BeauJangles Posted March 10, 2020 Group: Royal Member Followers: 43 Topic Count: 229 Topics Per Day: 0.06 Content Count: 10,900 Content Per Day: 2.91 Reputation: 12,145 Days Won: 68 Joined: 02/13/2014 Status: Offline Birthday: 08/14/1954 Share Posted March 10, 2020 1 hour ago, P Jay said: Thanks for your feedback. Maybe I didn't communicate my idea very well. I understand what you say as true. I understand that this forum CAN DO for others in needs. I said what I did regarding the poster not coming here because he HAS come here so much and yet continues to be addicted to these girls. I felt that the people here probably gave all of the best advice they had, and that the only thing that we could do to help would be to pray for him. In terms of people like this I must wonder what the underlying motif is for him coming here. That's all. Perhaps I'm not as aware of the specifics of the circumstances that some appear to be. Sounds like a 'heads-up' on this so, I'll just bow out of the topic now. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R. Hartono Posted March 10, 2020 Group: Royal Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 777 Topics Per Day: 0.34 Content Count: 6,955 Content Per Day: 3.05 Reputation: 1,985 Days Won: 1 Joined: 02/15/2018 Status: Offline Share Posted March 10, 2020 15 hours ago, appy said: This is now going on year 3 of this problem with you wanting to be back into this family's life and wanting people here to feel sorry for you. What your saying today, is a drastic change from your story in the past. Your an much older man than wants to stay in contact with someone's children that does NOT want to be in contact with you, because if they did, you would not be posting yet again about it. Folks talked at length with you about this 3 years ago, and again here on the forums back in December. You have a very unhealthy interest in this family. They set up the boundary, and I strongly suggest that you respect it. Not only in person, but online as well. Because it appears that your trying to coerce that family to associate with you, by getting other people to chastise them online; who do not have the details you previously shared in the past. Its a form of bullying and stalking. I remember your past conversations well because you brought it up a lot for a long, long time and it was discussed at length each time with multiple of people for months. You told us in chat yourself, that the the pastor of this family at the one church told you specifically and directly that you were not to phone text or chat online with this pastor's or father of said children who were then minors. You, yourself told folks in chat, that the pastor told you to drop the matter multiple times and to leave them alone. As a parent of said children, it is his right. You were very upset with the parents for cutting off your ability to chat with their kids without the parents being present. That family is NOT obligated to associate with you in any way shape or form. You had numerous people telling you in chat, that you should abide by their wishes, and not have contact with that family, simply because the family asked you to leave them alone. It was also recommended that you change church's since you were so bothered by it. And because you claimed that you did not want the mother was clicking on the “like” button of whatever you were posting on facebook, back in December of 2019 you were told by other folks to block any responses from her or any one else from that family. A parent's first and foremost responsibility as a parent is to uphold their children's safety and well being. That is their job. From past conversations with you, I think it is safe to assume there is a lot more to the story than you have shared overall, and the severance had more to do with the parents feeling that the relationship between you and their kids was going in the direction of being unhealthy, with no improvement in sight than them simply being wronged. And they set up a boundary that is in theirs and your best interest which you objected to back then and are still objecting to today. He needs to move on from his frog pond. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
appy Posted March 10, 2020 Group: Royal Member Followers: 23 Topic Count: 133 Topics Per Day: 0.03 Content Count: 2,864 Content Per Day: 0.61 Reputation: 2,596 Days Won: 2 Joined: 08/07/2011 Status: Offline Share Posted March 10, 2020 1 minute ago, R. Hartono said: He needs to move on from his frog pond. That is what he is now addressing, is the need to move on. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R. Hartono Posted March 10, 2020 Group: Royal Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 777 Topics Per Day: 0.34 Content Count: 6,955 Content Per Day: 3.05 Reputation: 1,985 Days Won: 1 Joined: 02/15/2018 Status: Offline Share Posted March 10, 2020 1 hour ago, appy said: That is what he is now addressing, is the need to move on. No, from what u write he is still sinking in frog pond. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
warrior12 Posted March 10, 2020 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 5 Topic Count: 54 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 2,452 Content Per Day: 0.88 Reputation: 1,530 Days Won: 0 Joined: 10/05/2016 Status: Offline Share Posted March 10, 2020 Bruises and pain don't go away instantly. Brother, you need to seek Godly counsel and if it sounds reasonable to you, then you just have to stick with it, similar to taking medication on its full course to cure a medical problem. In time, your life would return to its normal state if you fix your eyes above. You have to take the bull by the horn approach, so to speak and come to your senses. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
appy Posted March 10, 2020 Group: Royal Member Followers: 23 Topic Count: 133 Topics Per Day: 0.03 Content Count: 2,864 Content Per Day: 0.61 Reputation: 2,596 Days Won: 2 Joined: 08/07/2011 Status: Offline Share Posted March 10, 2020 We all have memories, and recall past events good and bad alike. Part of moving on, is learning from this, and accepting the fact that they do not want to be friends. The old cliche, it is what it is. I think you will find it easier to move on by accepting that, and forgiving them, and yourself. I also think it would be good if you looked forward to making new friends, in your own age bracket. Join an adult bible study. Volunteer at a soup kitchen, learn a hobby, like painting, drawing, gardening. If you are physically able join an adult group that goes walking or hiking, biking etc. . . whatever you decide on, it should be away from online activities, because apparently for you, being online the majority of your free time leads you into thinking about this family. 