Married women and their money

[missmuffet]

8 minutes ago, ayin jade said:

I remind my hubby of that whenever he gets a chocolate bar. 

You need to get his and her chocolate bars

 

[other one]

#1 definitely. 

When we first got married my wife was a stay at home mom.  She's a lot more frugal than I was at the time and we had so little, and she had more time until the kids came along so she paid all the bills and stuff.  We had an agreement that we would not spend more than 10 dollars on anything that we didn't talk over. When the kids came along she was used to doing it that we just kept her paying bills and watching the bank.  After the kids got into grade school she was a teachers aid and then substituted some and decided she wanted to get paid better for it and went back to school to get a teaching degree.  That's when I took over the finances.......  and it's a pain in the button to do it manually.  So I went electronic...  everything is automatic.  We write one or two checks a month and I do two electronic checks.....   the rest goes on the Discover Card so we get a good cash back.  $670 so far this year.  But we always discuss any expense over $50.  Makes for a good happy marriage financially wise.

[missmuffet]

5 minutes ago, other one said:

#1 definitely. 

When we first got married my wife was a stay at home mom.  She's a lot more frugal than I was at the time and we had so little, and she had more time until the kids came along so she paid all the bills and stuff.  We had an agreement that we would not spend more than 10 dollars on anything that we didn't talk over. When the kids came along she was used to doing it that we just kept her paying bills and watching the bank.  After the kids got into grade school she was a teachers aid and then substituted some and decided she wanted to get paid better for it and went back to school to get a teaching degree.  That's when I took over the finances.......  and it's a pain in the button to do it manually.  So I went electronic...  everything is automatic.  We write one or two checks a month and I do two electronic checks.....   the rest goes on the Discover Card so we get a good cash back.  $670 so far this year.  But we always discuss any expense over $50.  Makes for a good happy marriage financially wise.

First of all it is important for a family to stay out of debt. My dad always said if he could not pay for anything in cash he would not buy it. Wise financial decision. When the kids get into high school then that is a decision that if she wants to go back to work then that is an ok opportunity. I know some women who say they would go crazy staying at home with the kids. I have done both. I think it is much more difficult to stay at home with the kids than to work outside the home. Much more is expected of you. But my kids and I have some great memories of the things we did when we had that time together. We look back and have many laughs. Like the commercial "memories pressed between the pages of my mind".

[Leonardo Von]

On 9/3/2016 at 4:06 PM, missmuffet said:

2. Should they have separate accounts and what is his is his and what is hers is hers?

On of the biggest problems in a marriage is money.

·        “For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows.” (1 Timothy 6.10).

 

Besides, Jesus said that husband and woman will be one only flesh (and not merely one only spirit):

 

·        “And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, and said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” (Matthew 19.4-6).

 

If husband and woman would have separate accounts, then they already are separated.

 

It is not for husband and wife to build each one's kingdom, with one cooperating with another. Instead, the woman's role is to cooperate with her husband in the kingdom of the Eternal that is to be built within him and through him in the hearts of the people (according to the original plan of the Eternal described in Genesis 1:28, Isaiah 11: 9, Habakkuk 2:14).

Furthermore, through the love:

 

•      whoever delivers the service is pleased to offer it with joy (Eph. 4:28);

•      those who benefit from the service are happy to share the necessary resources so that the service provider can continue in the work (2Cor 9.6; Gal 6.6).

 

In this case, whoever renders the service will do exactly what the individual needs and this will give him exactly the resource that the Eternal has touched in his heart to give him, for they both see each other reward for themselves. After all, as in Christ we are individually members of one another (Rom. 12: 5), then what is good for one is for the other (one is the channel of blessing of the Eternal in the life of the other): the service provider ends up serving himself (as the service will provide the receiver to serve the Eternal more effectively) and the buyer giving the resource to himself (as this feature will allow the service provider to remain in his gift perfecting it, being available to when buyer or someone connected to him to need his services again). This is not selfishness, but love your neighbor as yourself (Mark 12.33). Even though it is not excellence, it is the way to it (Rom. 10:4), that we may love one another as Jesus loved us (John 13:34, 35).

It is not in vain that justice is synonymous with something neither loose nor too tight. Only love can produce a just relationship, where each one gives with joy (2Cor 9.6) exactly what the other needs to receive from the Eternal. Hence one who loves others to keep the law (Rom. 13: 8). Note that it is not "obeying" but "fulfilling" the law.

