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Becky21888

By Becky21888
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Becky21888

Becky21888

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Posted

How can one find peace and balance in the anguish of their well desired conquences of their past sins? 

I hurt someone I cared for too many times, because of my selfish motives. I take full accountability for that person wanted to love me from a far. It hurts so bad that its causing me to have a heaviness of spirit, and shut down from God. And anyone who tries to get close to me I push them away because I'm so tired of hurting people... The more I feel the pain of my actions the more I want to stop trying...?

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forGod1

forGod1

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Will that person forgive you?

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da_man1974

da_man1974

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Posted

Have you asked for forgiveness from this person?

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missmuffet

missmuffet

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Posted
54 minutes ago, Becky21888 said:

How can one find peace and balance in the anguish of their well desired conquences of their past sins? 

I hurt someone I cared for too many times, because of my selfish motives. I take full accountability for that person wanted to love me from a far. It hurts so bad that its causing me to have a heaviness of spirit, and shut down from God. And anyone who tries to get close to me I push them away because I'm so tired of hurting people... The more I feel the pain of my actions the more I want to stop trying...?

Have you even considered telling this person "I am sorry, please forgive me"? Too many people in this world do not say those words when they are so badly needed and that is those in the secular world and those in the Christian community. They are healing words for the person you have offended and for yourself. You pray to God and ask Him to forgive you. He will do that. We live and we learn that is what life is all about. We try not to commit that sin again. The hardest things sometimes is to learn to forgive ourselves.

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Becky21888

Becky21888

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Posted (edited)

Yes, I apologise. But everyone has a limit, and I withdraw too much from this person's heart. That it can never be as good as it use to be. Yes, that person is still in my life but in arms length. Meaning they can love me from a distance because they will not allow me to hurt them anymore. Which I fully understand. I take full accountability for taking for granted a good thing, and now that it's gone...it's hard to feel good in my own skin when my actions revealed how evil I really am. Some conquences can stay with you for life...I just need to learn how to balance the sting of my past actions which I'm reminded of daily because all that was good in my life seems like a distant memory, and still be in good Spirits...

Edited by Becky21888
Justin Adams

Justin Adams

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An interesting and very normal occurrence. 

Have you forgiven yourself and in doing so asked the Lord's forgiveness?

This is often why we isolate ourselves - because we somehow want to suffer for wrongdoings. But forgiveness is mandatory if you want to move on. It requires some action and being in the ever tightening grip of a whirlpool of unforgiveness slowly sucks us down and stifles our lives. To break out of this spiral we have to act. Even if it is only a first and heartfelt prayer. God is but a breath away from you. So take that breath and start over. He will show you what the best thing to do is in any given circumstance, but you do have to cry out in earnest to Him. Blessings!

missmuffet

missmuffet

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Posted
35 minutes ago, Becky21888 said:

Yes, I apologise. But everyone has a limit, and I withdraw too much from this person's heart. That it can never be as good as it use to be. Yes, that person is still in my life but in arms length. Meaning they can love me from a distance because they will not allow me to hurt them anymore. Which I fully understand. I take full accountability for taking for granted a good thing, and now that it's gone...it's hard to feel good in my own skin when my actions revealed how evil I really am. Some conquences can stay with you for life...I just need to learn how to balance the sting of my past actions which I'm reminded of daily because all that was good in my life seems like a distant memory, and still be in good Spirits...

Yes, there are consequences to our actions. That is a lesson in life. You have apologized and you have asked God for forgiveness that is all you can do. Move on.

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Dennis1209

Dennis1209

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Posted
2 hours ago, Becky21888 said:

How can one find peace and balance in the anguish of their well desired conquences of their past sins? 

I hurt someone I cared for too many times, because of my selfish motives. I take full accountability for that person wanted to love me from a far. It hurts so bad that its causing me to have a heaviness of spirit, and shut down from God. And anyone who tries to get close to me I push them away because I'm so tired of hurting people... The more I feel the pain of my actions the more I want to stop trying...?

Been there, done that...

There's some good points above. I don't feel qualified to give advice on such matters, so I try to hand it over to the Lord. When we are forgiven by the offended party and ask the Lord for forgiveness, it's behind us and we move forward. Even though we are forgiven of our sins, most often we are not relieved of the consequences of those sins and must bear them. I don't think this is Biblical, but time seems to eventually heal all wounds.

Mike Mclees

Mike Mclees

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Posted
2 hours ago, Becky21888 said:

Yes, I apologise. But everyone has a limit, and I withdraw too much from this person's heart. That it can never be as good as it use to be. Yes, that person is still in my life but in arms length. Meaning they can love me from a distance because they will not allow me to hurt them anymore. Which I fully understand. I take full accountability for taking for granted a good thing, and now that it's gone...it's hard to feel good in my own skin when my actions revealed how evil I really am. Some conquences can stay with you for life...I just need to learn how to balance the sting of my past actions which I'm reminded of daily because all that was good in my life seems like a distant memory, and still be in good Spirits...

Change comes with us. If you have repented of your actions and sot after forgiveness sit and wait. It may take some time for healing. Ask the Lord for peace and patients.

MorningGlory

MorningGlory

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Posted
3 hours ago, Becky21888 said:

Yes, I apologise. But everyone has a limit, and I withdraw too much from this person's heart. That it can never be as good as it use to be. Yes, that person is still in my life but in arms length. Meaning they can love me from a distance because they will not allow me to hurt them anymore. Which I fully understand. I take full accountability for taking for granted a good thing, and now that it's gone...it's hard to feel good in my own skin when my actions revealed how evil I really am. Some conquences can stay with you for life...I just need to learn how to balance the sting of my past actions which I'm reminded of daily because all that was good in my life seems like a distant memory, and still be in good Spirits...

It sounds as if your actions revealed how HUMAN you really are, not how evil, Becky.  If you have asked for this person's forgiveness now it's time to ask the Lord for the same.  Lay the problem at the foot of the Cross and ask Him to take the burden from you. I have had to do that very thing and the Lord relieved me of the guilt and turmoil I had created for myself. 

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