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heleadethme Posted March 10, 2020 Group: Royal Member Followers: 15 Topic Count: 13 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 3,371 Content Per Day: 1.35 Reputation: 3,268 Days Won: 5 Joined: 07/10/2017 Status: Offline Share Posted March 10, 2020 22 hours ago, mlssufan01 said: if you read my post...all the advice you have said here I have done. I haven't contacted them (other than the 2 meetings with the pastor), and I have blocked them as you have said, and I never went back to that church. This post isn't about us reconciling, it's about me not being able to to remove them from my memories. Also, the pastor never said to "drop the matter." The last time I expressed my concern, which was a long time ago, and even blatantly gave him the out when I said, "if your family would like no contact, I would respect it;" he did not acknowledge that statement--when I gave him that statement he said he would like to "give me the space I need to move forward" but then offered to have coffee.....in other words---it's a lot of mixed signals over and over. ....Mixed signals may be because they have mixed feelings...don't forget that they are feeling the loss of friendship as well. And perhaps also feeling wronged. I don't know your full story, but one reason you are having trouble moving on could be due to obsessiveness. Even so I bet it would help a lot if you would take full responsibility for your behaviour and acknowledge it to the Lord as well as to the ones who were affected by it (if you haven't already done so). Repentance and confession sets the Lord in motion to not only be faithful to forgive but also cleanse of all unrighteousness. We are not condemned when we "own" our wrong behaviour and repent of it. If you start doing this every time your behaviour gets the better of you, then you are beginning to do battle with the mental illness God's way and there is hope for deliverance. Just own it my friend, the Lord is good......a humble and contrite heart He will not turn away. I wish you well in Him, bless you. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neighbor Posted March 10, 2020 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 18 Topic Count: 962 Topics Per Day: 0.35 Content Count: 13,718 Content Per Day: 5.04 Reputation: 9,112 Days Won: 6 Joined: 12/04/2016 Status: Offline Birthday: 03/03/1885 Share Posted March 10, 2020 "I just want to move on" What does the Bible say ? A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls. Like a dog that returns to his vomit is a fool who repeats his folly. What the true proverb says has happened to them: “The dog returns to its own vomit, and the sow, after washing herself, returns to wallow in the mire.” Outside are the dogs and sorcerers and the sexually immoral and murderers and idolaters, and everyone who loves and practices falsehood. “Do not give dogs what is holy, and do not throw your pearls before pigs, lest they trample them underfoot and turn to attack you. Like snow in summer or rain in harvest, so honor is not fitting for a fool. Like a sparrow in its flitting, like a swallow in its flying, a curse that is causeless does not alight. A whip for the horse, a bridle for the donkey, and a rod for the back of fools. Answer not a fool according to his folly, lest you be like him yourself. Answer a fool according to his folly, lest he be wise in his own eyes. ... Credit to OpenBible Info. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
appy Posted March 10, 2020 Group: Royal Member Followers: 23 Topic Count: 133 Topics Per Day: 0.03 Content Count: 2,864 Content Per Day: 0.61 Reputation: 2,596 Days Won: 2 Joined: 08/07/2011 Status: Offline Share Posted March 10, 2020 10 hours ago, Heleadethme said: ....Mixed signals may be because they have mixed feelings...don't forget that they are feeling the loss of friendship as well. And perhaps also feeling wronged. I don't know your full story, but one reason you are having trouble moving on could be due to obsessiveness. Even so I bet it would help a lot if you would take full responsibility for your behaviour and acknowledge it to the Lord as well as to the ones who were affected by it (if you haven't already done so). Repentance and confession sets the Lord in motion to not only be faithful to forgive but also cleanse of all unrighteousness. We are not condemned when we "own" our wrong behaviour and repent of it. If you start doing this every time your behaviour gets the better of you, then you are beginning to do battle with the mental illness God's way and there is hope for deliverance. Just own it my friend, the Lord is good......a humble and contrite heart He will not turn away. I wish you well in Him, bless you. My post is directed to the quoted individual. Confused or mixed signals, from the parents of the girls my foot !!!!! I do not have children, but if I saw inappropriate content from a middle aged man that my family met in church, on my 16 year old daughter's cell phone, I would not be a happy camper and I would NOT have any problem ending the friendship right then and there. Nor would I feel bad about it. My daughter's welfare comes before the offender's feelings. I'm sure many parents here would respond in the same way. I do NOT believe the mother of those girls ever “liked” a post of his on facebook page, when they cut off all physical contact as well as blocked him from all other web sites. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Omegaman 3.0 Posted March 10, 2020 Group: Graduated to Heaven Followers: 57 Topic Count: 1,546 Topics Per Day: 0.21 Content Count: 10,320 Content Per Day: 1.41 Reputation: 12,323 Days Won: 9 Joined: 04/15/2004 Status: Offline Birthday: 11/05/1951 Share Posted March 10, 2020 missufan01, I am not going to wax brilliant here, going to be pretty simple. Here are the steps to moving on: 1. Do it! That is it! What is looks like in practice, is not focusing attention on it, not obsessing over it. Everytime you respond here with what amounts to a "yes, but . . . " you are not moving on. Everytime this comes to you mind, push the thought out, and think of something else. Take the instruction of the apostle Paul There is also an old, all but worn out prayer: Lord, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. I suggest to you that where you are, you need to focus on the first and third clause there, and not focus on thinking that you can change things. This obsession is unhealthy, and hindering you from doing things helpful to God, you, and others, so yes, it IS time to move on. Take the suggestions people have offered and do them, there is plenty of wisdom offered in this thread. Now it is your turn to exercise wisdom as well. I would define that as the application of what you know, be a doer, not just a hearer. Spend some time in the Bible learning about the things God want's you do so. If you do that, and set your course to follow them, you won't have the time to be thinking about much else. 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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