Judah, Tamar and Shelah

[SisterActs2]

Hi all

Neighbor, you are a bit of a card, but I have found it is easier to be funny as one gets older.  I can make people laugh now; never could when I was younger.  Shiloh, I agree (I think pre-nups are negative, but good on you Neighbor,  it works for you) but I think in some cultures arranged marriages may have been based on the couple being from the same background, social standing, economics, language, similar goals etc.  For example, I truly believe my marriage was made in heaven - my husband was from a family of 6 children, mine 5.  We both came from families where the parents struggled financially but were all responsible - didn't smoke or drink or have extra marital affairs etc.  By the time we met, we were both born-again, spirit filled Christians, had both spent quite a bit of time in YWAM and believed in the YWAM way.  One of the only differences was that his dad was a lay preacher, his family Christian - mine was not, although Dad did take us C + E and believed in God.

On the other hand, my Dad married my Mum when he was 37 and she turned 18 on the day they married.  For a lot of reasons the marriage struggled but somehow made it until my dad passed away aged 75.  Then Mum (a very unhappy lady) grew wings and flew.  So I truly think the age gap should be 10 years or less.

JTC, I don't know why you haven't met Mrs Right but a lot of people would not reject you for the reasons you have stated.  My own preference was for chubby guys.  For some reason the skinny ones didn't attract me.

 

[Sister]

On 26/03/2017 at 3:40 PM, HisFirst said:

For those of you who know the story of Judah and Tamar (who was his daughter in-law twice) 

Genesis 38

She was married to two of Judah's sons but remained childless after thwir deaths and Judah instructed Tamar to wait until his third son, Shelah,  was grown and old enough to marry her and produce children. But this didn't eventuate. 

The story progresses to later, Tamar dresses as a prostitute, to which Judah (not knowing) goes to her which in due course, Tamar conceives. (twins).

So the whole point of this is ,

do you think the age gap between Tamar and Shelah would have been significant and what do you personally  think of age gaps between women and men (Christian) where the woman is at least 10 yes older?

We are accustomed to older men/younger women unions but what of the reverse?

 

His First

I love this story.  I am not going to ruin your post, because you are discussing the age thing, but I will make a fresh Post to discuss this story from another angle and see what responses I get.  I hope you will meet me there.

[creativemechanic]

On 26/03/2017 at 1:40 AM, HisFirst said:

For those of you who know the story of Judah and Tamar (who was his daughter in-law twice) 

Genesis 38

She was married to two of Judah's sons but remained childless after thwir deaths and Judah instructed Tamar to wait until his third son, Shelah,  was grown and old enough to marry her and produce children. But this didn't eventuate. 

The story progresses to later, Tamar dresses as a prostitute, to which Judah (not knowing) goes to her which in due course, Tamar conceives. (twins).

So the whole point of this is ,

do you think the age gap between Tamar and Shelah would have been significant and what do you personally  think of age gaps between women and men (Christian) where the woman is at least 10 yes older?

We are accustomed to older men/younger women unions but what of the reverse?

 

I have a situation like that. Only  prospective  Christian women  im seeing  and the ones  friends want to set me up with are all in their late 30's nearing 40. (im 33) and i was wondering if to dismiss the possibility  because of their age.  Nearing 40 means,  chances are theyll be a rush to get kids before the clock runs down, which either means a rushed courtship, a rush to conceive or possibly few kids nonw of which are particularly appealing. Sigh.....

[JTC]

14 hours ago, HisFirst said:

There's all different Christian teachings on how to "find a mate". The woman leads, the male leads, the female must never show interest, the female Must show interest and pray like mad for the right one without lifting a finger etc, etc.

Personally, I don't think there's only one solitary Mr/Ms Right out there for people and if you miss the boat meeting that one person, well then that's your lot in life - single to the end. No - I think there's many opportunities out there as a single and when you meet that person, you just know. Even if it hasn't dawned on the other person yet. Call it gut instinct or discernment - that's my take on it anyway.

I don't disagree with you. Especially, "when you meet that person, you just know. Even if it hasn't dawned on the other person yet. Call it gut instinct or discernment". I spent close to 10 yrs waiting for 1 particular lady to realize she loved me and that unlike every other man she knew, I wouldn't leave her, beat her, abuse her etc. But I was wrong. I know that until I'm dead there's always a chance. But at this point that chance is not good at all. And based on too many things to mention, I no longer think it's God's will for me to be married. I just wish I knew why. But He doesn't work like that.

