You're right. I think my anger is misdirected.  Also I finally have my medication. I'm very hesitant and scared to take it. I'm hoping they'll stop the intrusive thoughts and not make things worse.  I am so scared. Please keep me in your prayers. I'm afraid of side effects and having an outburst at work and being embarrassed. 

In my view, faith is a gift... Romans 12:3 For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God has dealt to every man the measure of faith. I believe Adam had perfect faith, but obviously lacked a perfect/mature love. 1 Cor 13:8 - Charity [righteous love] never fails But with Jesus, He being the author and finisher of faith had a love that was as perfect as the divinity of the Spirit within that earthen vessel of humanity. So, as was His spirit, so was His faith and love. Col 2:9 - For in Him dwells all the fullness of the Divinity bodily.

Maybe, but the reality is that many feel predestined to their circumstances. It's pointless to argue against things that are already accomplished. I recall a very nice old clergyman from a neighboring country parish visiting our country vicarage and confiding in me when I was a teenager, that being a childless couple as he and his wife were, wounded him to his soul. With my being one of six children, and my parents also having a few grandchildren at the time, I expressed sympathy, and as I remember it, the man's faith in Christ was in no way diminished by what he saw as the predetermined lack of offspring. Today's Anecdote from Yesterday's Archives 

In Matthew 25:20-26, Jesus confirms that He will reward each individual according to his works, so it will be an awards cerimony after all. We see the parable of the talents in Matt 25:20-26 is clearly describing the awards ceremony. Those who didn't bare any fruit will have their talent taken from them and given to the one who achieved the most.  The Bible is full of examples, of different rewards being given to everyone according to their works. For example, the minimalist Christian who didn't give his tithes and offerings generously will not be rewarded the same as those who gave generously.  We have examples like the widow who gave all she had, while others gave more out of their abundance and they didn't receive the same reward. There is overwhelming evidence that we will all be rewarded according to our works.  The terror of the Lord, is the fear of the Lord. Every true believer lives in fear of the Lord.  God never placed a time limit on our repentance, many repent on their death bed and God is faithful to save them regardless. We have the example of the thief on the cross, who repented at the last moment. He was saved, even though he never got the chance to make amends to those he offended.  Every saved person is saved by the blood of Christ, those under the old covenant looked forward to Christs atonement for their salvation and we look back under the new covenant but everyone is saved by the same means.  Heaven has many different ranks and levels, so does hell. Everyone will receive a tailor made reward or punishment according to their works. 

Also, I want to say, their controlling spirits that come to war with the saints.  Thoughs are planted into the mind and little by little seeds are sown to draw the believer away to worldly influence.   I recently watched a youtube video by Dr. Michael Heiser,  titled Aliens and Demons.   He has outlined a very good description of the spiritual realm and things that goes on there. I am still trying to understand ,why I have been through all this.  There are other things I am not mentioning, as it is about my personal life.  I could write a book about these things after 20+ years of these engagements.  Even today I had work through those things coming to seduce me through my senses, the tongue and taste buds.    One person had a spirit of that ordor that filled the entire place.  I had to keep praying and rebuking that spirit.    Believe me you, it is very inticing and seductive and the flesh wants to accept it, but my spirit cannot, as rev.18 shows why.  Now you see why, I can't go into extensive details, as it may not be digestive to others.   I often wonder, why I have not heard or shown things from the Lord explicitly, but these things, can seduce and entice me in these very real ways.   The word, especially Ephesians 6, has given me confirmation of the spiritual realm, or I would have been totally lost. But, I press on and leave it in the Lord hands.