The Breaking Point

[JTC]

I've been doing so good lately. Even with all the stress inducing problems I've asked for prayer with, for me, I was not so bad.

   Some of you know I need eye surgery for cataracts. I have needed it from 2 yrs ago and I had gone to a surgeon. He wanted to schedule the surgery but there was a small problem. (sarcasm) The surgical center insisted someone accompany me and stay there the 3 - 4 hrs it takes to do the surgery. I had transportation and probably the driver would have come in and walk me out. Well, that's no good. Two yrs ago when I told them I didn't have anyone who would do that I felt like they didn't believe me. As far as they're concerned, I can go blind, they don't care. So I postponed it and the cataracts have become so much worse my left eye is now useless. Today I went to a big ophthalmic center who I had hoped would be different. They're not different, they kept expecting me to say something like, well there is Ellen Whozawhatshe maybe she will come, or I can call Robert Wallahatesall and if he doesn't kill me first maybe he'll do it. Or they figured I have a son or daughter I haven't spoken to in 20 yrs, surely they'll help the old man. But there isn't 1 person I can call, I've been going through this several times since 1999. The doc said my left eye has gotten so bad he may have to operate 3 or 4 times to get all the bad tissue out. The doc reminded me I need to do it soon and that my right eye is also becoming like the left eye. He didn't say this directly, but I think cataracts can reach the point where no surgeon can fix them. When they become like mine they hurt. It feels like sand is my eyes, they smart, they water, and the glare from weak light is almost unbearable. I had a meltdown right there in the ophthalmology center. I suppose that for enough money some one would go with me, but I'm living below poverty. I can't hire anyone, I don't have the money. The doc told me that the best way to fix me is laser surgery along with new lenses we now have, that would allow me to see things far away to as close as 12' away. However, the doc said to do that will cost an extra $2000 per eye. All this is not the breaking point.

   As I have often said I don't have any friends left. But there is or was a woman I knew from HS and we managed to keep in touch 51 yrs. This is Donna, she was saved before me and since she has epilepsy she's very unstable. I believe there is great value in knowing someone a long time. I know that Donna goes through phases where she hates everyone, including me, and I have always worried about her. I have called her everyday since last Monday because she was scared of a new med her docs wanted her to take. I can't reach her. Earlier this evening I attempted to call her ex because she talks to him weekly. He didn't answer and his phone went to voicemail. That has never happened before. Even if Donna's not talking to me I feel better knowing she's still here. If Donna's gone, that's my breaking point. I have lost 5 of the people I was closest with all my life to death since 2000. Others left when my meager saving ran out. Some even left as my health declined. Fair weather friends, I handled it.

   I'm sorry I'm so upset again, I'm not big with social media I had no where else to put this. Thank you for reading.

[Tzephanyahu]

Shalom @JTC

Man, talk about swimming against the tide!

2 hours ago, JTC said:

I had a meltdown right there in the ophthalmology center.

I'm not surprised brother.  What an incredibly arduous thing to deal with.   I wish I were the rich type to provide for your needs, but I'm living on a bare minimum as well.   May Yahweh bless you supernaturally with the funds or healing, according to His Will and through His servants.

With regards to Donna, don't lose hope friend.  There is a good chance that she will come back to you yet.  If she has the tendencies to react badly towards her friends at times - this could just be a longer version of it, due to a stimulus of some kind.  Have faith that it's not over yet, as 51 years is a lot!  It maybe even after a year that she gets in touch, but it's hard for anyone (even those struggling with illnesses) to utterly cut off a friend for no reason.  The longing will surely come within her eventually. 

I don't want to be one of Job's friends here - who each gave good advice but was ultimately incorrect - but maybe in my folly their will be something that resonates... 

I can't imagine the hard time you are going through and the testing it is putting on your faith.   When we're constantly being hit at our weak points and not seeing prayers get answered, these are the darkest times for us.   

