Have your parent compare you with the others?

[silviawang]

Have your parent compare you with the others?

 

In china, the parents always like comparing their kids with the others:

“oh,look at the neighbor's daughter, she is so beautiful, you are so ugly-looking”

“oh,look at my friend's son,he is so clever, you are so fool”

“oh,look at my co-worker's kid,he earns so much, and you have so poor Wage”

“oh,look at your cousin, he is university degree, and  your are only college”

“oh,look at your sister, she married so rich man, and y boy-friend is so poor”

……

Even you are very beautiful and graduated from the top university and very rich

The Chinese parents always can find someone more excellent than you and by comparing ,they cfm y are the loser, most Chinese kids raised in the circumstance like this,

In the Chinese family forum ,you can always find the posts complaining the parents about this

 

I can not say it is the spiritual abuse , but it is really hurts

It's  very terrible feeling when your parent giving these comments on you

As GOD commands “honor and obey your parents”

But how to deal the relationship with the parent like this?

[silviawang]

   

[Sevenseas]

I can not say it is the spiritual abuse , but it is really hurts

It's  very terrible feeling when your parent giving these comments on you

As GOD commands “honor and obey your parents”

But how to deal the relationship with the parent like this?

 

 

That does sound very hurtful Silvia!  I'm sorry that you have to hear things like that.  

 

Well, are your parents Christian also?  If they are, you might show them scripture that says they should not provoke their children and if they are not Christian

you might just ask them why they are trying to hurt you?  Maybe if they knew it hurts they would stop?

 

Anyway, it is a hard lesson to learn and it is good to remember so that if you have children, you will not tell them those things.

 

It would also be very good to know the scriptures that tell you that you are a new creature in Christ

 

Would it help to remind them that you are their child and that you cannot be more beautiful then they are?  Or would that just make them angry?

 

Again, I am sorry you are spoken to like that.  God loves us as we are ~ and He does not love rich or beautiful people more than not so pretty and poor people.

[LadyKay]

Yes! And my grandmother did too. She wanted me to be like my cousins because they were so much more ladylike then I was. They spend hours looking at themselves in the mirror fixing their hair. And I would much rather play in the mud and clime trees. So grandma was always saying to me "why cant you be like your cousin? She is so good and well beahved why are you not like her?" It would send me into a rage! To this day, it still makes me mad if I think about it.

[other one]

the only thing in my family that I remember being used in that manor would be after I had done something that they would have disagreed with and the phrase, "did you really do that..... your better than that."     It's like saying that you are not even living up to your own standards....

[missmuffet]

It is very damaging and hurtful to compare a child to anyone else.And especially a sibling.You are unique.You are to be loved unconditionally.That is the way our Lord loves us.

[silviawang]

my parents's marriage is very unhappy,and made me very worry and unhappy

and the frist time i went to church ,the subject of the Sermon was about the negative impact of the parents on  the kids

it was so comfort me and at once the Christian graspped my heart

 

and for so many years ,the only voice i heard to blame the parents comparing the kids was from an American pastor

i really found lots of comfort from Christian

[silviawang]

 

 

That does sound very hurtful Silvia!  I'm sorry that you have to hear things like that.  

 

Well, are your parents Christian also?  If they are, you might show them scripture that says they should not provoke their children and if they are not Christian

you might just ask them why they are trying to hurt you?  Maybe if they knew it hurts they would stop?

 

Anyway, it is a hard lesson to learn and it is good to remember so that if you have children, you will not tell them those things.

 

It would also be very good to know the scriptures that tell you that you are a new creature in Christ

 

Would it help to remind them that you are their child and that you cannot be more beautiful then they are?  Or would that just make them angry?

 

Again, I am sorry you are spoken to like that.  God loves us as we are ~ and He does not love rich or beautiful people more than not so pretty and poor people.

 

my parents are not Christian,i pray to GOD they can be saved,but it is depend on GOD,not me

this is not about religion

my grandmother (who is 90 years' old) is a Christian from her young age

but she acts in this way,too

it is the chinese traditional custom

 

[silviawang]

I have the deepest understanding why GOD commanded the Israelites totally got rid of all the Canaanites and why Solomon corrupted when he has the gentile wives ,bcs in the daily spiritual struggle,to keep the Christian faith and credo is too difficult, and sometimes ,very very painful

[Littlelambseativy]

I was most blessed because I was always told to be myself not like others.