I miss my daughter so much

[Jesusispeace]

It’s such a long and complicated story 

I wrote in my previous post a little about it...

shes 12 years old and she stopped talking to me. She decided to live with her dad. I can’t blame her because she got tired of seeing me and my husband fight. 
 

I didn’t stop her from that decision. I wanted to make her happy but I wasn’t preparing that she would stop talking to me completely.

I’ve continuously reached out to her texting and calling 

she finally agreed to speak to me on the phone and it seemed like a promising conversation which ended with her asking me to come see her and talk more in person. I thought we were on our way to a resolution. 
 

I listened to her. I apologized for the things she felt a strongly about. We talked about rebuilding our relationship. She told me she loved me and missed me too. Then again, she stopped talking to me and only one time texted with me telling me that she’s not ready yet. I told her that I understand but I would like to keep in touch. I text her loving things, apologetic things, pictures, etc.

shes ice cold to me

im so hurt because I can’t describe what this feels like when your daughter doesn’t talk to you

i tried so hard when our relationship was strained and we were still seeing each other...

I pleaded with her dad to help and my Own parents whom she adores.

she holds her dad in high regard and my parents too

there is so much history behind this that’s difficult to explain

but I’m so hurt by them all (not my daughter- she’s just a child)

I supported every Family relationship in my daughters life- her dads, grandparents on both sides selflessly and I never let my own feelings get in the way of anything.

now I feel like it came at a cost to my relationship with me... 

she adores her dad and my parents because I did nothing but encourage closeness there. 
 

my mom was hurting so bad because she missed out on her first grandchild due to a fall out with her and her daughter in law. I made sure to foster my daughters relationship with her.

she repays me by essentially stealing my daughter away from me. As much as pleased with her to help me with my own daughter, she did nothing but worse than nothing. Because she didn’t get along with my husband, my parents talked trash about him/us. It’s a lot in there too...

im so saddened that my daughter  forgot About me and all the love I poured into her.

i sit and I remember her as a baby and I weep. It hurts so bad

She feels like a stranger to me now. I don’t know anything about her...

im struggling so much trying to fix my marriage and also get her back

 

[BeauJangles]

1 hour ago, Jesusispeace said:

shes 12 years old and she stopped talking to me. She decided to live with her dad. I can’t blame her because she got tired of seeing me and my husband fight. 

I'm so sorry this has occurred. It's pretty common at times for mothers and daughters to be odds with one another. Bonds with fathers are not usual and do happen. At this age, her time of beginning young womanhood has already been several years in the progress, and rebellion from the rigors of living a Christian life seem to be less appealing to being worldly like her friends probably are. Give her the time she needs to be wild if she's determined, and continue interceding for her. After a few years, perhaps she'll begin to be concerned about her eternity, and will then need your counsel. Remain steadfast for yourself and her. God bless you.   

Edited October 16, 2019 by BeauJangles

[Repose]

I'm sorry. I mean, I can't understand completely as I don't have kids, but that's just sad.

If I understand your post right, it seems that you're trying to fix things all across the board. Maybe it's to a point where you're trying to fix too much at once? Your daughter is getting to be in those teenage years, and as far as teenagers go, they tend to be a bit difficult in general, especially when it comes to what seems like a fairly messy family life. The only thing I can think of to say to is to try and keep your chin up and take things one at a time. Pray, and have faith that your daughter and yourself can repair the damage someday. My brother and myself would get into physical fights when we were younger (literal physical confrontations even, not just wrestling - like choking and putting holes in the walls type stuff), and now that we're older, we get along much better. 

Just give it time and stay on your feet, alright?

[Jubilea]

Yes, it does sound like a long complicated story, with issues that go back a number of years. When a person is in a situation like that, it's nearly impossible to have an objective view of the whole picture. A trained outside source might be of benefit to you and to your daughter, too. Have you considered family counseling?

[missmuffet]

1 hour ago, Jesusispeace said:

It’s such a long and complicated story 

I wrote in my previous post a little about it...

shes 12 years old and she stopped talking to me. She decided to live with her dad. I can’t blame her because she got tired of seeing me and my husband fight. 
 

