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Why My Friends Died....

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#1
oak

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I had three friends that died prematurely and I always looked at their awful decisions could only be explained by some sort of metaphysical wisdom. I remember them, one atheist two Christians as bright and gifted, full of life and love individuals'. There is not one topic we didn't touch upon while we discussed life. And as with all my friends, I refused to get into superficial conversation because even if the topic was superficial, like a movie, we'd dig deep into it; how did it effect your opinion of yourself, God / Christ,  and the world? Let's speak clearly honestly and with care (hopefully).

 

I'll tell how they died. The first was Ryan, an atheist who was my nephew-in-law; he committed suicide. The second was Victor, a Christian friend since adolescence; he died in hospital during his third surgery, for Hepatitis C. The third was Alex - a childhood Christian friend, - died after receiving a head wound (frying pan) from  his girlfriend - and instead of seeking help, he simply went to sleep.

 

And the reason I'm writing this is that I was recently in a life and death situation and I went straight to the Scriptures and kept at them till I found an answer. And I want the madness to be to an extent unveiled. Also, maybe I may reach out to a Christian who may identify with this hard subject and draw life affirming conclusions.

 

Anyway why all the deaths? I'm lead to believe that in all cases they were very human reasons, except no one knows how deep they actually cut the person. Ryan told me he was abused as a child. Now, I have seen this cause as one of the most venomous ones in sufferers of mental and emotional disorders, addictions etc. To numb himself Ryan would go on drug binges but finally he met and married my niece. He showed great promise in treatment and graduated at the top of his Nursing Anesthesiologist class was invited to work in one of the top Hospitals in the country. To celebrate this he went to Mexico with my niece and went on one of his binges. This resulted in endless problems for over a period of time; he finally went into rehab (as he did before) and he called my niece from there and asked her to take him back (she wouldn't) - he left the rehab and overdosed. Ryan never quite was able to put his abuse into perspective and then he lost his only hope.

 

Victor, had the misfortune of having terrifically successful siblings - brother and sister. He suffered from this in a very private way, and chose sales as a profession. He continuously kept taking big gambles that cost him. He was constantly trying to keep up with his brother who would buy a yacht, for instance. He was also predisposed to alcohol. He was a OSAS Christian who I would constantly - in a good way - would be searching scripture to make our points. He was fortunate in terms of The Lord, giving him time and the last thing he said to me was not scared of death and wanted "to be taken to his Daddy, Abba." Oh and he admitted to me that he thought siblings should never be compared. I didn't realize that was such a heavy cross for him to bare.

 

Alex was a poster guy for popularity. He got many wonderful things in life. His desire for life's forbidden fruit was too much for him. So at the end he was a divorced man living with a divorced woman who were drinking excessively. He didn't really fit into the group I'm talking about; the people with unmet desires or having life  force things upon you. But I had to mention him in remembrance.

 

So, if you have a bitter battle over losing a loved one, not being able to have children, not being educated, being pushed around, not liking who you are or whatever else it may be, realize you have to be sincerely be honest with yourself and Christ. Make your problem known to close ones and / or therapist. Realize the stakes; this life is difficult. And no one is without bruises in this short life we have. May Christ bring you victory through your trials. Just don't take them lightly or numb yourself out of life.

 

Oak      

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



#2
desi2007

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very good topic, I had loved ones as well that died prematurely, and I found myself wondering about things too. As a believer our spiritual growth is so important and finding that balance in life is the key. Life is so hard.



#3
walla299

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<snip>

 

So, if you have a bitter battle over losing a loved one, not being able to have children, not being educated, being pushed around, not liking who you are or whatever else it may be, realize you have to be sincerely be honest with yourself and Christ. Make your problem known to close ones and / or therapist. Realize the stakes; this life is difficult. And no one is without bruises in this short life we have. May Christ bring you victory through your trials. Just don't take them lightly or numb yourself out of life.

 

Oak      

 

Good subject, and I saw something that should be highlighted in it.

 

Make your problem, what ever it might be, known to yourself, God, and another human being. It really is that simple. Secrets love darkness and they can have a lot of power over a person to the point of controlling their lives. Addictions are a good example of this. Making a secret known drags it into the light and robs it of that power. Confessing our faults is something we are supposed to do as believers any way (only to the right people, obviously.)

 

Worried about what others will think? Don't. If they really love you they will support you -- if they don't then now you know there is a problem and can do something about it.

 

I've lost quite a few family members and friends over the years, and it never gets easier. Each is different in its own way according to the relationships between us, but Jesus has been the one constant through out all of that Who can be counted on to always be there. The worst part of loosing some of my friends over the years were the ones where I didn't know if they were saved. That can haunt you. Did I do enough to share the gospel with them? Did I take advantage of every opportunity, like Paul said? Not sure what else to say on that one, except that I think its normal to wonder in some cases, "Will I see these folks again?"


