is it a sin..

[integrity]

Is it a sin to not like someone? bit of back story...we rented a house from inlaws, they sold their house and moved in with us without consulting us. My mil has always since day one praised her daughter and daughter in law and basically  never outright said it but insinuated they are "better" than me. For a few years I has the feeling she didnt love me but I've been nothing but kind to her and courteous. I didnt think that a christian person can dislike their family member for no reason. She has never complimented me as a housewife a person a mother anything at all. She interferes with my parenting in the worst ways. To the point where my 5 yr old disrespects me and does not listen. I stood up for myself and she ended up telling my husband I'm crazy and theres something wrong with me, my kids dont love me I'm a abusive(I assure you I am not) she undermines my authority and makes passive aggressive comments talking to me or with company. I know she will never change. I cant even approach her with this because she will deny it all. In conclusion. I do not like her anymore. im the kind of person that after you trample on me a few times I cant trust you anymore I just cant. I want her to be well I wish her happiness and blessings but I do not want a relationship with her. Is that okay? I dont want to be a martyr to a fellow christian. She should know better. shes been "christian" her whole life. I dont think she has any mental issues that would excuse her nasty fake sweet cutting comments. My mom says to apologize to her for anything I could've said to offend her. I told my mom my existence offends her should I apologize for that? Needless to say I do not like to ask my mom for advice.

[Who me]

Talk to your husband. Do you have to stay in your in law's house, can you afford to live elsewhere?

If you can move. That is the only way you will be able to change things, by moving to another town.

[missmuffet]

You are dealing with a toxic person. We need to distance ourselves from a toxic person. It is ok not to like them but you should pray for them.

[Jedi4Yahweh]

Loving your neighbor command is not about your inward feelings or emotions towards them its more about how you treat them.   When it says to love your enemies, it means to treat you enemies the same way you would treat people you love.  

[integrity]

Thank you all for your wisdom! It is so refreshing to hear these things. I do want to treat her with kindness. But boy am I sick of this. We are almost done building a house. But my husbnad has a temporary position although he works full time because if the covid thing. That's why we are afraid to go get an apartment. If he loses his job back in with them we will have to go. Once we finish our house I know there will be Bill's to pay but we would be able to make a profit if the worst happens and live off of that tidbit for a little.  I tell my mom that too...if I had space from her she wouldn't get to me. But I dont. I face her everyday all day and it's good to know that I can treat her with love but dont have to have a deep relationship with her just because shes my husbands mom. I plan on not seeing her after we move out because I need time and space from her.

[Guest]

There are plenty of people i do not like. I usually just cut them out of my life or if they are family, i limit my contact with them. Just because we are Christian doesn't mean we have to force ourselves to endure the company of those who make us feel bad. I pray for them but i choose not to be a mat for their feet. Certain people never change. Life is too short for enduring their nonsense.Best get them out of your head. 

I don't feel guilty. 

 

Edited September 3, 2020 by Melinda12

[R. Hartono]

Dont give pearls to pigs (ungrateful treacherous people).

[johnthebaptist]

8 hours ago, integrity said:

Is it a sin to not like someone? bit of back story...we rented a house from inlaws, they sold their house and moved in with us without consulting us. My mil has always since day one praised her daughter and daughter in law and basically  never outright said it but insinuated they are "better" than me. For a few years I has the feeling she didnt love me but I've been nothing but kind to her and courteous. I didnt think that a christian person can dislike their family member for no reason. She has never complimented me as a housewife a person a mother anything at all. She interferes with my parenting in the worst ways. To the point where my 5 yr old disrespects me and does not listen. I stood up for myself and she ended up telling my husband I'm crazy and theres something wrong with me, my kids dont love me I'm a abusive(I assure you I am not) she undermines my authority and makes passive aggressive comments talking to me or with company. I know she will never change. I cant even approach her with this because she will deny it all. In conclusion. I do not like her anymore. im the kind of person that after you trample on me a few times I cant trust you anymore I just cant. I want her to be well I wish her happiness and blessings but I do not want a relationship with her. Is that okay? I dont want to be a martyr to a fellow christian. She should know better. shes been "christian" her whole life. I dont think she has any mental issues that would excuse her nasty fake sweet cutting comments. My mom says to apologize to her for anything I could've said to offend her. I told my mom my existence offends her should I apologize for that? Needless to say I do not like to ask my mom for advice.

Maybe this is a clue: 

[19] Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God; for it is written, "Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord."
[20] No, "if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals upon his head."
[21] Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. Romans 12:19-21 RSV

[Willa]

 2Ti 4:14 Alexander the coppersmith did me much harm. May the Lord repay him according to his works.  2Ti 4:15. You also must beware of him, for he has greatly resisted our words.

I also have a cousin who has been abusive toward me for 70 years.  I have finally given up on her.   She is supposed to be a Christian but continues to lure me into trusting her again and then deals treacherously with me.  A few years ago I finally said no, I don't need this.  Enough is enough. I can forgive you but I can't trust you.  I am not bitter toward her but truly saddened and wondering how genuine her faith is that she would treat another Christian so cruely.  I still tend to believe the best of people.  Love believes all things, hopes all things endures all things.  But we don't have to be stupid.  There are some people who are just dangerous and cruel and we don't need to place ourselves or our families in harm's way.

[integrity]

It makes me unbearably sad knowing I'm not the only one with a toxic lifelong christian in my life. Especially Willa, that old cousin of yours. Makes me sad that people claim to be Christian  and know the Lord but act like His enemy. I just wonder is there some sort of mental block in their mind when they hear or read Gods word? It clearly says to love your neighbor as yourself! Especially someone who does nothing to offend you. I mean how dare my mother on law think I'm useless and dumb and inadequate. I'm not lazy or unkind. Or do they so arrogant that they think they have a right to treat others this way because of some preconceived notion that they can treat a fellow Christian this way? With my mothers in law it's as if I'm in a verbally abusive relationship. If my husbnad had that quality that she has I dont think we would still be married. She destroys my heart. I choose to not give up on people even though my  brain has told me since day 1 theres something off about her. I dont want to give up on her but she causes too much pain. These verbal slights are like someone taking a knife into your heart and twisting it all with a smile on their face. I just dont know.

 

Johnthebaptist, your verses are balm to my soul it's exactly the biblical wisdom I needed to hear. I know those verses, but havent ever connected them to this scenario.