Being offended, do we choose to be offended

[missmuffet]

The following is a blog entry that I made on a psychology forum on the Word Humility

Idols of the Marketplace: The word, humility --------- The concept of humility should not be taken to mean corrupt submissiveness as some people tend to do in our time. Humility could best be understood as the ability to refrain from drawing pre-emptive conclusions; and of being aware of your limitations and the fact that you cannot really tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth concerning any matter. Understanding this meaning of humility would be helpful in maintaing commitment competence and having the ability to refrain from making bad commitments that would be self-destructive. Humility can also be taken to refer to the tendency to refrain from constellatory thinking and avoiding the bad consequences that result from it; the destructiveness of individual persons who do not fit the stereotype. Stereotyping is a common word used in discussions about human behavior and it is certainly relevant to this essay on humility forum. I thought that it might be somewhat relevent to ths topic.

The phrase idols of the market place was used by Francis Bacon to indicate problems stemming from confusion in language use, where a term would mean one thing to one person and something else to another.

That was clear as mud to me.

[Ezra]

I would like to explore this subject and get others opinions, I've been told time and time again, if your offended or hurt it's by my choice, regardless if the person is being offensive or hurtful, in a way it feels like the blame is being put on me for the reaction to the action and their way of not taking accountability for the wrong doing. Am I way off course?

Being offended or not being offended is something that one can control, so it is definitely one's choice to carry hurt, grudges, etc. or ignore the offences. It goes back to the basic concept of action and reaction. Let's say someone calls you a "Blankety Blank". Here's some of the ways you could respond:

1. Sarcasm -- Thanks, that's a real compliment

2. Dismissal -- Really?  Anything else you'd like to add?

3. Hurt -- I'm really upset because I was insulted

4. Resolution -- Perhaps we should sit down and talk about this.

[missmuffet]

 

I would like to explore this subject and get others opinions, I've been told time and time again, if your offended or hurt it's by my choice, regardless if the person is being offensive or hurtful, in a way it feels like the blame is being put on me for the reaction to the action and their way of not taking accountability for the wrong doing. Am I way off course?

Being offended or not being offended is something that one can control, so it is definitely one's choice to carry hurt, grudges, etc. or ignore the offences. It goes back to the basic concept of action and reaction. Let's say someone calls you a "Blankety Blank". Here's some of the ways you could respond:

1. Sarcasm -- Thanks, that's a real compliment

2. Dismissal -- Really?  Anything else you'd like to add?

3. Hurt -- I'm really upset because I was insulted

4. Resolution -- Perhaps we should sit down and talk about this.

 

It depends on who this person is.I have tried to resolve a conflict by saying "we should sit down and talk about this".They are so mad that they say "No way I am not going to talk to you about anything".It is then time to cool off and try to separate yourself from that person to let things cool down.Is the person a coworker who you do not see all the time?Is the person a spouse who you live with?Are there inflamatory words or physical abuse involved?

[gamnot]

There are basically there ways of interacting with another: 1. Moving toward 2. Moving against 3. Moving away from. Moving toward someone who is moving against you creates something that could be referred to as a narcissistic attachment. Moving against someone as in over-responding could turn you in to the aggressor. Moving away from might fuel the offenders unreasonable feeling of superiority and sense of entitlement. relating to another depends on the others position in your life space; If it is a family situation, work situation etc. ................

[Willa]

Sometimes, because of life's experiences, we become overly sensitive and easily hurt. But a godly husband will learn to "Husbands, in the same way dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as the weaker vessel, as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered. Finally, all of you be of one mind, having compassion for one another; love as brothers, be tenderhearted, be courteous; 1 Peter 3:7-8.

Bless those who persecute you. Pray for those who spitefully use you.

I have done this literally, smiling back and with authority replying with Aaron's blessing: "The Lord bless you and keep you, the Lord make His face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord lift up His countenance upon you and give you peace." Numbers 6:24-26.

Ask God to fill you again with the Holy Spirit to empower you to reply in authority and peace. You did nothing wrong by reflecting your feelings, but the verbal abuse is continuing. You might even make a sign or woodburn a plaque with 1 Peter 3:7-8. I would not usually use God's word as a hammer. But if he refuses to go to counseling and maintains he is a good christian who has done nothing wrong, it might be appropriate. He is not listening to the Holy Spirit, maybe he will listen to Baalam's donkey (which I have also been called). He may get angry and break it or verbally assault you more, but stand tall. Just be sure that you are practicing the first part of 1 Peter 3 while doing this, and put up a plaque with your own instructions up.

1 Peter 3:1 NIV "Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives."

Blessings,

Willa

PS. Never withhold sex. Your body belongs to him. 1 Cor. 7:3-5

[Tristen]

Hi GLM,

 

Not-being-offended is a choice the same as forgiveness is a choice. Neither is necessarily easy. Both require some element of practice and discipline to master (if it is ever mastered). Both require antagonism against the flesh – who wants the right to feel annoyed based on some perceived, personal injustice. Neither is about blame-shifting as the focus is on your own spiritual welfare – and the corrosive consequence of harbouring bitterness. Choosing to let go of offence is ultimately recognition of, and association with, Paul’s statement;

 

Galatians 2:20

²⁰ I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.

[gdemoss]

This is a very hard topic! Please do not feel weird if your having trouble understanding it.

Whenever I am disturbed there is something wrong with me.

In order to get with that I had to be able to see it in action. Jesus did that for me when he was arrested, beaten, mocked, crucify etc and reacted to all of it by saying "forgive them for they know not what they do".

Had they done all that to me I would have acted differently because I am a different person with a different understanding level than Jesus.

Someone told me that I would do well if I began to understand that people are spiritually sick. That if I could come to that realization I would not spend so much time offended when people did offensive things.

What I began to practice doing is when someone offended I would say to myself this is a sick person. I would ask God to save me from being angry and show me how I can be helpful to them. I classify this type of spiritual sickness with cancer and other things so I stop retaliating or arguing with them as I wouldn't treat sick people that way.

The bible has helped me to understand that I am nothing and that my ego is the thing that causes me to be offended and hurt when people sin against me. I notice that if I humble myself I have times where I feel no offense when another sins against me. Instead I feel something for them knowing that what they are doing separates them from God and the sunlight of the spirit.

Today I know that whenever I am disturbed there is something wrong with me. When aggitated I pause and quell the disturbance in me so that I can be useful to others. Anger and resentment are not for me. I want to rid myself of them. Love, joy and peace!

[oldzimm]

I don't really think being offended is a choice in itself, but we do have a choice in our morals and values. I think some of our morals and values have different degrees when responding or lack of responding to the offender. Some of my morals or values that may be attacked, I could just brush off my shoulder and forget bout it. Some of my morals and values I feel so strongly about that if somebody offended me, they tripped my trigger and the debate is on. I think on some of our hot threads you can tell when somebodies trigger has been tripped. (it's only human)

 

Oldzimm

[other one]

[other one]

and we have to ask.......   where will it end...