As A Christian How Should I Handle This?

[Kali_Ko_Kat]

I have a neighbor who is almost 50 years old. He has a job, working at the tire store his daddy owns. The neighbor is not a responsible adult. He lies about how he lost a finger. He lies when he said he was in Operation Desert Storm (he has never been in the military yet tells people he was and his job was sniper). He lies about why he lost his good job at the hospital.  He's addicted to pain pills and lies about the reason he needs them.

 

His daddy and mother still support the guy. They clean his house, do his laundry, buy his groceries, cook his food and daddy controls the kids money by being the one to pay his bills and rent each month. Daddy makes sure child support is paid. What's left out of the kids pay is doled out by daddy on an as needed basis. Son will lie about what he needs the money for and when he gets it he buys his pain pills from someone who is not a pharmacist. 

 

One day his parents will no longer be alive. Son will be unprepared to deal with life and money.

 

One day that could be your son. How will he survive if he cannot do it on his own?

 

I do not support my children. They are old enough to support themselves and have done a good job of it so far. However, they do know that I will help them out if needed. My parents came to my rescue a few times. I always paid them back asap.

 

None of us want to see our children homeless or hungry. But there comes a time when they have to stand on their own two feet and be responsible for themselves. By continually bailing them out your stepson he has learned that he does not have to be responsible because he can always go to Daddy to rescue him. Some people do learn and others don't. The ones that don't will have to reap the consequences and deal with them.

[Widor1]

I'll be praying for you and your family. I agree with Mcgyver, you and your husband need to be on the same page, especially if it is his son creating strife between you two.  Something similar is happening with my family between my brother (who is 25) and my parents. He needs serious medical help and support, and he is not getting it from them, even though he lives under their roof. I understand your anger very well, and while it is a very natural reaction, it isn't a helpful one (for him or you). Be in constant prayer about this situation. Consult with your husband to discuss a solution you can agree on, one that will not make him feel bad, and that will not make you angry. You can support him without enabling him, even if that means he won't be happy with you guys for a while. 

[missmuffet]

Are you sure their is not a mental illness somewhere?How about drugs or alcohol?If not pray for him all the time and stop enabling him and do not give him any more help.If their are underlying causes that you are not aware of he needs your help.

[2404]

Of course every situation is unique however I think there is a scriptural principle that may apply. 'Without a vision the people perish.'

I think our day and age is particularly vulnerable due to social/financial instability and the loose personal role definitions.

Apathy in places of employment I think could be a case in point.

It seems if a person can be brought to a sense of ownership where job satisfaction is directly related to performance, it changes things.

If a person can find self worth in employment activity it is almost like a house on fire.

Is there something that would catch this young man's interest and could become productive economically and for personal growth?

[LadyKay]

 

Is there something that would catch this young man's interest and could become productive economically and for personal growth?

 

 

Is it bad for me say " I don't care?" I feel it is not my job anymore to worry about him or his personal growth. As for giving him money. Well, that's how the arguments break out between me and my husband. I say NO NO NO! At less for now he is agreeing with me.

[coheir]

 

 

Is there something that would catch this young man's interest and could become productive economically and for personal growth?

 

 

Is it bad for me say " I don't care?" I feel it is not my job anymore to worry about him or his personal growth. As for giving him money. Well, that's how the arguments break out between me and my husband. I say NO NO NO! At less for now he is agreeing with me.

 

would your husband be willing to read these post people have made; seems most would stop enabling this young man and let him have a learning time; on his own without any help. this would do a world of good I think. another thing would be to not use any income you have for this specific occurrence.

[2404]

 

 

Is there something that would catch this young man's interest and could become productive economically and for personal growth?

 

 

Is it bad for me say " I don't care?" I feel it is not my job anymore to worry about him or his personal growth. As for giving him money. Well, that's how the arguments break out between me and my husband. I say NO NO NO! At less for now he is agreeing with me.

 

 

 

We haven't arrived yet we are still a work in progress. I'm with you, sometimes it feels like it is more than a person can bear.

1 Pet.4:12 Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you.

[Guest]

 

 

Is there something that would catch this young man's interest and could become productive economically and for personal growth?

 

 

Is it bad for me say " I don't care?" I feel it is not my job anymore to worry about him or his personal growth. As for giving him money. Well, that's how the arguments break out between me and my husband. I say NO NO NO! At less for now he is agreeing with me.

 

 

If the man is showing no signs of turning his life around, then further "help" is only going to enable the bad behavior to continue. Speaking as a drug addict that Jesus cleaned up, it sounds like someone needs to hit bottom or feel the full wieght of the consequences of his bad decisions for a while. That's really the only thing that will make someone stop and think - when they have no other option.

[angels4u]

I have an on going problem. It is my stepson. He is 26 years old and ever since he has been old enough to work; for whatever reason he as not be able to keep a job longer then a few months. He lies about having jobs. He will get a job then something happens like he gets hurt, or let go or something that is never his fault. He was living with us for a time but then deiced to leave. Anyway, he keeps calling us asking for money. And every time he calls it is like he is in dire need of the money. For example he called one night saying he needed $150.00 to pay a speeding ticket fine and if he did not get it with in 24hrs, he was going to have to go to jail for unpaid fines. These phone calls for money cause me to become very very angry and causes arguments to break out between me and my husband. My husbnd feels bad because we can't help him. I feel like he needs to get a job and keep it. I hate to sound like my parents but back when I was 26 years old I was working 2 jobs to support myself. There is nothing wrong with my stepson that would prevent him from working. Somehow he is able to get people to buy him things and support him. I do not know how he does this. But then it seems the people he is using get wise to him and kick him out. Then he calls us wanting money. I don't want to help him. I see him as nothing but another problem that I have to deal with. Sometimes I think if I had married someone else, this unemployed, 26 year old would be someone else's problem and not mine. I know this is not a very good Christian attitude but it is how I feel. My husband and I are not not wealthy and we have a 7 year old girl to take care of. I get so anger every time he calls up here wanting money. Yet I am trying hard to be a good Christian. 

Did you talk to your pastor ? Maybe you and your husband should both go to a counselor to know how to deal with this without feeling guilty , can it be that your husband gives in to him his out of guilty  feelings?

What happened to his mother?

 

Giving him everything he's asking  for will not help him. Can there be a medical problem ?

[cozmoe]

If there isn't any thing that would hold him back from working , then he should pursue that and not lay it on you , if he has to hit bottom to get to a place to assume personal responsibility for himself , that might be the best thing that will ever happen for him , I have a son and the word "No" is a good word for him , as i don't want to enable him