a christian with an addiction

[Marathoner]

38 minutes ago, Ghostdog said:

thank you for your responses. i wasnt sure what kind i would get so i was hesitant to post this. i 1/2 expected resondes like "youre not a christian at all".  when i was in prison i took some programs that helped me figure out the why of my addiction. and i learned that i do it to offset the negitive emotions i feel. i deal with loneliness, some depression, unhappiness, a lot of it centers around what i perceive as a man. i see what a man should be and i dont measure up. to me a man is physically strong and im not. most of my life i weighed less than 120 lbs im built lean and skinny.  so i tried to prove myself worthy of a woman and when that failed i would go into negative feelings then to my fix. 

 

I'm glad that you returned and shared more with us, my friend. 

Self-medication is indeed the doorway to addiction and while I've never dealt with narcotics and the like, I have experience working for those who do. Brother, there is no shame to be had in our frailty for the truth is evident, that the Lord God exalts the lowly, and has regard for the afflicted in their weakness. 

When we are weak, He is strong; when we are strong, He brings us low so we might understand our estate in His hand. Indeed, salvation and strength are of the Lord and not man.

We were opposites in most respects with regard to this flesh: I was tall, strong, and possessed of a keen mind. I exceled at athletics so I found military training easy to navigate. Then one day out of the blue --- I was 26, three years after my military service concluded --- the Lord called me and nothing was ever the same again. 

The Lord in His mercy broke me utterly over the course of trial and tribulation which lasted two decades. Where I was strong before, I became weak; where my mind was keen, I suffered a series of traumatic brain injuries (via concussion/coup-countercoup blows to the head) which muddled my mind and afflicted me with cognitive disabilities; maladies of both the spine and joints conspired to make my height of no effect. My body was battered and broken and my mind was in chaos. 

I will sing His praises forever for the Lord in His merciful wisdom brought me low, even on the verge of the death of this body, so that I might live in Him and for Him. When we are weak, He is strong.   

Edited August 24, 2021 by Marathoner

[Desopixi Seilynam]

It's all about faith dear one. Believing that God's Holy Spirit is literally inside of you empowering you to overcome. Therefore we take hold of the power over addiction by faith. God has given us power over it, and we need to believe it and therefore exercise that power He has granted us, the self-control that He has already granted us.
[Galatians 5:24]

If we believe that we can do nothing, we will do nothing.
If we believe that through Christ we can do all things, we will thereby overcome.

[Starise]

17 hours ago, Marathoner said:

When we are weak, He is strong; when we are strong, He brings us low so we might understand our estate in His hand. Indeed, salvation and strength are of the Lord and not man.

 Thanks for sharing your story @Marathoner. I was a shorter stockier build neanderthol perhaps? 

I could share how I've been put through the wringer. Whenever a person prays for the Lord to do WHATEVER is necessary to change them the going can get rough, but not as rough as continuing to live in sin and way more beneficial.

The scary thing though is I suspect I'm not all the way through the wringer yet.

Edited August 25, 2021 by Starise

[TheBlade]

For God so loved the world! The sweet holy Spirit today convicts the world of SIN. That sin? Is they don't believe in Yeshua/Jesus Christ. 

Can you be stuck in sin? Yes. Some do not repent. If we confess our sins He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and GET THIS.. CLEANS YOU FROM ALL UNRIGHTEOUSNESS.

You are right now RIGHTEOUS because of what CHIRST did. You believe in Him...its His righteousness. One of for me hardest part is forgiving your self. We have no right to freely sin. Focus on HIM not the sin. KNOW when you pray HE HEARS YOU! That addiction... has to go in JESUS Name! He already died for it.. it has no right to stay.. KNOW He heard you.. KNOW that addiction will go. You will wake up wondering.. WOW its GONE! He will get the glory! You asked Him to take it.. HE did. Praying for you.. you are SO LOVED! 

[appy]

On 8/23/2021 at 9:37 AM, Ghostdog said:

i havent had any cravings lately but i did go back to it a few weeks ago. there are days when i question my salvation over it. can a person be a christian and still go back to an addiction? i would think not. its the whole putting away the flesh and all that. idk. 

Every Christian has had a relapse in their walk with the Lord at one time or another.  None of us are totally immune to temptation.  God has you in his hands, and rest assured that the Holy Spirit is still in you. He is NOT done with you. Sanctification is on going our entire lifetime. If you were lost, you would not be concerned about this or how God feels about it.  

Jesus wonderfully and tenderly cares for us, just as he cares for sparrows.  He carries us, when we can't carry ourselves and gives us a reason to smile, for he has redeemed us.  He will NOT resent us, when we go to Him about our cares, such as this.   

Isaiah 41:13
For I am the LORD your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.

Isaiah 46:4
Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.