I didn’t stop her from that decision. I wanted to make her happy but I wasn’t preparing that she would stop talking to me completely.

I’ve continuously reached out to her texting and calling 

she finally agreed to speak to me on the phone and it seemed like a promising conversation which ended with her asking me to come see her and talk more in person. I thought we were on our way to a resolution. 
 

I listened to her. I apologized for the things she felt a strongly about. We talked about rebuilding our relationship. She told me she loved me and missed me too. Then again, she stopped talking to me and only one time texted with me telling me that she’s not ready yet. I told her that I understand but I would like to keep in touch. I text her loving things, apologetic things, pictures, etc.

shes ice cold to me

im so hurt because I can’t describe what this feels like when your daughter doesn’t talk to you

i tried so hard when our relationship was strained and we were still seeing each other...

I pleaded with her dad to help and my Own parents whom she adores.

she holds her dad in high regard and my parents too

there is so much history behind this that’s difficult to explain

but I’m so hurt by them all (not my daughter- she’s just a child)

I supported every Family relationship in my daughters life- her dads, grandparents on both sides selflessly and I never let my own feelings get in the way of anything.

now I feel like it came at a cost to my relationship with me... 

she adores her dad and my parents because I did nothing but encourage closeness there. 
 

my mom was hurting so bad because she missed out on her first grandchild due to a fall out with her and her daughter in law. I made sure to foster my daughters relationship with her.

she repays me by essentially stealing my daughter away from me. As much as pleased with her to help me with my own daughter, she did nothing but worse than nothing. Because she didn’t get along with my husband, my parents talked trash about him/us. It’s a lot in there too...

im so saddened that my daughter  forgot About me and all the love I poured into her.

i sit and I remember her as a baby and I weep. It hurts so bad

She feels like a stranger to me now. I don’t know anything about her...

im struggling so much trying to fix my marriage and also get her back

 

It is heart breaking but all you can do is pray for your daughter. For the time being she has make a choice to stay out of your life. I would not push her. You need to give God control of this situation you are going through right now with your daughter and your marriage. 

[lovethelord]

jesusispeace,

I truly am so sorry for your whole situation and especially with your daughter.  I have one daughter who is 13 years old and as I read your post I'm picturing myself in your situation and I would be so heartbroken. However, no matter the circumstances that caused the distance between you, know that all daughters want their mothers. Grandma and everyone else even dad cannot replace you in her life.  She is also at the age when her emotions are fluctuating depending on her hormones. Currently, she is under the influence of dad and other family members but she still loves and needs you in her life. Continue reaching out to her in love and let her know you are there. She will come around.  I absolutely don't doubt it. Keep your trust and faith in the Lord through prayer. He can heal all relationships. 

[lftc]

@Jesusispeace

I am sorry for all that pain.  I wish it was not there.

[Jersleem]

Hi Jesusispeace,

am very sorry about your painful time ,but i also would like to suggest you to give her some time please.

This is a very strong relationship you know ,you are same important to her as She is for you.But sometimes we need a break to find out and to gather more strength to move forward. I know this from my personal experience not exactly but in another way. I wants to give you the hope that God is gonna listen to your request and it will surely change with time.

your well wisher

[Willa]

I hope your husband has not been abusive toward your daughter.  If she ever tells you anything like that, believe her and be supportive.  Meanwhile, she is coming to the teen age years when  there are two women in the house.  As much as I loved my mom, I still felt that friction and it wasn't till I had my own home that we became close again.  So just hope that you will eventually become close again and pray for her.  She may never be your little girl again but perhaps you can become close friends.

[GreyJay]

Thank you for sharing so openly. We have to share the grief of the world together.

Isaiah calls Jesus "a man of sorrows, acquainted with grief." Not always -- but sometimes -- it's enough to know that God sits with us in our pain. We have to, somehow, trust the promise that "Those who sow with tears will reap with songs of joy." So we, too, sit with one another in our grief, and hope together in the promises we share in Christ.

Psalm 51 says, "My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise." I take great comfort in that. When everyone seems to push you away because you are broken and used up, and you have nothing left in you to give them, the thing that God accepts is that very brokenness, and when all we have left is need, He won't turn us away.