what is the biblically correct response to a specific crime by spouse

[Marilyn C]

3 hours ago, Tjm6 said:

I do. Other wise I'm sure I would be a heap load more of a mess than what I already am. My husband is a Christian as well, which blows me away even more. I guess we all have our sins we struggle with, harboring bad feelings, eating to much, getting angry, but this destroys his family to its core. How could he! I don't really even know how to pray right now. My mind feels blank. I can't even think of what to get the kids for Christmas. I've lost all of my energy to do anything. You know. 

Hi Tjm6,

Yes you would feel - numb, hurt, betrayed etc. Your husband on the other hand does not realise the hurt he is inflicting & probably thinks, "well, it`s only looking, or pretending for some fun." I believe he needs to be made aware of the danger he is in (pornography is an addiction & gets worse) & also he needs to be made aware of the effect upon his family. Thus I see you need to go to a trusted mentor, pastor or counsellor. If he doesn`t want to be exposed then a trial separation would need to happen to show the horrific consequences of his behaviour.

Seek guidance, don`t accept this behaviour, for his, yours & the family`s sake, Marilyn. 

[Tjm6]

He has already told me that he doesn't think that it is the same as adultery. He says," It's not like that. You just don't understand ." I really don't understand. I guess that's the problem. 

With each relapse, trusting him is next to not happening. But every time he will tell me that he has changed, that God has given him a revaluation. That he is free for sure. The last time he told me that, I believed him. This time I laughed and said, "Yeah, right!" He was hurt. Than I reminded him of his last revaluation five years ago. He said, in a low voice, "Oh yeah, I forgot about that." He is sorry and sad and it hurts me to see him like this. But I can't stay on this emotional roller coaster that he has me on. Every time this happens, my actual heart hurts! This can't be healthy. I have come to the conclusion that in order for me to survive this; I will leave myself emotionally detached from him. It seems to be the only way.

I don't withhold sex. I never have. I just don't initiate it or become emotionally involved. He hates it. But he has made his bed and now he must sleep in it. I will put my focus on God and in prayer for both of us. May God have mercy on our marriage and change both of our hearts. 

Thanks for being an ear to my pain. I don't feel like I can talk to anyone I know. It's too humiliating!

[Guest BacKaran]

He says," It's not like that. You just don't understand 

So he's actually blaming you now and not admitting he's sinning and to blame for his actions.

Fool me once, shame on you. Get help.

Fool me twice In this case I'd kick him to the you're out the door and a call to the police is made.

 

In this case I'd kick him to the curb the first time and it would be the last time.

If he wants to divorce, he can pay for it but don't let him ever back in. He's not a Christian, he's a sinner who needs to grow up, either alone or in prison.......

Just my thoughts....

Do not enable him any longer!!

 

Edited December 18, 2016 by BacKaran

[HAZARD]

On ‎21‎/‎08‎/‎2015 at 4:27 PM, ayin jade said:

 

This topic came up in our household based on the subway spokesman charges. Im curious what your responses are.

 

A spouse looks at inappropriate material (child porn) but does not engage in it with anyone. Only views it online. Obviously a crime and needs to be dealt with. What is a biblically correct response by the spouse? Is it acceptable biblically to divorce the spouse in this instance? 

 

 

 

 

(Minor rant. Jadey hates having to scroll allllll the way down just to start a topic.)

My opinion only. Anyone who views child porn on line or anywhere else is sick in the head! Any kind of porn is evil and viewing child porn is the lowest act of all. They must repent of this and never go there again or suffer the eternal consequences. If they continue regardless, why would anyone want to spend another minute with them?

[Ghostdog]

as long as people see them as monsters and treats they that way why they come forward to get help?

[Tjm6]

Myths and is not into child porn. He is addicted to regular porn though. I made a promise to be with him in the good time and in the bad times when I got married to him. I will not divorce over this issue. Whether I have the right or.not. Divorce is never Gods plan. 

