Is loneliness my cross to bear if so how do i take it up with grace?

[Figure of eighty]

I honestly feel like being alone and loneliness is a theme not only in my natural life but my christian life as well. In my natural life I feel like Ive dealt with being alone from the beginning. I used to have social anxiety but have worked on it to a point Im fairly ok it flares up at times but im ok i never had many friends and the friends i made never stuck around as life long friends. Also, I used to be close to my mom but she doesnt respect me much so its an ebb and flow. Dont have a good relationship with my dad .. So yeah theres that. When it comes to church i still fee alone. I thought Id make friends there by joining clubs and stuff it never happened. In fact they cliqued up with each other and it was just painful to see them build this bond i couldnt be apart of. Then when i left my cult-y church. I left by myself my brothers are still there probably being used still. So i just dont feel i have anyone to confide into. Shoot even when i went to a new church. I church hopped after my experience and still never like bonds. Just felt like a face in the crowd but i tried by joining clubs and stuff and nothing would happen with the people i was with. So in the world and in church I just could never find that friendship/family i was looking for. People make it seem so easy and when i try my hardest i keep running into people that use me and i dont get it. I personally dont think this is normal bc i feel iron sharpens iron and i need a christian friend to revitalize me and just help be that shoulder to lean on. Yet i dont find this. Now im coming to think maybe this is my cross to bear or something bc no matter what I do this doesnt change, its not a season its a fixed state. Please tell me someone can relate and even more tell me how to get used to this if this is for me to deal with.

[Desopixi Seilynam]

In my life I've learned to like being alone, and have grown to prefer it.

One comfort is that the Holy Spirit of God is literally living inside of me, therefore I'm not really alone.

God is pure spirit/consciousness, all spirits come from Him, He just is and causes everything else to be.

He is the One from nothing, and therefore understands how to make something from nothing.

Before creation He set apart a part of His Spirit for the purpose of giving birth to and inhabiting the Messiah.

The wise plan, from since before creation, was for Himself to experience mortality and death
on behalf of His creation. All the intimate desires of the Father are fulfilled via the Son.
God who has no beginning or ending, experienced a beginning and ending as the Messiah.
He created the concept of being born, and the concept of death, for Himself to experience.
All things, all concepts, principalities, principles, were created by Him and for Him.

Existence stems from His thoughts, His first most thought was about the plan of the Messiah.
"I wisdom was set up from everlasting, before ever the earth was..
  before there were any fountains abounding with water" Proverbs 8.

Throughout time He allowed special chosen men to be indwelt by His Set Apart Spirit, His Holy Spirit.

 

David, being indwelt by the Holy Spirit, slew a great giant with one sling stone.

Solomon, being indwelt by the Holy Spirit was able to bind many demons.

The Messiah was born directly of the Holy Spirit, there was no man involved,
Mary was indwelt by the Holy Spirit.
"The angel said to her, the Holy Ghost shall come upon thee,
and the power of the Most High shall overshadow thee,
therefore also that Holy One that shall be born of thee shall be called the Son of God"
Luke 1:35

The Messiah taught that we should turn the other cheek, go the extra mile,
and love even our enemies. Matthew 5 through 7. He said things that some people laughed at, like
'give and it will be given to you, good measures pressed down and running over' Luke 6:38
But if we believe Him, we are promised to be indwelt by the Holy Spirit.
"If you love me keep my commands, and I will pray the Father and He will send you
another Helper, that He may abide with you forever" John 14:15-24

"That we should be to the praise of His glory,
who first trusted in Christ.
In Whom ye also trusted, after that ye heard the word of truth,
the good news of your salvation:
in Whom also after that ye believed,
ye were sealed with that Holy Spirit of promise" Ephesians 1:12-14

We should understand therefore, that as believers we are not alone,
the Holy Spirit of God is literally inside of us, speaking to our hearts and guiding us to righteousness.
As we remain attentive to His direction, we will not feel alone.

[Hopefully]

1 hour ago, Figure of eighty said:

I honestly feel like being alone and loneliness is a theme not only in my natural life but my christian life as well.

Have you studied introverts vs extroverts? If not it may help your understand your nature better. 

[Starise]

I'll tell you a little about what I have come across when it comes to the different personality types, one of which is introvert.