Edited by walla299, 14 December 2013 - 12:39 PM.


#4
GTC1187

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I lost 2 of my best friends in the last three years.
One was a Marine that mysteriously passed away while on furlough from Afghanistan at 25, he was a very loyal friend.
The other was a volunteer firefighter who died in a motorcycle accident at 25 as well.
They passed within about a year of each other and it hit me super hard...

#5
oak

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very good topic, I had loved ones as well that died prematurely, and I found myself wondering about things too. As a believer our spiritual growth is so important and finding that balance in life is the key. Life is so hard.

 

 

<snip>

 

So, if you have a bitter battle over losing a loved one, not being able to have children, not being educated, being pushed around, not liking who you are or whatever else it may be, realize you have to be sincerely be honest with yourself and Christ. Make your problem known to close ones and / or therapist. Realize the stakes; this life is difficult. And no one is without bruises in this short life we have. May Christ bring you victory through your trials. Just don't take them lightly or numb yourself out of life.

 

Oak      

 

Good subject, and I saw something that should be highlighted in it.

 

Make your problem, what ever it might be, known to yourself, God, and another human being. It really is that simple. Secrets love darkness and they can have a lot of power over a person to the point of controlling their lives. Addictions are a good example of this. Making a secret known drags it into the light and robs it of that power. Confessing our faults is something we are supposed to do as believers any way (only to the right people, obviously.)

 

Worried about what others will think? Don't. If they really love you they will support you -- if they don't then now you know there is a problem and can do something about it.

 

I've lost quite a few family members and friends over the years, and it never gets easier. Each is different in its own way according to the relationships between us, but Jesus has been the one constant through out all of that Who can be counted on to always be there. The worst part of loosing some of my friends over the years were the ones where I didn't know if they were saved. That can haunt you. Did I do enough to share the gospel with them? Did I take advantage of every opportunity, like Paul said? Not sure what else to say on that one, except that I think its normal to wonder in some cases, "Will I see these folks again?"

 

Desi2007 - Thank you for reply, however I never took on the task of writing about why people die in general.  I think that some tried. For example a writer, Thornton Wilder " in his novel,  "Bridge over San Luis Ray." wrote about 5 people who all died in a train accident. People dying young, or thru no discernible fault of their own, puzzle me, greatly. What I wrote about are people that couldn't handle their cross. It was too much to bare. "And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me. Mt.10:38  I know people are edgy about this topic. And I have my number of well meaning critics who say, "what kind of friends do you have or what kind of life are you living, Oak?" And it's all fair but we have to get seriously honest about ourselves, especially in the times we're living. To be born again is to be broken like a sacrifice. There is no anesthetic for this process.

 

Oak

 

PS I'll answer the rest in one post but not just now.   



#6
WillfromTexas

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This quoting feature leaves a lot to be desired.  So I'll just put what I wanted to quote in red.

 

Desi2007 - Thank you for reply, however I never took on the task of writing about why people die in general. I think that some tried. For example a writer, Thornton Wilder " in his novel, "Bridge over San Luis Ray." wrote about 5 people who all died in a train accident. People dying young, or thru no discernible fault of their own, puzzle me, greatly. What I wrote about are people that couldn't handle their cross. It was too much to bare. "And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me. Mt.10:38 I know people are edgy about this topic. And I have my number of well meaning critics who say, "what kind of friends do you have or what kind of life are you living, Oak?" And it's all fair but we have to get seriously honest about ourselves, especially in the times we're living. To be born again is to be broken like a sacrifice. There is no anesthetic for this process.

Oak

 

I'm trying to figure out your point brother.  You are putting yourself in the place of judge and that's a dangerous place to be.  If two of your friends accepted Jesus as their Lord and Savior then they were saved.  We are all sinners and despite our best efforts won't be 100% sin free until we are in our glorified bodies.  It is the faith in our Lord's work that redeems us.

 

Each one of us has a different cross to bear.  We will all have things in our life that will require sacrifice to follow Jesus.  My friend from childhood married a Jewish woman that despises Christians.  She told him that he couldn't be my friend anymore.  That is a cross I bear and it hurts deeply.

 

We all make mistakes and only Jesus was perfect and lived a perfect life.  As Christians we strive to be more like Jesus and sanctify ourselves.  Following the teachings of the Lord and the Bible is our evidence of faith.  When I love an enemy, or forgive because I am a Christian, it shows I am a Christian.   I'm just thankful for his grace and mercy which is greater than we will know in this lifetime.

 

 

 



#7
oak

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This quoting feature leaves a lot to be desired.  So I'll just put what I wanted to quote in red.

