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marriage trouble

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35 replies to this topic

#21
deedandtruth

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lol, c'mon now Zion, it can't all be the hubbies fault. It takes two to tango in a relationship. Does she bicker with him, become excessively needy or overbearing. This is a reason why many men become "detached." The bible says a nagging wife is like a leaky faucet. It's better to dwell in the corner of a rooftop, than with a quarrelsome and vexatious wife. I just believe it's always best to hear both sides of the story to make it work. They'll be in my prayers.

The bible also says to Love your wife like Jesus loves you. Attaching blame to one or the other partner from a distance is probably not the best thing I would advise.

I would probably just advise prayer for the marriage.


And it also says in the marriage vows, For better or for WORSE..It's not attaching blame, it's trying to get to the root of the problem. Everything is not just one sided, "he is so STUBBORN in EVERYTHING(is this always the case?) and NEVER considers her in decision or considers her feelings. he is a very detatched, emotionless person." how does that sound to you? not trying to condemn either party or take sides, just saying it's a bit of an overgeneralization. How did he get this way?

We can't always change or control other people, but we can change our reactions and ourselves. Sometimes God does not want to change the other person, he's more interested in changing you. We must examine ourselves, look at the person in the mirror. He is the potter we are the clay, this marriage may be a trial or test, to see if she will be pliable to how God is working it out in her life. Sometimes Fez, God will put people across our paths that rub against us like sandpaper, but that is to get out our rough edges. The key is to work within ourselves and with God through prayer being pliable, then u see how things start to change for the better. =)

Edited by deedandtruth, 12 February 2013 - 04:53 PM.


#22
chetty

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I am lost really lost my marriage is falling apart day by day I don't know what else I can do I'm mostly to be blamed for what has happened but how do I change that.My husband doesn't trust me and I keep making the same mistake over and over.I'm pulling away from god each day even though I read the bible and pray each day trying to change thing it just keeps getting worse.

#23
Fez

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I am lost really lost my marriage is falling apart day by day I don't know what else I can do I'm mostly to be blamed for what has happened but how do I change that.My husband doesn't trust me and I keep making the same mistake over and over.I'm pulling away from god each day even though I read the bible and pray each day trying to change thing it just keeps getting worse.

Why do you keep making the" same mistake over and over"? What is stopping you from changing that?

Is it something we can pray for you about?

God Bless.

#24
Prodigalson123

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Sorry I'm so late to the party I was the guy in the relationship that is often described here. For 11 years I treated my wife as my property, as someone who should be doting on me. After she told me that she was a pagan (we were married in a Christian church) and didn't believe my "god" existed, it threw me. I resolved to "show her she was wrong" and I began to really study the Bible so I could show her where she was wrong. In the process, I actually became a Christian, as opposed to a charlatan. Ephesians 4:30 was the verse that changed me. After realizing that I could grieve the Holy Spirit, and then I read that I would have to answer to God for the way I treated His daughter, That was the beginning. After that, staying in the Word, learning what God expected from a husband, and learning what it means to honor your wife was the next step. Finally we went to "A Weekend To Remember" and that was the difference. We spent the weekend learning what spouses are supposed to look like/act/feel and not the twisted ways we were taught by the world. We now are going on 19 years, and have had 8 years of good years. Let the LORD do His work, pray unceasingly for your friends/self in regards to the relationship, and submit to the LORD. That's the only way to have Him heal the marriage. I hope this helped, and feel free to contact me if there are any questions I can answer for you.

#25
chetty

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I can relate to your friend and how she must be feeling.I've gone through all of that but what makes it harder is that we a a racial married couple and his cultral background is way different from mine,even though we have gotten through a lot together the passed abuse still seems to affect me emotionally.I turned to doing the wrong thing due to the fact that I felt so alone and unloved I'm ashamed of myself ontop of it all.guess I'm still hurting and pushing it towards it all

#26
ayin jade

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I highly recommend that you seek marriage counseling. If you both work on repairing the marriage, it can be saved. I have an interracial marriage too and our shared love of the Lord helps us. We have learned to accept the cultural differences and work past our difficulties.

#27
Isaiah 6:8

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I am almost a year into almost losing my marriage of now, 9 years. Its been nothing short of a miracle that we are still together. The problems ran deep, and no ones story is the same. What saved us is a lot of prayer and counselling together and separately We have been learning how to both communicate our feelings and how to hear what the other person is saying. Its been a long hard process and there is no such thing as an over night fix. It has helped be a lot personally reading the books. "If only He Knew" By Gary Smally, and "Love and War" by John and Staci Eldrige.

