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GG1010

Family disapproves of BF

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Hello all,

I am here for advice. I have been dating my current boyfriend for about 16 months.  We met a  youth church event that his church was attending and my church was also attending. 

 

It all started great but then after he visited my church a few times things went a little downhill.  My church is more conservative while his church is more "modern". 

My family wanted him to do the things and worship the way that is done at my church. He is not used to this and he doesn't necessarily agree. My family then began to disapprove and that's when the  conflict started. 

I spoke to my family about how important he is to me and my feelings towards him but they have pretty much just shot me down. It makes me feel very sad because his family has been so kind to me and I was so welcomed at his church and they can't be welcoming to him. 

My boyfriend and I took a break to try and see if this was something that we both truly want. We have decided that we want to continue this relationship and grow but I am worried about my family.  

I don't want to go against them but I also dont feel like they are taking my feelings and relationships into consideration. They have told me to stop communicating with him because I am not allowed. I should also say that I am in my mid twenties and I don't agree that they should tell me who I am allowed to speak to who I am not. 

 

I need advice on how handle this situation with my parents and with my boyfriend.  

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1 hour ago, GG1010 said:

Hello all,

I am here for advice. I have been dating my current boyfriend for about 16 months.  We met a  youth church event that his church was attending and my church was also attending. 

 

It all started great but then after he visited my church a few times things went a little downhill.  My church is more conservative while his church is more "modern". 

My family wanted him to do the things and worship the way that is done at my church. He is not used to this and he doesn't necessarily agree. My family then began to disapprove and that's when the  conflict started. 

I spoke to my family about how important he is to me and my feelings towards him but they have pretty much just shot me down. It makes me feel very sad because his family has been so kind to me and I was so welcomed at his church and they can't be welcoming to him. 

My boyfriend and I took a break to try and see if this was something that we both truly want. We have decided that we want to continue this relationship and grow but I am worried about my family.  

I don't want to go against them but I also dont feel like they are taking my feelings and relationships into consideration. They have told me to stop communicating with him because I am not allowed. I should also say that I am in my mid twenties and I don't agree that they should tell me who I am alloweHad to speak to who I am not. 

 

I need advice on how handle this situation with my parents and with my boyfriend.  

First of all you said your boyfriend belongs to a "modern" Church. Can you explain that?  It is a serious matter to go against what your parents. You are of age being in your mid twenties. You still live with your parents. They can tell you what to do if you are living under their roof. Have you prayed about this and asked God for guidance and direction? 

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6 hours ago, GG1010 said:

Hello all,

I am here for advice. I have been dating my current boyfriend for about 16 months.  We met a  youth church event that his church was attending and my church was also attending. 

 

It all started great but then after he visited my church a few times things went a little downhill.  My church is more conservative while his church is more "modern". 

My family wanted him to do the things and worship the way that is done at my church. He is not used to this and he doesn't necessarily agree. My family then began to disapprove and that's when the  conflict started. 

I spoke to my family about how important he is to me and my feelings towards him but they have pretty much just shot me down. It makes me feel very sad because his family has been so kind to me and I was so welcomed at his church and they can't be welcoming to him. 

My boyfriend and I took a break to try and see if this was something that we both truly want. We have decided that we want to continue this relationship and grow but I am worried about my family.  

I don't want to go against them but I also dont feel like they are taking my feelings and relationships into consideration. They have told me to stop communicating with him because I am not allowed. I should also say that I am in my mid twenties and I don't agree that they should tell me who I am allowed to speak to who I am not. 

 

I need advice on how handle this situation with my parents and with my boyfriend.  

I also wondered what you mean by his church being "modern."  Do you mean liberal or just contemporary type worship?  Also, what kind of things did your parents want him to do that he didn't agree with?   It would help us to know this.

You are an adult....mid twenties.   Do you still live at home?   Even so, as an adult you should be able to make your own decisions.   The important thing is don't argue with them, be respectful.

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Yes it's very contemporary like the person giving the message is not dressed in a suit and tie type. They wanted him to become a member pretty much, he obviously did not agree because he really likes his own church and I understood that. 

I do still live at home. I have helped my family with bills and with my siblings because the help is always needed. I feel like sometimes I'm the third parent.  I have talked to them calmly. Once I even wrote a letter to be clear with them of how I felt. I was cut off not even half way.  

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1 hour ago, Debp said:

I also wondered what you mean by his church being "modern."  Do you mean liberal or just contemporary type worship?  Also, what kind of things did your parents want him to do that he didn't agree with?   It would help us to know this.

You are an adult....mid twenties.   Do you still live at home?   Even so, as an adult you should be able to make your own decisions.   The important thing is don't argue with them, be respectful.

Yes it's very contemporary like the person giving the message is not dressed in a suit and tie type. They wanted him to become a member pretty much, he obviously did not agree because he really likes his own church and I understood that. 

I do still live at home. I have helped my family with bills and with my siblings because the help is always needed. Ifeel like sometimes I'm the third parent.  I have talked to them calmly. Once I even wrote a letter to be clear with them of how I felt. I was cut offnot even half way.  

