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Parenting?

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7 replies to this topic

#1
Sweets

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I have 3 kids 10,7,6 two boys one girl my boys are older and my girl is the baby. I am asking for patenting advice from you guys that believe I can't ask a none believer cause all they say is get some child counseling. My 10 year old like to cuss he called me a B word yesterday and tried to punch me. We go to church they don't have a parenting class but they want to make one. I send my kids to public school cause I can't afford to take them to a Christian school it's heart broken I work at a public school as an educational assistance and the school system is crazy here and how we live in society world and not the biblical world how they want to take out god in the schools but yet keep the flag. We'll okay let me get to my point my son is acting out and I don't know how to control him I sad I pray I been going to church only for a year and I feel lost when it comes to bring a better parent even a wife but that is not what I am asking about a wife but how to parent a kid that just wants to cuss me out and want to punch his mom I been taking him to school any advice please pray and I'll take advice god bless everyone everywhere

#2
Cog

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What did he do after you spanked him?

Edit: Let me add that you shouldn't spank a child hard, and one pop on the behind is all that should be given, in my opinion, but the pop should be immediately after they try to hit you and it should be swift in reactionary time, so that it startles them and they become alarmed and more alert about what they have just done. Afterwards, you should let them know that there are boundries and then there are BOUNDRIES, and hitting someone is one of those big boundries that you do not cross, unless you have to defend yourself.

Hitting a parent is one of the things that simply should not be allowed in anyone's home. (Unless, of course, a child is trying to physically defend themselves from abuse.)

Edited by Cog, 31 July 2014 - 10:32 PM.


#3
other one

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I have 3 kids 10,7,6 two boys one girl my boys are older and my girl is the baby. I am asking for patenting advice from you guys that believe I can't ask a none believer cause all they say is get some child counseling. My 10 year old like to cuss he called me a B word yesterday and tried to punch me. We go to church they don't have a parenting class but they want to make one. I send my kids to public school cause I can't afford to take them to a Christian school it's heart broken I work at a public school as an educational assistance and the school system is crazy here and how we live in society world and not the biblical world how they want to take out god in the schools but yet keep the flag. We'll okay let me get to my point my son is acting out and I don't know how to control him I sad I pray I been going to church only for a year and I feel lost when it comes to bring a better parent even a wife but that is not what I am asking about a wife but how to parent a kid that just wants to cuss me out and want to punch his mom I been taking him to school any advice please pray and I'll take advice god bless everyone everywhere

First of all you have to convince him that you are the boss.....   and there are rules that he is going to have to follow.....     how you do that can be so different with different kids it's not possible to say.......    It might come to the point that you might have to tell them they can't live there any longer unless they understand that you are the person who makes the final home decisions and you will not tolerate them being disrespectful.

I had a very good friend when I was in high school about 50 years ago and she treated her mother that way until her mother went to the court system and had her committed to a girlstown till she graduated......    Turned out she learned a lot and thinks her mother was the wisest thing in the world....   I would say that she most likely saved the girls life.

When you don't absolutely demand respect, you will not receive any.....   and ten years old is not a good time to start, but you really don't have a choice.....    Keep in mind that you can love a kid right into prison if you don't put your feet down...



#4
Sweets

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Thank u cog and royal member. Yes cog we use to spank we have stopped my mom told my son I don't like the way you hurt my baby and your daddy needs to spank u for trying to lay a hand on your mom.my sins reply to my mom was that won't work at all. I am thinking your way royal member my brother is a cop I wanted to see if he can take him for a ride to the D home and talk to him. My brother said he can try to talk to him. I am getting frustrated I think you are right I can love a child to prison. 10 is young and that's why I love all the advice I can take in and prayers for my son. Thank you cog and royal member god bless you guys.

#5
Cog

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The reason spanking works is because it makes the body associate the negative feeling of the spanking with the act of hitting. If the body only associates hitting with stress release then a person will continue to do it to others as their retort for frustration.

The most important thing in discipline, however, is the understanding attached to it. If you spank a child, or lock up a criminal, you must give them understanding to go along with the punishment, otherwise, they may not be able to work out why their punishment was just, and that may make them even worse in the end. Also, they should understand that punishments are lessons, and not simply retribution or atonement.

Try sitting down with your son and explaining to him that it is not okay to hit. Tell him the alternative: that if everyone hits or lives in violence then it will spread to the people he loves until those people stop loving him or they become violent or broken, themselves. Then, tell him the only workable relationships are those that have cooperation, compromise, and patience.

Further, "be good or mom will send me away", is a not a good notion to put into a child's mind. I would not send him away, nor to someone else to make some ungodly appeal to authority - by doing so, it might make him think that you do not have patience and love for him, or that it is okay to abandone the ones you love if they are suffering some kind of problems, while at the same time, it might push him into an inappropriate fear of "authority" or man.

...

Have you tried asking him what it was that prompted his violence? Maybe you could speak to him about that, in a topical kind of way, to releave the stress of whatever it was that made him lashout?

#6
Willa

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We taught our kids to respect parents, people and property of others from the time they were in pre school.  Our son because disrespectful and mouthy in a joking but defiant way when he was 14.  But he never called me names.  He was lying on the floor on his side.  I told him if he didn't stop it I would sit on him.  He didn't so I did.  I sat on his hip till he begged me to move and said he would behave.  He never did it again.  

 

Normally we took away privileges, like watching TV.  Now it would be removing phones, pads, and computers except for necessary school projects.  Or possibly removing gaming equipment like x box.    At one point we forbid him to ride his new bike but left it in his basement bedroom where he had to look at it for months till he started turning in all his homework and his report card improved.  It is a matter of removing a favorite thing till they comply for a period of time like a month or so.

 

When speaking to him when he is not respecting you, speak with authority.  Don't shout.  Speak slowly and distinctly in a deeper voice, and in a determined manner.  



#7
momthebomb

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I have had to deal with similar cases with parents I counsel so I'm going to tell you what I usually tell them. If an 8 year old is acting out, it isn't because he picked up something in school and he wants to try it out. It means he's trying to tell you something but doesn't have the vocabulary to do it. It's their way of getting us to pay attention. You have done a wonderful job raising him so far but there should be ground rules. A lot of people on here have already given great advice about spanking so I won't go there. What I will tell you is that you need to spend some quality time with him. Go for a walk in the park, draw together (you could get a scrapbook and make a feelings diary where you draw out important events and then he draws a smiley of how he felt at that event. Like the birth of his siblings etc. I saw a similar idea on pinterest - http://www.pinterest...47346860132627/). When I was having trouble with my DS, I tried to observe what he likes (he's a curious li'l guy) and then figured that as a bonding exercise, we'd take up some science fair projects (linked here) and do it together. So not only were we doing something together, he was learning as well and it was a way to vent out his frustration. Your son looks like he could do with a bit of team sports. The point is that he percieves that you are his mom, you are always there and on his side. Things will be better, I promise. Big hugs and lots of prayes!

 

Some good reads I've linked here -

How to stop the whining and crying - http://meaningfulmam...appy-heart.html

Consequences and Privileges, using them wisely - http://mylifeandkids...#_a5y_p=1471349

Get your kids to listen without yelling and nagging -http://mylifeandkids...#_a5y_p=1471349

And one for you, how to cope with mommy stress - http://b-inspiredmam...ng-with-stress/

 

Hope this helps!


Edited by momthebomb, 20 August 2014 - 06:58 AM.


#8
alien224

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Contact Federation of families in your state. They cam give great advice and support. The public school systen is a circus! Praying for your family. God bless.




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