Please help me!

[Tamy20]

Hey guys, 

please could someone help me???? 

I am in a state. I'm becoming Christian due to my boyfriend of two years showing me church.

when I met him you wouldn't know that he was a Christian. I was just as bad! We had both partied, got wasted, slept around, although I never cheated on him.

 I have newly found God when he invited me to church and really want to follow him. He keeps putting pressure to keep sleeping with me when I don't want to.

im seriously now a jealous person because on my birthday he decided to go  out with friends and ended kissing another girl. I constantly find he's been lying to me about drinking or who he's with. He's messaging girls behind my back and it kills me. 

Through all of this he still goes to church and acts like a really good person!  He told me I can't tell anyone that he cheated even when I had no one to talk to. He's been abusive just last week he pulled my hair during an argument because him and his friend were looking at naked women on the phone. He smashed ny phone up when he was angry which stopped me having contact with people when I was vulnerable. 

I thought he had changed but little things happen like that girl tonight. I made a mistake and in anger messaged her asking if something was going on. I love him to bits and am so scared il loose him and be alone. Through everything he can treat me like the best person ever and makes me feel complete. 

I don't want to lose him but I feel like il always be in this situation and its reading my heart. What do I do? 

To add to this I have none of my own friends. They are all his! 

 

[Openly Curious]

Get away fast from this person as you are being controlled by him.  Do you think that a real Christian would carry on the way that he is doing?  His actions say different don't they?  Jesus is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother as he will never leave nor forsake you, as you can trust in him with everything good or bad that goes on in your life.  If you haven't given your heart to the Lord yet then you can do so right now right there where you are.  If you are genuinely sorrowful for your past sins you have done.  Then just accept Christ as your Savior into your heart receiving the sacrifice of his body, that he gave on the cross for the sins of the world.  Believe he died was buried and arose again on the third day and you shall be saved.  Begin walking in newness of life a fresh new start, by putting your old lifestyle and past behind you.  Turning from your old life God will give new friends ones that are real Christians by example.  Get you a bible and begin reading it.   

[The_Patriot21]

I know you love him, and it will hurt, but the best thing you can do is run from him as fast as you can. Go talk to the pastor at your church to. all he is going to do is continue to abuse you, he doesnt love you he just loves what he thinks he can get from you. Leave him, and Trust God-there are far better men out there.

[Jayne]

Here are two of your statements that are at the root of your issues, little sister.

"I love him to bits and am so scared [I will] loose him and be alone."

I just not sure why we have this broken record in our collective heads that we aren't validated as humans beings if we are alone.  It's much better to not currently have a boyfriend or girlfriend than to have one that makes you suspicious, jealous, acting against your better judgment, not spiritually sound, and afraid.

What's wrong with you keeping yourself company for while?  What about people at church, school, the neighborhood, or wherever you are during the week.  You don't have to have a gaggle of friends.  Just a handful of GOOD ones is fine.

Being with someone who is bad for you - even IF there is the occasional good time - is FAR worse than not be attached for a season of time - even a long season of time.  There are NO good times that can outweigh what you are going through.  None at all.  A relationship is not a checklist of pros vs. cons anyway.

Just try it - just TRY it.  Just try not being attached to a boyfriend for a season.  Explore the Bible, make new friends, work on your new relationship with Jesus, get some older female mentors who can walk you through seeing yourself as validated ..... all by yourself.

"Through everything he can treat me like the best person ever and makes me feel complete."

What does that mean "feel complete".   All I know is that it's a bad line from a sappy movie.  Tom Cruise said it, "You complete me" and now the WHOLE world is looking for someone to "complete them".

It's all the rage - on Valentine's cards, Facebook memes, Pinterest crafts, and more sappy movies that aren't real.

Sister, you should be complete all by yourself.  The man you marry someday should be complete all by HIMself.  When God brings two people together, they are not two partial-people.  They are two complete people who miraculously  and in God's eyes become "one flesh".

Adam was complete.  Eve was complete.  It was not good that Adam was alone - God said so.  And Eve was made from Adam.  But they were two complete human beings who became one flesh.  They, in the way their bodies were created and the minds were created - the did complement each other, that is they brought to each other what God is not give the other.  But complementing is not the same as completing. 

If you say that this boyfriend "completes" you and yet he is bringing you misery, you don't have a very good opinion of yourself.   If you have set the bar THAT low to feel "complete" in a broken relationship - ...... - do you get it now?  