For a brief time I had a running interest in the different personality types and attended a meet up group for "sensitives". This really is a thing for some people. They don't like loud noises or bright lights. They are better at picking up on people than most others are hence the term "sensitive". Generally they fall into one large group but I was a small subset of that group. They expend a lot more energy working at things that they can do by themselves that allow them to be secluded or alone since they tend to work best that way. Their concentration and creativity depends on having a space to themselves. These types of people dislike social contact for long durations. I mean, we can't all be lumped into one category, but this is a pretty close approximation of that particular group of people.

If you happen to be one of these people then your normal is different from an extrovert's normal.

Most of the people in that meetup group were women and this made me a little uncomfortable. That and a few other things caused me to to find something else to do with my time. It wasn't really that the majority were female. It was more that they were better able to relate to one another and their themes were mostly female focused, so I was welcome to come but a lot of it wasn't directly related to me on a situational basis. It was even implied a few times that men are less sensitive. This might be true overall but it came off condescending to me. Women are the cats and men are the stupid dogs. OK. All I can tell you is I fit the profile of a sensitive.

I have found churches to be very predictable. We recently joined a new church.  I like the church and the people but I've noticed since we joined and are now an arrow in the quiver so to speak the focus has definitely changed from the courting stage to the "now we have you" stage lol. And for me really that's ok because it's just the way things work everywhere. Instead of asking " What can you do for me?" We should ask what we can do for them. Just need to keep that in check though because some places will use you up beyond your ability to provide. 

If you are an introverted type you need to acknowledge that even they need to "come out of the hole" every now and then to briefly become social. We don't all need as much of it but we all need it. Social balance will come with time and making yourself more available to friends and family. They don't have to be your Siamese twin, just realize there's health in having a friend or two around.It's good for you in small doses.

[Selah7]

2 hours ago, Figure of eighty said:

I honestly feel like being alone and loneliness is a theme not only in my natural life but my christian life as well. In my natural life I feel like Ive dealt with being alone from the beginning. I used to have social anxiety but have worked on it to a point Im fairly ok it flares up at times but im ok i never had many friends and the friends i made never stuck around as life long friends. Also, I used to be close to my mom but she doesnt respect me much so its an ebb and flow. Dont have a good relationship with my dad .. So yeah theres that. When it comes to church i still fee alone. I thought Id make friends there by joining clubs and stuff it never happened. In fact they cliqued up with each other and it was just painful to see them build this bond i couldnt be apart of. Then when i left my cult-y church. I left by myself my brothers are still there probably being used still. So i just dont feel i have anyone to confide into. Shoot even when i went to a new church. I church hopped after my experience and still never like bonds. Just felt like a face in the crowd but i tried by joining clubs and stuff and nothing would happen with the people i was with. So in the world and in church I just could never find that friendship/family i was looking for. People make it seem so easy and when i try my hardest i keep running into people that use me and i dont get it. I personally dont think this is normal bc i feel iron sharpens iron and i need a christian friend to revitalize me and just help be that shoulder to lean on. Yet i dont find this. Now im coming to think maybe this is my cross to bear or something bc no matter what I do this doesnt change, its not a season its a fixed state. Please tell me someone can relate and even more tell me how to get used to this if this is for me to deal with.

You have the LORD, little sis.   Lean on Him, talk to Him, cry on His shoulder, laugh, whatever!  He knows you better than anyone else.  I like going out for walks and having long talks with Jesus (lol, people just think I’m  on the phone).  Or I’ll listen to Christian music and sing along.  I personally like doing things by myself.  It’s relaxing and fun—just me and the Lord... and my dog.  I’m a solo kind of gal, I guess.  Blessings!

[Starise]

2 hours ago, Figure of eighty said:

I personally dont think this is normal bc i feel iron sharpens iron and i need a christian friend to revitalize me and just help be that shoulder to lean on.

I wanted to address this too. I see that you desire someone to relate to. This is all give and take. Friendships happen because they see you as a friend too. Sometimes we aren't projecting friendliness and instead are projecting need to others. People want a friend not a problem if you know what I mean. I have had a few of those types of people in my life that just suck the energy and joy right out of a person. 

I fully understand that if you are looking for a friend very similar to yourself it might be a very long look. For me the guys are talking pickup trucks, sports and hunting while I want to discuss something more meaningful. Small talk doesn't cut it all the time. Don't be afraid to look at people who are not like you. I have found that God often pairs opposites together. The extroverts wear me down though. Another thing to consider is that even the best of friends will let one another down at times. Come into a friendship with the expectation that all relationships have occasional problems.

