AnOrangeCat

Hi everyone. Does anyone here have any experience in the area of transitional housing or homeless shelters? It's something I'm looking into, and I'd like to know what to expect. At the moment I'm specifically looking at the Salvation Army's HELP program in Tyler, Texas, but anything close to the Dallas or Tyler areas that doesn't require you to be a drug addict to get in and helps a person get stabilized is good. And related to this, I wanted to know if anyone had any experience with any forms of long term (1-3 months) pet care in the same general area.

No physical danger, thank God. Right now I'm in a pretty small town that was mostly populated by the elderly and retired, so no hostels are really available locally, and since I was generally housebound while taking care of my grandmother I didn't get to make anything in the way of local friends. I've got some friends, mind, they're all just several states away. I actually did get an offer from a friend in South Dakota, which is one of my dream states. It's just a long way to travel with cats (I'm in Texas now), and I worry about moving in with a struggling family when I'm not sure how quickly I'll be able to get a job there.

Hello. I'm going through a rough patch of life now. My grandmother died a few weeks ago, and I was her caregiver. I'm not going to be able to stay at the house for much longer, and staying with family is out of the question. I'm already talking with the welfare department and the Salvation Army to see what options are open, but is there anything else I should do for a smooth transition?

One thing to keep in mind is that there are different branches of Buddhism. Some are more or less purely philosophical and don't even try to address issues like what eternity might be like. Other branches are more mystical/occult oriented. With that out of the way, I have to agree that finding common ground and the way you live your life as a Christian are the best ways to go about it. On the common ground front I'd say ask a Buddhist to read Ecclesiastes. They'll find a lot to identify with there.

Hello. Just a little update to this situation. After a long delay our case worker finally came over. She said in another month or two the case may be closed so long as my grandmother remains stable in the nursing home, so she'll be able to come home then.

I have to echo the sentiment about getting professional help, but on the cutting front I did date a self injurer for a while and have had a few friends who dealt with it, so that topic is one I'm somewhat familiar with. That's something where you really have to program yourself to find another method of stress relief. When you feel the cutting/suicidal urge, find something else you can do to take your mind off of it. You'll probably need to experiment a while and find what works for you. Some people like to keep a score card and make a note of each time they feel the urge to cut and resist the urge. Others could find that depressing, though, so like I said you'll need to trial and error your way through it. Whatever you do, though, be sure that as you do it you run to God as well. You could even make it a point to read scriptures that fly in the face of your circumstances, like Psalm 30:5.

I think you're on the right track with the home health aide. The more help and support you can get from others the better, because it's honestly too big a job for one person, and caregivers need space and time to themselves too. And thank you all for the prayers and advice. APS has been keeping us in the dark about what they're up to, but so far my grandmother's health is relatively alright.

Hello. I've posted here before with regards to a longstanding situation. I've been caregiver for my grandmother (she has dementia, diabetes, a recurring UTI, and some other health issues), and pretty much the only person even trying, for a very long time now. It's been a 24/7 job and hasn't really left the time for any education, employment, or social life. She was very sick recently, and she kept putting off going to the hospital or seeing a doctor. About a week ago I got an early morning wakeup from my grandmother. She'd lost control of her bladder and bowels, was very weak, and was in such a bad mental state that I had to call an ambulance immediately. As I was on the phone she was yelling at me not to call and saying some pretty mean stuff. I had to stay on the line to give directions. When the ambulance got here she kept the paramedics waiting about an hour and a half, most of which was spent in the bathroom. They asked her a few questions and could tell she wasn't mentally sound, so they had to take her away despite her protests once she got out of the bathroom. Anyway, a few days after this I got a call from Adult Protective Services. They were raising a fuss over her condition and saying it was neglect rather than a result of the circumstances. Unless we put up a legal battle we can't really afford it seems almost inevitable that they're going to put her in a nursing home and take control of her assets. I've got mixed feelings about her ending up in a nursing home, but that scenario leaves me in a bad position and homeless. I know there are shelters and such where I could find a temporary home for myself, but my cats complicate that. The prospect of losing them after such a major upset as this and when I'm already deeply depressed and burnt out is just too much for me to take right now. I'm not sure what I can do in this situation anymore.

