Why don't Christians value friendship?

[gray wolf]

I have been a believer for about 37 years and I've come to a realization that church is not where you find true friendship.  Everyone enjoys getting together to worship, and so do I, but no one is interested in say, getting together for lunch now and then.  And when personal crises arise, church family is not the place to find support.  I have from time to time tried to reestablish relationships with fellow believers that I've known in the past, but they couldn't care less.  When I stopped going to church in two instances due to discouragement, not even the pastors followed up with me.  

I recently saw the movie God's Not Dead and it hit the nail on the head without really meaning to.  When the Muslim girl was thrown out of the house by her father, she turned to a pastor for help.  As she sat in his office, obviously hurting, the only thing he offered was a weak smile and some pious advice.  He did not ask her where she was going to go, what she would do, even if she had a place to stay.  Oh yes, his assistant hugged the girl and offered her superficial encouragement.

I will continue to attend church to worship God, but I see it as a social club and generally feel- good preaching, not a place to turn when I am looking for true fellowship or hurting.  I have cultivated relationships with non evangelical people and nonbelievers  and value my family more than ever.  And of course most importantly, with Christ my King. 

I don't know if anyone else feels the same way or has had a similar experience, but I think this is a sad state of affairs.

[hmbld]

I have to agree, and have had the same thoughts. I have to add that I am part of this problem. I even wanted to talk directly with you two weeks ago on something you posted, and decided not too. Seems hard to develop friendships because then I would actually have to be a friend myself, lol. Just being honest, many times it's hard to make time for others when so much is going on with just getting through each day.

God bless you and thanks for posting.

[Littlelambseativy]

Funny you should say this...not even being on church committees makes you part of the "in group" that appears to run the church. Something that I have heard as an undercurrent running through the church recently. O there are the perfunctory get togethers but just step out on your own and...well as I said...funny you should say this.

[Riverwalker]

The people in church seem more interested in jockeying for position and not losing face, than being open, honest and caring.

It is unfortunately mostly an American issue as we are so into image and self...it reflects on church

 

Many years ago (1986)  I went on a "Missionary" trip to Korea. And on that supposed trip to take the good news to an already devout people I learned that I was the one who was faulty and their faith was supreme  The people wanted me to pray for them and lay hands on them...and I felt unworthy.  But I did it anyway because I figured their faith would get answered,

 

I visited a church that had 600,000  member (Yoido Full Gospel Church) and they had 13 services on Sunday,  and they moved people in and out like cattle in a dairy.

 

As we were being escorted into the "foreigners" section I hear a loud buzzing and I figure people were visiting...when I looked around to a one they had their heads bowed and were praying for the service

 

I bring this up because this 600,000 people church did it right and had tens of thousands of small home bible study groups....and it was in these groups of 10 to 12 people that the ministry really Got done

 

Sunday was just an hour praise and teaching.

 

There are churches here that try that same model, and finding a church with home bible study groups may solve your problems

Edited January 21, 2015 by Riverwalker

[The_Patriot21]

its a common complaint, but the problem most people see is that their part of the problem. Im not pointing fingers here-but everyone expects everyone else to help them, and Im as guilty of this as the next guy-we go to church expecting people to help me, expecting my needs to get fulfilled. Problem with this, is the word me, me, me. If everyone follows this mindset, then no ones needs get fulfilled, ever. We need to instead, go to church with the exact opposite-to put me on the back burner, put them first. Is someone else in crisis? can I help them? do they need listened to? what can I do to help them? without any expectation of anything in return. If we don't do this, the church will never change.

[1to3]

Got to agree with everything that has been said, but that does not change my faith in God and what God has done already in my life.

I still believe that there are good people to be found in church as in everyday life.

 

But I have learnt  it is best to place my whole trust in God and let Him guide me to the people who can help me when in time of human help.

 

 

If going to church and placing my confidence in church goers was the foundation of my faith, I would be in deep trouble.

 

Even the disciples, who spent time with Jesus, and saw His healing miracles , scattered and had no time for Him in His time of need.

When He asked His disciples to stay and pray with Him a little while, they fell asleep.

 

The only one we can try to modify with Gods help is ourselves and be a shinning light to others through Him working in us in church as in our daily life with whoever we

interact with.

 

We  ALL fall short of His glory and are in need of the Great physician Christ Jesus to change and transform us.

 

Trust in God alone and He shall direct your path says the scriptures.

 

The good Samaritan does exists in our midst and can walk the walk, not just talk the talk.

 

If we each practiced this ....

 

I think the church should have better organizational sectors, committees to be of help for different needs

and to be there to guide people to places that can be of help to them.

And there probably exist some, but not in my area.

 

Today its better to collectively help someone, so as not to get oneself in a position that is greater than our capacity to handle the situation.

Unless you feel called to help and know that you can help, than you know what to do.

 

I may get beaten down on here with my views

but I have seen good organization skills and committees in the catholic church.

There is a certain order that you can count on.

They have committees to visit the sick, to gather clothes and food for the needy, find shelter for the homeless.

 

I have also seen this with certain Jewish synagogues and their divers committees to be of help in their community.

 

But I have not seen so much of this in Evangelical churches that I have attended.

I have seen more closed circles in these types of churches than I have seen elsewhere. If you don't fit into their "ilk" than your out.

 

Believe me I really wish it was different and not so, but it has not been my experience so far.

 

Also as a single (middle aged woman) I have felt more welcome going into a catholic church than going into an evangelical one, where I have felt terribly judged for being single.

Hopefully as I get older, this will be less of a stigma.

 

I write in this edit:

 

I know all about the catholic church, so please I don't need a scriptural lecture on all the bad and falseness of it.

 

I left the catholic church to follow my mother in the pentecostal church when I was thirteen years of age, just after my father died.

