Marriage Advice

[Laurie Jade]

The past few days have been a bunch of small things that can easily have been fixed. my husband refuses to talk about things and it is like pulling teeth to get any of his feelings out of him. I told him i need him to communicate things with me so we can both work on things together. he thinks im trying to change him and that's just "how he is." which i explained is not true. it's a behavior things. how can we work on this? he went to bed still angry at me. I know in the Bible it talks about if someone becomes angry do not go to bed angry. So it really hurt me that he did. He's told me before that he just likes to be angry sometimes and he can't just get over it even after the problem has been dealt with. Please pray for our relationship. We just got married this December. 

[Debp]

I'm sorry you are having these problems, especially so soon after your marriage.

Are you and your husband born again Christians?   If so, are you both going to church where you can grow spiritually?   If your husband claims to be a Christian, he sounds like a baby or carnal Christian.   I pray for your sake that he will put aside his childish behavior and grow spiritually, which includes giving up "liking to be angry."

 

 

[Aimes]

Will be praying for you and your husband. Hope things are better this morning!

[wingnut-]

Praying for you both laurie.  Communication is so important in a marriage, praying that he begins to open up and that you don't despair.  Regardless, you should continue attempting to communicate with him.

[BK1110]

Praying for you. Seeking wise Christian counseling from a good pastor would be best!

[GandalfTheWise]

On 2/15/2018 at 11:43 PM, Laurie Jade said:

The past few days have been a bunch of small things that can easily have been fixed. my husband refuses to talk about things and it is like pulling teeth to get any of his feelings out of him. I told him i need him to communicate things with me so we can both work on things together. he thinks im trying to change him and that's just "how he is." which i explained is not true. it's a behavior things. how can we work on this? he went to bed still angry at me. I know in the Bible it talks about if someone becomes angry do not go to bed angry. So it really hurt me that he did. He's told me before that he just likes to be angry sometimes and he can't just get over it even after the problem has been dealt with. Please pray for our relationship. We just got married this December. 

There is what we think we are saying to our partner.  Then there is what our partner hears.  There is what we hear our partner saying.  Then there is what they think they are saying.     These can be worlds apart.  

Frequently men and women process things differently and assume that their partner is processing stuff exactly the same way that they are.  Loving spouses treat their spouse the way that they want to be treated and are often oblivious to the fact that some of those things are not what their spouse wants.

My wife and I found a few books helpful.  The two Shanti Feldhahn books, For Women Only, and For Men Only are well researched and insightful.  The book His Needs, Her Needs by Willard Harley (an experienced marriage counselor) is also insightful.

We also highly recommend Mark Gungor's Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage DVDs.  There are a number of portions of his videos in various places on YouTube.  A search for "Mark Gungor The Nothing Box Part 1" should give a few approximately 10 minutes videos that gives a humorous description of differences on how husbands and wives tend to process things differently.

We've been married for over 30 years.  The materials I've mentioned here are the ones we learned the most useful stuff from.

Edit[I like my nothing box and my wife now knows to wait until I come out of it to talk to me about some topics. It's helped us communicate a lot better than when we were first married.    I also now know that her brain is full of annoying pop-up windows that she cannot simply make go away by me telling here to make them go away; she needs my help at times to slowly close them all out. ]