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how to carry on.


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33 replies to this topic

#1
xounstaer

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hi,

i dont know exactly what to say. besides that i am locked up in the psychiatry, for years now. i believe in christ very much, which is honestly the reason why i am stlil inside the psychiatry.

a lot of things happened even since i got into psychiatry when i was 19/20 years of age. where i stay now it is almost like prison.

and frankly for me to me i rather be dead,

my parents just divorced, i dont think i will see my stephfather again who raised me since i was 1 and half a year old.

i am great-full though that my brother has a job and moved into his own house just a little while ago.
i dont use my phone anymore. i try to stay in touch through the internet. which i have made my mind up about to do so.

i suffer from the same illness paulus did. though my body has stopped acking.
i suffer from a messiah delusion, i tell you this way. in my own opinion it is not a delusion, it will stay the rest of my life, i have learned to deal with that though.

i have nearly become an alien to this life.

i dont want to no more...to me life has no worth anymore, i see no use in living on.
i pray that god will take my life, literally. really i wish he would.

my biological father i have broken contact with, the one whom i inherited the illness from so to say. but i have my own life..like him..

i just dont want to no more.

i dont see how to go on, and have thrown all past away sort a say (biblical too)
it's like a dot. . which needs to start but doesnt know how anymore or why anymore. or does, but doesnt want to.

i see no use any more.

(i be real)

please pray for me.

stein de moor / xounstaer
x

#2
angels4u

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Hello,

Can you explain what you mean by "i suffer from a messiah delusion,?

#3
Jayyycuuup

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Have you accepted Jesus Christ into your life?

#4
ncn

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Hello,
I'm Nigel from the UK.

I see you are from Holland.

You say, "lot of things happened even since i got into psychiatry when i was 19/20 years of age. where i stay now it is almost like prison."

I don't know if that is what you believe in your mind or are you in a centre/care home?
If you want to share some more I'm here as many others are for you.

Please don't feel obliged. :)

It's hard for me to understand/interpret, because of your written English, but don't fret it's good all the same.

Let me tell you this; I've been through days not only days ,,,years; where they were black.

Yet, there is something in the word of God that kept me going.

Isaiah 41:10

10 Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.

"Hope is patience with the lamp lit". We wait, in hope, keeping the lamp lit with prayer"

Psalm 119:105 Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.
Praying for you and here for you; if you need an ear. God Bless You.


#5
xounstaer

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yes i accepted christ in my life, to hard to say he is the reason why i am in the psychiatry now still.
i can explain my messiah delusion; it basically comes down to it that i think i am the returnal of christ.
i believe very much in him, maybe to much.

i am active at a dutch forum which is christian based, i have a good time there, but i was looking for another forum, for other means i guess.
and i am already a member here and then when i visited this site and was i had a notification from someone.
who asked how i was doing. i said i had a rough time. but i am ok.

then i started this topic. and i realize really i dont know how to carry on.
i believe, yes. (i know)

i take antidepressants but if they do anything i dont know, i guess not.
i lay in my bed wishing i die every evening.

or wishing worse..

i would like to talk about it maybe here, (i will tell my christian friends from a dutch forum i talk about my depression here, it's a good forum..)

maybe you guys can help me out further, i have spoken about it there too, i realize now.

i do believe...(know)

i am just looking within this topic in the wish that maybe it can help against my depression, not obliged. :)

gr

#6
He giveth more grace

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xounstar, do you have access to the King James Bible, if so begin in the Gospel of John and read all of the New Testament. "You shall know the Truth (Christ and his word - the Bible) and the truth shall make you free." A lot of which trouble me would fall away once you have the word of God in you - Less word of God, less freedom - More word of God more freedom.

The Devil has you convince that this is all for you, being institutionalized, but that is a lie from Satan, you could be out and visiting your brother new home. You look like your in your 30s, Satan has stolen enough years, you must not let him steal more.

Every day, say that you choose Christ and you reject and deny Satan. Every day pray that Christ will be reveled you.

It is up to you, hear and obey the word of God and really live or obey the darkness and really die.

That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.

#7
xounstaer

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i believe and know all that..

i've read the bible plenty, or enough. honestly.
to me it is me and the prophecy's about christ and all the prophecy's , not only to obey but also to fulfill....

i do not choose darkness, i choose light and love really and the truth; at cost of anything if so..

god once called me i can say.

but the world might just as well go on without me... and no offense but i have chosen christ/god/jesus/the sun/ the star(s) above all and all creatures of nature. my believe is not a believe.
i came to know and be aware.

but it is nearly the same story twice round, maybe not to you and the people that habitat this earth, to me it is though.

x

think of me, please pray for me.
and if i may advice seek the truth.

daylight is daylight.

#8
FresnoJoe

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Praying~!