I am curious at how a man thinks a woman should deal with a situation like this. After all it is a man committing the sin. How dose he think a wife should act. I have forgiven him. That is what I am called to do as a Christ follower. I also still allow him to have sex with me.  That as well is what I am called to do. The one thing I don't do is trust him. As he would say. I have given him an emotional divorce. I suppose I have. But I don't know how else to deal with the pain. Not having a sold answer on whether this could happen again. Am I being unfair to ask for him to never cheat on me again. I'm not saying never be tempted. That would be impossible. What I'm saying is resist temptation. Have a game plan. Because I feel like when one is proud enough to say that they are free and no longer addicted. They are just opening themselves up to be blind sided. 

Any thoughts? ( men, please respond)

[Neighbor]

 

Okay here is just one person's thoughts for whatever they might be worth, not advice to anyone in particular, just some thoughts: I hope it is not too graphic- Sorry if it is. Maybe the mods can just delete whatever is too much information if any is too much.

 I know there are articles within various  journals, all available on the internet, that conclude the effect upon men that engage in pornography is devastating to their abilities to be a full adult partner to anyone.

 And it is also stated that as this hindering of  the mind and of the body progresses the demand is put upon the female to act much as the degradations of the pornography graphically illustrate.

If I were a partner of such a person I would have to  demand joint counseling, perhaps by a combination of a trained NANC (Nouthetic counselor) and a marital relations counselor associated with  a known Christian ministry.

Nouthetic counselor contact is available online and by telephone for initial information. My own local body of Christ has five counselors. It is not uncommon to have good Christian counselors known to  pastors and elders, might ask for one.

My suggestion is don't send a partner to a counselor alone, but go alone yourself if you  have to, for support is needed. As the partner affected by  love of pornography is in  very deep trouble.

Pray, read, read the Bible, think, and take action. Do not let the wondrous blessing of marital intimacy become destroyed by pornography. A few pastors do take on the subject of mature love the Song of Songs or Song of Solomon which if studied may lead to  a ever closer relationship with one's spouse.

 

Edited December 19, 2016 by Neighbor

[whatdoIwant2callmyself]

On 8/21/2015 at 2:27 AM, ayin jade said:

 

This topic came up in our household based on the subway spokesman charges. Im curious what your responses are.

 

A spouse looks at inappropriate material (child porn) but does not engage in it with anyone. Only views it online. Obviously a crime and needs to be dealt with. What is a biblically correct response by the spouse? Is it acceptable biblically to divorce the spouse in this instance? 

 

 

 

 

(Minor rant. Jadey hates having to scroll allllll the way down just to start a topic.)

Scriptures tell us that everyone, which would of course include a spouse, who is sexually immoral will not inherit the kingdom of Heaven.

Scripture also tells us not to be yoked with unbelievers.

If someone is a Christian and they find their spouse in possession of illegal child porn, that person is sexually immoral and an unbeliever. Divorce is an absolute right.

And that after telephoning police and turning them in. Because it is our duty to protect innocence also. And especially from sexually immoral people who rape them with their eyes. Which is in part what the vulgar sin of child pornography is. Just like adult pornography, it causes lust in the viewer. Which is also a sin. However, in the matter of it being lust that arises at the sight of a child's naked body, it is beyond comprehension the degree of perverse sin that that is.

In the old testament days such a one as that would surely have been stoned to death. In this world they should be put in prison where they'll have to deal with Hell on earth for the duration of sentence . Being inmates no matter what they've done have no patience for such perverted sinners as that.

[warrior12]

I read up till the 9th post and the discussions of both sides for and against.  What i noticed though, was the father of all this wickedness was not mentioned even once. Do you think he is really that passive in all of this and in the person engaged in the act is acting on his own.   I am aware of JAMES 1:14 .    Satan is a master deceiver and plotter of wickedness of all vile things.  We have to remember the prodigal son and his father's forgiveness.

Also, we are dealing with here, mistress babylon, the mother of all wickedness with her goldern cup full of abominations, that made the inhabitants of the earth drink from her cup.  The internet folks, is alluring and it is not shortnamed  "the net for nothing", it is indeed a trap and the children or the world are so comfortable with it.

1 Corinthians 10King James Version (KJV)

¹² Wherefore let him that thinketh he standeth take heed lest he fall.

[whatdoIwant2callmyself]

 I don't get what you're saying there. The question ultimately is, if your spouse is a pedophile, is divorce OK?