Making a friend means you also hear their problems. I hear some people saying " I want a friend to hear all of my troubles and be there for me". Yet when the shoe is on the other foot they are nowhere to be found. It goes both ways.

[R. Hartono]

9 hours ago, Hopefully said:

Have you studied introverts vs extroverts? If not it may help your understand your nature better. 

Since mankind fell into sin their heart is basically empty n try to seek comfort from the same lonely world with wordly entertainments.

[Logostician]

You're never alone.  Jesus is always with you.  Let that knowledge relieve your anxiety.

[OneLight]

On 6/1/2021 at 8:12 AM, Figure of eighty said:

I honestly feel like being alone and loneliness is a theme not only in my natural life but my christian life as well. In my natural life I feel like Ive dealt with being alone from the beginning. I used to have social anxiety but have worked on it to a point Im fairly ok it flares up at times but im ok i never had many friends and the friends i made never stuck around as life long friends. Also, I used to be close to my mom but she doesnt respect me much so its an ebb and flow. Dont have a good relationship with my dad .. So yeah theres that. When it comes to church i still fee alone. I thought Id make friends there by joining clubs and stuff it never happened. In fact they cliqued up with each other and it was just painful to see them build this bond i couldnt be apart of. Then when i left my cult-y church. I left by myself my brothers are still there probably being used still. So i just dont feel i have anyone to confide into. Shoot even when i went to a new church. I church hopped after my experience and still never like bonds. Just felt like a face in the crowd but i tried by joining clubs and stuff and nothing would happen with the people i was with. So in the world and in church I just could never find that friendship/family i was looking for. People make it seem so easy and when i try my hardest i keep running into people that use me and i dont get it. I personally dont think this is normal bc i feel iron sharpens iron and i need a christian friend to revitalize me and just help be that shoulder to lean on. Yet i dont find this. Now im coming to think maybe this is my cross to bear or something bc no matter what I do this doesnt change, its not a season its a fixed state. Please tell me someone can relate and even more tell me how to get used to this if this is for me to deal with.

Sounds like you are looking for relationships everywhere you think there should be one.  Yet, for some reason, I feel you are not looking where God has them for you, only where you imagine one to be.  When Jesus said to love your neighbor as yourself, this was meant to build relationships in Him, not through joining a club or organization.  Maybe, just maybe, you will find what you are looking for by loving those whom He puts in your path instead of going where you would expect to find one?  Look through Him.

[TheBlade]

Picturing a Church and I can see two in the back row.. Church... I remember when I lived in Calf "Glendale" a pastor came to our door knocking.. YEAH when's the last time that happened. We ended up going to that Church. Short.. my mom 1st time ever asked for help so we moved to Colorado. I remember just talking to the lord "remember that preacher that came to our door.. we don't know where to go to Church here.. be nice if you could do that again" I was just talking.. almost joking. Not long after that late one night someone came knocking at our door. A older gentleman asked if we knew so and so. I said sorry you have the wrong house. As said thank you and started to walk away I heard him say "NO.. God would never have me go to the wrong house" Turns around hands me this card. He was a pastor  Found out later the person he was looking for lived next door haha. 

No one knows here or on any other Christian forum. I getting old yet.. no I have no friends. I always believe is me. When I was in my 20's living with a Pastor and his wife ( they moved and wanted me to go with them) she would always tell me "some times God puts sand paper in our lifes.. thats what you are your sand paper". Some day I think I will not have to remember these things any more. 

A grandmother that prayed 4hours a day.. her husband had went home and she said "Danny the lord told me He will be my husband".  I've never touched that. I know Christ is real.. more real then my wife or kids. There is no limit to how close we can get to Him.. just believe. Talk to Him KNOW He hears you. He's not billions of billions of billions miles away. He's in you.. with you. Been crying when you cry. My wife once started a new job knew no one so we prayed.. wow did she get friends. Granted blood of JESUS she's always bubbly happy..HAHA ever thing I am not. 

So figure of eighty.. what is it you want? Your FATHER IS GOD! Christ is IN YOU. All HEAVEN Knows your name! What do you want? More friends a better Church? Ask.. but KNOW He heard you KNOW not wonder not guess KNOW He will answer it. Once heard that grandmother that prayed 4hours a day and had a bible study that its SO EASY to pray for others... can be a nightmare praying for you self. Amen