Fly the coop without husband

[wombat]

Hello,

 

My common law Christian wife of fifteen plus years wants a divorce due to lack of emotional support. We have children and she wants to take across the state to her original home to  care for her  ill folks.

 

I did a better job of meeting her emotional needs  a week before she returned to her parents. however, it is too late according to her.  Apparently it has been going on for too long and I did not recognize nor did my wife ask or remind me of it.

 

Naturally I would prefer for her to stay and for us to work it out. Her request caught me off guard!  Am I a jerk if I block her from using a car (titled in my name)  or file for custody blocking her from skipping the county with our school age children?  I'm concerned my wife cant take care of her folks, our children, and her self in a crowded old house.  I dont want my wife and children on the street after my inlaws pass and the govt takes their house to pay for the medical bills.

 

Scripturally speaking I read that the husband gets the children but right now my wife is being ruled by emotion and not  Christian reasoning. The same is true of her folks.

Thank you,

W

 

Edited August 2, 2019 by wombat
add

[Willa]

Welcome to Worthy, Wombat.  You might check out www.legalzoom.com%2Farticles%2Ffact-or-fiction-five-myths-about-common-law-marriage&usg=AOvVaw29ws3OzbkIgTR8sdIj4eDG

 

[Marilyn C]

3 hours ago, wombat said:

Hello,

 

My common law Christian wife of fifteen plus years wants a divorce due to lack of emotional support. We have children and she wants to take across the state to her original home to  care for her  ill folks.

 

Naturally I would prefer for her to stay and for us to work it out. Her request caught me off guard!  Am I a jerk if I block her from using a car (titled in my name)  or file for custody blocking her from skipping the county with our school age children?  I'm concerned my wife cant take care of her folks, our children, and her self in a crowded old house.  I dont want my wife and children on the street after my inlaws pass and the govt takes their house to pay for the medical bills.

 

Scripturally speaking I read that the husband gets the children but right now my wife is being ruled by emotion and not  Christian reasoning. The same is true of her folks.

Thank you,

W

 

Hi wombat,

Welcome to Worthy. How about trying to find out how you can be more `emotionally` supportive. That would be a good start. This is quite a common problem with men, as they are not brought up to deal their emotions, except suppress them, or ignore them. And women are often overly emotional, so thus a big problem. But nothing you & your wife with the Lord can`t work through.

I suggest you talk with you wife and say you are sorry that it has come over that you do not want to be an emotional support. Say that that must have hurt her, and that you are sorry. Then say you do want to be an emotional support and with her help you will learn how to.

Ask for one thing to start with and then pray together. Repent before the Lord and ask for His forgiveness for hurting your wife, then ask the Lord for His guidance so you can learn to give emotional support.

all the best, and praying. Marilyn.  

[BeauJangles]

Welcome to Worthy, @wombat. Only 16 states which includes the District of Columbia, even recognize the validity of a common law marriage. Documentation is essential for any legal status, so-called claims, and/or rights. I pray for the Lord's guidance in your situation. It would be far better for you and your partner to reconcile, and become legally wed. Here's a list of those states. 

Alabama

Colorado

District of Columbia

Georgia (if prior to 1/1/97)

Idaho (if prior to 1/1/96)

Iowa

Kansas

Montana

New Hampshire (for inheritance purposes only)

Ohio (if prior to 10/10/91)

Oklahoma

Pennsylvania

Rhode Island 

South Carolina

Texas

Utah 

God bless.

Shalom,

David/BeauJangles

 

Edited August 2, 2019 by BeauJangles

[Justin Adams]

My suggestion based on experience and lots of soul wrenching is... do not oppose her. You do not want your kids in an adversarial environment. 

Think about this. If we want to throw in the towel and abandon our Christian Beliefs (abandon our salvation). The Lord is kind enough to help us pack our bags and will even give us a lift to the bus station.

To be love in the long-run is very hard. To go thru courts is a horrible way to proceed. I do not support this idea because as Christians, we are to 'solve our issues while in the way'.

Many will not agree with me here. Not surprising really, but I suggest you take some advice given on here and consider my words carefully. 

Blessings!

[wombat]

We have  a Christian marriage which overrules the state. We have  potential custody issue and not a divorce since no legal state marriage.

 

Justin Adams, I hear your point but even the state says ok if  there is a custody issue, the children stay where present. No disruptions/moves of minors until the case is settled or both parties agree.

 

[Amanda Frances]

Wombat I am sorry this happening.  I would keep talking to your wife over and over telling her how much you love her and that you don't want your marriage/relationship to end.  Maybe you should really marry her this is also the right thing to do!

I would tell her that this is not the right thing to do etc as she is a christian.    That you both can work it out!   

Maybe she just is pulled too hard by her parent's illness?  Maybe she would love you all to 

move closer?  

I would dialogue as much as possible.  There may be other reasons?  

Praying for you now and her and your family.

Welcome to Worthy!

[frienduff thaylorde]

3 hours ago, Justin Adams said:

My suggestion based on experience and lots of soul wrenching is... do not oppose her. You do not want your kids in an adversarial environment. 

Think about this. If we want to throw in the towel and abandon our Christian Beliefs (abandon our salvation). The Lord is kind enough to help us pack our bags and will even give us a lift to the bus station.

To be love in the long-run is very hard. To go thru courts is a horrible way to proceed. I do not support this idea because as Christians, we are to 'solve our issues while in the way'.

Many will not agree with me here. Not surprising really, but I suggest you take some advice given on here and consider my words carefully. 

Blessings!

Oh Justin , I don't care what the Vatican says about ya ,  you know I loves ya .    I would steer clear of all courts too .   Just do all things through the instruction of the SPIRIT and the word and words inspired by GOD .  

[missmuffet]

12 hours ago, wombat said:

Hello,

 

My common law Christian wife of fifteen plus years wants a divorce due to lack of emotional support. We have children and she wants to take across the state to her original home to  care for her  ill folks.

 

I did a better job of meeting her emotional needs  a week before she returned to her parents. however, it is too late according to her.  Apparently it has been going on for too long and I did not recognize nor did my wife ask or remind me of it.

 

Naturally I would prefer for her to stay and for us to work it out. Her request caught me off guard!  Am I a jerk if I block her from using a car (titled in my name)  or file for custody blocking her from skipping the county with our school age children?  I'm concerned my wife cant take care of her folks, our children, and her self in a crowded old house.  I dont want my wife and children on the street after my inlaws pass and the govt takes their house to pay for the medical bills.

 

Scripturally speaking I read that the husband gets the children but right now my wife is being ruled by emotion and not  Christian reasoning. The same is true of her folks.

Thank you,

W

 

Why didn't you ever get legally married?

[Justin Adams]

OK. To dig myself even deeper.

Who cares if theirs is a 'marriage document' that is issued by the state. And also, should we listen to the state just because we like their take on it? (today, in this instance) The state, like a lot of laws, is not necessarily the best Judge of what a Christian should do.

Oh yeah. It might be 'convenient' to abrogate responsibility to the states ideas, but I have yet to find a state that agrees wholeheartedly with scriptures.

Look at what they allow in the schools? Gay headmasters or headmistresses; scared of their own (economic) hind ends and generally they go with the leftist flow of of what is PC. Yah can't say this or that in public and yah can't home-school unless you jump thru all kinds of hoops in some states. I mean to say, how many Christians can honestly say they are completely OK with state ed?

What does God say should be in our minds?

Edited August 2, 2019 by Justin Adams