He doesn't complete you.  You need to be whole all by yourself.  And when you meet a young man that is spiritually sound and whole, all by himself, THEN you can start looking for that long-term relationship where two people complement each other......not complete each other.

[da_man1974]

The best thing you can do is to run far far away.  It will be hard in the beginning but easier over time.  You are unsafe in this situation.  He will get more controlling and abusive.  Sadly many people that fill our pews these days act in the exact same way that he is acting.  

You are worth more than what this guy has to offer.

[Churchmouse]

On 11/28/2016 at 6:12 PM, Tamy20 said:

Hey guys, 

please could someone help me???? 

I am in a state. I'm becoming Christian due to my boyfriend of two years showing me church.

when I met him you wouldn't know that he was a Christian. I was just as bad! We had both partied, got wasted, slept around, although I never cheated on him.

 I have newly found God when he invited me to church and really want to follow him. He keeps putting pressure to keep sleeping with me when I don't want to.

im seriously now a jealous person because on my birthday he decided to go  out with friends and ended kissing another girl. I constantly find he's been lying to me about drinking or who he's with. He's messaging girls behind my back and it kills me. 

Through all of this he still goes to church and acts like a really good person!  He told me I can't tell anyone that he cheated even when I had no one to talk to. He's been abusive just last week he pulled my hair during an argument because him and his friend were looking at naked women on the phone. He smashed ny phone up when he was angry which stopped me having contact with people when I was vulnerable. 

I thought he had changed but little things happen like that girl tonight. I made a mistake and in anger messaged her asking if something was going on. I love him to bits and am so scared il loose him and be alone. Through everything he can treat me like the best person ever and makes me feel complete. 

I don't want to lose him but I feel like il always be in this situation and its reading my heart. What do I do? 

To add to this I have none of my own friends. They are all his! 

 

Do you love him or are you in love with the feeling of being in love and assume that he is yours because he places is shoes at the front door of your house?

The idea that he wants you to keep secrets leads me into believing he is a Christian in name, only.He seemingly is more afraid of the Church members knowing about his philandering than he is of God, who by the way, does know. If he were thinking as a Christian, he would know this.

It is time to respect the person you are and to find that person who was Fearfully and Wonderfully made by God  and end this charade that is going on inside of your head. It certainly is not going on in his head and excuse me for saying this. But you are a warm body to him to rub against. You have no other purpose in his life because he doesn't respect any woman. He delights in stimulating himself below the waistline and I'm fairly sure you are not the first or the last.

Psalm 139:14 I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.
 

Do yourself a favor and get a group of friends together and find a safe place to go to where this guy can't follow. Wait till he is gone and then remove yourself from his life and block him from any contact with him at all. Some of these people who think they can do anything to anybody are sociopaths and control freaks. They don't have girlfriends or wives. They own girlfriends or wives and as such you are his property. Women have lost their lives to these people and they are not to be taken lightly. These people can't be fixed. they can't be bargained with because to them you have no right to exist without them.

If you stay then you accept the situation as it is and you role as doormat to this man. If you leave then you will have the strength to help others in your situation and by doing so do a bit of Gods Good works in helping a little part of humanity out of the cesspool of self-indulgence that the world is currently floundering in.

 

Edited December 6, 2016 by Churchmouse

[Sing40King]

I think you have come to see yourself by the way he hs treated you. As a weak, poor, worthless person. What you need to do besides leaving and going somewhere safe is to see how God sees you and who He says you are. He is your creater and the one who loves you more than anyone can. So who does God say you are?

You are  God's child. Galatians 3:26

Jesus' friend. John 15:15

A place where God's Spirit lives. 1 Corinthians 6:19

God's Incredible work of art. Ephesians 2:10

You are greatly loved. Romans 5:8

I will pray for you for strength and wisdom and peace.

[*~*Honey*~*]

Dear Sister!  I pray that you come to love yourself -as much as God loves you - once you understand that YOU are SO WORTHY -yes WORTHY ! 

you must not tolerate

....-Abuse

....-lies

.....-deceit

.....-hair pulling! (This by the way is only the beginning-it will get worse)

THERE HAVE BEEN SECERAL EXCELLENT POSTS PREVIOUS--many of them male point of view.... Please read them carefully!

I PRAY YOU LEARN TO LOVE YOURSELF -as much as God the Most High Loves you!!!?

Your Sister in Christ !