Was also baptized at twenty one in this same pentecostal church.

I belonged tp a choir, taught super church and was involved a bit in church drama plays.

I left the church in my mid twenties when they rotated the pastors around and more instabilities began in the church.

My mother remained true to that church until she passed away in 2002.

 

My only brother never ever entered a church again after my father passed and declares himself to be an atheist and thinks anybody who believes is terribly misguided.

 

As for me, as I left the pentecostal church in my mid twenties, I went through a searching time trying to find where I belong.

 

(Also my grand father on my mothers side was a bible believing christian man, who was a walking example of His faith in Christ Jesus.)

I thank God for my grandfather Gustave, who exemplified the love of Christ Jesus to all , all through my childhood and early adult life. He passed when I was 29 years of age.

 

All through this God never left me or abandoned me.

And just before my mother passed, He showed me the way back to Him.

 

God has been my guide in all my circumstances, and my faith in Him is stronger than any building.

He has placed people in my life to help me, guide me through some very difficult times since my mother passed.

And I have also helped others in their time of need and will continue to do so where I can.

 

 

Today, I have no church to go to that I can call my home church.

My church is where I live in nature.

So when I feel the need to assemble with believers in Christ Jesus, It has happened that I have gone to catholic services and pray to God the bible believing way in my Lord and Savior Christ Jesus.

 

Being alone and single, I have to protect myself, I help where I can,  and i pray that God keep guiding me and helping me through the people He places in my path.

All things work together for those who love the Lord.

working things out with God, I am never alone. Amen!

Edited January 21, 2015 by 1to3

[other one]

I have been a believer for about 37 years and I've come to a realization that church is not where you find true friendship.  Everyone enjoys getting together to worship, and so do I, but no one is interested in say, getting together for lunch now and then.  And when personal crises arise, church family is not the place to find support.  I have from time to time tried to reestablish relationships with fellow believers that I've known in the past, but they couldn't care less.  When I stopped going to church in two instances due to discouragement, not even the pastors followed up with me.  

I recently saw the movie God's Not Dead and it hit the nail on the head without really meaning to.  When the Muslim girl was thrown out of the house by her father, she turned to a pastor for help.  As she sat in his office, obviously hurting, the only thing he offered was a weak smile and some pious advice.  He did not ask her where she was going to go, what she would do, even if she had a place to stay.  Oh yes, his assistant hugged the girl and offered her superficial encouragement.

I will continue to attend church to worship God, but I see it as a social club and generally feel- good preaching, not a place to turn when I am looking for true fellowship or hurting.  I have cultivated relationships with non evangelical people and nonbelievers  and value my family more than ever.  And of course most importantly, with Christ my King. 

I don't know if anyone else feels the same way or has had a similar experience, but I think this is a sad state of affairs.

 

 

We have moved three times since we got married so we have attended three different Nazarene Churches......   I have never experienced the things you are describing here.    Most Sundays there are several couples that go to restaurants to eat lunch after church and we have dine in church dinners several times a year......   when some of our older people have trouble with their homes we just go fix it for them.   When my closest friend who lives about ten miles out in the country had a heart attack, our pastor was at the hospital before the ambulance got there.

 

A couple of years ago one of our elderly people ran into financial problem and the pastor passed the hat around on Sunday morning and we raised several thousand dollars to help her out...        We do pass the hat a lot and some people take exception to that, but it's important to help folks out.

 

Just out of curiosity you should visit a Nazarene church in your area.....   I personally don't agree with all the doctrine of the church, but the people who attend there are real Christians and they take care of each other both in prayer and in person.

[gray wolf]

I think churches are wonderful places to worship and the believers are for the most part fine people.  I just have never been able to find a real friend in the place where you think it would make sense.  

[Guest]

I have been a believer for about 37 years and I've come to a realization that church is not where you find true friendship.  Everyone enjoys getting together to worship, and so do I, but no one is interested in say, getting together for lunch now and then.  And when personal crises arise, church family is not the place to find support.  I have from time to time tried to reestablish relationships with fellow believers that I've known in the past, but they couldn't care less.  When I stopped going to church in two instances due to discouragement, not even the pastors followed up with me.  

I recently saw the movie God's Not Dead and it hit the nail on the head without really meaning to.  When the Muslim girl was thrown out of the house by her father, she turned to a pastor for help.  As she sat in his office, obviously hurting, the only thing he offered was a weak smile and some pious advice.  He did not ask her where she was going to go, what she would do, even if she had a place to stay.  Oh yes, his assistant hugged the girl and offered her superficial encouragement.

I will continue to attend church to worship God, but I see it as a social club and generally feel- good preaching, not a place to turn when I am looking for true fellowship or hurting.  I have cultivated relationships with non evangelical people and nonbelievers  and value my family more than ever.  And of course most importantly, with Christ my King. 

I don't know if anyone else feels the same way or has had a similar experience, but I think this is a sad state of affairs.

 

Can't say I disagree with what you've said here because my experience is much the same in US churches. It was different in Germany where the folks in our church were more like an extended family and tried to take care of one another. I still have friends there and would love to go back. I'm pretty disgusted with much in "American Christianity" these days overall, but I still go to a church that still teaches the Bible as the Word of God. That was hard to find too.

 

Tricky part of all this is how do you find other believers outside of church?   I live in a huge metro area with no car and little money so experimenting isn't really an option for me. The problem with a lot of the home churches/groups in my area is finding them, as most are not advertised.

[*Zion*]

We are Christ's body, we are supposed to be family.  Not all churches concentrate on this, but God is going to set His Church on fire.  Just continue to love those you are having issues with anyway.  It is difficult sometimes, but we must determine to obey God in keeping His commandments - especially the commandment of love.  He loves us very much, He will not leave us lacking but will build His church up.

 

Bless you brother.