Being Honest

[LadyKay]

I hope I don't offend anyone. If I do you will just have to offended I guess.  But sometimes I feel that some of the people on this forum are so very quick to jump to judgments. For example. I once made a post about my pastor accepting the call to go to another church. He felt like this was where God wanted to send him and even though he did not want to go he felt he should not disobey God's calling .  I posted about it just to share that I was sad that he was leaving. But then I ended up spending several days defending my pastor and my church from people who were accusing him of abandoning his flock and demanding that I show them scripture to prove that my pastor was doing God's will by moving on to another church. Other times I have disagreed with a person's interpretation of a passage of scripture which causes them to accuse me of ignoring or twisting scripture altogether. Someone else talk about their church putting on a play and then someone started accusing their church of just being a place for entertainment. The examples can go on and on. At times I think I want to tell you all something then I think well if I post that I am going to have to spend hrs. defending my self or my church or even my poor husband from their judgments.  Anyway, maybe I am the only one that see things this way. That is okay I guess. But I just wanted to share how I was feeling. I don't think Christians should be this way with one another. 

[JTC]

Hi Kay,  You're not alone. I agree with you. I'm even reluctant to say just how much I agree.

[The_Patriot21]

You talk like this is a problem just with this forum, it's not. This is a problem with our world in general. Everyone wants to judge everyone else, and no one, seems to want anyone else to disagree with their opinion. 

Person A: voices their opinion or story.

Person B: voices their opinion of person As opinion or story.

Person A: defends their view.

And so on and so forth. In a healthy debate both sides consider the other sides view and respond with an appropriate counter argument. However, more often then not it doesn't go that way, either one side decides that their right no matter what and goes after the other which leads into a battle, or the other side takes something wrong and goes on the defensive, leading into a battle, or both.

The solution? Well first you can't control what the other person will do or say, but you can change how you take it. Don't be defensive, accept the fact that no matter what you say or do someone, somewhere, will disagree with it. that much is a given. Instead of getting defensive about it, accept it. Like for example...your story about your pastor. You know the truth, you know he's not doing anything wrong. You said as much. None of us know him, and quite frankly our opinions on the matter are moot in the long run. Share your story, which you did, tell your feelings, and just let everyone run around and share their opinions. In the end, if your pastor is not sinning, well nothing we say about it will change it, one way or another.

If it's a debate, well then debate. Never be afraid to share your opinion, here or anywhere else. But. One should be mindful of how you share it. Temper your replies with grace. And if someone else takes offense to it, well, don't yourself. If they're being rude/on the attack then voice your opinion and move on, report said posts when appropriate. And always ask yourself whether it's them attacking you, or if your just taking something way to personal.

We all have a tendency to take things to personally sometimes, especially if it's over something we feel strongly about. Which is why its often important to take a step back and evaluate what's going on. I often have to step away from the boards for short times to evaluate what's going on.

And lastly, remember that none of us are perfect. And if we want others to extend grace to our shortcomings we need to extend grace to others shortcomings. If your offended at someone, it's a sure bet someone else has been offended by you. And I'm not singling people out. I know I've offended people here, more then one and more then once. I've also been offended. That's part if life, both on the forums, but everywhere else in life, be it Facebook, family gatherings, work, church, etc.

We can't avoid conflict, not until we are all in heaven. But we can all do our parts to help resolve conflict in a more positive manner.

[Spock]

Kay,

Thanks for sharing this and getting this off your chest. I'm sure you had to take a deep breath in doing such. 

I have only crossed paths with you one other time (that I recall) and that one time you were a breath of fresh air and very funny too. I most definitely appreciated what you said. 

As far as people judging you, I can't talk about that because I don't have all the facts, but I will say this- don't directly respond back to a person you believe is making you feel uncomfortable. Your silence should communicate something to that person especially if they see you responding to,others. Often times, this can have a positive effect because people don't want to be ignored. If you feel guilty or feel bold you could also PM them and tell them why you are ignoring them. 

