Stay or Go?

[Mookie]

My husband and I have to make a life critical decision and are currently paralysed in indecision.  I would so appreciate any input.  

My husband is from New Zealand and is a non Christian.  I am from Zimbabwe.  We met in New Zealand in 2001 and got married - I was not walking closely with the Lord at this time.  Despite being unequally yoked, we have a good marriage and he is a wonderful man.  We now have four children under the age of 5.  A 5 year old boy, 3 year old boy/girl twins and a 1 year old.  So life is very busy.  In 2013 an opportunity came up for us to come back to Zimbabwe.  We had agreed that if such an opportunity arose we would take it as my whole family are still in Zimbabwe and it was a chance for me to come and spend some time with them, whilst he got to know my country and family.  The other huge factor was that in NZ we both had to work full time, with children in all day day care.  Coming to Zimbabwe has meant I can work 3 mornings a week and spend the majority of my time being Mum and caring for my children.  Such a blessing.  In NZ we did not live close to my husbands family so had very little practical and emotional support. 

The agreement was that we would give it 3 years and then decided where to commit to before my oldest son starts school as we don't want to move after this point.  We are finding it an impossibly hard decision to make.  We believe that being here in Zimbabwe is best for our children now as we can give them so much more of our time, the weather is great for an outdoor lifestyle and they have a lot of extended family support. I have a wonderful community of Christian support and a wonderful church I attend with my children - and they go to christian schools/nursery.  We have fantastic friends, family and a great social life. Life is great.  We don't do so well financially, we just scrape by, however with the richness of life we have in other intangible ways, we accept this.

The problem now is that Zimbabwe is going through a very tough time and the future is very uncertain.  Undoubtedly NZ offers more to our children in a worldly sense - educational, university, safety, predictability, future job security......and we have an opportunity to go back and get our old jobs back until the end of this year.  Financially we will be much better off and will have the security of living in a first world country with all the trimmings that offers.  We also know we can grow old there and be in a country where our children will have the option to stay in and be near us if they wish - unlike Zim where we will likely have to send them away for university and work once they leave school - and could potentially leave us behind growing old in a place where it is difficult medically and financially.  

So - do we bite the bullet and leave now, knowing I have to go back to work full time and put all my kids in day care, leaving family and friends and a life we love which is just devastating, but knowing that we are setting up and providing for children's future education and career and long term well being?  Or do we live for today, and live one day at a time, and trust in God's provision.  I know He will provide wherever we choose to live but how do we make a wise decision in this case?  

I'm prepared to do either as I know God's grace will be sufficient to sustain me anywhere, but either way we have to make a huge sacrifice and we are really not sure how to proceed!  Help!!!

 

[George]

Such a tough decision.  In my personal OPINION (that's all it is!), I believe family is the most important aspect of this decision.  As tough as the situation is in Zimbabwe, you're surrounded by family and you have the ability to raise your kids -- which is more important than any job.  I believe when the times come when it's the hardest, the constants you have in life are GOD and FAMILY.  I realize that life may be "easier in a worldly sense" in New Zealand, but if it were up to me, I believe the family aspect of this decision is the factor that would decide it for me.

But it's just my opinion,

Your brother in the Lord with much agape love,

George

[Mookie]

Thank you so much for your response, very much appreciated.  I feel very much the same - it's quite difficult though when many around you say you are crazy and should run for the hills! We are leaning toward taking a step of faith and staying here and I pray for the peace to commit to that with trust and faith in our awesome, sovereign God.  Thanks again - always good to get objective wisdom!

[other one]

Another thought to add to Georges for I think he speaks wisely is that your decision not to go back doesn't seem to mean that you can never go back.    Could you not go back at some time in the future and just find different jobs if you really need to leave?

I am assuming where you are, you are safe from all the political things going on.

Anyway, if my wife and I were making that decision I would  start listing the pros and cons of both and the decisions would have to be made as to what is in the best interests of the kids....  and your grand kids.  and there is simply no way I could know enough about it all to even begin to know what I would do much less tell you what to do.

But the more simple decisions we have had to make we did considering how it would effect our kids and grand kids.    Don't also forget that God can make things ok no matter what you decide to do if you follow him......   