I hear you on this, Taylor. I have been and still am in a highly undesirable situation. There's a lot of solitude in that. I tried reaching out to local churches for help or just someone to talk to and didn't get anywhere. It was really disappointing. But that's where you keep trying. I wouldn't have found this place if I hadn't been desperate and frustrated with the lack of local support. I still don't get to come here often, but when I do it's been an excellent place for prayer and moral support and occasionally offer some of my own.

Hello! I'm still alive, everyone. Things are plodding along with social services. Not really sure when it will be over with. Communication with them is very slow. Power of attorney is unfortunately out of the question. She filled out the form giving her daughter PoA years ago, but her daughter doesn't want to deal with her. Anyone else would have to apply for guardianship, and according to the judge that's going to require setting up a special bond. It's non-refundable and acts as an insurance policy if her funds are ever mismanaged. It has to be posted every year. Texas just isn't a great state for the elderly and disabled. Online classes would be great, though. I'm beginning to think I might enjoy computer programming.

I've been in touch with social services about employment. That's about as far as I dare take it. As bad as it's getting here I'm not willing to risk being put in a situation where I might lose my cats or have to choose between feeding me or feeding them, and her behavior isn't really something I can talk about with other people in the flesh or on the phone. As long as I can get some solid hope that I'll eventually be able to stand on my own I'll be fine. Anyway, I'm having to jump through some hoops with social services. Because my desire to work from home is partially motivated by some health issues and I addressed it from that angle they want me to have a few medical exams, and then sometime after that's done and they review the information they'll get back to me.

It's me again. The house still hasn't been foreclosed on, which is a blessing, and the rest of March is probably safe in that respect, and a bankruptcy or a deal with the lender is looking increasingly likely from my grandmother's perspective. It's a disappointment, but it's a great deal more feasible than moving at this point, since the savings have still been negligible. Regardless of whether or not we move I know it's in my best interests to try to get some sort of job I can do at home as quickly as possible, even if it's just part time. It benefits me either way, and I'd feel a lot more secure about my own future. Right now I'm very much feeling abused. It's not the first time I've had the feeling. I get subjected to insults and paranoia often enough for urging my grandmother to be cautious and conservative with her diet and her money, or when I have to correct her on something she doesn't remember properly. It's creating and aggravating health issues in me, and all she has to say about it is that I should toughen up. I can take insults all day without losing my cool, but having to do so on an almost daily basis is pretty depressing. Dealing with her is feeling increasingly hopeless, and she's turning to threats more and more often to get her way. More and more often I find myself feeling like I need to get out ASAP, but given the circumstances at present it's just not viable for me to do so. I wish I could. But I always cool down from the initial panic very quickly, and the reality of how difficult it is to move out and start over from scratch, especially out of state, hits me. Then I just feel miserable again.

Just to add my two cents to this... A couple of years ago I was praying very hard and frequently. There was someone I wanted to be in a relationship with. I felt as if this person could really help me out of the slump I was in, and still am in. More than once I felt taunted and ignored, but I kept on praying anyway. Somewhere down the line I changed what I was praying for. I prayed that if this wasn't someone I should be in a relationship with that God would just remove that person from my life so I could move on and not be so tormented. Gradually more and more distance built up between us, and now we have next to no contact. And I think this is a very good thing. I got to see quite a few undesirable traits in them that I didn't see before, and sadly they've only gone downhill from there. On the blood sugar end, stress can be a factor. But do keep an eye on it.

I'll be quite happy to join you in prayer for this.