The biggest trick was, to stop focusing on what the other person needs work on, but to work on yourself. I spent years thinking that my marriage problems were all my wife's fault, and after almost losing her I come to find that it was almost all my fault, and my pride and stubbornness, I felt that I was a good husband and my wife had all the issues. When I realised otherwise and finally humbled myself before both her and more importantly the Lord things started to change!

And now after 9 years of marriage and being unable to conceive we have finally gotten pregnant!

#28
bopeep1909

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ok, so i have this friend whose husband is driving her up the wall. he is so stubborn in everything and never considers her in decision or considers her feelings. he is a very detatched, emotionless person, i have seen this for myself; and doesn't respond to her, period. needlesss to say, she feels totally alone in their relationship. not a good example for their two very young children. they've been married for three years. the guy says he's a christian, but as far as i can tell he's just outward for show to others. my friend is at the end of herself, she feels like she can't even pray about him anymore, or even love him. she says: how can you love someone who will never ever love you back?

any thoughts/advice as well as prayer is appreciated. i really know what to say to her anymore, but my heart so goes out to her.


Does he truly love her?She needs to pray for her husband all the time.If things ever get out of hand and he becomes abusive then separation might be in the plan especially when their are children involved.Yes,he is not setting a good example to the children of what a Christian loving marriage is.I know children who have come out of a abusive relationship and it is not pretty.They are still recovering after many,many years.And the children might get into unhealthy relationships when they get older.

#29
*Zion*

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Ok, sorry I haven't replied in a while. Lots happening. Again, things seem to be on the improve. Total miracle, I really don't know how, but God is doing it.

If I seem one-sided, it may be because I've known my friend for longer, I know what her personality's like, and I've also seen her husband in 'action'. She's not perfect, but she wouldn't care or have stuck it out this long with the kids if she didn't actually love him. And she does, I just know.

Chetty and Flamingo Fandango: pray, pray, pray, pray, pray. I know God is working on behalf of my friend and her husband. Your situations actually sound more like abuse (verbal/emotional). But there's nothing that our God can't handle. Just remember: vengeance is Mine, sayeth the Lord. And his revenge is so much worse than ours, so just continue to bless and pray. God works all things together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purposes. My friend was just thinking about this scripture today. Sounded good when she said it.

#30
Lump dump

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Why did she marry him? Surely they got to know each other first?

So often I have seen this. A woman will be attracted to a man for the very reason that DRIVES HER NUTS A FEW YEARS DOWN THE ROAD.

"He is SO good with money!" a few years down the road becomes: "He's so cheap I can't stand it!"

Or a woman marries a man hoping to change him, AND MEN DON'T CHANGE!!!!

My advice would be 'stay prayed up and pray with him as often as possible.'


It is so hard to explain. The very things o loved about my husband for years have now changed to almost hate. We were friends for years and I had such a crush on him. He worked hard and had a giving heart. Now he is not trying as head to find a job and his attentive giving nature is towards every one but me. He was using drugs last year and we had to separate now that we are back together it is like two room mates. I just want a little dealing if being loved back!

#31
gdemoss

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praying

#32
enoob57

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ok, so i have this friend whose husband is driving her up the wall. he is so stubborn in everything and never considers her in decision or considers her feelings. he is a very detatched, emotionless person, i have seen this for myself; and doesn't respond to her, period. needlesss to say, she feels totally alone in their relationship. not a good example for their two very young children. they've been married for three years. the guy says he's a christian, but as far as i can tell he's just outward for show to others. my friend is at the end of herself, she feels like she can't even pray about him anymore, or even love him. she says: how can you love someone who will never ever love you back?

any thoughts/advice as well as prayer is appreciated. i really know what to say to her anymore, but my heart so goes out to her.

Php 4:13
13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
NKJV
1 Co 7:14-16
14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving

wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean,
but now they are holy. 15 But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother
or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace.
16 For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how
do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?
NKJV

Love, Steven

#33
flamingo fandango

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Hello to everyone,

I can't find the actual thread for my post from a couple of days ago. Thank you to all who are praying and who gave advice. I really can't say what will happen next with us. My husband is not really open to counseling. Locked himself in the bedroom and wouldn't come out....again. We aren't in church right now b/c I just don't have the heart for putting my church face on.

#34
bopeep1909

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:th_praying: I will pray for God to intervene in your marriage.

#35
*Zion*

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Thanks to everyone who's being praying. God is so faithful. From what I can tell the husband is really trying his best. My friend is much happier. He's still got a long way to go, but he's really focused on their relationship now it seems.

Blessings :)

#36
enoob57

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Thanks to everyone who's being praying. God is so faithful. From what I can tell the husband is really trying his best. My friend is much happier. He's still got a long way to go, but he's really focused on their relationship now it seems.

Blessings :)

Praise God for His tender.. oh so tender mercies!!!




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