 

 

 

[kwikphilly]

Blessings Mookie,

    Welcome to Worthy,Praise Jesus that He has lead you here,so glad to meet you Sister!

WOW,those are really difficult decisions,it is those type of life changing decisions that I simply refuse to take a step forward backward,right or left without seeking Gods Will for our life(me & husband)....NO WAY!   We,,those that do have a spouse,in Christ are so very Blessed to have each other to REceive confirmations etc... vas we are already 2 gathered in His Name with Him in our midst.....Glory to God!

    Dear Sister,the obvious would seem that you all remain where you are,God is provider but then the future is very unpredictable and the uncertainty can be scarey in a 3rd world country.....but really,what certaintly do we have in any "tomorrows"?    These are not decisions I would make,neither with my unreliable mind or my undependable heart......we need the Heart & Mind of Christ to do the Will of God,He knows the Plans He has for us

     Put this decision upon the Altar,at Gods Feet,you & your husband ,ask His Will for you and your family,how you both can serve Him best    Ask Him to help you to hear His Still Small Voice because ,no doubt,He Will Guide every footstep if you ask and be patient to wait on HIM

                                                                                                                                                      With love-in Christ,Kwik

 

[1to3]

Hi  Mookie;

After reading your post;

I saw a most logical decision and answer  found in your third paragraph.

Yes

If rough times are happening, it is for the security of you and your children to look for a stable environment to raise them in.

i do think that NZ has christian churches and social support to help keep your family safe.

also if you have better opportunities in NZ,  and are capable and have self initiative, you are more capable of helping out those still in Zimbabwe.

Then I saw Gorges post, and yes I also agree with him that family ties , christian ties, are very needed and nurturing.

and the situation of family and Christian support you are describing in Zimbabwe seem very nurturing at the moment.

 

But also if you do have the opportunity and are of yourself capable to be of more help in the long run of things to your family in Zimbabwe, by going back to NZ. Then that makes good sense.

Then at least some family members who are elsewhere in the world, could perhaps be of help and aid if something awful came to the other country.

Its hard for me to say  , you know yourself best,  but if you listen to your God given instincts, they will guide you .

I know many families who have left their more impoverished countries to go to a better country so to be able to save themselves, make a better life for their children and if possible help out better the ones who stayed in the more impoverished country .

But if I may share my life a little. Both my parents came from Europe , both from different countries, they met here in Canada.

Growing up, we did not  have much of an extended family to spend time with and visit. but we did go visit my mothers family periodically in Europe .

Only for a brief period of time in my early childhood,  was there a time , where my grandparents on my fathers side where alive, and my grand father on my mothers was side still alive here in Canada where I was born. I have some very found family memories of a united family,  Then my grandfather on my fathers side passed away when i was about five years old then my father passed away when I had barely turned 13 years of age. Then a few years later my grandmother on my fathers side passed away. On my mothers side, her mother died when she was 20 years of age, her two brothers stayed in Europe, and my mothers father came over but lived in another city -Toronto-  and would visit us in the summertime until he finally came to stay and live with my mother and us when I was around twenty years old. Having a loving christian grandfather live with us did help continue on to give me a sense of a christian family unit and belonging.  When my father died, i know my first question to my mother was, what will we do about Christmas? .When my father died,  somehow, a part of me died, a part of mt family was no more and life was no more as it was.

I  can say, I did not grow up with a lot of family around me, and actually  had a very unhealthy co-dependent relationship with my mother, that did not advance me into looking to make my own family.  My mother being war torn, and traumatized from it, wanted her family close by to her and with me, she did everything to keep me, from being independent from her, so she would not be alone. and that was not exactly healthy. It was after her death that I was freed in a way enough to get to know myself and learn how to survive on my own in this world we live in.

For sure there is strength in numbers. and when a christian family is united, there is strength. but when a family is not united and there is division,  then that does not make for happy living.

But when you don't have the family support anymore, this is what can make or break you.

Ultimately God is our Father and our family . with Him around us in all aspects of our lives, no matter where we are or how many people we have close around us, we will be o.k., able to cope, and safe under His care.

But when I look around, not many people have close relationships with their family members as everyone is either displaced, or so busy taking care of their own lives.