A lot of what you've said is familiar to me. I accepted Jesus at an early age and grew up in a physically and emotionally abusive household. I feel like I'm still in an abusive situation, albeit one of a very different sort this time around, I'm largely without family or friends, and life in general has taken some really rotten turns these past few years. I can safely say that I have no idea where I'll be or what I'll be doing as early as February. I have to echo the sentiment that God never said we'd have it easy. But I have a few other things to add as well. I've found that when you've had a really lousy past, especially when it starts in childhood, it tends to create a pessimistic or even nihilistic outlook that will blind you to all of the smaller things that help make life more tolerable, if not enjoyable. For me it's my cats. This forum is also a blessing for me, as I know I can speak openly here and other believers will care enough to pray for me. That's something that would otherwise be lacking in my life. Learning to identify and really treasure what you have now can help a lot. For some examples, the biggest one would be that I'm still alive. I'm very frail. I've never heard a solid reason for it, but I apparently have an immune system of tissue paper. If someone with a cold comes into the house I'll catch it and it will linger for weeks. On one occasion I had a very severe case of the flu. Even with meds the major symptoms lasted for weeks and it turned into a lung infection that hung on for a couple of months. I also had a childhood head injury that almost required brain surgery, but one of their consulting doctors decided it wasn't quite severe enough to warrant it. On the abuse front my grandparents took me in as a teenager. Last year we had issues with adult protective services wanting to force my grandmother into a nursing home and take everything she owned. During part of her nursing home stay she had a fall that gave her a head injury and some really nasty looking bruises, so I got her out of there. APS threatened me with jail time over it. But they never did press charges, and that whole mess has blown over. I developed sixth cranial nerve palsy during that time as well. One of my eyes was partially paralyzed and I saw double as a result. Aspects of it are still lingering, like distance and fast movement still affecting my vision a bit, but I can move my eye again, and it didn't require any meds, therapy, or surgery to heal. As a kitten one of my cats ended up getting inside of the couch, and there was a sturdy string tied in several places. She got tangled up in it. I didn't know about the string, so I just tapped on the couch and tried to coax her to come out by feeling for her. She screamed at that, so I had to take the couch apart. It took around ten minutes to get it apart and get in there, and it turned out she was hanging there by the neck. She was panting and very wobbly after I cut her down. I wasn't sure if she'd make it or not. But she did, and she didn't suffer any damage from the experience. I hope you can find some encouragement in this and your own situation becomes easier to bear.

I had to have a minor eyelid operation done once. My doctor pointed out that sometimes if you go to a teaching hospital you can get a lower price. It might be worth looking into.

Thank you all for the prayers. She's had bloody urine since the time of my last post. We talked to her urologist's office yesterday, and they can't take her in for an appointment until Monday. I've been trying to get her to go to the hospital since they said that, but it's turning out to be an uphill battle.

Hello. I've posted here before, and like my other post this one doubles as a prayer request. I've been playing caregiver for my grandmother ever since I got out of highschool, and her health issues have been getting worse. The rest of the family tends to take advantage of her, so between that and her increasingly bad dementia and other health issues she's gone pretty deep into debt. We're at the point where we're about to be foreclosed on and evicted. We've probably got all of December and maybe January to find a new place, but we can't count on January. This is alright. We're in agreement about needing to move. The house is falling apart from old age and all the abuse it's taken from our relatives, and we want to get away from them and go somewhere that's more senior friendly for her and would have some employment options for me. There are just other problems. Despite having months to save, we haven't saved much. She keeps giving the money away to family members (who are most likely using it to buy beer and drugs) and splurging, and she's of the impression that her credit score is great and she can get a loan with no problems. Nothing could be further from the truth. Our location of choice is Manhattan, Kansas, which is out of state for us. It meets a lot of our requirements very nicely. I'd rather we bought a mobile home than rent a place. Even with lot rent and insurance taken into account it's looking to be a considerably cheaper option, especially if you're coming with pets. All the online listings I've found have wanted to charge quite a bit for pets and limit it to two. We have five, and I'm not too keen on giving up any of them. They're family. Right now we're having trouble finding a lender who's going to give us the time of day. Getting a 5% down payment isn't a problem, and with her pension or me getting a job up there the monthly payments wouldn't be a problem. It's just her credit issues over these past two years and my medical bills and lack of employment. I'm not really sure what we can do or where to even look after all the lenders we've talked to. I've also been struggling over the issue of whether or not she should go into a nursing home in the near future. She's still mentally living in the time when loans and bankruptcy were much easier to get and before her debt started piling up. She takes it personally and gets extremely vicious whenever anyone suggests otherwise, and she's that way with a lot of things that just aren't so. Sadly this is true of her health issues as well. She's diabetic, and there's absolutely no getting her to eat right. Every time I feel like I'm at the end of my rope I find the resolve to go a little further. I'm hoping that moving will help out a lot since it will remove the stress and financial strain of the relatives here that are just taking advantage of her. Even then I'm not sure how much further I can or should go in taking care of her, since she's getting really difficult to be around. Any prayers or advice are appreciated.

