Should I go back to my ex abuser?

[missmuffet]

9 hours ago, ohso said:

I've already written here about my abusive ex. He was abusive in every form that exists. I got away from him. My ex went on to abuse others in his life. I prayed for him and everyone involved. My ex is not a Christian. He used to harass me and stalk me for a long time even after the break up. Then I found out he got sick. He got well and went back abusing people like he always does.

He still publicly blames me for leaving him and destroying his life with that. He is a total mess ever since we broke up. I know he is only doing it to manipulate me with guilt. He is a psychopath. 

Now I struggle with that there are no evil people, only evil that influences good people, right? So, my ex is not evil? He can be helped? Even though psychiatric studies have shown that there is no help for psychopaths and they can't be changed? 

What about the Bible that says "If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also."? I didn't do that. Instead I left my ex. Should I go back to him to help him? I don't know how. So, how? I still care very much for him. He has no Christian and no positive influence what sort ever in his life from anyone. Is my faith strong enough to reach out to my ex and actually really try to help him? I only pray for him for years, and he is only getting worse. I feel enormous guilt for not doing anything. I have PTSD. I'm sorry if I trigger you, I do not advise victims of the abuse to go back to the abusers. I am only asking about myself.

I talk to God, but I'm confused should I listen to my mind (reason), or my heart? My soul is telling me to help him. But it might end up dangerously. He owns weapons. Is that God's voice, because I should think about others first and not myself, right? God tells us to sacrifice for others, right? I have no peace like this. I'm sorry if I upset anyone. Any words of advice would be helpful. 

Thank you. God bless.

 

Are you a Christian? Why would you want to go back to someone who is not a Christian? That would only make you unevenly yoked. Why would you want to go back to an abusive relationship when you are now safe?Are you asking for trouble?

[ReneeIW]

28 minutes ago, missmuffet said:

Are you a Christian? Why would you want to go back to someone who is not a Christian? That would only make you unevenly yoked. Why would you want to go back to an abusive relationship when you are now safe?Are you asking for trouble?

She's asking for loving advice and support. Relationships are complicated and difficult. She was married to him, so I assume she loved him at some point.

[missmuffet]

Just now, ReneeIW said:

She's asking for loving advice and support. Relationships are complicated and difficult. She was married to him, so I assume she loved him at some point.

I am just being honest. I have been through two abusive marriages. There are problems with women who feel the need of going back to an abusive relationship.

[ReneeIW]

16 minutes ago, missmuffet said:

I am just being honest. I have been through two abusive marriages. There are problems with women who feel the need of going back to an abusive relationship.

I know. Sorry you were in abusive marriages as well. I was in two abusive relationships, back to back. I don't know why some of us end up in multiple abusive situations, I guess abuse is all we know and it seems normal to us until the Lord rescues us. Thankfully the Lord sent me a wonderful husband at age twenty-three. 

Abusers are simply  brilliant at playing the victim and manipulating the woman. They also know how to make you believe that their behavior was provoked. The woman thinks she can go back and refrain from provoking him.

 I also know what's its like to believe your Christian heart is telling you not to walk away from someone who needs help and not to go to the police.Some women even mistake the abuse for passion, meaning they believe   the man just loves them so much he cant help but to snap when he feels the relationship isn't right.

Even though I'm 44 years old and I hope wiser, i still look back and think I provoked things in one relationship I had with a 6'4" athlete who was hitting me while I was driving. I pulled over when I saw the state police and they arrested him. I was talked out of pressing charges(a female friend said I had probably provoked him) and later I found out he had  a prior arrest for domestic violence. And yes i got back together with him. I was actually flattered he still wanted me after being arrested. So i know there are problems with women going back. Self esteem plays a lot into that. I dont know how we help women in these situations. Usually the ones who get out do it for their kids or they find a godly man.

[wingnut-]

11 hours ago, ohso said:

I've already written here about my abusive ex. He was abusive in every form that exists. I got away from him. My ex went on to abuse others in his life. I prayed for him and everyone involved. My ex is not a Christian. He used to harass me and stalk me for a long time even after the break up. Then I found out he got sick. He got well and went back abusing people like he always does.

He still publicly blames me for leaving him and destroying his life with that. He is a total mess ever since we broke up. I know he is only doing it to manipulate me with guilt. He is a psychopath. 

Now I struggle with that there are no evil people, only evil that influences good people, right? So, my ex is not evil? He can be helped? Even though psychiatric studies have shown that there is no help for psychopaths and they can't be changed? 

What about the Bible that says "If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also."? I didn't do that. Instead I left my ex. Should I go back to him to help him? I don't know how. So, how? I still care very much for him. He has no Christian and no positive influence what sort ever in his life from anyone. Is my faith strong enough to reach out to my ex and actually really try to help him? I only pray for him for years, and he is only getting worse. I feel enormous guilt for not doing anything. I have PTSD. I'm sorry if I trigger you, I do not advise victims of the abuse to go back to the abusers. I am only asking about myself.

I talk to God, but I'm confused should I listen to my mind (reason), or my heart? My soul is telling me to help him. But it might end up dangerously. He owns weapons. Is that God's voice, because I should think about others first and not myself, right? God tells us to sacrifice for others, right? I have no peace like this. I'm sorry if I upset anyone. Any words of advice would be helpful. 

Thank you. God bless.

 

 

You've already received great advice from many brothers and sisters, I am adding my voice of agreement to their words.  You are in my prayers, God bless you.

[lovethelord]

Ohso,

Only someone who has lived and experienced abuse could understand the conflicted feelings you have. I have many years experience of being married to someone who is abusive. Your own words tell us what kind of man he is and how difficult it was for you to leave him in the first place. His psyche is damaged at a level that he only feels powerful and in control when he can breakdown the self-worth of another.  Since he isn't a Christian, he doesn't even have the living Spirit inside to minister to him which means he doesn't have a clean conscience to keep him from harming you or others. Please don't be manipulated with guilt and whatever he will say to get you back. You need to surround yourself with a lot of support and validation of your feelings.  You are loved by our Supreme God, he loves you and will direct your path. I think He is already giving you answers you need.

[AnOrangeCat]

It sounds like you should keep away from him. Once a person gets into an abusive situation the abuser typically tries to make it harder to get away through whatever means they can. Prayer is really about the only thing that can be done here.

[ReneeIW]

I’m worried. Please check in with us when you get a chance to let us know how you are doing.

[Debp]

On 10/21/2019 at 12:59 AM, ohso said:

What about the Bible that says "If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also."? I didn't do that. Instead I left my ex.

Perhaps someone else commented on your above remark?  The verse actually means do not take vengeance on someone.   It doesn't mean you have to be a doormat.

[BeauJangles]

1 hour ago, Debp said:

Perhaps someone else commented on your above remark?  The verse actually means do not take vengeance on someone.   It doesn't mean you have to be a doormat.

Briefly, but not quite as well as your explanation.  

On 10/21/2019 at 1:32 AM, BeauJangles said:

The scripture in Matthew 5:39 does not apply to your situation at all. So, don't let condemnation to take hold of you about that. Healing from the hurts are what is necessary for you right now, and that takes whatever time need be to accomplish it. Allow the Lord to do this, and let Him comfort you. God bless you, dear heart.