A Christian Owes Me Money

[Mea kakau]

7 hours ago, Yowm said:

2 days or 21 years, the principal is the same. A brother in the Lord is to keep up his obligations, especially one in leadership as he is. Golly, he is to be an example to the flock and he is setting a terrible example. I would have nipped that one in the bud years ago. If you are to pursue it, I would approach his senior pastor and see what he thinks...otherwise at this point just commit the whole matter to the Lord.

That's what feels right to me within. What kind of example is this man setting for the flock he teaches?

At the time he borrowed the equipment he wasn't a pastor yet. Rather he was the church's only worship leader.

We asked him for the money to replace the equipment numerous times after the equipment 'went missing.' He was always off putting, saying, "I haven't forgotten. I'll get to you soon." He'd even see my husband at the grocery store and repeat those same words. They were always the first words out of his mouth before any other conversation started.

I thought of approaching his senior pastor with this. Is that okay to do?

Edited November 17, 2016 by Mea kakau

[The_Patriot21]

At this point I think you have really two choices.... Forgive and forget or small claims court. And after this amount of time, small claims court is unlikely to be able to anything, and the Bible says not to take a fellow christian to court. So I would say move on....you've managed to live this long without it. 

[Running Gator]

2 hours ago, Mea kakau said:

That's what feels right to me within. What kind of example is this man setting for the flock he teaches?

At the time he borrowed the equipment he wasn't a pastor yet. Rather he was the church's only worship leader.

We asked him for the money to replace the equipment numerous times after the equipment 'went missing.' He was always off putting, saying, "I haven't forgotten. I'll get to you soon." He'd even see my husband at the grocery store and repeat those same words. They were always the first words out of his mouth before any other conversation started.

I thought of approaching his senior pastor with this. Is that okay to do?

Do you have any sort of documentation saying that he owes you the money, if not then it comes down to your word against his, which after 20 years might go against you.

[Omegaman 3.0]

13 hours ago, Mea kakau said:

Of course I'm not supposed to judge. Right.

It is absolutely okay for you to judge, read 1 Cor 5. However, it is not okay to make the assumption, that he never intened to return it, or intentionally stole it.

[warrior12]

This is a tough situation that tears up family, friends and people of faith too.   You lend with some agreement for a return and that should be honored by the borrower.  After 20 yrs you have to come to some time frame to put and end to this or it  will be like the cankerworm that destroys the green leaves. 

After 20yrs, he would have surely paid you or at least come to you with a plan to repay you.  Who knows what the Lord has in this for you.  You did admire his musical skills, so you can just count that as it being blessing others.   It hurts when you are deprived of your property, but sometimes if the boat anchor get stuck in the rocks, you just have to cut it loose to move on. 

[Churchmouse]

That's a 20 year span of time. Is it worth all the anxiety and hurt feelings to continue this quest for repayment on something that, if repaid by the standards at the time, most likely wouldn't purchase 1/2 of what you lost in today's prices. forgiveness is something God gave us for our own peace of mind. Some people think it is giving in, but it's really giving up, not that which was lost, but that which was gained by burdening yourselves with this for so long. What you release is the heaviness of your heart, which in the end is worth more that any material wealth.

[Guest Robert]

Decide how much the money is worth to you, then decide why it is you want it back now: is it that you need it, or that you feel wronged and want this individual to "pay" for it more than just the dollar amount.

If you feel that strongly about this, then arrange (as suggested) to meet with the senior pastor and this person whom you loaned the money.

If not, then let it go but do not loan them anything again. But this is becoming poison in your soul, and it is doing more harm to you than you realize.

 

[Mea kakau]

Thank you all for your support on each side of the issue. All is appreciated and welcomed. I've decided to contact the man's senior pastor. If nothing happens with that, I'm going to drop this. And I'll continue to pray for the man and his wife.

[OneLight]

4 hours ago, Mea kakau said:

Thank you all for your support on each side of the issue. All is appreciated and welcomed. I've decided to contact the man's senior pastor. If nothing happens with that, I'm going to drop this. And I'll continue to pray for the man and his wife.

Letting go is the wisest suggestion so far.  20 years of agony over a material thing is far too long of not forgiving someone.

[emdie]

Hi Mea kakau,

Plenty of people have given you some really good advice, but I'll just tell you what I tell my clients when they're having trouble dealing with conflict with a family member or friend. I often recommend writing the person a letter, and telling him how hurt and disappointed you feel, and that you thought you could trust him etc... but don't send it. If you decide to just let it go (which I do agree would be best for your health, as the court systems are rough and would do you damage, but of course it's your decision), you could have a kind of cleansing ceremony and burn the letter in your backyard, and even say a prayer over it.

Then you can have your say without the confrontation which you really don't need in your life, and make sure you express exactly how you feel about the situation, and then write that you're forgiving the debt and won't put yourself into the position of having to beg for it any longer. The you could say that you'll be polite and courteous to him in the street, but your friendship is definitely over at this point and that you won't put yourself in the position of being beholden to him any more, as he has put you in the disadvantageous position and it's very off-center, and right now this man has all the power. 

Making a firm decision to let the debt go can be your way of getting your power back, and moving on with your life, and don't waste any more energy in worrying when or where he will string you along as he likes, and don't forget the burning ceremony, as that will signal the end of this little power play on his behalf.

God Bless,

Emily