My family and I are in a really bad situation at the moment, so all of this doubles as a prayer request. As a little background, I've been taking care of my grandmother as a "job" (it's more of a charity as I don't get paid for it) for years now, but it's all been in an unofficial manner. Up until recently her problems were strictly physical. More recently her problems took on a mental edge. She started forgetting things more and more often. My aunt and I were trying to get her to acknowledge it gracefully and fill out advance medical directives and such. This effort got cut short by a kidney infection (she's had recurring issues with that) and her blood sugar being so high none of the meters could get an exact reading on it. She went to the clinic that night, but on account of clashing with the staff she left against medical advice after a few hours of treatment. A day or so later she went back to the hospital again. This time she stayed a few days, but again, she left against medical advice. My sister picked her up that time and made a bit of a scene. The next day someone from Adult Protective Services came over. He ordered our grandmother into a nursing home for a while. She went willingly. During her stay there she fell and got her entire face bruised and broke her nose. We heard multiple stories from the staff about how it happened and when they performed a head exam, which was one to three days after the fall. There were a lot of concerns in the family about the nursing home itself, and the nursing home told both her and the family that if she wanted to go they wouldn't keep her there, so with that in mind we pulled her out. We got a call from the APS worker that night. He wanted her taken to the hospital immediately for some exams. He said he was going to meet with her there but never did. The hospital didn't find anything wrong, so they released her. About a week later the worker came to the house with a police escort and had her blood sugar checked. It was after a meal and before her shot, so it was high, but still well within the guidelines set by the papers we'd received from the nursing home. At that point he had her hauled off to the nursing home forcefully without bothering to look at the blood sugar log we'd kept. We'd been struggling to keep it low, but we later learned that our readings turned out to be comparable to the ones in both of her nursing home stays. Up until a few days ago everything we'd heard, which really wasn't all that much, had led us to believe that our grandmother would be released after her 30 days in the nursing home were up. There was a change in things when the Department of Aging and Disability Services contacted us. She told us her department was considering applying for guardianship. More importantly, she also told us that it didn't matter if a family member got guardianship or not. They were expected to put her in a nursing home or there would be legal troubles, and regardless of who got custody there'd be asset seizing involved. We've also been told by this woman that we can't apply for an extension on the case unless we agree to some of her terms at an upcoming meeting. As it is, our grandmother's blood sugar is finally under control and her UTI has cleared up. The DADS worker claims she needs 24/7 care on the basis of her poor memory hindering her ability to medicate herself, and somehow no one in the family is capable of staying with her or taking her in and doing this for her. For the most part her medications are oral. The nursing home started her up on insulin shots. One family member has medical experience and others have expressed a willingness to take classes on diabetic care. We're not very happy with the direction this has gone in. My aunt repeatedly tried calling the APS worker over the course of a week and left messages on his answering machine. He didn't return any of her calls, but did take the time to dig up info on my grandmother's financial assets. We feel like there's been a general lack of communication from the state, and what little we've received has largely consisted of threats, ultimatums, and insults. We're planning to fight this in court so much as we're able, and I'm hoping to get some media exposure. Something very similar happened in another part of Texas with an elderly couple, and they spent almost a year in a nursing home while a state appointed guardian did questionable things with their assets that are just now being investigated. There's also another aspect of this that applies to me personally. Like I said the caregiving was done without any pay, and I've put off employment, education, and any semblance of a social life to do it. My health has dropped like a rock these past few months, and I'm not entirely sure where I'll live, let alone find employment, if the situation continues to sour. Any prayers or advice on any of this matter are appreciated.

Such a tough question with all these choices. I think I favor Daniel.