I don't want to be a Christian anymore.

[Figure of eighty]

I've been baptized twice. I feel I don't have a true love for God like other people. Instead I'm very angry and hateful towards God( in my heart) 

I can't change. 

I feel like avoiding any ignoring God so I won't rack up more sins for myself. I still remember the dream I had. I don't think church is a place for me anymore ... so now I'm going to willfully self isolate  

I think once I finish my nursing school and things are less of a struggle with my kids and work ect then maybe I'll go back to God. 

I can't with my hateful heart right now. 

So this is my solution. I don't want to be toxic. So I'm just gonna take alot of time to myself and be alone. 

I think I'll spend time with God when I'm less hateful. 

 

I think I'll make this my last post since this is my solution. 

 

[AnOrangeCat]

I hope you can find your way back to God and come back to us when you're feeling better. Having followed your situation for years and having had an abusive family that tried to keep me down I've always felt a lot of sympathy over what you've been going through. I'll keep you in my prayers.

[Figure of eighty]

1 hour ago, AnOrangeCat said:

I hope you can find your way back to God and come back to us when you're feeling better. Having followed your situation for years and having had an abusive family that tried to keep me down I've always felt a lot of sympathy over what you've been going through. I'll keep you in my prayers.

Yeah I don't want to be toxic. Hopefully once I get over this out I can bounce back better.

[Revelation Man]

3 hours ago, Figure of eighty said:

I've been baptized twice. I feel I don't have a true love for God like other people. Instead I'm very angry and hateful towards God( in my heart) 

I can't change. 

I feel like avoiding any ignoring God so I won't rack up more sins for myself. I still remember the dream I had. I don't think church is a place for me anymore ... so now I'm going to willfully self isolate  

I think once I finish my nursing school and things are less of a struggle with my kids and work ect then maybe I'll go back to God. 

I can't with my hateful heart right now. 

So this is my solution. I don't want to be toxic. So I'm just gonna take alot of time to myself and be alone. 

I think I'll spend time with God when I'm less hateful. 

 

I think I'll make this my last post since this is my solution. 

 

Satan is a great deceiver. So much so that at the very end, HUMAN BEINGS created by God try to kill their own loving Creator at Armageddon whilst being led by the great deceiver Satan and his minions, the very same one who is responsible for death, mayhem, murder, rape, lies, greed, hate et al. Anytime I hear something like this I know right away the problem is the liar is whispering to the person. It is what it is, if we put on the world, our hearts will meld into worldliness, if we put on God our hearts will meld into Godliness and hate this evil world.

It comes down to CHOICES. 

Edited April 30, 2024 by Revelation Man

[AdHoc]

3 hours ago, Figure of eighty said:

I've been baptized twice. I feel I don't have a true love for God like other people. Instead I'm very angry and hateful towards God( in my heart) 

I can't change. 

I feel like avoiding any ignoring God so I won't rack up more sins for myself. I still remember the dream I had. I don't think church is a place for me anymore ... so now I'm going to willfully self isolate  

I think once I finish my nursing school and things are less of a struggle with my kids and work ect then maybe I'll go back to God. 

I can't with my hateful heart right now. 

So this is my solution. I don't want to be toxic. So I'm just gonna take alot of time to myself and be alone. 

I think I'll spend time with God when I'm less hateful. 

 

I think I'll make this my last post since this is my solution. 

 

I'm not a councilor, but one thing God loves is the truth. Well said. It's refreshing. I've got hope for you. Jacob wrestled with God and limped fore ever after that. At the end of his life Pharaoh asked him how old he was. Jacob answered; "my days are few and evil". Then he blessed Pharaoh. Hebrews tells us that the greater blesses the lessor. God had still done His Work and made the "Supplanter" greater than Pharaoh.

[1to3]

Hello @Figure of eighty;

No  physical church  saves.

Sometimes we all need a time out and to go into the desert like Jesus did and be still and allow Gods Voice to lead us and bring to memory His Word and face all tempting from the enemy by employing His word as IT IS Written. That is what Christ Jesus did when he was temped by the enemy to give up, Christ Jesus always said : It is written...

For the Power of Gods written Word is sharper than any two edged sword.

Hebrews 4:12-14
For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any twoedged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.