 

[Aries2020]

Greetings

One of the verses that always comforts me is rejoice and be exceeding glad for great is your reward in heaven for so persecuted they prophets that were before you. Mathew 5.12

I love hearing Jesus’ perspective when we are facing or going through trials and tribulations in our personal relationships and no matter how many times we fail our test and trail getting back up each time and trying again is the victory.

And he said unto me, my grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness.

Therefore, I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

May you rejoice in Gods grace as you submit and surrender to his will and enjoy victory.

I am grateful for your courage and sincerity to share your trail with us.

Peace

[walla299]

Along with all the other good counsel in this thread I would add only this from my first sponsor who has since gone home:

"Think for a moment about how much work you did to get and stay loaded. All of it. All the head games, manipulation, and all the rest. All the messed up people you hung with that you would never have if you were sober. We do a lot of hard work to get and stay loaded in our addictions."

I couldn't say he was wrong. I hung out with some people I would have run off with a shotgun had I been sober! It had the intended effect. It made me think about all the work I did to get and stay loaded. Then he dropped this little bomb shell:

"We have to do just as much, if not more, hard work to stay sober especially in the beginning. You'll find once you get sober that it gets easier to stay that way with time. That's why a support group is so important." 

So, yeah. He was right. Jesus was there through it all, just as He promised, but there were a lot of other believers He used to speak truth into my life when I needed to hear it the most. Stay sober and dealing with life got easier with time and as I learned to trust the Lord as I went through all that. 

[~Shalhevet~]

On 8/23/2021 at 11:37 AM, Ghostdog said:

for most of my life ive had an addiction. when i started i was young and i didnt realize it would lead to an addiction. this addiction lead to my first arrest in 2011, then in 2016, 2018 and finally may of this year. i served 2 prison sentances in between those times. the last few years i finally admitted i have a problem. back when i was younger i prayed many times for God to remove this from my life and it seems that He wont. i guess i thought that i would pray and God would answer and remove it and then life would be good. i havent had any cravings lately but i did go back to it a few weeks ago. there are days when i question my salvation over it. can a person be a christian and still go back to an addiction? i would think not. its the whole putting away the flesh and all that. idk. 

I too have struggled with addiction…first cigarettes and then alcohol. I was able to quit cigarettes on my own several years ago. Alcohol was another story for me. I prayed and struggled to quit for years until a little over a year ago I asked my doctor about it. She prescribed me with a medicine that stopped the cravings and helped me quit hopefully for good. I praise God for this medicine and that I have been freed from the bondage of addiction. Everyday has its struggles but I am able to resist temptation. I Hope and pray you are able to find the same freedom and peace that I have. 

[Starise]

17 hours ago, Josheb said:

At age 12 I had my first drink of alcohol. It was awhile before I had my second but it wasn't long before I or one of my buddies would convince some guy to buy us a case of beer ($5), which we we would put on the rack of our bicycle, drive to a park where we'd camp out for the evening or weekend and kill the case. At age 16 a friend of mine returned from overseas (his father was military) and on our way out Friday night to pick up the rest of our friends he asked if I'd ever smoked pot and if I'd like to try. No, and sure. Why not? He whipped out a pipe right then and there and I had my first toke. Started smoking pot before I smoked tobacco. From that night on I tried to find a way to get high every day. 

Had a job working as a janitor. Paid $35 a week. A bag of Mexican could be had for $15-25 but the primo stuff, Jamaican ($35) or Colombian ($45) cost more so I saved a little from each paycheck until I could afford an ounce of Colombian Red, which I got for the exceptional price of a week's pay. I asked the dealer how much a quarter pound cost and he said, "$100." Hmmm..... I could sell three ounces and get one for free. I told him I'd by a quarter pound in three weeks. I was a sophomore in High School. By years end I was routinely buying a thousand dollars of pot and reselling it. By the time I was 19 I was routinely buying $10,000 worth of pot (with that much money a pound costs as little as $35-40) and there's sixteen ounces in a pound at $45 per ounce. I branched out into pharmaceuticals and a variety of other drugs (uppers, downers, sidewaysers). Along the way I'd dropped out of High School, gotten an apartment, a pretty girl, a nice car, and lots of money. 

I also had a serious addiction. I meant what I said earlier: there isn't much I haven't used often and in large quantities. Once had a coke party in which we literally covered our bodies in coke and tried to have sex. I once took 16 hits of acid at once. 

Ended up losing everything. 

Got arrested for felony distribution. Got four DUIs in six weeks. Lost my gf. Lost my car. Lost my home. Ended up in jail - which by God's grace gave me the opportunity to dry out and sober up. Got into Buddha. Got into Jesus. And Mohammed. And Aurelius and Epicurus and Lao Tsu, and a whole bunch of other guys (well, because by them I'm an addict, remember?). First thing the judge did when I went in was to make sure I was in rehab. Fv<%!n& $u(%3d. 

