I don't know where to begin, so I'm just going to jump in. I googled christian chat rooms 30 minutes ago just to see what is available. I probably need to see a counselor, but I don't know if I'm ready to talk face to face yet. I am 48 years old, and earlier this year made the decision to abandon my previous career path and attend seminary. Tuesday will be my last final exam for the first set of four classes, so I am now underway as a student. I am seriously struggling in several areas and I don't have anywhere to turn currently. Life has gotten to where I would really prefer to just go to heaven. I wouldn't take my own life, but I wish God would. I'm struggling in my personal life, I'm struggling in my marriage, I'm struggling with what God intends to do with me during and after seminary, I'm struggling with finding a good church, I'm struggling with Christian doctrine, I'm struggling with whether or not I'm a Christian, I'm struggling with a tragedy that God allowed in my family this year, I'm struggling with my view of God, I'm struggling with the fact that at my age I have no one I can call a good friend, I'm struggling with the fact that my life has been a failure with very little to show for it other than damaged lives. I'm struggling with the fact that this world is screwed up and in need a Savior badly, but I'm doing little about it.
I'm sorry you are getting this raw. This may not be the place to air my dirty laundry. I surrendered my life to Christ in 1985 at the age of 20 when I heard a message on commitment by Jerry White of the Navigators. Up to that time I had attended church regularly and thought I was right with God but realized that there were areas of my life that I wouldn't let God touch. I knelt beside a hotel bed that night and told God he could have it all. A few years later I was bound and determined to become a missionary. In 1990, i made a decision to postpone seminary so I could get married, and it took me 23 years to get back on that course.
There is so much more to the story, and if I ever got into that stuff I would have to remain anonymous. Anonymity is why I'm here in the first place. Feel free to comment. I've lived through a lot of difficulty, and those who have know that its those required trials of life are what God uses to make us who He wants us to be. Without wanting to sound abrasive, if you are a young Christian who has known little in the way of trials (I'm not talking about a boyfriend/girlfriend breakup, as hard as that might have been for you), you may struggle to understand and relate, so there's no need to try to force out some wisdom.
God bless you all.