Christ Jesus is the good shepherd, He will go looking for His lost sheep and call them back to Him. His sheep hear His voice and recognize that He truly is the good shepherd. ( look to John 10:10)

Have you ever had that experience of Christ Jesus calling you back to Him? If so, you know with assurance you are His sheep and He will never leave you orphaned or abandon you no matter how difficult the circumstances in your life seem to be. He will always  help you out of the deepest pit that even other en could not help you with. Yes He always provides a way, His way to His Love Mercy and Peace. Yes a peace this wold doas not have nor can find without Him.

John 16:33 Christ Jesus said: ³³ These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.

 

Here is what another member wrote that may be helpful:

 

@RV_Wizard wrote

Why do we melt iron?  It purifies the iron to make steel.  Why do we thresh wheat?  It separates the wheat berries from the unusable stalks.  Why did God give man the opportunity to sin?  It gave man the choice to serve Him or reject Him.  Angels were created to serve.  Only the greatest of them have the ability to accept or reject God.  For the others, it's their nature to follow.  Satan rebelled and was cast out of Heaven, taking 1/3rd of the angels with him because they followed him.  

So, cast out of Heaven but not banished from it, Satan roamed the newly created realm.  He deceived Eve and caused her to sin, but Adam was not deceived.  He willingly broke the law.  Because of that, the new creation was cursed.  Sickness and death came into the world.  The animals, created to eat plants, began to eat each other.  Still, God had a purpose for Satan.  He was there to tempt Jesus at His moment of weakness.  To demonstrate that a man could resist the temptation to sin, Jesus had to do just that.  Thus, Jesus showed us that we can resist the devil in exactly the same way.  He showed us that Satan could be defeated by using the Scriptures, which even Satan knew were accurate.  Sadly, many Christians don't have the faith in the Bible that Lucifer had.

We have a choice to follow God's word or to reject it and follow Satan's temptations.  Man is being tested from birth to death to determine his worthiness in eternity.  Most will fail.  When Jesus returns following the tribulations, Satan will be bound for a thousand years.  After that will come his judgment and final condemnation.  He hasn't gotten away with anything.  Every sin will convict him, just as our sins will convict us unless we have someone to take them away from us.  That's where Jesus comes in.  Only through Jesus can sins be forgiven.

Can a Muslim who sees Jesus only as a prophet go to Heaven?  No.  Can a Buddhist who strives to be a moral person go to Heaven without Jesus?  No.  God provides us with an example of holiness and an example of evil.  The choice is ours.  When our time on earth has ended and there will be no more time to choose, Satan will go where he belongs.  Until then, we are in a war.  Will you fight on the side of Jesus, or follow Satan into damnation?  You have a choice until you die.  Then there is no second chance.

 

God Bless and protect you always @Figure of eighty I pray.❤️ 🙏 🕊️

In Christ Jesus Always;

1to3

 

[Marathoner]

4 hours ago, Figure of eighty said:

I've been baptized twice. I feel I don't have a true love for God like other people. Instead I'm very angry and hateful towards God( in my heart) 

I can't change. 

I feel like avoiding any ignoring God so I won't rack up more sins for myself. I still remember the dream I had. I don't think church is a place for me anymore ... so now I'm going to willfully self isolate  

I think once I finish my nursing school and things are less of a struggle with my kids and work ect then maybe I'll go back to God. 

I can't with my hateful heart right now. 

So this is my solution. I don't want to be toxic. So I'm just gonna take alot of time to myself and be alone. 

I think I'll spend time with God when I'm less hateful. 

 

I think I'll make this my last post since this is my solution. 

 

Different circumstances (I never had kids) and issues but otherwise, identical to what I went through a long time ago. I was in the same place as you are, my friend: 

My family and relatives hated me; my mother wished that I had never been born. They taunted me. 
Religion made me perfectly ill. I had never grown up with anything remotely like it so when I encountered it in others, I wanted nothing to do with it. It was phony and tiresome. 
I believed that God hated me. Everything I did --- or tried to do --- was a disaster. I watched it fall apart before my eyes and there was nothing I could do to stop it from happening. Trying again only resulted in the same thing happening... over and over. 

It's the fiery trial, and don't think for a moment you're going through it because of sin or because the Lord despises you (I believed the latter). The fiery trial can last for a very long time... mine lasted a little over 20 years. I'll tell you what it means.

It means that you are blessed beyond measure. Ah, but the blessing won't come until the fiery trial comes to an end. There is indeed another side of this that you will emerge into. Something to remember in the days to come:

Losing religion is a wonderful thing. The Lord is not religious at all, but we certainly can be. Remember that. 