#9
xounstaer

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thank you.x

#10
He giveth more grace

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i believe and know all that..

i've read the bible plenty, or enough. honestly.
to me it is me and the prophecy's about christ and all the prophecy's , not only to obey but also to fulfill....

i do not choose darkness, i choose light and love really and the truth; at cost of anything if so..

god once called me i can say.

but the world might just as well go on without me... and no offense but i have chosen christ/god/jesus/the sun/ the star(s) above all and all creatures of nature. my believe is not a believe.
i came to know and be aware.

but it is nearly the same story twice round, maybe not to you and the people that habitat this earth, to me it is though.

x

think of me, please pray for me.
and if i may advice seek the truth.

daylight is daylight.

The Demons know all that too but are not saved, they believe in one God and they tremble.

Don't oppose your own soul, you're the one in an institution, not me, I am trying to help you. Your Theology, knowledge, and Philosophy hasn't worked well for you so far.

#11
Leonard

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May the Lord touch and heal your mind, grant you clarity about Who Jesus Christ is, and free you from any delusions for which you are currently institutionalized. +

Brother; look in the mirror. Do you have wounds in your hands and feet? No? Then YOU ARE NOT CHRIST, for we know that when He returns in the last hour, they will ask him: "What are these wounds in your hands?"

#12
xounstaer

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what do you know about that?....................

#13
He giveth more grace

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May the Lord touch and heal your mind, grant you clarity about Who Jesus Christ is, and free you from any delusions for which you are currently institutionalized. +

Brother; look in the mirror. Do you have wounds in your hands and feet? No? Then YOU ARE NOT CHRIST, for we know that when He returns in the last hour, they will ask him: "What are these wounds in your hands?"

Good one, Leonard!

#14
xounstaer

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but i came to ask for prayer and not for you to try and make me look evil or that i am a demon or so.
my name is stein de moor (mental; xounstaer). i was born 27 turns around the sun ago.

and am glad not to feel that pain anymore of wholes in my hands or feet.

why are some of you like this, calling me a liar?

ask god..

#15
He giveth more grace

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what do you know about that?....................

Please, if you would, define whom you are referring to.

#16
xounstaer

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not whom but what.

what do you know about that; feeling holes in hands and or feet. i come ask for prayer and you go judge me, or act like as if i am a demon.
i am not christ no, thats truth. i am stein and xs (xounstaer). and i have my own life.

and have accepted christ in my life. and have felt more pain then you want to know. besides the holes, which are fictual.
or did anybody think a ufo would land and that jesus would step out and show you holes in his hands??

i did feel it like a scar. and besides that more scare, so many scars. i think if you would let god go judge this earth not much would be left...

show me a rightious reply, instead of calling me a liar. i will see you then, or not after this life...

i pray and think a lot or to much. but i do not call peoples liars or so. and offend people in that way.

did you get my name right? stein it is. it means stone in german.

but if you only want to batlle me instead of pray for me then whay are you responding to my posts that obvious show a request for help and prayer.

like i said, i die; then the world can carry on.

gr


(glad not te feel the holes and pains of death atm anymore, but why shoul di live on?)

stop fighting, start praying.
do good and dont do evil.

you are judging me, instead of praying for me.

i am like paulus (but worse)

go seek an answer within your hart and the holy ghost and jesus christ and god. instead of saying things like that i lie because i am hospitalised.

have you ever even heard of prosecution etcetera.......................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

#17
Fez

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but i came to ask for prayer and not for you to try and make me look evil or that i am a demon or so.
my name is stein de moor (mental; xounstaer). i was born 27 turns around the sun ago.

and am glad not to feel that pain anymore of wholes in my hands or feet.

why are some of you like this, calling me a liar?

ask god..

Stein, I know this is hard for you, and i know you feel confused and alone, and that you say you wish Jesus would just take you.
But others are trying to help you here, and so am I. I am not a doctor, nor am I an expert on mental disorders, but this i do know, and want to ask you...

If you are the "return of Christ", and if you know the bible as well as you do, having read it often, do you think Jesus, who will come with an army of angels, in all His glory, upon the clouds, as God, would feel alone, depressed, sick, and wish he could just go back "home"?

You need to answer that question for yourself, more than for anyone else.

God bless you Stein, and I will pray for you.

#18
xounstaer

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ty that was a usefull reply to me, really ty. i will, think it over.
without imagination..

it would be quite a task then for him not? (no fairytales)


putting it into reality, imagine youself in his shoes then, or mine...

(i pray)

and ty for your kind reply @fez

#19
joi

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Hi Stein, welcome to Worthy forums.
In addition to what Fez says may I ask if you are Jesus why are you not free and offering freedom from this sinful world to us as well?
I pray that you find freedom in Christ.

#20
xounstaer

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i will reply later, promise.




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