Obedience, in the colloquial sense, is solely a mere agreement to fulfill obligations. Notwithstanding, when we let everyone that the Eternal brings to be part of us, all righteousness that is possible in the law is fulfilled in us who do not walk according to the flesh but according to the spirit (Rom. 8:3-4). That is to say, the law is con-firmed, established within us and the neighbor by means of the Word of the Eternal operating in both (Rom. 3:31).

And what law is con-firmed? The bond (love) around forgiveness and mercy. Let our lives be the priesthood of the Eternal in the lives of those whom Jesus has given us, as well as the kingdom of the Eternal where there are those in whom they are to exercise this priesthood. That is, the law is not to do the right things, but to help others not to do the wrong thing. It is not to show our correctness, but to see the failings of others to be worked out for us.

[ravindran]

On 9/3/2016 at 3:06 PM, missmuffet said:

So how should a married couple handle their financial situations?

1. Should they have a joint account and everything they earn go into the same account?

2. Should they have separate accounts and what is his is his and what is hers is hers?

3. Who should pay the bills?

4. What if you have a spender and the other more frugal?

On of the biggest problems in a marriage is money.

My wife is stay at home mom. We have joint account. She never uses her credit or debit card. We really don't have an issue with any of the points. Guess it is all simple because there is only one source.

[Ezra]

On 9/3/2016 at 1:06 PM, missmuffet said:

1. Should they have a joint account and everything they earn go into the same account?

If a couple are both Christians, then the two are actually one, according to God and Christ.  So everything should be in a joint account and treated as belonging to both.  Even those who are not Christians should follow this principle.

[The_Patriot21]

To me, it matters not how many accounts they have or how they do it, as long as they are of one accord on how to do the finances. If they are both in agreement and have a good budget and responsible plan on how their money is handled, whether they have individual or joint accounts is irrelevant, and should be up to the couple. The Bible doesn't specify how to handle bank accounts-just that money should be handled wisely, and a married couple should be on the same page about it.

[other one]

On 9/3/2016 at 5:46 PM, missmuffet said:

First of all it is important for a family to stay out of debt. My dad always said if he could not pay for anything in cash he would not buy it. Wise financial decision. When the kids get into high school then that is a decision that if she wants to go back to work then that is an ok opportunity. I know some women who say they would go crazy staying at home with the kids. I have done both. I think it is much more difficult to stay at home with the kids than to work outside the home. Much more is expected of you. But my kids and I have some great memories of the things we did when we had that time together. We look back and have many laughs. Like the commercial "memories pressed between the pages of my mind".

We had some debt when we first married for necessities and mortgage, but after about 5 years the only debt we had was for autos and house.....    we paid off the car and kept putting payments into a savings account and our last two cars we paid cash.  Paid the house off 15 years ago and don't owe anything but this months discover card balance....    and in 2016 we earned about 600 dollars by putting everything on our discover card and paying it off each month.....   nice little year end bonus for retired people.

[MorningGlory]

On 9/3/2016 at 3:00 PM, RustyAngeL said:

 I had my own account plus our joint account.  However Steve also had access to my account.  It was understood that it all was ours.  

My friends new husband is an ogre.   He controls all the money even though Martha's SS check goes into the account along with Hals.  She is only allowed $25 a month and must account for every penny of that.  When they go grocery she is not allowed to buy anything he doesn't eat. Their tastes are totally different.  He wants tons of sugar even though he is diabetic.  She on the other hand is struggling to loose weight.  She shattered her ankle two years ago and has a lot of hardware in that ankle.  Her weight is high (she is only 5 feet tall)  and I have warned her that if she is not careful that ankle could shatter again.  He doesn't seem to care.  He just doesn't get it.  

She does nothing about it because she doesn't want him to leave her.  I feel sorry for her.

I never had to account for what I spend and neither did Steve, as I said it was an understanding it was OUR money not one or the others.  We were true partners in everything.  I miss him.

Blessings, RustyAngeL

 

It sounds like you had a long and happy marriage, Rusty.  And I agree that 'ours' is the operative word.  Marriage is hard enough without money problems.  The friend you describe is being abused by her controlling husband even if it;s not physical abuse.  I can't imagine letting anyone control your life in that way.  It's very sad.

[Wayne222]

On Saturday, September 03, 2016 at 2:06 PM, missmuffet said:

So how should a married couple handle their financial situations?

1. Should they have a joint account and everything they earn go into the same account?

2. Should they have separate accounts and what is his is his and what is hers is hers?

3. Who should pay the bills?

4. What if you have a spender and the other more frugal?

On of the biggest problems in a marriage is money.

It depends on the couple. Who is wiser and more capable. But each should know what's going on .The wife might be better or the other way. But I think the money earned belongs as a whole. Each should have a say in how anything is spent.