all she does is complain about money.

 

Sounds like you're doing the smart thing by avoiding her, Ladykay.  I've had family members tike that too and I just closed them out of my life.  Life is too short to spend time on people you simply can't get along with.  A lot of times talking to them makes matters worse so protect yourself, and your daughter, from negative influences.  If she makes comments like those you list above, she is a troubled human being.

 

Avoiding her sounds like a good idea.  If that is not possible than just stand your ground.  Speak in love but make sure she understands that you raise your family and not hers.  Make sure she knows she is welcome but cannot just barge in on you and try and live and live your life for you.  I never had a mother in law but from what my husband told me about him mom and dad I wish I had.  She was a fantastic cook and a really good mom.  Raising 18 you have to be some kind of woman.

 

That does not always work.It can turn into a yelling match.