Three weeks into my first program I was standing at the bus stop staring at the bar across the street after a night of everyone lying to the case workers and decided to screw them and have a drink. I walked into find the others in the group laughing at me because it took me three weeks to find the place. 

I was in rehab five years. 

Non-compliant. 

So the judge kept sending me back again and again and again until finally..... 

I got Jesus. 

Changed my life. 

But not magically. Friday and Saturday nights I'd be sipping on a beer, taking a drag of a joint, pass it around and tell everyone I found Jesus. Sunday morning I'd be in church singing to God with a hangover (why in all of heaven and earth do they hold church services so early in the morning? ). Blessedly, by God's grace I found myself surrounded by a bunch of other young believers who were also in recovery  and a bunch of wonderful teachers bold and strong enough to actually invest their lives into others'. Such a fascinating inconvenience to have someone so invested. Of course, once in God's grasp I didn't have a chance but I was hard-headed and ignorant and didn't mind a good fight (even if it was mostly with myself). 

Told the case worker I'd find Jesus. "That's nice." Worked the program and got out from underneath the big thumb of the courts. Spent 12 years in AA. Started a business. Went to college. Closed the business to go live with three men who were developmentally disabled and teach them out to live independently. Went back to college. Got married. Had kids. Went back to college. 

Along the way my wife found the porn stash. She convinced me it was not okay to force people off the road, pull them out of their car and punch them, or scare her. 

Addictions come in many forms. 

That's because sin comes in many forms and there is no end to its many manifestations. Fundamentally the addict wants only one thing and it's not a particularly complicated desire. I simply, solely, insatiably want.... 

 

MORE! 

 

I don't much care what it is; I just want more of it. 

 

Getting rid of that thirst, that lust, that claw in the skull, hurts. It takes work. Lots of relentless black-eyed-ego painful work filled with waypoints of guilt, shame, and regret but in the end there is liberty. Jesus with an addiction is better than addiction without Jesus. Jesus without addiction to sin is amazing. On David's best day his best psalm only scratched the surface. 

I cannot go back. 

I have a new addiction. 

Galatians 2:20
"I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me." 

Matthew 10:39
"He who has found his life will lose it, and he who has lost his life for My sake will find it."

Matthew 10:37-39
"He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me; and he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me.  "And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me.  "He who has found his life will lose it, and he who has lost his life for My sake will find it."

It is really quite inconvenient in the beginning. Complete joy in the end but I have to tell you, Ghostdog,  Christians are some of the most difficult people on the planet to get along with. That's because it's easy to get along with stoned-stupid people when you're stoned and stupid living a stoned and stupid life. 

Do the work.

The op says you've been incarcerated. More than once . I guess it took you a few trials to learn the lesson but it looks like you learned them: 1) you can do it, and 2) you don't want to do it again. 

So don't. 

Do the work. 

The decisions in life will always be made. They will always be made better when you're sober. Abstinence is an episode; sobriety is a lifestyle. If you're gonna have an addiction then make it Jesus. You'll bother everyone you know but at least your destiny is decided . Clean up and you might just find a joy and happiness the best high can't come close to comparing.

Internet discussion forums are not rehab. We'll pray for you and encourage you but no one here can do what you need done beyond that. 

Do the work. 

One addict to another. 

 

This vey day I will have worked with a man addicted to his anger, another addicted to pornography, another addicted to voyeurism, another addicted to viewing broadcast sports to the neglect of his wife and children, and another addicted to alcohol and other drugs so badly his whole body shakes all the time. I'm fairly confident for of the five will beat their addiction. Why only four of the five? Four of them..... 

DO THE WORK

I believe sharing these experiences have helped others see things a little differently. Thanks. 

[Starise]

17 minutes ago, Josheb said:

I've been shaking my head in incredulity over some of these memories. 

