Is being a Mary in a world of Marthas running away from responsibility?

[Who me]

16 hours ago, GerdaHannah said:

Hi,

 I am constantly being scolded and criticised by my mother in law and husband. I am always stressed out thinking of whether I should talk back to them or keep quiet?

 

Few mothers think that their son's wife is good enough for him. That is one battle only time will solve.

In talking to your mother in law you run the risk of being accused of impertinance.

Your husband, it is worth talking with him. Is he merely siding with his mother because that is what hindu boys do, or does he have a real reason for his comments.

If he is Christian, point out the role of a Christian husband.

That in loving You, his love is to be self sacrificing just as Jesus gave up everything for his bride the church.

[GerdaHannah]

thankyou hazard, willa, depb, who me for your responses.

I will try to answer all of your questions in a single reply.

My husband knows what his mother is doing is wrong. He is not bothered since it is me and not him who is suffering. Far from supporting me, he complains about me to his mother knowing fully well that she will shout at me.

I am not separated, I tried to leave the house in between but I have nowhere to go. My parents are unwilling to keep me, my friends do not want to help, I even asked a pastor nearby for help. He too thinks I must try to talk it out with my husband and not leave. Neverthless, he tried finding an affordable house for me, but could not find one. I do not want to go to a homeless shelter since there are a lot of drugs and abuse going on there as well. I work for a bank (with below average pay), and going to a homeless shelter might cause me to show up ungroomed at my job,and cause me to lose it.

I tried telling them that if they do not stop I will leave. They have told me that this is how they will behave and I am free to leave if I want to. The problem is that I do not have anywhere to go to.

I live in Canada now. If I get kicked out of my house, I will have to go back to India, and it will be worse than living here.

Its not that I do not want to speak up, or I do not want to leave. I am not in a position to do either. The only good thing about my current situation is that there is no physical abuse.

 

[dr3032]

Thing with situations like this, is that they're always tough. It's difficult to know what the appropriate solution might be, as any and all solutions can go awry. I, for one, don't buy into the idea of suffering it out and appealing to them. People will not change unless they wish to change, and based on what i've read, they have no desire to do so. If I were in your shoes, i'd leave.

I understand that would be financially difficult. Why not try to find a roommate? If you recieve below-average income, you could even qualify for low-income housing. Or is it to the point that, if you seperated from him, that you'd be deported?

Even then, you could always try to seek out a better-paying job. Even just a dollar more on your hourly wage can make a big difference.

[Billiards Ball]

On 2/28/2019 at 12:17 PM, GerdaHannah said:

Hi,

I was recently reading up scripture about Mary and Martha, and realised that I was more like Martha. I wanted to serve the Lord with all my heart, and was constantly anxious about whether what I was doing was correct and holy.

Many of you may be aware of my situation from other posts. In a nutshell, I am constantly being scolded and criticised by my mother in law and husband. I am always stressed out thinking of whether I should talk back to them or keep quiet.

I realised that Jesus wanted me to be more like Mary, and bask in His presence. But somehow it seems like running away from my responsibilities. I will truly heal and be happy if I can just ignore their scoldings and enjoy the Lord's presence, but is it not my responsibility to stand up to being criticised all the time.

Or am I just overthinking everything like Martha, and should let go and let God?

We have different personality types, in One Body.

I am VERY much the Martha and not Mary, yet God has used me for accomplishment.

But it is true that the scoldings need to be brought to the Lord, however, you can tell your mother-in-law she will be unwelcome to visit unless she speaks with kindness to you. Your husband has to be there--she does not! You can also leave the house when she visits, until she gets the hint!

[simplejeff]

Luk 10:41

¶

And Jesus answered and said unto her, Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things:

Luk 10:42

But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her.

[Jayne]

We seem to forget that Martha had the "Mary" experience with Jesus when Lazarus died.  I don't like sometimes how we define Martha as the busy bee and Mary as the silent worshipper as if that's how they were all the time.  It wasn't.