 

for sure unity of the  family and extended family is a most beautiful concept and is very nurturing for the children and gives them a sense of family.

For me, after most of my family members died off, that is both grandparents of both sides of the family, both my parents,  my mother who still gave me( even in a co-dependent way) the sense of having family and then most recently my uncle from Sweden who was a continuation in giving me a sense of family, because we kept in regular touch with each other, I am left to not have a sense of family.

 In some ways, from my own trauma and life experiences, I don't really know what it is to be close to anyone. Now that i have been so without family for so long, I can't even relate sometimes to what others understand as family times.

This in turn has gravitated me more to developing a closer than ever relationship with the Lord.

However, I do miss not having an aunt or uncle that can call or visit, a brother that I could call and visit, parents that I could call and visit as they mostly have all passed.

but then again, if family is alive yet in another country, you can keep the communication open through letters, calls and periodic visits, and the sense of family still lives on.

For sure not having a sense of family, makes life less full, less whole.

So you may have a better life, better economies, but on the other hand if you find yourself like me, with no family around, there does remains an emptiness that only family can fill or God.

Have you asked yourself? Could you make it in NZ in case your husband dies prematurely. could you make it in Zimbabwe if your husband died prematurely?

 

---------------------------

 

 In my case God has become my family..

Just not all families are all Christian, not all families have the love of the Lord in them , so weather you are surrounded with family or alone without, if you don't know the Love of God, you are more alone feeling empty, either way.

My first instinct after reading your post was to go to NZ so be able to give a better education, health to your own family. From there you can still communicate with your extended family in Zimbabwe, perhaps even send them money or invite them for visits and you visit them, while at the same time you keep your own life secure in a better , and safer economies.

not everyone is given the opportunity you have been given.

And opportunities do not always come so fast around. and when we become older,opportunities many time lessen, it become harder to be flexible to new changes, and jobs are always more opportune for the younger than the older.

Yes as your children will grow up, you will need your own security and health to keep going, and it should be wise to not count necessarily on family to be there when chips do fall.  Of course, you are blessed if your family is so loving and caring, and would do anything for you  and your own family, just I don't know so many families like that. and to count on that and not look for your own personal family security , to me is not wise.

For sues the best of the best is to meet someone like you christian, and live in a country where both families can be there for one another.

Also think very carefully on this: if your husband where to unfortunately die, would you be capable of raising your children on your own? even in a better economical world?.

Sometimes I wish my mother had strayed in her country, married a man of her country then I would have more family around me and feel more connected to my culture. ( but that is me). I also know that i am in a country with great opportunity, great social services, that even on my own and without family, their exists resources for me to survive and live well.

lol. I know i am not giving you a concrete answer one way or the other.

This a very personal decision that only you can make with Gods help in guiding you. Pray to Him as to what you should do.

 

Edited July 29, 2016 by 1to3

[missmuffet]

8 hours ago, George said:

Such a tough decision.  In my personal OPINION (that's all it is!), I believe family is the most important aspect of this decision.  As tough as the situation is in Zimbabwe, you're surrounded by family and you have the ability to raise your kids -- which is more important than any job.  I believe when the times come when it's the hardest, the constants you have in life are GOD and FAMILY.  I realize that life may be "easier in a worldly sense" in New Zealand, but if it were up to me, I believe the family aspect of this decision is the factor that would decide it for me.

But it's just my opinion,

Your brother in the Lord with much agape love,

George

I agree with George. Our family is very important. Prayer is always very important and putting this very difficult decision in God's Hands.

[WilliamL]

This is not a decision of the brain or the heart -- this is a decision of the Spirit, if it so be that you are a follower of Christ.
Since you have "a wonderful community of Christian support and a wonderful church," I suggest that you get the church to pray for and with you that the Holy Spirit will manifest to you the will of the Lord in this matter.

[Willa]

Were your lives in danger or Muslim takeover were imminent, by all means flee to NZ.  But your church home and family are very important.  They used to say that it takes a village to raise a child.  A christian education is very important in today's secular world.  `But you are also told to allow your husband to make the final decision.  If he says go, then go.  Respecting my husband's leadership and wishes as God led me was one of the things that softened his heart toward Christ.