There's an old crime drama called "The Wire," and it takes place in the suburbs west of Baltimore. I used to pack my trunk with drugs drive from Virginia all the way out to McCulloh and two or three hours after arriving I'd be on my way home with a box full of cash. Can't believe I never got robbed (or shot). I've been on the wrong end of a gun more times than I can remember.  I used to go into the crack houses in DC and rummage through the pockets of the heroin addicts that were passed out for money and am prayerfully thank I never got stuck with a needle (I saw some get stuck). I can't watch that shoe nowadays because it's an hour of lies - none of it looks that way in real life. Everyone shakes when they hold a gun and there's no cool banter. There's a loud noise and either a dead bleeding body or folks running away to hide. It's actually quite difficult to hit a target from anything more than 25 feet and that goes for cops (who are presumably trained how to shoot) and crooks alike. I've known plenty of prostitutes and a few pimps but I knew one guy who pimped out his very, very physically unattractive girlfriend for $50 and the guys who would take them up on that discounted offer. At my worst I was drinking a case of beer a day plus whatever other drugs might cross my path that day and I cannot today imagine how that was physically possible - and yet it was a daily occurrence. Had a girlfriend once who came home and found me and a bunch of my buddies laid out all over the room after shooting up and she lost it and gave me an ultimatum either they leave or she leaves and to this day I wonder how it was I chose her instead of the other lady in the room. After that I had a love affair with barbiturates. That is, until I lost everything. I went from being a smart, hard working kid with a 4.0 grade average destiny for the Ivy League to penniless and homeless in five or six years. My apartment was packed every night with people partying. I was gonna say I hadn't a care in the world but I remember how tense every day was never knowing who was gonna try to steal my stuff or shoot me because all day long every day I'm interacting with criminals, predators and victims, and calling them friends. I remember being awakened on the park bench by the morning joggers and thinking how insensitive they were to interrupt my slumber. It's cold in the morning, even in summertime. I learned from the other homeless how to find food - really nice food discarded by nice restaurants but nonetheless trash. It's a unique form of depravity that prompts the thought, "This ain't so bad, tastes delicious." I remember waking up one morning in the cell block as two guys were beating each other senseless and a group cheered on in excitement thinking, "I don't belong here," but almost immediately realizing they don't incarcerate innocent people and I was in fact exactly where I belonged. I was not the guy I'd previously imagined myself to be. The real heartbreak, though, came when I realized I couldn't be as bad as the baddest. I just didn't have it in me to be uncaring all the time about everything but myself and to live the delusion that way was good. Really bad guys find pleasure in doing wrong and hurting others but the worst of them simply do not care about at all. BANG! You're dead. Meh. Few people sitting down on the sabbaths know any of those kind (or know they know them). 

I thought walla299's post was particularly poignant because I wouldn't hang out with a single one of those fools today (most of them are dead or still in prison), and I used to be one of them. 

 

However, having come to Christ I've spent the rest of my adult life helping others in need. I've mentored at least a score of young men in lay capacity. Spent the better part of a decade living with three men who were mentally retarded (developmentally disabled to be pc), ran a residential program for adults with developmental disabilities, ministered in the jails and prisons (which is tough for me), and worked the grate patrols and soup kitchens. When I started out as a counselor I intended to work with juvenile delinquents but found I was too angry and hostile and hadn't yet healed (kept wanting to beat them senseless because they were ill-mannered and kept pushing my self-entitled buttons and that's not helpful to anyone). I ended up doing an 18-month internship in a residential drug treatment facility where the men lived there for a year! Irony of ironies. Nowadays my clients are mostly trauma victims and couples (and there is a lot of overlap in those two populations), but I've got a few with dependency diagnoses that are severe. 

Life makes sense now at 62. God has restored the years the locust ate and although I'm never sure the ledger is balanced (I hurt a lot of people back then) I know God has used me to resotre many and I'm covered in the right kind of blood now. 

Romans 8:24-28
"For in hope we have been saved, but hope that is seen is not hope; for who hopes for what he already sees?  But if we hope for what we do not see, with perseverance we wait eagerly for it.  In the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words;  and He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.  And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose."

(josh shakes head) Can't go back. It's just darkness and death back there.

 

Thank 

God.

 

 

So while I think  the encouragement and prayer a forum can offer is a good thing it is not effective unless and until the addict works the work and that is always going to be most effective in Christ because going to hell sober is better than going to hell an addict but sober eternal life is the pinnacle. 

Quite a huge transition there and I think you were fortunate at least to have experienced it fairly young at the time so you had time for the Lord to work on you before it was too late. Sometimes I find that those who jumped into sin 100% make the best people later in life because they experienced all there was to experience in that world, realized how truly empty and destructive it all was and decided to make a change with everything they had.

Lest anyone think they are better because of a lack of these kinds of experiences we should never forget that it's mainly the HEART the Lord looks at in a person regardless of their surroundings or experiences. A seemingly good person can appear squeaky clean on the outside to the world while at the same time the inner man is rotten and full of worm holes. God came to save sinners and that's ALL of us.

Your testimony and other similar testimonies are proof of the fact that no man can go so low as to be beyond rescue. 

Anyone stuck in the dungeon of addiction and sin only need to look up and call out that name above all names. " Lord Jesus, please save me from myself, save me from my sins, come into my life, I give my life to you". Addiction takes help from others and the Lord, accountability and probably the most extreme use of willpower ever to stop it.

Non Christians can do a similar thing in kicking a habit but the inside will remain unchanged.