Being a Good Christian Wife

[Juna]

I'm going to start with saying I'm single, autistic, still living with my parents. I have concerns about things such as possibility of future spouse and being submissive to my husband if I ever find one.

See.. I feel a strong sense of loneliness, a desire for companionship, for someone to be there for me in ways my family cannot. A good Christian man. And, because I'm convert possibly a teacher and good influence as well. 

But, on another level I feel it is best for me not to marry. As because when I read Timothy, about being submissive, and being saved by child-bearing and being silent and obedient and all that. And the reason I feel it is best for me not to marry despite my desire for a loving relationship, is because living as submissive and doing whatever I'm told to by a husband, the constriction would soon become Hellish. I don't know how to describe it, but I feel that living in a way without freedom and escape would cause more pain than living without love of another.

[AnOrangeCat]

I feel like people tend to misunderstand that particular bit of scripture. It doesn't mean you're supposed to be a door mat and to just give in at every turn. You're perfectly entitled to speak your mind and express your opinion. Disagree if you need to. If a husband won't listen to a well reasoned argument from his wife then just know when to let it go. If it turns out the wife was right he'll hopefully learn to trust her judgment more. It also doesn't mean you have to give up your self respect, take abuse, or throw common sense out the window.

[johnthebaptist]

8 hours ago, Juna said:

I'm going to start with saying I'm single, autistic, still living with my parents. I have concerns about things such as possibility of future spouse and being submissive to my husband if I ever find one.

See.. I feel a strong sense of loneliness, a desire for companionship, for someone to be there for me in ways my family cannot. A good Christian man. And, because I'm convert possibly a teacher and good influence as well. 

But, on another level I feel it is best for me not to marry. As because when I read Timothy, about being submissive, and being saved by child-bearing and being silent and obedient and all that. And the reason I feel it is best for me not to marry despite my desire for a loving relationship, is because living as submissive and doing whatever I'm told to by a husband, the constriction would soon become Hellish. I don't know how to describe it, but I feel that living in a way without freedom and escape would cause more pain than living without love of another.

I think Paul was wrong to state women should be submissive to their husbands, unless he meant husbands should also be submissive to their wives. If you get married, remember to treat your husband as you would want him to treat you. I think that is good enough. On the other hand, I think it is better for some to stay single: 

[36] If any one thinks that he is not behaving properly toward his betrothed, if his passions are strong, and it has to be, let him do as he wishes: let them marry -- it is no sin.
[37] But whoever is firmly established in his heart, being under no necessity but having his desire under control, and has determined this in his heart, to keep her as his betrothed, he will do well.
[38] So that he who marries his betrothed does well; and he who refrains from marriage will do better. 1 Cor 7:36-38 RSV 

Edited January 28, 2020 by johnthebaptist

[john1]

9 hours ago, Juna said:

the constriction would soon become Hellish.

No one in a marriage is property, I study the bible 30 or 40 hours a week, if you can do it, it's better than getting married, but I am married.

And you have another person to consider if you get married, or many people if you have children.

[AngelInTraining93]

10 hours ago, Juna said:

I'm going to start with saying I'm single, autistic, still living with my parents. I have concerns about things such as possibility of future spouse and being submissive to my husband if I ever find one.

See.. I feel a strong sense of loneliness, a desire for companionship, for someone to be there for me in ways my family cannot. A good Christian man. And, because I'm convert possibly a teacher and good influence as well. 

But, on another level I feel it is best for me not to marry. As because when I read Timothy, about being submissive, and being saved by child-bearing and being silent and obedient and all that. And the reason I feel it is best for me not to marry despite my desire for a loving relationship, is because living as submissive and doing whatever I'm told to by a husband, the constriction would soon become Hellish. I don't know how to describe it, but I feel that living in a way without freedom and escape would cause more pain than living without love of another.

I am sorry I don't know how to advise you in your situation given my ignorance of these mentioned scriptures. However I would like you to understand you are not alone in feeling this way. I have schizophrenia and live with my parents, and I long for a wife. It can be very painful at times. I will keep you in my prayers. 

[other one]

juna,   don't take that one verse about submission out by itself...   It is in a chapter that is giving the requirements of both the husband and wife.....    the secret of being submissive to your husband is picking one that is going to be the kind of husband that Jesus requires us to be.....     So if your future husband tells you that you should be submissive to him, remind him that Jesus told him that he must love you the way that he loves the church.   By putting it first even to the point of letting a group of guys beat him half to death and hang him up on a tree to die. If he's putting you first and would do anything to protect you how could you not be submissive to him.

The trick is to find someone of that stature to marry....    and that is the only way of getting around the submissive thing.    If he's not a good dedicated follower of Jesus, don't marry him...

