How do you comfort a grieving parent? Any suggestions?

[turtletwo]

I know someone who just lost her twin babies born at 20 weeks. We thought the second one might pull through (she'd been in the incubator, fighting.)

But in the end, Abigail didn't make it. 

It comes from the Hebrew name אֲבִיגַיִל / אֲבִיגָיִל Avigail, meaning "my father's joy" (alternatively "my father is exultation", or "my father is joy").

 

I wrote this poem for her tonight.

Footprints On My Heart

You left your footprints on my heart
Although we never met
You were a tiny treasure
Who I never shall forget

I saw a photo of you once
Your little parts well formed
I couldn't help but love you
And it left me strangely warmed

Your mouth was like a rosebud
Though it barely got to grow
Too soon you came, so soon you left
We wept to see you go

But Heaven is a wondrous place
For precious ones like you
To bloom where God has planted
In the Home He's brought you to.

 

 

[Who me]

there for her, listen to her, let her cry, express your sorrow etc.

 

One big No No do not ask , " How do you feel"  everyone will be asking that, find some other way of enquiring.

If you are able do something practical, like take a meal round.

[Who me]

If its the Father, basicly the same. Be there, take him out for a walk, coffe a beer etc

[missmuffet]

If she is a Christian pray with her. Bring something to eat for the family. Ask if there is anything you can do for her such as housework, laundry etc. 

[Dennis1209]

I think most of us have been there with the best of intentions. I can only speak for myself on this matter, as there are so many variables. I've questioned myself if words like "I feel your loss" and such are appropriate; as we can not even imagine their personal grief, loss and pain. Sometimes words can be misunderstood and come out not purveying  your intended sympathy and condolences. 

I myself, when in doubt of what to say from the heart; offer a heart felt hug and tell them I don't have the words to express my sympathy. 

I have never faced it myself, knowing someone who lost a young baby or child. Most Christians know that children before the age of accountability that pass are with our Lord Jesus. They may not take comfort and take offence in someone who tells them that unless they're a loved one or close. It could be an opportunity to share the love of our Lord and Savior Jesus also. 

But like I mentioned; I hurt for them also, and sometimes a hug and tears says it all. 

[DAVID5]

THIS IS ONE OF THE HARDEST TRIALS TO GO THRU, ...AMEN

Edited December 20, 2019 by DAVID5

[Reinitin]

On 6/17/2019 at 1:38 AM, turtletwo said:

I know someone who just lost her twin babies born at 20 weeks. We thought the second one might pull through (she'd been in the incubator, fighting.)

But in the end, Abigail didn't make it. 

It comes from the Hebrew name אֲבִיגַיִל / אֲבִיגָיִל Avigail, meaning "my father's joy" (alternatively "my father is exultation", or "my father is joy").

 

I wrote this poem for her tonight.

Footprints On My Heart

You left your footprints on my heart
Although we never met
You were a tiny treasure
Who I never shall forget

I saw a photo of you once
Your little parts well formed
I couldn't help but love you
And it left me strangely warmed

Your mouth was like a rosebud
Though it barely got to grow
Too soon you came, so soon you left
We wept to see you go

But Heaven is a wondrous place
For precious ones like you
To bloom where God has planted
In the Home He's brought you to.

 

 

Just love her and let her talk if she needs to, grief is a proccess iT has no set time she has to work through it. Just be there for her.

If you get really worried. Maybe you can check and see if their are any pastoral grief group work shops in your area and invite her to go with you.

Take tissues and hold her hand if she needs it. It really helps to know others are going through the same pain and loss and some how when you are listening to others try to express it or encouraging and comforting them it lessens your own pain.

Plus, she will see that the load does lighten when she talks to people far past the loss and that her pain is lightening as she talks to people with a new loss.

Regular meetings once a month or once a week can help put some sence of routine or order in her life too. 

Edited June 21, 2019 by Reinitin
Typos

[other one]

I think the best thing to is offer a big hug and just cry along with both of them...     Look them in the eye with tears streaming down you cheek and tell them that you are at a total loss for words.....   they will understand and love you for it.

[Sower]

Like above.
Hold her hand
allow silence.
Cry together.
Share her pain

[Guest PinkBelt]

You can't. Just be available.