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ohso

Should I go back to my ex abuser?

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I've already written here about my abusive ex. He was abusive in every form that exists. I got away from him. My ex went on to abuse others in his life. I prayed for him and everyone involved. My ex is not a Christian. He used to harass me and stalk me for a long time even after the break up. Then I found out he got sick. He got well and went back abusing people like he always does.

He still publicly blames me for leaving him and destroying his life with that. He is a total mess ever since we broke up. I know he is only doing it to manipulate me with guilt. He is a psychopath. 

Now I struggle with that there are no evil people, only evil that influences good people, right? So, my ex is not evil? He can be helped? Even though psychiatric studies have shown that there is no help for psychopaths and they can't be changed? 

What about the Bible that says "If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also."? I didn't do that. Instead I left my ex. Should I go back to him to help him? I don't know how. So, how? I still care very much for him. He has no Christian and no positive influence what sort ever in his life from anyone. Is my faith strong enough to reach out to my ex and actually really try to help him? I only pray for him for years, and he is only getting worse. I feel enormous guilt for not doing anything. I have PTSD. I'm sorry if I trigger you, I do not advise victims of the abuse to go back to the abusers. I am only asking about myself.

I talk to God, but I'm confused should I listen to my mind (reason), or my heart? My soul is telling me to help him. But it might end up dangerously. He owns weapons. Is that God's voice, because I should think about others first and not myself, right? God tells us to sacrifice for others, right? I have no peace like this. I'm sorry if I upset anyone. Any words of advice would be helpful. 

Thank you. God bless.

 

Edited by ohso
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14 minutes ago, ohso said:

I've already written here about my abusive ex. He was abusive in every form that exists. I got away from him. My ex went on to abuse others in his life. I prayed for him and everyone involved. My ex is not a Christian.

Dear sister, you need to keep yourself safe from what would no doubt be a serious mistake. It would be an open welcome for a potentially serious physical danger to your life, and it's not worth permitting your ex husband to harm you any further. He's an unbeliever, totally out of control, and he's maliciously armed.  

The scripture in Matthew 5:39 does not apply to your situation at all. So, don't let condemnation to take hold of you about that. Healing from the hurts are what is necessary for you right now, and that takes whatever time need be to accomplish it. Allow the Lord to do this, and let Him comfort you. God bless you, dear heart. 

Shalom, 

David/BeauJangles

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1 hour ago, ohso said:

He still publicly blames me for leaving him and destroying his life with that. He is a total mess ever since we broke up. I know he is only doing it to manipulate me with guilt. He is a psychopath.

Now I struggle with that there are no evil people,

 

Thank you. God bless.

 

You have no requirement to go back to someone who blames you for their violence.

There are evil people, don't let false ideas put you in danger.

Continue to pray for him, but don't meet him, not unless he has become a Christian and a minister known to your minister will vouch that he has learnt bto control his temper, accepts that he was at fault for ruining your marriage and is now sucessfully married.

 

Untill that happens stay away from him.

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5 hours ago, ohso said:

I talk to God, but I'm confused should I listen to my mind (reason), or my heart? My soul is telling me to help him

Listen to reason. Seek counsel from other wise Christians and professionals and they will ALL tell you not to go back.

You said your soul is telling you to help him, are you a professional? How would you go about helping him? What steps would you take?

He needs professional help from someone he has not been abusive towards and from someone he has not been romantically involved with.If you truly want to help him, walk away so that he does not have anyone to abuse. Pray that the Lord sends a professional into his life.

I use to deliver food to women in shelters hiding from their abusers. They were praying they would not be found. You're talking  about voluntarily going back into an abusive relationship. It may not seem like the case, and I know  your heart is in the right place as far as wanting to help someone who needs it, but pride is causing you to believe you can help him.

It is very difficult for an abuser to change. Years ago a Pastor stood in front of a church and confessed his abuse towards his wife asking that we all pray for his anger issues. He couldn’t stop. He was not hitting her, just scaring her to the point where she would hide. This was a man of God struggling with this issue and the entire church could not help him. I’m not saying your ex is beyond help, it’s just a lot of work and help needs to come from someone he can’t abuse.

 

I’m so sorry you have had to go through so much abuse. Please don’t subject yourself to anymore.