[JTC]

14 hours ago, HisFirst said:

There's all different Christian teachings on how to "find a mate". The woman leads, the male leads, the female must never show interest, the female Must show interest and pray like mad for the right one without lifting a finger etc, etc.

Personally, I don't think there's only one solitary Mr/Ms Right out there for people and if you miss the boat meeting that one person, well then that's your lot in life - single to the end. No - I think there's many opportunities out there as a single and when you meet that person, you just know. Even if it hasn't dawned on the other person yet. Call it gut instinct or discernment - that's my take on it anyway.

 

Edited March 28, 2017 by JTC
accidentally posted it twice

[HisFirst]

22 hours ago, shiloh357 said:

The idea in arranged marriages - and I am not a fan of arranged marriages was that they would learn to love each other, at least that was the ideal.  Not sure if it always worked out that way.

Often parents arranged marriages for self reasons.   Marriages into another family often entailed having access to that family assets.   If family A had skills in carpentry or stone masonry, and family B had good business skills, then it it made sense to merge both families and gain a lot of financial profit from it.   So the parents of both families arrange for their kids to marry.   The kids had little say in the matter.

Biblically  speaking, marriages should be for love, not arranged.  The Bible does not teach arranged marriages, but it does mediate the cultural reality that existed in Bible times.   SOS would be an example of how the Bible teaches marriage for love.

Yes, I can see your points there Shiloh ty 

In the ancient middle east and not so distant Western past, 1 st cousins used to marry.

What do you think of that practice now?(within Christian families).

[HisFirst]

15 hours ago, creativemechanic said:

I have a situation like that. Only  prospective  Christian women  im seeing  and the ones  friends want to set me up with are all in their late 30's nearing 40. (im 33) and i was wondering if to dismiss the possibility  because of their age.  Nearing 40 means,  chances are theyll be a rush to get kids before the clock runs down, which either means a rushed courtship, a rush to conceive or possibly few kids nonw of which are particularly appealing. Sigh.....

Hi CM,

That's cute (you're friends setting you up!)

There's nothing wrong with an older partner but I think you are wise in taking into consideration about the  child bearing years, although these days may women over 35 and onwards  are having children.

Personal opinion here, there's a good reason to have kids when in your 20s because you need the energy levels to keep up with your kids and you have bucket loads of energy in that age group, but modern Western society begs to differ and advice would be to get a degree, and start a career....

At your age, 33, I think if you are wanting to spend a few years with just yourself and your wife before kids, go for a woman mid twenties but hey, life doesn't always go how we plan!

 

[HisFirst]

14 hours ago, JTC said:

. I spent close to 10 yrs waiting for 1 particular lady to realize she loved me and that unlike every other man she knew, I wouldn't leave her, beat her, abuse her etc. But I was wrong.

That's a lot of years out of your life to "wait " for someone Jtc.

So it didn't eventuate between you both?

 

14 hours ago, JTC said:

 

I know that until I'm dead there's always a chance. But at this point that chance is not good at all. And based on too many things to mention, I no longer think it's God's will for me to be married. I just wish I knew why. But He doesn't work like that.

Where there's life there's hope right? 

But as years go by, and the dating opportunities reduce for whatever reason, you (we,people,us) have to view things realistically.

The older you get, the chances of meeting someone with personal baggage(ex-partners, children, debt, mental health issues etc etc) is a glaring reality and you need to think, am I willing to deal with that, can I deal with that, as well as bringing my own issues into it, what do I have to offer...those kinds of things.

 

[Guest shiloh357]

2 hours ago, HisFirst said:

Yes, I can see your points there Shiloh ty 

In the ancient middle east and not so distant Western past, 1 st cousins used to marry.

What do you think of that practice now?(within Christian families).

I don't think it is advisable because if someone is planning on having kids, the children will have a 99% chance of being either severely handicapped or mentally disabled or both.   In fact, in the US, it is now illegal for first cousins to marry for that reason.

It is not a "sin" per se, but it just seems weird to me.   I guess it's just the culture I was raised in, but I think it gets dangerously close to incest which the Bible clearly prohibits.

 

[HisFirst]

2 hours ago, shiloh357 said:

I don't think it is advisable because if someone is planning on having kids, the children will have a 99% chance of being either severely handicapped or mentally disabled or both.   In fact, in the US, it is now illegal for first cousins to marry for that reason.

It is not a "sin" per se, but it just seems weird to me.   I guess it's just the culture I was raised in, but I think it gets dangerously close to incest which the Bible clearly prohibits.

 

I totally get what you're saying - it still is a bit taboo in Aus as far as I know but I think overseas its more common .