Backsliding

[bornagain24]

My boyfriend and I got saved about 6 months ago. When we first got saved it was such a beautiful experience. We both felt so compelled by the spirit to learn more about God and draw close to him. But within the past 2 months or so we have started to back slide. Not reading our bibles, not praying, instead of watching Christian content we’ve started back on watching more of worldly things, giving in to sexual sin, etc. We’ve had dozens of convos of doing better but now he doesn’t seem interested. I’ve recently within the past 2 weeks finally got back to reading the word everyday and trying to stay more persistent with my prayer life, but it seems he is still struggling with finding motivation. He has had issues in the past with sex addiction and women and when we first got saved it really helped him a lot. Both of us really. And now that we’ve started to backslide I’ve recently discovered he has been talking sexually with other girls via text. I’m fearful for him and I want to help deliver him from this, not for my own selfish purpose but because he needs it and needs God more than he needs the world. Please help! I love him very much and don’t want to see him lose that beautiful relationship with god and fall back into this vicious cycle of sin, nor do I. Advice is really appreciated. 

 

Edited July 3, 2019 by bornagain24

[Willa]

Praying for both of you that you become grounded in God's word.  Praying that you continue to hunger for the things of God, to pray and ask God to restore you as you confess you sins to God.  

1Jn 1:9  If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

 

[Tzephanyahu]

13 hours ago, bornagain24 said:

My boyfriend and I got saved about 6 months ago. When we first got saved it was such a beautiful experience. We both felt so compelled by the spirit to learn more about God and draw close to him. But within the past 2 months or so we have started to back slide. Not reading our bibles, not praying, instead of watching Christian YouTube channels we’ve started back on watching more of worldly things, giving in to sexual sin, etc. We’ve had dozens of convos of doing better but now he doesn’t seem interested. Please help! I love him and don’t want to see him lose that beautiful relationship with god nor do I. Advice is really appreciated. 

 

Shalom @bornagain24

You are in a tricky stage of your walk at the moment.  If you have read the very popular Christian tale, Pilgrim's Progress by John Bunyan, you guys are at the Vanity Fair right now.  (If you would like to see a musical film version of the book, you can watch it free HERE)

There are two main dangers to your faith - persecution and stagnation.  Most Christians would excel under persecution and would stand stronger in their faith than before.  However, most Christians buckle under stagnation, getting entangled by worldly concerns and pleasures and feeling far away from living by the Spirit.  There's no shame in getting caught by this trap, but to stay in it willingly would be shameful.

It's very easy to get to this place in this world.  That's how satan has designed it.  Pressures here and there, pleasures here and there, shortness of free time, an abundance of worries, imposed responsibilities and fleshy distractions which provide a "sugar rush" feeling. 

So what can be done?

Our relationship with Yahweh and, in some respect, the Word is like any relationship.  It requires effort, passion and respect to keep it alive.  We cannot sit back and let Yahweh wait for us and then run to Him when we are ready for Him.  How would you react if your husband did the same to you?  And we can ignore the Word for a time and then jump back in expecting it to be freely-flowing and enjoyable.  If we do this, rather than being "in sync" with the Word, it will feel like it requires effort, it may be boring and, ironically, like a "closed book" in terms of revelation and insight.

Therefore, you will both need to make an effort at first and it may feel slow going and not as lively as it did before, but it will come.  Then, when it does, keep it and maintain it regularly.  MAKE time for morning and evening prayers, make time for reading or hearing the Word once a day, or every other day.  If you don't how to do this effectively, start with book studies, such a Jeremiah, and commit yourself to understand it all - not just how fast you can be done with it.  Or think of a book in the Bible that you are not really sure what it says or means, or a book you have shied away from in the past (Leviticus/Numbers/Chronicles maybe?) and commit yourself to tackle it!  Let there be no dark or grey area in your mind of sections of the Bible.  This will be a lifetime study, as the Word is alive and continues to reveal more to you the more you study it.

Make time together, or individually, to watch decent documentaries or films about the Bible (I can recommend a few if you wish).  That said, stay away from "christian TV" and christian self-help books - they will only serve to create a further distance between you and Yahweh.  These days that we live in may seem prosperous in terms of resources available to Christians.  Not so, instead we have many, many deceptions, misunderstandings and ill-motivations on our bookshelves.  Instead, stick with the Word only or studies on the Word, such a commentaries or historical exposition.

You may ask: How did this all happen in the first place?  Things were going so well!  How can I stop this happening again?...

The problem is relevance.  It seems God and the Word have lost there great relevance to you. 