P.S. turn the other cheek is not talking about violence but about not returning disrespect for disrespect.

 

 

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6 hours ago, ohso said:

I feel enormous guilt for not doing anything.

God does not lead by guilt.

6 hours ago, ohso said:

I talk to God, but I'm confused

 

6 hours ago, ohso said:

I have no peace like this.

Confusion and lack of peace are not from God.

Matthew 11:28-30  "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

John 14:27  "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid."

John 16:33 "I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”

 

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It's not proper to treat a person's cocaine addiction by giving them cocaine. Substance abuse and actual abuse are different, yes, but it's the same idea; the best you can do to help what you've been doing, maintaining your distance and praying for him. If you return, it will just continue from where you left off, with built up abuse on top of that. So long as there's someone there willing to take his abuse and he doesn't blame himself and seek to correct whatever his issues are, he will continue being abusive. Maybe he'll meet a woman someday who won't stand for that, not one bit, and she won't hesitate to strike back. Maybe he'll someday realize that he is awful, and hopefully with a good seed planted, he can turn to God to mend his ways. Perhaps that day will never come, and he will go to his grave, still gnashing his teeth. Some things are simply beyond our control, and some people just don't want help. What seems to be best would be to stay away, and pray. Even if he did change his life around in such a major way, i'd still think that returning would only reopen the wound.

2 Peter 3:9 - The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is long-suffering to us-ward, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance. 

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Dear one, ...you are the Bride of Christ, ...NOT some man's punching bag, Jesus would never treat you that way, ...so that should clear up any confusion about what Love really is and what you should do in this situation...

You say he abused you when you were married, ...did you ever report it? If you did then seek a restraining order against him!

If you didn't, then may I suggest you go to the police now with any evidence you might have  of him presently abusing you, ...or be able to find, ...and ask for their help.

You've already been given some good advice, ...personally, I think it's time for you to move on and pray for Father's guidance in your life, ...who knows, ...He just might bring you an Adam that He has been preparing specifically for your, ...so make certain your vertical relationship with Father is good and allow Him to work in your life.

Lord bless 

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8 hours ago, ohso said:

I've already written here about my abusive ex. He was abusive in every form that exists. I got away from him. My ex went on to abuse others in his life. I prayed for him and everyone involved. My ex is not a Christian. He used to harass me and stalk me for a long time even after the break up. Then I found out he got sick. He got well and went back abusing people like he always does.

He still publicly blames me for leaving him and destroying his life with that. He is a total mess ever since we broke up. I know he is only doing it to manipulate me with guilt. He is a psychopath. 

Now I struggle with that there are no evil people, only evil that influences good people, right? So, my ex is not evil? He can be helped? Even though psychiatric studies have shown that there is no help for psychopaths and they can't be changed? 

What about the Bible that says "If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also."? I didn't do that. Instead I left my ex. Should I go back to him to help him? I don't know how. So, how? I still care very much for him. He has no Christian and no positive influence what sort ever in his life from anyone. Is my faith strong enough to reach out to my ex and actually really try to help him? I only pray for him for years, and he is only getting worse. I feel enormous guilt for not doing anything. I have PTSD. I'm sorry if I trigger you, I do not advise victims of the abuse to go back to the abusers. I am only asking about myself.

I talk to God, but I'm confused should I listen to my mind (reason), or my heart? My soul is telling me to help him. But it might end up dangerously. He owns weapons. Is that God's voice, because I should think about others first and not myself, right? God tells us to sacrifice for others, right? I have no peace like this. I'm sorry if I upset anyone. Any words of advice would be helpful. 

Thank you. God bless.

 

Dear Sister, 

God would not want you to walk back into a situation that has you being abused/placed in danger. We are to forgive those who harm us but we are not to be naive. The only way you should ever consider returning to that relationship would be if your ex meets Jesus, makes a tremendous change in his behavior, offers a sincere apology that is evidenced in his actions and not just word, and continues down a right path for a considerable length of time. Until that time, you should wash your hands of the situation.

Move on with your life, pursuing Christ and trust that He will lead you to someone who will value you for the daughter of God you are; you're His beloved, always remember that. You should not be treated any less. 

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God has a history of telling his own to move on and never ever look back into vileness.  You need move that other foot forward, do not lean back, look back, nor pivot back. Move on forward only.

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