Anyhow, honesty is always the best policy. 

Cheers,

spock

[a tryer]

kay is very brave

[shanee]

9 hours ago, LadyKay said:

I hope I don't offend anyone. If I do you will just have to offended I guess.  But sometimes I feel that some of the people on this forum are so very quick to jump to judgments. For example. I once made a post about my pastor accepting the call to go to another church. He felt like this was where God wanted to send him and even though he did not want to go he felt he should not disobey God's calling .  I posted about it just to share that I was sad that he was leaving. But then I ended up spending several days defending my pastor and my church from people who were accusing him of abandoning his flock and demanding that I show them scripture to prove that my pastor was doing God's will by moving on to another church. Other times I have disagreed with a person's interpretation of a passage of scripture which causes them to accuse me of ignoring or twisting scripture altogether. Someone else talk about their church putting on a play and then someone started accusing their church of just being a place for entertainment. The examples can go on and on. At times I think I want to tell you all something then I think well if I post that I am going to have to spend hrs. defending my self or my church or even my poor husband from their judgments.  Anyway, maybe I am the only one that see things this way. That is okay I guess. But I just wanted to share how I was feeling. I don't think Christians should be this way with one another. 

i dont get on the forums much but i hope People dont rush to make bad judgements on your post.GB

[Annette]

Hi Kay,

I enjoyed reading your post.

I tell my daughter that the more people you interact with, the more opinions that people are going to have about you.

In a situation like this, people reading your post come in with their own feelings and experiences and may only pick up on a part of what you have written and respond to that. I often think about that when I go to church and listen to a sermon. I will often ask my husband what he enjoyed or stood out to him. I am often amazed by what stands out to him because it is often something that I never even gave thought to. This seems like a great place to share your thoughts. You never know, what you share may encourage others. I have read posts I have not commented on, probably because it has just given me something to think about, and at the time I have no definite answer.

Blessings.

[LadyKay]

While I understand that a discussion is open for well, discussion. And with that you will get different points of views and opinions and all of that is fine. I am talking more about if I post something just sharing what my church is doing. Like I could say "my church put on a play this Sunday about the a Bible story and it was just wonderful."  My experience with positing such things on here have been for me (maybe not everyone's but me) has been several pages of me defending my church from people judging it to be a place of entertainment instead of God.  When all I really wanted to do was share what my church did on the past Sunday. That is what I mean by people being so quick judge.   Just maybe we should stop and think for a few moments before rushing in on scolded people? Maybe find out a bit more about things first?  Just a though. 

Edited May 1, 2017 by LadyKay

[Ghostdog]

the few times ive stated my opinion i just left it as that mostly. there were a few times i defended it but i usually just let it sit and if anyone disagrees well they disagree. 

[missmuffet]

On 4/26/2017 at 0:31 PM, LadyKay said:

I hope I don't offend anyone. If I do you will just have to offended I guess.  But sometimes I feel that some of the people on this forum are so very quick to jump to judgments. For example. I once made a post about my pastor accepting the call to go to another church. He felt like this was where God wanted to send him and even though he did not want to go he felt he should not disobey God's calling .  I posted about it just to share that I was sad that he was leaving. But then I ended up spending several days defending my pastor and my church from people who were accusing him of abandoning his flock and demanding that I show them scripture to prove that my pastor was doing God's will by moving on to another church. Other times I have disagreed with a person's interpretation of a passage of scripture which causes them to accuse me of ignoring or twisting scripture altogether. Someone else talk about their church putting on a play and then someone started accusing their church of just being a place for entertainment. The examples can go on and on. At times I think I want to tell you all something then I think well if I post that I am going to have to spend hrs. defending my self or my church or even my poor husband from their judgments.  Anyway, maybe I am the only one that see things this way. That is okay I guess. But I just wanted to share how I was feeling. I don't think Christians should be this way with one another. 

I will be honest when sharing my opinion. Some people may not like my opinion but not everyone is going to agree with me. I have to accept that. No defense needed.