[Vine Abider]

4 hours ago, Figure of eighty said:

I've been baptized twice. I feel I don't have a true love for God like other people. Instead I'm very angry and hateful towards God( in my heart) 

I can't change. 

I feel like avoiding any ignoring God so I won't rack up more sins for myself. I still remember the dream I had. I don't think church is a place for me anymore ... so now I'm going to willfully self isolate  

I think once I finish my nursing school and things are less of a struggle with my kids and work ect then maybe I'll go back to God. 

I can't with my hateful heart right now. 

So this is my solution. I don't want to be toxic. So I'm just gonna take alot of time to myself and be alone. 

I think I'll spend time with God when I'm less hateful. 

 

I think I'll make this my last post since this is my solution. 

 

Welcome to the club, called "The children of God who still have the flesh!"  Four bottom-line facts:

1. He loves us regardless - period (and we can tell Him anything!)

2. Christ died in our place as God's appointed One to forgive ALL our sins - claim that!

3. If you've accepted Christ at any point, He lives within your reborn spirit (where everything good is) and you're therefore His child with His life in you

4. We still have the flesh (where nothing good resides)

The deception comes in to say we have no hope - BIG LIE!  Christ in us in an incredible hope of glory!  If we focus on all the bad stuff our self/flesh produces it just begets more bad feelings and attitudes.  But, as Romans 8:6 points out,  "The mind set on the spirit is life and peace."

You have a free will.  You can choose to have your source in your flesh, or your regenerated spirit which is one with Him ("He that is joined to the Lord is one Spirit with Him."  1 Cor 6:17).  From your spirit will come reality and truth; from your flesh will only come a lie and destructive feelings.

The Lord is with you!

[Eman_3]

5 hours ago, Figure of eighty said:

So this is my solution. I don't want to be toxic. So I'm just gonna take alot of time to myself and be alone. 

Park the bible and just work on yourself. Take care, make yourself happy.

IMO one partial solution is to focus 100% on your education. No distractions, just get your degree.

[Jayne]

5 hours ago, Figure of eighty said:

 

Figure of eighty = blue                   Jayne = red

"I've been baptized twice. I feel I don't have a true love for God like other people. Instead I'm very angry and hateful towards God( in my heart)"     Baptism doesn't save you.  We know you are angry and hateful towards God.  You keep telling us this over and over.  When you repeat something long enough, ad nauseum, it becomes a truth to you.  The DEVIL is the father of lies and he has made you believe the biggest lie of all - that you hate God and God cannot and will not help you.

"I can't change. "  Nope, you can't.  None of us can.  Only God can change us.

"I feel like avoiding any ignoring God so I won't rack up more sins for myself. "  "Racking up sins"?!?  All it takes is one.  That why everyone on the planet is a sinner.

"I still remember the dream I had. I don't think church is a place for me anymore ... so now I'm going to willfully self isolate "  I had a dream once that my almost perfect and loving father wanted to kill me.  He turned into a monster.   Another time that a dinosaur was chasing me.  This "dream" of leaving other Christians behind and DANGEROUSLY "self-isolating" is NOT from God.  God did not send you that dream.

"I think once I finish my nursing school and things are less of a struggle with my kids and work ect then maybe I'll go back to God."  What makes you think you are guaranteed anything beyond today?  None of us are guaranteed tomorrow.  So you are throwing God in the trash can until YOU "feel" like talking to him?  It doesn't work like that.

"I can't with my hateful heart right now. "  Then STOP convincing yourself that you hate God.  You don't!  You are alone, afraid, unable to tend to the children, and mentally ill.  At least that's what you keep telling us.

"So this is my solution. I don't want to be toxic. So I'm just gonna take alot of time to myself and be alone."  YOUR solution?  I know that this is bringing you a false, FALSE sense of relief.  I've been there.  I, MYSELF, have "self-isolated", "took a lot of time to be alone", and even self-medicated.  I thought i was doing what was best for me, because it made me feel "safe" in that cocoon of "aloneness".  I am STILL paying a price for all of that SELF, SELF, SELF to this day.  Only God brought me out of it.  

"I think I'll spend time with God when I'm less hateful." Then you will NEVER come to God. The hate you harbor - that the devil keeps POUNDING and POUNDING like rusty and hellish nail in your heart - cannot be overcome with SELF or when "things" get better.  Without God, things will never "get better".

 I've told you in private before that you are on my personal prayer list.  I am NOT going to take you off.