 

Desi2007 - Thank you for reply, however I never took on the task of writing about why people die in general. I think that some tried. For example a writer, Thornton Wilder " in his novel, "Bridge over San Luis Ray." wrote about 5 people who all died in a train accident. People dying young, or thru no discernible fault of their own, puzzle me, greatly. What I wrote about are people that couldn't handle their cross. It was too much to bare. "And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me. Mt.10:38 I know people are edgy about this topic. And I have my number of well meaning critics who say, "what kind of friends do you have or what kind of life are you living, Oak?" And it's all fair but we have to get seriously honest about ourselves, especially in the times we're living. To be born again is to be broken like a sacrifice. There is no anesthetic for this process.

Oak

 

I'm trying to figure out your point brother.  You are putting yourself in the place of judge and that's a dangerous place to be.  If two of your friends accepted Jesus as their Lord and Savior then they were saved.  We are all sinners and despite our best efforts won't be 100% sin free until we are in our glorified bodies.  It is the faith in our Lord's work that redeems us.

 

Each one of us has a different cross to bear.  We will all have things in our life that will require sacrifice to follow Jesus.  My friend from childhood married a Jewish woman that despises Christians.  She told him that he couldn't be my friend anymore.  That is a cross I bear and it hurts deeply.

 

We all make mistakes and only Jesus was perfect and lived a perfect life.  As Christians we strive to be more like Jesus and sanctify ourselves.  Following the teachings of the Lord and the Bible is our evidence of faith.  When I love an enemy, or forgive because I am a Christian, it shows I am a Christian.   I'm just thankful for his grace and mercy which is greater than we will know in this lifetime.

 

 

Oak said:

 

Wow. Where do I begin.... First, as far as my topic title, which you at first said something like, "it was not desirable" (and was somehow taken out), I knew what I was writing. The Bible is not all flowery and rosy. And I like my posts to do well and I can wax inspirational and post happy subjects endlessly but I would never want too to that. Yes, I think a lot of preacher's now seem to avoid topics that can make people uneasy about the Bible.
 
Secondly, what makes you think of me as being judge? If it's the cross quote, I just offer an opinion. I never made comments on who will be saved or not. For all I know my atheist friend in his last moments of consciousness reached out to Christ and was saved.  But, your comment about my two friends makes you a judge and "that's a dangerous place to be."
 
Lastly, my point is to look at issue's that might make us, let's say, unhappy with Christ and how important it is to take note of this unfortunate occurrence. Also, I see on salvation we agree to disagree but on your last paragraph, I agree with it all.
 
Oak.   

 

 

 

 

 



#8
oak

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<snip>

 

So, if you have a bitter battle over losing a loved one, not being able to have children, not being educated, being pushed around, not liking who you are or whatever else it may be, realize you have to be sincerely be honest with yourself and Christ. Make your problem known to close ones and / or therapist. Realize the stakes; this life is difficult. And no one is without bruises in this short life we have. May Christ bring you victory through your trials. Just don't take them lightly or numb yourself out of life.

 

Oak      

 

Good subject, and I saw something that should be highlighted in it.

 

Make your problem, what ever it might be, known to yourself, God, and another human being. It really is that simple. Secrets love darkness and they can have a lot of power over a person to the point of controlling their lives. Addictions are a good example of this. Making a secret known drags it into the light and robs it of that power. Confessing our faults is something we are supposed to do as believers any way (only to the right people, obviously.)

 

Worried about what others will think? Don't. If they really love you they will support you -- if they don't then now you know there is a problem and can do something about it.

 

I've lost quite a few family members and friends over the years, and it never gets easier. Each is different in its own way according to the relationships between us, but Jesus has been the one constant through out all of that Who can be counted on to always be there. The worst part of loosing some of my friends over the years were the ones where I didn't know if they were saved. That can haunt you. Did I do enough to share the gospel with them? Did I take advantage of every opportunity, like Paul said? Not sure what else to say on that one, except that I think its normal to wonder in some cases, "Will I see these folks again?"

 

Walla I like what you wrote and I had the same feeling of maybe if I would just say this or that but that leads you in circles. I would say use your knowledge on people that are alive now and maybe you'll be lucky to reach someone. God Bless.

 

Oak

 

GtC1187 said:

I lost 2 of my best friends in the last three years.
One was a Marine that mysteriously passed away while on furlough from Afghanistan at 25, he was a very loyal friend.
The other was a volunteer firefighter who died in a motorcycle accident at 25 as well.
They passed within about a year of each other and it hit me super hard... 

 

Oak said:

Like I told desi, I'm not versed on innocent or accidental death - the topic was more people that I knew for years at in it seemed they shoved back there main problem and thought they could handle it. And It didn't come out that way. However, I feel bad for your losses and hope when you pray you may ask our King, what would You want me to learn from this tragedy? 






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