When Martha heard Jesus was coming, she ran to meet him and they had an incredibly personal and spiritually necessary conversation.  Jesus reveals that he, himself, is the resurrection.  He asks her personally, calling her name, if she believes that.  She gladly says yes and that she believe Jesus to be both the Son of God AND the Christ come into the world.

In my opinion - and it's just my opinion - we need both.  We need to be working and keeping the details in order and we need to be at the feet of Jesus.  Communion with Christ is the better thing and yet that doesn't detract from doing the work of the LORD.

Let's be about both and keeping the priority on the greater thing.

 

[GerdaHannah]

2 hours ago, Billiards Ball said:

We have different personality types, in One Body.

I am VERY much the Martha and not Mary, yet God has used me for accomplishment.

But it is true that the scoldings need to be brought to the Lord, however, you can tell your mother-in-law she will be unwelcome to visit unless she speaks with kindness to you. Your husband has to be there--she does not! You can also leave the house when she visits, until she gets the hint!

thankyou for your response. The trouble is she lives with us, and my husband is willfully blind and deaf to everything she does.

[GerdaHannah]

2 hours ago, dr3032 said:

Thing with situations like this, is that they're always tough. It's difficult to know what the appropriate solution might be, as any and all solutions can go awry. I, for one, don't buy into the idea of suffering it out and appealing to them. People will not change unless they wish to change, and based on what i've read, they have no desire to do so. If I were in your shoes, i'd leave.

I understand that would be financially difficult. Why not try to find a roommate? If you recieve below-average income, you could even qualify for low-income housing. Or is it to the point that, if you seperated from him, that you'd be deported?

Even then, you could always try to seek out a better-paying job. Even just a dollar more on your hourly wage can make a big difference.

I will look at all the options you told me. My mother wants to live with me if I am going to leave my husband, and its hard finding a roommate who will take in a senior citizen. I was desperate enough to seek out a pastor for help, but that did not improve things in anyway. I will wait patiently for God to lead me out of this.

Edited March 1, 2019 by GerdaHannah

[Zemke]

Mary had chosen that good part but it wasn't the only part. It's not an either-or decision. We deal rightly with the serving part by spending time with the best part.

"Now Jesus loved Martha, and her sister, and Lazarus." John 11:4

It's good to know life in this world stinks. We shouldn't get too comfortable. Eternity is a day closer every day.

Edited March 2, 2019 by Zemke

[Debp]

10 hours ago, GerdaHannah said:

thankyou hazard, willa, depb, who me for your responses.

I will try to answer all of your questions in a single reply.

My husband knows what his mother is doing is wrong. He is not bothered since it is me and not him who is suffering. Far from supporting me, he complains about me to his mother knowing fully well that she will shout at me.

I am not separated, I tried to leave the house in between but I have nowhere to go. My parents are unwilling to keep me, my friends do not want to help, I even asked a pastor nearby for help. He too thinks I must try to talk it out with my husband and not leave. Neverthless, he tried finding an affordable house for me, but could not find one. I do not want to go to a homeless shelter since there are a lot of drugs and abuse going on there as well. I work for a bank (with below average pay), and going to a homeless shelter might cause me to show up ungroomed at my job,and cause me to lose it.

I tried telling them that if they do not stop I will leave. They have told me that this is how they will behave and I am free to leave if I want to. The problem is that I do not have anywhere to go to.

I live in Canada now. If I get kicked out of my house, I will have to go back to India, and it will be worse than living here.

Its not that I do not want to speak up, or I do not want to leave. I am not in a position to do either. The only good thing about my current situation is that there is no physical abuse.

 

Hi, have you checked to see if there are any women's shelters?   Here there are a couple of shelters that actually give needy or abused women an apartment.   It isn't like a regular homeless shelter.   One shelter like that here not only gives the women an apartment but they also teach them to do handcrafts, etc which the women sell in a little shop connected to the apartments.

Like DR suggested, check to see if you qualify for low income housing.....or try to get a better paying job.   Perhaps if you are able to make your own way, the abuse will stop?    Your husband might realize he really loves and needs you?  Right now it seems since you are dependent on them, they are enjoying abusing you.   It's an awful situation when a husband will allow the abuse and even join in.