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3 minutes ago, GG1010 said:

Yes it's very contemporary like the person giving the message is not dressed in a suit and tie type. They wanted him to become a member pretty much, he obviously did not agree because he really likes his own church and I understood that. 

I do still live at home. I have helped my family with bills and with my siblings because the help is always needed. Ifeel like sometimes I'm the third parent.  I have talked to them calmly. Once I even wrote a letter to be clear with them of how I felt. I was cut offnot even half way.  

Not becoming a member of your parent's church isn't a good reason for your parents to dislike him.   I could understand if he went to a liberal church that they might be concerned.   But you say it's just contemporary.

Are your parents born again?   Do they exhibit fruits of the Spirit?   Or are they just religious?

If they won't even hear you out, I'm sorry for you.

images.png.d3091cbb542d565a8a0fdbb810f1230f.png

 

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Hi GG.

As long as your BF belongs to Christ, it is sufficient. All of the rest of what you detail are things human beings must work out. We often think that life is a bunch of deals; that is, "I do something for you, and you do something for me---in that order." But God says it differently: "I do something for you---period!" Loving someone does not look at what you receive, but what you give.

Treat your parents with dignity and respect, sharing with them that it is past time to make decisions just like they began making when they were young. It is why God says we leave our parents; we then fulfill what God desires of us.

God bless you sister. The Holy Spirit will guide you into all truth. :)

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9 hours ago, GG1010 said:

Hello all,

I am here for advice. I have been dating my current boyfriend for about 16 months.  We met a  youth church event that his church was attending and my church was also attending. 

 

It all started great but then after he visited my church a few times things went a little downhill.  My church is more conservative while his church is more "modern". 

My family wanted him to do the things and worship the way that is done at my church. He is not used to this and he doesn't necessarily agree. My family then began to disapprove and that's when the  conflict started. 

I spoke to my family about how important he is to me and my feelings towards him but they have pretty much just shot me down. It makes me feel very sad because his family has been so kind to me and I was so welcomed at his church and they can't be welcoming to him. 

My boyfriend and I took a break to try and see if this was something that we both truly want. We have decided that we want to continue this relationship and grow but I am worried about my family.  

I don't want to go against them but I also dont feel like they are taking my feelings and relationships into consideration. They have told me to stop communicating with him because I am not allowed. I should also say that I am in my mid twenties and I don't agree that they should tell me who I am allowed to speak to who I am not. 

 

I need advice on how handle this situation with my parents and with my boyfriend.  

If you two are not engaged in unchaste activity, I don't know why anyone should complain about your being together. On the other hand, if you ARE engaged in unchaste activity, maybe you should do as your family says.

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10 hours ago, GG1010 said:

Hello all,

I am here for advice. I have been dating my current boyfriend for about 16 months.  We met a  youth church event that his church was attending and my church was also attending. 

 

It all started great but then after he visited my church a few times things went a little downhill.  My church is more conservative while his church is more "modern". 

My family wanted him to do the things and worship the way that is done at my church. He is not used to this and he doesn't necessarily agree. My family then began to disapprove and that's when the  conflict started. 

I spoke to my family about how important he is to me and my feelings towards him but they have pretty much just shot me down. It makes me feel very sad because his family has been so kind to me and I was so welcomed at his church and they can't be welcoming to him. 

My boyfriend and I took a break to try and see if this was something that we both truly want. We have decided that we want to continue this relationship and grow but I am worried about my family.  

I don't want to go against them but I also dont feel like they are taking my feelings and relationships into consideration. They have told me to stop communicating with him because I am not allowed. I should also say that I am in my mid twenties and I don't agree that they should tell me who I am allowed to speak to who I am not. 

 

I need advice on how handle this situation with my parents and with my boyfriend.  

 

2 minutes ago, johnthebaptist said:

If you two are not engaged in unchaste activity, I don't know why anyone should complain about your being together. On the other hand, if you ARE engaged in unchaste activity, maybe you should do as your family says.

That is assuming he doesn't have other bad habits.

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2 hours ago, GG1010 said:

Yes it's very contemporary like the person giving the message is not dressed in a suit and tie type. They wanted him to become a member pretty much, he obviously did not agree because he really likes his own church and I understood that.

I do still live at home. I have helped my family with bills and with my siblings because the help is always needed. I feel like sometimes I'm the third parent.  I have talked to them calmly. Once I even wrote a letter to be clear with them of how I felt. I was cut off not even half way. 

His church and your church both went to a youth event so it does not sound like there are serious theological issues.

All you have said is that your parents do not like the way he dresses.

From the way you have reported your parents reacted it sounds like you come from a culture that expects conformity.

Your options are to ask what grounds they have for disaproving of him.

To continue quitely dating him untill you are both in a position to marry.

to conform and stop seing him.

 

Is there anyone you could talk to, your pastors wife, an elders wife who could help mediate a solution.

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