When such things happen, sometimes it can be helpful to think of your situation conceptually - by assessing "what is the net result of all of these things?  Can these challenges be seen allegorically?"  In doing so, hopefully you'll be able to understand the problem from a clearer perspective.  Then you may learn whether Yahweh is trying to lead you to lean on Him more or whether He may be exacting discipline for something you're not consciously aware of.   

But know that we're not meant to be running around with perfect bodies in this life, surrounded by friends and loved ones and living comfortably.  These things aren't promised for this world, but the next.  So, if your conscience is clear before Yahweh, hold your head high knowing that all that you suffer here (without losing faith) will make your next life that much better.  I know it doesn't help you much now, but know you are in good company - as Paul suffered with his sight and also lost many friends.  Imprisoned, beaten, whipped and mocked, yet he regarded the flesh as a temporary shelter, and joyfully wrote..

And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Messiah Yahushua (Jesus) our Lord. - Romans 8:38-39

It may that when you stop worrying over your eyes and Donna, that such things will be restored back to you.   So try to live as if you have lost your sight and close friend, but glorifying Yahweh for the privilege of having these gifts as long as you had (who has had a friend for 51 years!!), but also having faith in His goodness that He is faithful to work miracles in THIS life, when the time is right. 

Practically, it might be worth praying whether there is a cause behind all of these events (as unrelated as the may seem to be) and wait to see if anything comes to mind immediately.  If not, at least your conscience is clear.  I'd also recommend meditating on Psalm 13 deeply, for at least a day to a week - study and immerse.  Even if it doesn't all apply, it might bring you peace.

Take courage my friend.  He sees all and you still have friends on here (albeit digitally).  From the posts I have read of yours in the past, I'm quite sure that you still have an important role to play on here and locally.

NB: Apologies if I have overstepped the mark, incorrectly assessed your situation or insulted you in anyway.  It definitely wasn't my intention!

Love & Shalom

Edited October 22, 2019 by Tzephanyahu

[Who me]

Is there no one in your church who will accompany you?

[Debp]

John, since this is urgent that you have the surgery, why don't you ask at one of the nearby churches to see if they have someone to accompany you?   I know they are Catholic churches but perhaps the priest is a kind hearted person and would try to help you?   Here there are Catholics that are nice and willing to help others.   However, perhaps it is not like that where you live....but it doesn't hurt to ask.

[Jubilea]

John, I am so sorry you are going through this. I am praying for God to connect you with someone who will accompany you. Consider @Debp's idea, and also, is it possible your home-care agency would have a cna who could accompany you?

[Coliseum]

6 hours ago, JTC said:

I've been doing so good lately. Even with all the stress inducing problems I've asked for prayer with, for me, I was not so bad.

   Some of you know I need eye surgery for cataracts. I have needed it from 2 yrs ago and I had gone to a surgeon. He wanted to schedule the surgery but there was a small problem. (sarcasm) The surgical center insisted someone accompany me and stay there the 3 - 4 hrs it takes to do the surgery. I had transportation and probably the driver would have come in and walk me out. Well, that's no good. Two yrs ago when I told them I didn't have anyone who would do that I felt like they didn't believe me. As far as they're concerned, I can go blind, they don't care. So I postponed it and the cataracts have become so much worse my left eye is now useless. Today I went to a big ophthalmic center who I had hoped would be different. They're not different, they kept expecting me to say something like, well there is Ellen Whozawhatshe maybe she will come, or I can call Robert Wallahatesall and if he doesn't kill me first maybe he'll do it. Or they figured I have a son or daughter I haven't spoken to in 20 yrs, surely they'll help the old man. But there isn't 1 person I can call, I've been going through this several times since 1999. The doc said my left eye has gotten so bad he may have to operate 3 or 4 times to get all the bad tissue out. The doc reminded me I need to do it soon and that my right eye is also becoming like the left eye. He didn't say this directly, but I think cataracts can reach the point where no surgeon can fix them. When they become like mine they hurt. It feels like sand is my eyes, they smart, they water, and the glare from weak light is almost unbearable. I had a meltdown right there in the ophthalmology center. I suppose that for enough money some one would go with me, but I'm living below poverty. I can't hire anyone, I don't have the money. The doc told me that the best way to fix me is laser surgery along with new lenses we now have, that would allow me to see things far away to as close as 12' away. However, the doc said to do that will cost an extra $2000 per eye. All this is not the breaking point.

