Please someone help me

[Guest tardistwo]

Hi everyone,

I've come here because I'm feeling really alone and am desperate for some advice. Just fyi, I've just turned 18, I live in the uk, and I haven't seen this guy since I went into hospital so I'm not in any immediate danger.

This is really hard to explain, but I'll do my best.

For the past 3 years, I've been in a relationship... We met when I was 15 and he was 24. It started out as platonic but gradually became more and more sexual.

Now I've opened up about it, everyone keeps saying it was abusive-he didn't treat me properly. He used to slap me when he was angry, and suffocate me too. I had to do things sexually that I wasn't comfortable with. He was also very controlling and used to enjoy asserting his power over me in ways I found humiliating ( I had to call him 'master', I wasn't allowed to stand up in his presence etc)

Eventually I had a breakdown and tried to hang myself. I was admitted to a secure psychiatric ward as a result and have been diagnosed with various mental health problems. That was 6 months ago...

I've been encouraged by my family and friends to go to the police, and so last week I made a statement.

Did I do the right thing? People keep saying that he didn't really love me, and that I had to go to the police to protect other girls, but Jesus taught us to forgive, right? To turn the other cheek? I keep trying to justify going to the police but it just feels so wrong! He loved me! I didn't say that he couldn't do any of the stuff. I even pretended that I liked it, I led him on! It's my fault, not his. The only bit he knew I hated was the humiliation but everyone has to compromise in a relationship right? 

I don't know what God wants me to do anymore. Everything is just so confusing and scary... I still feel like a kid but I have to make all these adult decisions on my own.

 

Please help me to understand it all. I've tried the wwjd exercise and I think that jesus would go back to him and teach him that these things are wrong, but I'm so scared of this guy, if he finds out I've gone to the police he might kill me. He always said he would kill me one day and I think he was only fantasising but I don't know.

 

I'm sorry for taking up your time

 

Jade x

[Littlelambseativy]

Welcome to Worthy!

You should not doubt that you did the right thing. You were legally underage and he should have asked or known that fact. NO ONE should abuse you under ANY circumstance...you are better than that because God gave you life..life to be lived pleasing to Him. Do we all make mistakes in our lives? O yes. But we ask God to forgive us and help us to start as fresh as a new born babe by asking Jesus into our hearts and letting Him guide our decisions. There were two people in this situation..you chose wrongly in not asking your parents or another trustworthy adult for guidance. The man was absolutely wrong.

Are you a born again Christian? If you are not ask Jesus to forgive you of your sin, come into your heart and to protect and to guide you, your thoughts, your decisions in the way HE wants you to go and the way HE wants you to live..a life pleasing to Him.

Let the authorities take care of the man, you need to get your life on the right track with the Father. He will take your fear and give you the strenghth to move on...if you trust Him to guide Ymir life from here on. I pray you make the right choice for your life....choose Jesus.

[missmuffet]

Welcome to Worthy 

[Kan]

You are a daughter of God first, and any other relationship must come second and under the rules of the first.

This is stated in the first and fifth commandments which establish the order or loyalty and love.

"Thou shalt have no other gods before me" and "Honor thy father and mother."

For those who have no complete parents or parents at all, that law falls back to whoever supports you with parental love and or God.

It is a sin to allow yourself to be abused, when you are a temple for the Spirit of God who abides with you. Whatever you experience affects God, and He is not willing for you to be in a relationship of inequality, abuse and dishonor, not to mention illegal.

You are too young and dependent to be thrown into an adult situation, as you have said, I feel like a kid who does not like making decisions in the adult world. Your experience may now be causing you to feel obligated to work that old relationship out and try to change it. That is a classic response of a normal woman who is prepared to lose herself in order to save, but as a princess of God, you are not obliged to an abusive and immature man, but to serve God.

The trouble with almost all young people is that they place all their goals and affections into what they hope will be a rewarding relationship. That orientation eclipses all other pleasures life has to offer, and so if that relationship fails you feel that life has absolutely nothing to offer you. That is a dangerous position to be in, as you well know. But God has made you to be capable of enjoying a whole range of rewarding and pleasant things in life.

After being in the habit of pinning all your hopes and desires into only one small area of life, you are in danger of not being able to enjoy anything else in life - hence the suicide feelings.

As you start a new life, train yourself to enjoy simple things like eating, and I don't mean obesity, but savor the flavor. Read or research something interesting, do a cooking class, decorating and color schemes, art, music is a good one, deportment, exercises, expanding on education, perfumery is a good one, and so on.

Most females reach emotional maturity around the age of 23. Give yourself another good start in life. As for your boyfriend, anyone who takes advantage of a 15 yr old is a user and does not have the capacity to look after you or love you. You may feel that you are responsible for his conversion. Sex does not convert a man, the only way he can mature is by finding God himself, until then, he will only be an unfit partner.

[manuelf324]

The world we live in is not only evil but insane. Abortion is viewed as a choice not murder same sex marriage is normal. The only way I have my sanity is because I'm saved. Unsaved people are descenctized and ignore the signs. My advice is to get saved believe on the gospel 1st corinthians(15 1-4). Then a calm and peace of mind creeps into your soul. Now you only live in the world. You're not conformed to this world but transformed. 

[Walty]

Oh precious child. I agree with these comments. Especially with Kan. 

You are very precious to God.

The youth today want to take on more adult responsibilities in their lives without realizing these things are not really being a responsible "adult". The devil and his minions see to it that the youth will have there precious minds thwarted from what's right, too wrong. Deceiving, making God's precious think they found meaning in the sins of the world.

You definitely sound you're on the right path. Remember, when seeking help, Jesus calls not the righteous. Not the individuals who think they got it all in control, but sinners. They who realize they cannot do it on their own. Those precious ones who have a humble and contrite hearth, reaching out to Jesus from the crashing of waves from the tournament sea of life.

Your are on the road to repentance. Your taking measures to avoid this dangerous lifestyle. Keep Jesus on the forefront of your mind. Read God's word, schedule dedicated prayer time, forsake not the assembling of ourselves together (ie go to Church). Cast all your cares and worries about this situation and even future situations to Jesus.

Even if it's as small as a mustard seed, your faith with allow God to perform His wonders. 

[petula]

Oh Jade , I wish I could give you a hug , a cup of tea and tell you it was all over , and now everything will be great . But , you've got a bit of a fight ahead of you , you have the prayers and love of your family on Worthy , and most important you have a heavenly Father who loves you more than anything else in this world ( he loves us all , that much ) 

This man should be in the courts , I know you loved him and thought he loved you , narcissistic manipulateors are very clever at making you think  'its your fault , and you want it ,' but he tricked you down every step .please find a Christian Councillor , or someone who can help you . 

Jade , you or I would never ask anyone to do the things , that he made you do , so let that be a little guide for now .Never let someone trick you into doing something that you would not do to a person you loved .

You are a child of God , you were led astray by evil , and God asks us to flee from evil , so please stay away from this man ,if he is to be led to Jesus it is not through you ,leave him to Jesus and walk away , please get help ,  you have an amazing life ahead of you .  our prayers are with you , God bless you luv ......petula

[alien224]

Praying

 

[FresnoJoe]

Praying~!