If you breakdown your life into percentages (responsibilities problems, chores, pleasures and fun etc) the Bible has probably had a decreasing percentage over time as other percentages increase, making the Bible of less relevance to your daily life.  Therefore, this percentage of the Bible needs to increase, and you can do so willingly (and forcefully at first).  Make it more relevant.  When things happen to you in your day or when you make decisions, wonder how it relates to the Bible or Biblical Characters.  Are there similarities, parallels, advice, or wisdom you can meditate upon?  Consider the matters of your day and the world from a Biblical viewpoint deeply and regularly.  Seek His Kingdom first and, if it hasn't happened yet, seek the baptism of the Holy Spirit above all things!  The Spirit will guide you, teach you, comfort you, correct you and hold you safe with joy and peace.  If this hasn't happened for you yet, seek this goal above everything else.

Again, if you want any recommendations for films, documentaries and teachings, just let me know.

May Yahweh bless you both with a strong relationship with Him, and may you bless Him back with your service for His glory.

Love & Shalom

[Who me]

On 03 June 2019 at 7:49 PM, bornagain24 said:

My boyfriend and I got saved about 6 months ago. When we first got saved it was such a beautiful experience. We both felt so compelled by the spirit to learn more about God and draw close to him. But within the past 2 months or so we have started to back slide. Not reading our bibles, not praying, instead of watching Christian YouTube channels we’ve started back on watching more of worldly things, giving in to sexual sin, etc. We’ve had dozens of convos of doing better but now he doesn’t seem interested. Please help! I love him and don’t want to see him lose that beautiful relationship with god nor do I. Advice is really appreciated.

 

Get involved with your church. Volunteer to help in your church.

Set limits as to what you watch or do. Have a regular time for reading the bible together and discussing/praying about what you find.

If living together. Move out.

 

[missmuffet]

On 6/3/2019 at 11:49 AM, bornagain24 said:

My boyfriend and I got saved about 6 months ago. When we first got saved it was such a beautiful experience. We both felt so compelled by the spirit to learn more about God and draw close to him. But within the past 2 months or so we have started to back slide. Not reading our bibles, not praying, instead of watching Christian YouTube channels we’ve started back on watching more of worldly things, giving in to sexual sin, etc. We’ve had dozens of convos of doing better but now he doesn’t seem interested. Please help! I love him and don’t want to see him lose that beautiful relationship with god nor do I. Advice is really appreciated. 

 

When a person first comes to God Satan does not like it. He will try his best to turn you back to him. If you really want to stay committed to Christ you need to stay on the the narrow path. You need to stay focused on Him. You need to pray to ask God to search your heart and give you strength to stay out of our evil world and with Him. 

[enoob57]

It is a flesh verse s/Spirit warfare and the one you feed the most will prevail in it's desire... even if it seem mechanical do the things you know you should … being obedient to God is perceived by Him as love being returned to Him for His Glory.... Prayed... Love, Steven

[Marilyn C]

On ‎6‎/‎4‎/‎2019 at 4:49 AM, bornagain24 said:

My boyfriend and I got saved about 6 months ago. When we first got saved it was such a beautiful experience. We both felt so compelled by the spirit to learn more about God and draw close to him. But within the past 2 months or so we have started to back slide. Not reading our bibles, not praying, instead of watching Christian YouTube channels we’ve started back on watching more of worldly things, giving in to sexual sin, etc. We’ve had dozens of convos of doing better but now he doesn’t seem interested. Please help! I love him and don’t want to see him lose that beautiful relationship with god nor do I. Advice is really appreciated. 

 

Hi bornagain,

So glad you want to go on in the Lord.

Now it sounds like you were both looking for the `beautiful experience,`  & it was accompanied by the hype that people often give, (well done, great, blah, blah...) to those who respond to a call to receive Jesus. However the repentance has not been emphasised, (by the speaker) and thus you have just mentally done something. To actually be `born again,` you need to repent of all your sins and receive Jesus as your Saviour who paid the awful price for our cleansing.

Then you need to realise that there are so many things we have in our lives, in our hearts that we need to consciously repent of as they come to the surface for we have let them control us. eg, wrong, selfish sexual gratification, just letting the self rule. Those desires will choke out the new life that is growing inside of you.

This is the time for you to start to exercise some spiritual muscle and learn to grow. As enoob has told you, what you feed on will become the dominate one. The enemy wants to control you, (let you have your selfish ways) but the Lord desires to guide you and make you strong in Him.

You need to choose - slothfulness or exercise spiritually & daily, (like developing physical muscle, develop spiritual `muscle`.)

praying, Marilyn

BTW as to your boyfriend, I think you need to work on yourself and hopefully in time he will see the difference and choose to grow himself. I think that many young converts think that God is going to do all the work for them and they can just sit back and have `beautiful experiences.` That is a lie and not `growth,` just selfishness.