   As I have often said I don't have any friends left. But there is or was a woman I knew from HS and we managed to keep in touch 51 yrs. This is Donna, she was saved before me and since she has epilepsy she's very unstable. I believe there is great value in knowing someone a long time. I know that Donna goes through phases where she hates everyone, including me, and I have always worried about her. I have called her everyday since last Monday because she was scared of a new med her docs wanted her to take. I can't reach her. Earlier this evening I attempted to call her ex because she talks to him weekly. He didn't answer and his phone went to voicemail. That has never happened before. Even if Donna's not talking to me I feel better knowing she's still here. If Donna's gone, that's my breaking point. I have lost 5 of the people I was closest with all my life to death since 2000. Others left when my meager saving ran out. Some even left as my health declined. Fair weather friends, I handled it.

   I'm sorry I'm so upset again, I'm not big with social media I had no where else to put this. Thank you for reading.

JTC. Is there not a church nearby? Show what you just posted to the pastor, elder or deacon in the church---and like the widow who would not give up going to the judge to help her with her adversary, persist, and don't stop praying. Praying, brother, for you now.

[lftc]

Friend @JTC

I surely wish I was able to physically help you. 

The pain of abandonement and hatred is so terribly devastating.  Over time we make deals with ourselves as each new blow hits.  We think, OK I'll adjust to this new destruction by trying to build a wall around what is left of meaning and purpose.  Some pursue revenge to try to find something, anything, that will change the impossible. 

The major problem is that meaning and purpose in life is completely tied to love.   You need to know you are loved.  I have read enough of you posts to know that you have chosen to believe in Jesus.  I also know that in difficult times you need someone to physically be there since the physical Jesus is in heaven.  It appears from your situation that you do not have a group of believers around you, we here on the Worthy Forum are the closest you have to friends?

Like I said, I would go to help you and sit waiting.  But those are empty words because I am too far away and unable to make those words mean anything. 

For fun, we could debate the forum issues on the drive there and back.  But like so many other of my thoughts - it can't be.

The suggestion that @Debp had was very good.  While there are many on this forum who do not like Roman Catholics, they do tend to have systems in place to help people without requiring adherence to their beliefs (at least in my experience).

For what it is worth (not much in practical terms) I do care about your situation.

[BeauJangles]

6 hours ago, JTC said:

Some of you know I need eye surgery for cataracts.

Hi @JTC,

I had to undergo cataract surgery at the young age of  50. The unprotected sun exposure during my youth and heredity was the suspected cause. Laser surgery has progressed tremendously in 15 years since then. My vision isn't too bad now, but my eyes are very sensitive to bright light and are easily irritated. Glasses need to have lenses that darken outdoors, and they do cost a bit more than conventional ones. I understand you're at a tremendous disadvantage, but find someone to get you there and back. Sight is a precious gift and isn't worth risk losing. Praying for you to make necessary accommodations concerning this situation. God bless you.

Shalom, 

David/BeauJangles

[TraceMalin]

I had cataract surgery in my 40's and ended up with 20/10 right eye, 20/20 left eye. Had laser surgery when the epithelial cells clouded the IOL. Needed 3 treatments with laser to get a perfect result. Would this help you, JTC? http://www.visitingneighbors.org/shop---escort-services.html

If not, contact the NYC Sea Gypsies dive club. The VP is a former student of mine named Adam Riback. Tell them you are an old diver who needs help. The Dive Chair is an ENT physician and good friend of mine named Michael Rothschild. http://www.seagypsies.nyc/index.php

Edited October 22, 2019 by TraceMalin

[Alive]

I am so sorry to hear of your troubles @JTC.

I have lifted you up to the Lord.

I agree with the idea of contacting a local congregation for assistance...I think you will be blessed.