 

 

and for those of you who are already married and don't have husbands that treat you that way, do what my wife did.....    ask God to beat him up till he straitens up....    It worked for my wife...   and just for the record, that aint no joke.

 

[LonerAndy]

10 hours ago, Juna said:

I'm going to start with saying I'm single, autistic, still living with my parents. I have concerns about things such as possibility of future spouse and being submissive to my husband if I ever find one.

See.. I feel a strong sense of loneliness, a desire for companionship, for someone to be there for me in ways my family cannot. A good Christian man. And, because I'm convert possibly a teacher and good influence as well. 

But, on another level I feel it is best for me not to marry. As because when I read Timothy, about being submissive, and being saved by child-bearing and being silent and obedient and all that. And the reason I feel it is best for me not to marry despite my desire for a loving relationship, is because living as submissive and doing whatever I'm told to by a husband, the constriction would soon become Hellish. I don't know how to describe it, but I feel that living in a way without freedom and escape would cause more pain than living without love of another.

First, being submissive, doesn't mean being a door mat.  There's a balance between submissive and being walked on.

I admit it is sometimes difficult to distinguish between the two.

It's better to give examples.

One example was a man who was a sales guy, making over hundred thousand a year.  His wife demanded a bigger house, so he bought a house that he could barely afford.  Then she demanded an expensive month long cruise, which he really couldn't afford.   Then demanded he quit his job, which after spending so much on the house and cruise he really could do.   Over and over he said "we can't do this" and each every single time, she made her demands, and would not listen to her husband.

That is an un-submissive wife.   That is a wife that will not submit to the authority of her husband.   And he finally put his foot down on her insanity, and she divorced him.

The other side would be say Dave Ramsey's wife.  Dave went through bankruptcy, and hard times, and throughout all of it his wife stood with him.  Selling off the things she wanted, when he said they had to.   Doing, and living, a poor life when required by hard times.   Not going on vacations and birthday parties, because he said they couldn't.   

That is a submissive wife.

Another example would be Alex Spanos.  So this guy is dead now, but he wrote about called Sharing the Wealth.   In this book, he married his wife, who then left her home, and lived with him in a basement apartment.  He worked a low income job, and had a very rough time.  She stayed with him through everything.  Just had a baby, and Alex decided to quit his job, before he had another job yet.   She kept with him, and stayed right with him until things turned around.

That is a submissive wife.

Now on the being walked on side....

A wife called into a hotline asking for advice.  Turns out her husband had run into his ex-girlfriend from high school, and suddenly he's visiting her, and even having "sleep overs".  How a guy in his 30s can say he's going to a sleep over, is beyond me.

That's not being submissive.  That's being a door mat.   You don't allow that.

So I hope you can kind of see what is, and what is not, being submissive.

In most relationships you do not have to be submissive.   If you have a group of friends, and they decide to go to a restaurant for lunch....  if you don't want to go, you can just say no thanks, and maybe you'll catch them next time.  Refusing to submit, does not destroy the relationship. 

But in marriage, that is impossible.   If me and a woman are married, and my job transfers me to Texas, and she wants to stay here in Ohio where her family is... someone's will, has to submit.   I can't move to Texas, and my wife just stays here in Ohio.  That would end the marriage.

Submission has to happen in marriage.

Now if you want to stay single, that doesn't bother me.  I'm 42 and never had a girlfriend.  I have had friends that were girls, but never a romantic relationship.  Not a big deal.  Never been around a woman ever, where the experience had a positive outcome.  Never happened.   Better for me to be alone.

But just to be honest, it doesn't sound like that for your.  If you want to have sex, and if you want to have a relationship with a man, then it doesn't sound like being single is going to be a good option for you.

Hope that helps.

[Prycejosh1987]

On 1/28/2020 at 1:28 PM, Juna said:

I'm going to start with saying I'm single, autistic, still living with my parents. I have concerns about things such as possibility of future spouse and being submissive to my husband if I ever find one.

See.. I feel a strong sense of loneliness, a desire for companionship, for someone to be there for me in ways my family cannot. A good Christian man. And, because I'm convert possibly a teacher and good influence as well. 

But, on another level I feel it is best for me not to marry. As because when I read Timothy, about being submissive, and being saved by child-bearing and being silent and obedient and all that. And the reason I feel it is best for me not to marry despite my desire for a loving relationship, is because living as submissive and doing whatever I'm told to by a husband, the constriction would soon become Hellish. I don't know how to describe it, but I feel that living in a way without freedom and escape would cause more pain than living without love of another.

We should always look at scripture when dealing with situations. On a personal note there is nothing wrong with living with your parents, i would do it myself if my Mum was still alive.