This post has to do with a difficult process that now appears to be behind, thank God. I wish to share it for anyone's benefit, here in the Outer Court where it is open for all. By so doing, I hope those struggling with their faith or hesitating whether to open their lives for God may get encouragement. Because often personal stories have a way to depict the depth of life we are experiencing in a different way.
For ten years I had the privilege to have a mentor, who was brilliant enough to drag me out of the new age deception, which was not an easy task. He was like a spiritual father to me, as I never had too much of spiritual upbringing home from my step father, and my biological father was an alcholic never too much part of my life. Even though I was mature enough to understand we must not put any person on a pedistal, I held great respect for what my mentor said. In many ways he seemed to have such a profound connection with God, such I had never heard of.
Until last year, when some rather serious issues surfaced that really pulled off the carpet underneath me. Surely, he had a view and intepretation many here would reject in one instant, yet on the other hand that's nothing new, we all disagree on something while agree on others, simply by being different persons. Anyway, the effect of what happened was extremely dramatic. For whole my Christian life I had put my trust in him, and now, it was all shreddered. In a sense, I recognise the same happen everytime a close person we trust, like a parent as instance, ends up doing something that crushes our belief, it has instant effect on our relationship to God who is our Heavenly Father.
One year has now gone, and I feel like spiritually renewed. The dying process for all that spirituality which I had inherited from my former mentor was extremely painful, and there were days I was not sure if my faith would survive. In addition, the studies in the theological faculty are one struggle to keep the connection to God fresh and free of any academic nonsense.
I understand, whether you have already been believing, or are considering that way, things happen in life. We really get to die for God to create life in us. We need to die for everything that opposes God in us and about us. We are broken as such, sometimes we get stabbed in the back, mistreated, lose loved ones, all kinds of bad things happen to everyone at some point I would say. The hurt may be of different qualities, sometimes you feel it, but sometimes it just gnawls silently your spiritual resources. Like all the life in you running out but you don't know where the leak is. And by not recognising what's going on, all that inspiration you get from the Word of God and revivals and such may not be able to repair that what's going on. It may happen, but not necessarily. It's hell on Earth for a believer.
Surely enough, we get to be stretched to our extremes in this life. I guess it's understandable, God did not spare His only begotten Son from that either. It's not nice, but what can you expect in a fallen world? Regardless of that, Jesus lives. Every cell in my body vibrates for that truth and it is eternally true. I've lived long enough to know when the gut feeling tells me something real. But it is not only that of course, as the Spirit of God professes that which is true. That's one sweet thing, to be with God and there's no doubt He is really there with you, no mind tricks about this one.
But you may be losing that feeling of knowing God in your heart right now, like I've had for the better part of last year. I've done my best as well I could, to keep myself on the path. There is almost nothing worse than to be in His presence, only to find yourself rambling in the dark again. It appears that way to us sometimes or most of the time, depending on the life situation, because our physical eyes do not see His glory. But still He abides in us, without Him there is no life. He is your life. Father, Son and the Holy Spirit.
Truly I tell you, I have no need to play the good Christian because I am not. It's all about Him doing His stuff in my life. Would it not be about Him, my life would be such waste. But I confess it here, it felt totally as if I was in the end of my road. Having been on the path towards God in the way I have, it seemed unbelievable anything like that could have happened. Such experiences of His glory, yet they all turned to mere memories which could not sustain the belief. Because if we are not renewed on a daily basis, we become relics which are not able to bring about the life in the Father around us.
There is hope in life. That hope is not just some wishful thinking, yet sometimes it's all you got. But I have now learned through experience and as usual, the hard way, that we must die for that life in God. We must die to all things within us which oppose Him. He has a standard, that is perfection, absolute stainless holy perfection. Therefore, we also must be perfect like Him, to represent the image of Him He imprinted in us as His Creations. Don't worry even though this sounds impossible. Because it's not that we must do it alone. He will always be there for you. And I come from a deeply fanatic atheist background from the beginning so you may understand how much has happened in my life to get to this point.
God will always love you, no matter what have you done or where have you been. And there is life in Him, and He lives in you. It all becomes open and accessible when you just let His chosen messenger, Jesus Christ do that in you. Give Him a chance. What have you got to lose? if you made it all the way here reading, if you don't yet know the Heavenly Father, the party is just about to begin. It does not matter how good you have felt in your life, NOTHING, NOT A SINGLE THING can come even close to how the love of your Creator feels like. It's our life. In Him. And He lives forever. Too good to be true? It has to be true.
But I know there are periods in life when it does not matter what anyone else says. But hold on, it will pass. Jesus Christ is praying for you. Talking about an intercessor here. LEt the gate of the Heaven open for His mercy to rain upon you. You are loved, you are a child of God. It does not matter what happens on this Earth, because your position to God will last forever. As does His love for you. If He could love me, believe me, He can love you. And He does. So just face the facts my friend, does not matter what anyone ever told you but I tell you the truth is on our side for real